


When I lose I'm winning

by Dreamer_Laas



Series: When I lose I'm winning [2]
Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020), Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020) RPF
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Drama & Romance, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Multi, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 104,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24666604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamer_Laas/pseuds/Dreamer_Laas
Summary: Meet Aman Deenanath Tripathi, the sole heir of the TriT group of industries, son of Shankar Deenanath Tripathi and Sunaina Tripathi.He is tough, shrewd, and no-nonsense business tycoon, who stepped into his father's shoes pretty early.Meet Karthik Singh, the king of his own dreamland, Ex-hippie, out and proud gay icon in his own head.DONT ask about his parentage if you don't want to pick a fight. He is charming, lively and belives in life!What happens when their worlds collide because of one vacant position as Aman's PA?
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: When I lose I'm winning [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779130
Comments: 300
Kudos: 257





	1. My Downfall and My Muse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it take really?  
> A glance? A moment? A fuzzy chemical   
> wreaking havoc in my brain? Or its just him?  
> He walks into my life and its upside down!  
> \- Aman

**Karthik**

"What? Why?" I barked into my phone while walking into a huge building with automatic glass doors. Devika, my friend was on the other side, and I believe she has just gone mad.

"I just got to know that the guy is a complete psychopath. I don't want you to get stuck there. I met an ex-employee of Aman Tripathi, in fact, the position for which you applied, she was there. She was his personal assistant and she swears he drove her crazy."

Aman Deenanaath Tripathi. The guy looks handsome. I have seen him on billboards and stuff. He is very attractive, there is something magnetic about him. In fact, I was very excited that his PA role fell vacant and I could apply for it. Generally, roles such as those will be exclusively for women, for their superior organisational skills. But interestingly Aman Tripathi, wanted the position to be open for both guys and girls. I don't want form opinions on people I have not even met.

Now I cannot explain all that to Devika, she would whip my gay-ass.

And it's not like I will fall in love with this guy or something. I need this job, and I cleared the preliminary rounds with ease. I crossed the lobby quickly. I have to be up on the 25th floor within the next fifteen minutes. I walked briskly towards the elevator, for a moment zoning out of Devika's words.

"Karthik... Are you even listening to me?" Devika asked sounding frustrated.

"Dev... Bro! you are worrying too much.., let me be the judge of the fact whether Aman Tripathi is a psychopath or not. Ok?" The elevator dinged its arrival.

"Karthik... listen to me... Be honest and straight up with everything and demand more ...and if he says no... just accept and come back. Ravi is searching for a job in his MNC. I am also trying, we will figure it out, dude. This is not your only choice. remember that!"

"So basically, you want me to screw up my own interview. Do you realise that this is probably the only interview I got in the whole week?"

"But what if he is really..."

"Bro! I can handle it... Trust me... I handled a Royal Enfield down a slippery mountain path for 7 kilometres in rain. This Aman Tripathi would be nothing" I said entering the lift. They were people all around me and I should probably stop taking.

"Excuse me?" someone said behind me. It was a firm yet somehow deep kind of voice. I turned to the horrific realisation that the very Aman Tripathi was standing behind me, cocking up his eyebrows.

_Fuck did he hear that?_

"Oh Fuck me!" slipped my lips before I could stop myself. He was looking up at me with an expression, that was bordering on irritation and amusement. He looked hot as fuck for sure. But somehow, the fact that he was a whole foot shorter than me, notched everything up by a level.

I could easily see his long eyelashes flutter for a millisecond, his pupils dilate for a second and go back to normal. I could see him gulp, he was staring at me. Probably surprised by a hapless jobseeker in a lift, saying that Aman Tripathi would be nothing. I could see his lips curl into a crooked smirk and would have completely missed what he said.

"I would... But that would hardly disprove the point. Aman Tripathi would be nothing?"

WHAT?

* * *

**AMAN**

"Oh Fuck me!" his lips muttered. I would have missed that breathy whisper, if not I didn't have my eyes fully trained on his lips.

I have just been slighted by a non-descript looking guy who dressed formally and immaculately in run-off the mill clothes picked up from the road. Ideally, I should be offended by all means. But I was too distracted. Distracted by the lean, yet sinewy back of the man, distracted by the shot of dopamine that my brain got drunk on, as my eyes rested on his face. His eyes, his dimples, those bushy eyebrows and those lips.

_Oh! I would gladly!_

I know it does not do to be hot and bothered in an elevator with at least five other people. But it was not my fault that the guy looked like a snack to my starved gay senses and that dopamine shot travelled all the way down, while blood was rushing up into my cheeks. I am wreck in the inside, god just saved me with an impassive face. He looked sheepy at his slip. This is where my evil self swoops in to save me from embarrassment.

I smiled evilly, and responded, "I would... but that would hardly disprove the point. Aman Tripathi would be nothing?"

_Seriously, did I say that? This is why people get afraid of me. I can make people feel uncomfortable within seconds of my acquaintance._ _I should be truly proud of my  
_

He turned a delicate pink. God... how cute can he look. His pupils were dilated, he bit his lower lip. I had to look away. Because apparently, my brain now needs a lecture on why it is not a good idea to kiss him in an elevator right there. I have a carefully constructed facade around me. An image called Aman Tripathi. And this guy with his sexy lips can be my utter downfall.

He cleared his throat nervously. I looked up, after rearranging my expression from raw lust to mild irritation.

He looked a little lost. Honestly, anyone would be. The Lift eerily announced 12th floor and before I could get lost in those eyes again, I brushed past him hurriedly. He looked like he didn't register what had just happened. I sighed. I know that it was rude. But that's how I learnt to function.

I know he will scamper for sure. Many did. I pay exorbitantly high salary to whoever tries to be my PA. Because most of them only try. Their efforts to keep up with me, end up with them trying to seduce me. That was the reason I specifically threw this position, open for guys and girls. At least straight guys would not hit on me. And I will be safe.

Yes, cringing does not cover it. But I am straight to the world and I would like to keep it that way. Thankfully, being rich offers a set of privileges, one of them is being as private as you want. So, no one, male or female, would enter my fortress, and my secret is safe with me.

I sighed as I entered my cabin and sat on my chair. It was frustrating that today I didn't register my employees' greetings. I couldnt stop thinking about that face, the hair, his lips, his arms.  
It was frustrating that there is a part of me that is still in that elevator with that beautiful man, doing exactly what he asked me to do!

* * *

**Karthik**

_Ok ok... relax Karthik relax you can handle this._

No, actually I cannot. I cannot believe that his smirk could turn me on so much. Or probably, because I am on sort-of-abstinence, all this is happening. Abstinence or not, Aman Tripathi did look hot and he was quite ready to kill me in the elevator. I mean, Why wouldn't he? Me and my big mouth.

But things went totally haywire when he asked smirked and said that he would, but that would hardly disprove the point. What the hell was THAT? And now I am hyperventilating in Men's room of the 10th floor. All because of that sexy smirk. Not to mention that fuzzy warmth I experienced when Aman had his eyes fixed on me.

_Eyes are the windows to the soul, they say. And he is the definition of soulful eyes. The glossy magazine covers and pixellated canvasses that regularly featured him, could not do this man justice._

Shaking my head, I tried to focus my wayward thoughts. A part of me still is hanging in that lift letting him do what he would.

I know it's inappropriate and it was probably a passing comment. But a guy can dream!

_God! what the hell! Karthik Focus!_

  
I gathered all my wits and left the Men's room. It will be another slippery trek. Aman Tripathi and his interview, it's going to be a disaster. But I have to face it. Probably, I had already screwed up my chance. But let me go and screw thoroughly. Only the interview... might I remind myself.

I walked to the office on the 12th floor. The whole place was practically his. TriT group of industries is one of the largest groups in India. Their footprint in literally every sector. And Aman Tripathi is literally the sole heir of the vast empire. I was feeling majorly nervous. I messed my first impression and now I am faced with the competition of at least nine girls.

* * *

**Aman**

Five girls! and more on the list. None of them had looked like they had it in them. Today is going to be really long. I almost regret that I turned up at all. I wonder where that Mr.SexyPants is. I know I shouldn't be thinking of him... But I wish he'd at least turn up for the interview. Some eye-candy he would be.

_The Next on the list, Karthik Singh. Oh, this must be him._

I punched into the intercom mic and called "Laila, Send in Karthik Singh"

I smirked as I remembered his face. I know he wouldn't be coming in. Laila will simply call back.

But there was a knock and a lilting "May I come in?"

Oh... the guts of the man. I suddenly couldn't decide what I was feeling. A surge of irritation that despite the mishap, the guy had the guts to show up and shot of anticipatory pleasure that Karthik... my muse returns.

"Come in"

"Good morning! I couldn't introduce myself properly earlier. The name is Karthik Singh"

_The Cocky son of a gun. He mentioned the part I expected him to gloss over. His voice confident, his smile calm and his eyes twinkling. Damn! I am on my edge already!_

"You survived! How wonderful!" I replied taking his hand with an evil smile. I expected him to get disoriented, which he did. What I didn't expect was my own bodily reaction to his handshake. The goosebumps that rose all over me, the sudden clench in my stomach and the telltale butterflies.

_Oh, fuck me! he looks dreamy, confident and he is the only guy in the list. I can hire him straight away._

Karthik smiled at my comment, pleasantly, might I add, "Yes, thank you."

_Ok, he is polite to a fault. Let me drill it to him how difficult I can be and see if he scampers now._

"Take your seat Karthik. I would not waste my time, asking for unnecessary details about yourself and tell redundant stuff about my company. I need an assistant who can schedule my time, make sure I have everything I need at all times and try not to get into my pants. Seeing that you are not female, the chances of the last one are pretty minimal." I said in a deliberate and measured voice. My Work Aman had set in.

"I am gay" Karthik blurted out.

_WoW... My brain and heart just started a wild folk dance around a fire. Yeah... I am a wreck!_

"You are?" a little too intensely. But I was glad that he didn't break the eye-contact.

"Yes. I will keep the last thing in mind. You need not feel uncomfortable." He smiled. His smile was reassuring.

The guy was reassuring me that he will not hit on me, and stupidly, I felt my spirits plummet. I should be thankful. He was a perfect candidate so far. He had the courage to face the shit with me. He had the sense to clear some sticky stuff beforehand and He is proud as fuck about his orientation, a pleasant departure in this part of the world.

And yet my irrational mind smarted under the slap on my vanity.

And why would he try to get into my pants? I could only hope that the reverse could be as true. Because even as we are talking, my eyes are mapping his face, liking the way his lips moved, a hazy part of my brain imagining something else.

"I am not uncomfortable with you Karthik. Gay men don't hit on Straight men as a rule, isn't it?" I deliberated. I have to keep up pretenses.

Karthik's smile faltered a slightest as he breathed, "Yes, we don't."

"Glad we cleared that up," I said stiffly.

I am being rude, I cannot have him affect me this badly and being rude is my only defence.

"Now answer me this, You have five minutes to get to the office, and you have to pick up an espresso from Starbucks in the next block, a croissant from a bakery across the street and my file from the 11th floor."

Karthik paused at the strange question. "He would call up the barista for your espresso, and the baker for your croissant and have them delivered to the lobby, meanwhile I will pick up your file from 11th floor and station one of the boys to pick up your orders from the lobby."

"And how would you manage to convince the barista and the baker?"

"If my guess is right, this is your regular. I would have them on my good books and pay them extra for their service. They are happy, we are happy"

"Hmmm... I like that! If I have a meeting with my mother at nine and one of my oldest clients is requesting a breakfast meeting with me at the same time. No negotiations are allowed. What will you do?"

"I will invite both your father and mother for a surprise breakfast meeting with you. The client will be thrilled to meet your father, possibly his old friend and while they chat with each other, you can engage with your mother."

_Damn! this guy is good._

"What did you do previously? The Resume says no relevant prior experience."

"I travelled."

"Travelled?"

"Yes"

"Where to? exactly?"

"I have been to Denmark, most of Europe, some parts of the USA and of course, every nook and corner of India."

"Really? And why are you opting for this position? You do know once you get in here, there is a contract you have to honour?"

"Yes. I have travelled in the past. Now I have a reason to settle. I opted for the position knowing about the contract."

"Good. I do not like unpleasant surprises and uncertain people."

"I understand that."

"Great. You are hired. Collect the instructions, your tablet, your name and access cards from Laila and be here with my espresso and croissant by 9 sharp. I hate it if I have my coffee late!"

Karthik looked at me a little disbelievingly. "But don't we discuss my compensation?"

"There is nothing to discuss. Name your price. I will pay. Just don't disappoint me." I said shrugging.

Karthik nodded his lips in a thin line, face stony. Somehow he didn't like that. Perhaps the way I said it. It might have come across as arrogant. I cannot help it. I need someone to fill the place as soon as possible. The last assistant was a pain in the ass and I had to fire her.

Karthik looked promising. He is gay and hella attractive, but that was my problem. He assumes I am straight, which means boundaries are set.

"And Karthik. One last thing."

"Yes?"

"You might have ridden a Royal Enfield down a slippery mountain road in rain, But Aman Tripathi could be all that and your bike on fire. So be careful with me." I added my smirk to that.

I would be damned if Mr.SexyPants gets to know, I am impressed with him. Boundaries are important!


	2. Mr.Smart Mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To love him or hate him,  
> To kiss him or kill him  
> He is sure an adventure,   
> An addicting shot of thrill!  
> -Karthik

**Jugni**

“He is an asshole. He is cute, hella hot… But a complete asshole!” Bhaiyya ranted. I smiled at his frustration. Aman Tripathi. He would not stop ranting about him for a week now. Actually, he would not stop talking about him. Frankly, It’s a nice change. Bhaiyya had been worrying for too long for me. About my medical bills. About his savings not able to cover our expenses.

“You do realise that you speak in front of a fourteen-year-old right?” I asked.

“Oh! Come on! Juggu… You are no innocent little chit!” He shrugged.

“But don’t you like him Bhaiyya… This Aman fellow?” I teased. Knowing fully well the reaction of his.

“Oh shut up! I don’t. I told you… he is an asshole! He made me redo the schedule for 18th time yesterday! He keeps insisting that I go to his boring official parties. He expects me to remember all those people he meets and relay that information to him. What am I a supercomputer? The other day he made me go to Starbucks twice because his espresso was not good enough. And don’t even get me started on those croissants. Why does he have to get them every day, if he doesn’t like how they make it?” Bhaiyya huffed. He looked red, But I couldn’t decide whether it was a flush of anger or a blush. Because somewhere, I knew that Bhaiyya nursed a soft spot for the ‘insufferable bossy man’, Aman.

“Oh! If he had so much problem with Croissants from that bakery then why don’t you take him some of your own! I am sure if he wouldn’t have tasted anything so heavenly!” I said. Bhiayya’s Croissants, strike that, anything edible that Bhaiyya made is simply the world’s best. Some people are just born to make beautiful food. Bhaiyya is one of them!

Bhaiyya, who was pacing across the room with uncontainable energy, suddenly stopped in his tracks. “Wait a minute! That’s brilliant… Jugni… you are an angel!” He said with a smile that lighted up the entire room. And he calls me an angel. I roll my eyes at him. Drama!

“Bhaiyya… by the way… My moby dick is done… which one do you recommend next?” I asked. Locked all day in the home, I have nothing better to do. I cannot step out without seriously risking my life. I dropped out of my school in the eighth standard. Until Bhaiyya decided to homeschool me, I did not hope for serious education. There are some choices you gotta make in life. For me, it was between medical expenses and educational expenses. Seriously, What were the chances of education against THAT?

Anyway now, Bhaiyya is bringing me books that will educate me on life.

“Hmm… You are literally devouring books Juggu…Let me think… Are you done with Little Women?”

“No…Is it good… or is it like Moby Dick?”

“Huh! What do you mean?”

“Survival spirit… No, please … Existentialism… Nada… I want a little colour in my life” I said.

Bhaiyya looked a little affronted at that. He sat beside my bed.

“So what do you want? Romance novels?”

I laughed, at his funny scrunched up face. “ Maybe”

“Little Women it is… Or Pride and Prejudice” Bhaiyya said, tapping lightly on my head.

“Feminist?”

“Oh, You Bet!”

* * *

**Aman**

“He is cute you know!” I said.

“Woof!” answered Chugsy tilting its head. She is my little sweetheart labrador.

“You do know this Chugsy! I might have told you about a hundred times now,” I said dismissively. But my sweetheart looked at me with eyes full of curiosity.

Or maybe I just imagined curiosity in her eyes. I need to get it out of my system about How cute Karthik is every night so that I do not reduce into stuttering, blubbering mess in front of him every day. Yes! I am a wreck in the inside.

“Maybe its because I know that he is gay too… Which means he is not completely off-limits… but he is definitely way out-of-my-league” I said. I don’t care how smitten I sound. Because this is the only time I allow myself to speak anything in my mind, with absolutely no filters. I am safely tucked in my room, with only Chugsy for company. This is my fortress.

“Woof?” she asked, with one of her eyebrows raised. It was as if she doubted that. She is biased towards me.

“You don’t believe me? He is dreamy! He looks hot, efficient as hell. I made him do stuff over again and again and he does it. I love it he speaks up. He told me that I was being brash about my decisions. Like on my face. I liked it… he is not afraid of speaking his mind when he has to.”

Chugsy scratched her ear with her hind leg. Maybe I sound contradictory to her.

But that’s how he is. I have never met anyone like him. Every day, there is a new excitement to go to work these days. Because I can see him. Not just because he is such an eye-candy, He is Mr.Smart Mouth too. Hella entertaining, a total goofball.

“Yesterday! He looked so ravishing in a simple white button-up shirt. I wanted to kiss him so much…”

“WOOF WOOF” She barked excitedly.

“I guess its too adult for your little doggy ears Chuggu,” I said rubbing behind his ears affectionately. After all, she is just a baby.

I feel Chugsy understands human emotions more than humans do. Goggle gave me Chugsy when she left to the US for higher studies, Possibly as compensation, for my loss. Goggle and Keshav are my only friends and cousins. Other cousins are not really close to me. I honestly didn’t bother to make many friends with anyone else. Keshav slowly drifted apart due to work.

I have no one to share my feelings. Chugsy is my angel. And I don’t know if her doggy mind is already bursting with Karthik’s descriptions, his awesomeness.

“Do you know the other day, he spoke Spanish with one of our clients, he had me literally drooling over his accent!” I said, falling back on my pillow. I know that it's inappropriate, but I cannot help but fantasize about Karthik, his lips, his irresistibly hot triangle tattoo, his golden ring that glinted at odd times.

He has nerdy-looking round-framed glasses as if he needed that extra layer of coolness.

“I think I have something for tall guys. They just make everything look 10 times hotter.”

“Woof woof” she snuggled her nose against my shoulder.

“One day! I will bring him home. But you should promise me that you will not run off to him. Promise me you will still be my best buddy!”

“WOFF” She looked up as if affronted that I ever doubted her loyalty. She jerked her head away from me.

I patted her matty neck, “He is too charming Chuggu, I cannot help but feel a little insecure.”

“WOOF …Woof” She snuggled back into my shoulder. I smiled knowing that I am forgiven.

* * *

**Karthik**

“You should call up and ask Chelsea bakers what suddenly happened to them!” Aman said after he had his first bite. Wait! Was that a smile? Fuck He is hot.

_Karthik! What the hell…Don’t you dare hyperventilate in front of your boss!_

“What? why?” I asked, hating the breathy tenor my voice has taken. What a giveaway to my nervousness.

He looked at me, winked and said, “They improved overnight! This is one of the best croissants I had in my life. And trust me! I have had enough to pass judgement.”

“You eat the same stuff everyday… so obviously!” I blurted out.

Aman looked up. His eyes had a sheen of mirth before someone pulled blinds over it. “Well… People become experts by doing same stuff every day.”

“By the way thank you…” I added belatedly. He called my croissants one of the best.

“Thank you for what?”

“Thank you for your compliment on my croissants. I was bugged with your complaints with Chelsea Bakers so I took the liberty to bake some for you. I am glad you liked them.”

“You made these?” he was genuinely shocked and a little peeved.

“Yes!” my chin unconsciously jutted out, Aman looked at me while taking a sip of his espresso. He did look thirsty.

“I hope you are ready to make these every day then” Aman smirked picking another one. That smirk still bloody rushes my blood to my cheeks.

“Espresso is also strangely perfect today? Your hands in this too?’’

“Yes… actually”

“You take too much liberty Karthik… It is not good for your own health!” Aman said inscrutably.

I wish he says at least some things frankly. But NO, he had to be bloody cryptic all the time. It makes him so mysterious that I have to observe him closely to pick on non-verbal clues.

He smirks a lot, but every smirk has a different meaning to it. Like right now, he is smirking as if to say ‘well! If you have to’.

“Karthik I need you to get my presentation ready in another half hour. All the key points are rights there. Just polish it up.”

“Presentation? But we have stake owners’ meeting in an hour!”

“Oh yeah! About that. Make sure that you will reschedule the stake owners’ meet before 2 tomorrow.” He replied coolly.

_What the actual fuck. He tells me about an unscheduled presentation in half-an-hour, now. And I have to call up a hundred stake owners to reschedule the meet._

_The Man is insufferable!_

* * *

“Yes and add that last point right here,” I said bending down towards Karthik’s screen. His dexterous fingers were moving swiftly over the screen.

I love watching those long graceful fingers at work… makes me wonder what other things those fingers are good at doing. I know! I am well on my way to becoming a pervert.

“Are you sure?” He asked, focusing on the screen. I bend down just a little more, to make sure.

Several things happen at once. My cheek accidentally brushes his, sending delicious shivers across my body, my fingers touch his knuckles, as I went to correct the point on his screen.

He sucked a sharp breath, and I stopped breathing altogether. It was bad enough that he looked incredibly lovely in close quarters. His perfume was overpowering my senses.

I couldn’t help a peek at him. His eyes were on my lips. Yes, they were closer to his than intended. My fingers still lingered on his knuckles. I am sure that my beard prickled his soft clean-shaven cheek, it was crimson now.

His dark eyes turned a tad darker. I was swooning. His proximity has that effect on me.

I suddenly noticed that he is biting his lower lip. And his lips now had all my indecent attention.

I am leaning in… without my own express permission. Thoughts are quickly shutting down.

_God damn! They must be soft! His lips._

A knock on the door, had us both jumping.

_Did I just?_

“Oh fuck me!” he murmured breathily as I straightened up, away from me. He looked dazed. And my vanity is dancing around in huge circles around the bonfire of my ego. Karthik getting affected by me. That is something of an ego-boost.

“Oh, I will! If you don’t complete this in time.” I warned him ominously.

_I wish!_

A Wreck I am… a complete wreck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jugni is Karthik's sister!  
> At this point, I will only reveal so much!


	3. Head's underwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment, bright and tempestuous  
> A simple question, even a asking glance  
> Nosedives into a sea of emotions,  
> And before I know it, my head's underwater.  
> -Aman
> 
> Keshav and Rajni Tripathi make their grand entries in this chapter!

**AMAN**

“I want you...” I blurted out. He was sitting, no… lounging on the couch in front of me, his glorious form stretched. He has a pretty casual style with dealing with work. Though he has a designated desk beside mine, he hardly sticks to it. He moves around a lot like a fluff ball of energy, sometimes standing by the glass panels looking out, sometimes leaning on the printer table looking at the glass butterfly artwork, sometimes simply lounging on the couch as if he owned the place.

I don’t generally mind, because the more he moves the better. I can keep myself distracted from him. It is getting increasingly difficult, I daresay. Its been two months since he joined. He practically rules the place. He is smooth in talking to the clients, helps me with my paperwork, socialises with the office crowd for me, he bloody makes my breakfast and coffee! He is efficient and sincere AF. Its not helping my obsession with him. All this makes me look for excuses to get closer to him. Everything he does, it just enamours me more. It’s as if he is a brand of a man custom-made for me, And he cannot be mine!

Karthik looked up in shock.

“What?” Karthik asked after the initial shock wore off.

Oh yes! I left my sentence on a cliff hanger.

“I want you to come to this informal ice-breaker we are having tonight. Rado- It’s a cool place.”

“I am sorry Aman… I will have to”

“Pass this time?” I cut in, a tad rudely. Why does he have to do that? I am dying to see him away from this confining office setting. I continued, in a slightly off-hand voice, “Honestly? That’s all? Damn you! It’s the seventeenth informal I am throwing after you joined, and you attended to none of them.”

“If its informal, its really not important or mandatory… why do you care?” Karthik blurted out. He didn’t intend to, I could see that. There’s a tell-tale sign. He bites his lowerlip.

I should not concentrate on that right now. It distracts me from my frustration. 

“Why do I care? Because I honestly don’t know what you are like outside work! Are you a vampire or something… Hot, sexy and incompletely inaccessible after dusk?”

_Damn did I just say that aloud?_

He looked at me in half-amusement and half-surprise. I love that smirk he gives, with his dimple giving a blink and miss appearance. Its not working and its making me desperate! I want him to come to this party. There is no valid reason why, but I want it.

“Do you realise how bratty you sound sometimes?” he asked softly.

That’s the thing with him. I cannot carry my anger, when I am already a puddle in front of him and he knows the effect of his soft voice has on him. He must know.

“I want you to come and have fun, you know! Interact with the rest of the team…” I said in earnest.

His left eyebrow cocked up in surprise. “Have fun? Since when do you want me to have fun!”

Right. Its official, he HATES me. My spirits plummeted. I have a fragile ego and I have to nurse it back to health. So, I scampered.

No… Literally, I got up and made a beeline to the strong room. The place where all the company’s files are preserved. The old paper smell, the dim lighting and the fact that no CCTV cameras are in that place, make the strong room my favourite place in the office.

“Aman… Aman…” Karthik called behind me. I know its rude. But I hate it when he says NO to me. Its as if he would avoid me at all costs if he could do. And seriously whom do have I have to blame on except for myself?

Although I came in only for a brief interlude for my thoughts. I got distracted by a certain file. On the third rack from above. It was stashed clumsily in a neat row that it stood out oddly.

I reached for it. Rather tried to. Honestly, the third from the top was a literal six feet from the ground. What are the odds of me holding the file! My fingers barely scraped the spine.

But then it’s a strong room. No one would know that the CEO, MD of the TriT has jumped to get to a file.

That was my miscalculation. A snigger erupted from the darkness behind me in my mid-jump. I panicked and the file I aimed for, landed on my head, leaving its metallic mark on my forehead. I saw stars behind my eyelids for a moment and felt a pair of strong arms supporting my frame.

Is it strange to feel two opposite feelings at the same time? A shot of dopamine that my brain released as I fell back into Karthik’s supporting torso, its both pleasure and pain.

He ushered or rather dragged my semi-conscious form to the reading table down the aisle.

“I am ok” I muttered, ironically clutching his shoulders for support.

“Sushhh… You hurt yourself in the head…wait…” with his soft voice in a whisper.

It was comforting, like a snuggly blanket in cold winter.

I don’t feel poetry. But Karthik soft hands that rubbed against my embarassing forehead bump did feel like some stolen verses.

Through fluttering eyelids I was watching him work on my head with a concerned focus. I squirmed inside. Not because I didn’t like him doing that… actually far from that…I am liking it too much.

His body was not quite touching me, yet his warmth was almost as potent as a physical touch.

The bump he showed all his attention to, subsided considerably. Relief, tenderness and surprise!

_His eyes!_

Coherent thoughts seem to have taken a sabbatical from my brain. I couldn’t help swooning a little, when I realised that, he didn’t move away from me when he was finally done tending to the forehead bump. His fingers lingered on my face, cupping my cheeks, stroking my beard, touching my neck. Blood was pooling in my cheeks and neck. There were a canvass to his fingers’ feather light strokes. The pain was all but forgotten. Now all that remained was pleasure.

Pleasure that took my vanity on a giant-wheel ride as he gently blew into hair near the wound. His eyes were mapping my face in a languid pace. He didn’t realise that he had my gaze till he focussed back at my eyes. His thumb was stroking my beard lightly. All my pretenses were melting. The heat of the moment was such.

“Oh fuck me!” I whispered throatily. Whether it was request , demand or a command, even I couldn’t figure out. As if following my command, my eyes fluttered, lips parted.

For a second, his lips parted too, mimicing mine, he almost leaned in and then his face flickered in confusion.

“What?” he whispered, his voice was a rasp.

Yet I knew our moment was broken, my awareness came flooding back in. Shit! I messed up!

_Aman Tripathi! What a wreck you are!_

* * *

**Karthik**

“Oh fuck me!” he said throatily. The chants in mind that repeated he is your boss, He is straight, all went silent. I was cupping his incredibly beautiful face, fingers in an erogenic ride across his beard and his intense gaze.

His eyelids fluttered, his lips parted, he looked like a dream.

He looked as if he meant his words. His magnetism simply drawing me in. My head’s underwater already, imaginig my pleasure in unravelling the mystery that he is AMAN.

Wait! Pause … No seriously! Wait… whoa! This is Aman… this is not my dream. And he said those words?

“What?” I aksed in confusion. My voice was thick if my inappropriate desires.

And disappointment, horror and embarassment quickly passed in Aman’s eyes. The Man’s eyes are a signboard for emotions.

He ducked from my hand, and ran off just the way he did earlier. I let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding.

_What’s the meaning of all this? I have to find out_.

I followed him out.

He was already in his chair, but jumped at my entrance. The door to strong room is just five feet away from the chair. He is fidgety, flustered and was looking hella uncomfortable.

For a moment, all I could feel is an uncontrollable urge of protecting him. He is younger than me, difficult, yes but not entirely harsh. There was a touch of human emotions that ran deep inside him, to which he only offered a glance. He kept himself in layers.

Today, the layers were peeling away. This is the first time I saw a truly vulnerable Aman and my, he has my heart!

“I am sorry Aman… if you got uncomfortable” I started. Again he jumped horribly at my voice. It was as if he was deep in thought. He turned to look at me surprised. His eyes then turned mellow, almost tender. I continued, “I was just trying to ki… I mean … You got hurt on the head…”

Yeah, I was feeling hella nervous too, not to mention slightly hot and bothered. Our moment was fresh in my mind. I could see that in his mind too. The problem is I am unable to understand his reaction. He was feeling uncomfortable. Any straight man by now would have given me weird looks, would have gotten mad at me for getting too close, or straight up fired me for invading his space.

Aman was on contrary, running away from the situation. Its not like he cannot put me in place. He had done that a lot of times. I am used to his cranky, sarcastic, downright passive aggressive phases. But this stumped me.

“I am a little claustrophobic… that’s why I ran out of that room.” He said in a small voice, intensely surveying his fingers. His cheeks and neck are brunished copper in his blush!

“You are claustrophobic?

“Yes… I am not uncomfortable with you. I never can be!” he said, for once looking up at me. That’s the thing with him. Though the man is cryptic at times, there are moments such as these in which his eyes speak the truth.

“But…” I managed. There is more to this I guessed.

He closed his eyes for a second. Took a deep breath and said in a perfectly calm voice, “Do me a favour… drop this for now. We will discuss this only, if ever, you come to my parties. Which I am guessing will never happen!”

I opened my mouth and closed it. Really? Its as if he put a mask on!

I wondered if this is real Aman or that one, that sweet, cute and soft person? Could it be possible that this biting sarcasm his defense mechanism?

* * *

**Karthik**

“And you are?” He asked with a quizzical brow. His likeness with Aman’s features end with that brow and forehead. Keshav Tripathi. Rumour has it that this cousin is an ambitious little guy.

I smiled and was about to answer, when Aman barked his reply, “My personal assistant. Karthik Singh.”

He is in a mood today, Aman. He took my No pretty personally. He is pissed beyond measure. Under any normal circumstance, I would have loved informals. But Jugni needs me. And I cannot tell him that. I don’t want to garner sympathy from him.

Also our moment, in that strong room. It became the proverbial elephant in the room rampaging on the tenterhook peace we both built on.

“Keshav… will you stop staring at him and tell me what you needed from me?” Aman asked irritated. I felt bad for the wiry little Keshav. He looked hardly out of his teens. But when he spoke, I could get the whiff of the famous Tripathi tenacity.

“I was not staring at him. His tattoo is interesting. Do you know his tattoo was once a symbol of gay pride?” Keshav rattled off in an unaffected voice.

I looked up at him in surprise. How did he know that. By the looks of it, he seemed to have swallowed a wikipedia. Interestingly, Aman turned pink.

“That’s true. I was in my teens when I got it done.” I piped in. Keshav looked up fascinated.

“Hmmm… That is some rebellion you had in you… The Section 377 was so much in order back then… what are you 26? Some ten years back?” he asked conversationally.

Yep… The Tripathi cousins are chalk and cheese. One avoided all sorts of verbal communication and one engaged in a free discourse. I couldn’t have imagined myself talking about gay pride in the 14th floor of TriT group infront of its two heirs. But there I am.

“Yes! You were right on both accounts.”

“Keshav! Your work?” Aman asked pointedly.

Keshav looked from me to him with a mildly amused look. “Oh Come on Aman! You know a lot about the subject, and you hardly talk.”

I am genuinely surprised now. Aman was glancing furtively at me. I kept my eyes fixed on Aman. Could he be Bisexual? Or maybe I am just wishful. He posesses some magnetism behind that silent façade that keeps drawing me in. I was never this intensely attracted to a heterosexual before. There could be a chance that he is bisexual.

I mused what that could mean to me… He is still my boss. Strictly off-limits and way out-of-my-league.

Keshav turned towards me, and said, “Shall we?”

Wait, did I miss what they were speaking?

I looked at Aman. The man wouldn’t speak, but there are a few signals he lets on. He shrugged and jerked his head somewhere between nod and shake. He looks cute even when sulks. And that was his sulking ‘well, if you have to’. I nodded and stepped in behind Keshav to the strong room.

* * *

**Rajni**

“Why are you both in two different screens? I asked flustered. The Californian sun was catching me all wrong. I looked red and blotchy in my own screen.

“Goggle, stop checking yourself out and focus on us, will you?” said Aman with his signature eye-roll.

The bratty brother of mine is in a mood today. I cocked my eyebrows at Keshav and as usual my subtlety was lost on him.

“What happened to this guy today?” I had to ask Keshav verbally.

“Long story!” Keshav replied grinning suggestively

“Really?” my interest was piqued.

I could see Aman getting really alert and conscious in seconds, he straightened and his eyes widened. My brother, in short, looked like a cornered kitten.

“Aman?”

“Kusum ws asking about you… actually not even about you… she was specifically asking about your relationship with your roommate… whats her name, Natalie? Natasha? She looked a little jealous.”

Aman rambled on, trying to distract me from drilling into him. His trick was the oldest in the book. But now, he was way smarter. He found the right subject to distract me. My Kusum. And Kusum being jealous was a sweet news to my ears.

“Kusum asked you about me and Natalie? Was she really looking jealous or your just bluffing to escape my interrogation?” I asked shrewdly.

Both Keshav and Aman rolled their eyes. And both for different reasons. Keshav on my unrequited obsession for Kusum and Aman for my suspicion on him.

There is a lot to discuss! This catch up is gonna take some while!


	4. Curves and Edges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That slight chink in your armour.  
> That peek of you underneath  
> It is enough to drive me crazy  
> For you, only for you!
> 
> -Karthik

**Aman**

“Are you serious? Your personal assistant… The guy who is going to be literally beside you all day, he is gay!” Goggle said half in horror and half in amusement.

“Its not like that, Google!” I squirmed.

Keshav had his typical ‘I-so-outed-you’ grin.

“Really? So he is not gay, or hot or smart?” asked Goggle wriggling her eyebrows.

“The sexual tension can be cut with a knife Goggle dee dee,” Keshav sprinkled his spice.

Damn them both!

“He is really smart… has good people’s skills. By far, he is the most efficient PA I ever had.” I replied in earnest.

“Woof” concurred Chugsy, sitting beside me. He looked so solemn that his effect was greater on Goggle than mine.

“So Chuggu is your witness?” Goggle laughed, her stern face got softened. “But really Aman… This is like a recipe for disaster.”

“Not if we stay strictly professional,” I retorted

“And that is very possible… yes!” Keshav piped in laughing.

“Yes it is… He doesn’t know I am gay too… he will not make a move and I cannot… so there you see … an impasse`!” I retorted. My flustered spirits simply flew away like butterflies, leaving my mind strangely empty to brood the reality of my situation. I really cannot have a chance with Karthik. Really never!

“Do you see yourself speaking? You face went from 1000watt bulb to a zero watt dim bulb within seconds.” Goggle said. There was a touch of rawness in her voice.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Keshav asked quietly. It’s a good thing he sobered up, but it’s a bad thing that he did on my account.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer that straight.

So I brushed it off saying, “I am just sexually frustrated and he is attractive that’s all… Don’t read too much into this.”

Keshav opened his mouth to counter my point, but Goggle cut him, “Hmm… I have a perfect solution for that then…”

Oh Thank god she has…

“Sleep with him.”

“Seriously? That’s your solution?” I blanched. My tell-tale signals are back.

“Is that a blush I see?”

“Oh shut up!”

* * *

**Karthik**

“So you are sure that there is some amount which is floating unaccounted for?” Aman asked, his brows furrowing.

“Yes, and we are talking crores here.” Keshav quipped.

“The question is how to track …” I said. Aman’s words didn’t reveal the tension he felt, but his body sure did. His shoulders were hunched and his fists balled, eyes intensely staring at the screen and the nerve near his temple ticking. Something in my own chest tightened as I watched him like that. He is too young for this!

The situation is grim too. There were hundreds of dummy accounts that are created under the company’s name there were funds continuously in transit amongst the accounts. If only, we could breach this circle.

I slapped my head at the idea staring in my face. Aman and Keshav looked up sharply.

“Its simple, we create dummy accounts of the same type, mimicing their accounts… and once we are in the circle, we monitor the accounts closely and seal the transactions once the money gets into one of our accounts.”

“Wow! Yes… Generally, the amount stays in the account only for half and hour. We can monitor closely and divert the fund,” piped Keshav breaking into a smile for the first time in the day.

“True… its brilliant Karthik,” muttered Aman, letting out the breath he was holding. He looked up with a rare smile.

Ok it will take a whole second for my heart to restart. Aman Tripathi Not Fair!

I was finding it hard to maintain the eye-contact. So, I smiled a little and focused on discussing the nitty-gritty of our plan. 

* * *

**Aman**

He was brilliant. Keshav knows it, I know it… I feel like getting on top of my building and shout it out to the entire world that my Karthik Singh is fucking incredible!

But I cannot. Most obviously cannot. I cannot even acknowledge the fact to Karthik himself. At least not infront of Keshav.

Maybe I can tell him that in private. In my room. I can literally imagine that happening. However, my imagination, is really as wayward as imaginations can get. Consequences of my heartfelt compliments in such a closed space, could well be disastrous. I don’t doubt Karthik... I doubt myself. I was an inch away making out with Karthik in the strong room itself. It wouldn’t be a big surprise if I lost my control in my own room. If Raamu Kaaka accidentally walks in, he’d scandalised. But probably as a safety measure I should tell Ramu kaaka to leave the place before Karthik gets in.

The accounts creation is a brilliant idea. But to work upon that, we need to sit only after office hours. If we have a mole in our midst, it does not do to let them know that we are alert.

Keshav clapped his hands excitedly. That’s my nerdy cousin for you! Give him hacking opportunities he will give you the whole world in return.

“Where are you planning to work at though?” I asked Keshav.

A part of me wants Keshav to be with us, a part of me want him to back to his room, so that I can have Karthik all for myself. The second part is dangerous and getting quite out of control.

“My room bhai! I cannot get work done without my baby.” Keshav smirked.

Karthik cocked his eyebrows at me. “He is talking about his super computer… ignore him” I advised grinning. Karthik grinned back at me.

* * *

**Karthik**

Aman Tripathi looked up from his espresso at me. That was one hell of an intense stare. His intensity is supposed to wear me out. Weirdly, it does not.

I can see he is exasperated and trying phenomenally to be patient. Trying, being the keyword here. He needs a great deal of help, the scam that we were trying to crack, the creation of accounts, all of this, need a hell lot of work. And I know it. But I cannot help it. I have my reasons why.

"I thought you know what you signed up for. Didn't you?" Aman asked with an eyebrow cocked up. His face was impassive, except for that twiddly eyebrow. But I know the storm is imminent. I can sense it brewing.

_Yes, a horrible boss, an exhausting job and endless tirade of taunts, all for a fancy sum of money I really need. Thank you._ I wanted to snarkily reply. I couldn't...I wouldn't. It's not practical.

"Yeah... take your time... I have all the time in the world," Aman said irritated. I would have laughed, but I bit my lip to control it. By some strange miracle, I found my incorrigible boss of mine, cute and funny. A dangerous thing indeed. Especially because He is forbidden, and well strictly out-of-my-league.

"See, I understand you have a lot of on your plate right now. But I seriously need to get home."

"Reasons. Karthik... I need reasons." Aman exasperated, rubbing his temple, closing his eyes. "Wife? Family? Sexy date? What is it?"

_Sexy date? Where did that come from? The guy knows I am gay and an orphan!_

"Family," I said simply.

I am exasperated now. At the tone he took. What he was asking for, is beyond my call of duty. Although nothing is really specific in my job description. I am pretty sure it doesn't entail me slogging half the night with him. Working... might I remind myself.

Aman looked quizzically at me. This time his sarcasm did not seep through. He was genuinely asking me a question.

I took the non-verbal cue. "I have a sister. She needs... taking care of."

"Oh! You never told me that!" Aman sounded shocked. I am not supposed to share every damned detail of my life.

"I had my reasons."

"So that's why you never come to the parties I throw, the client dinners, the informal gatherings. Damn you Karthik! You could have just told me." Aman said through his gritted teeth. He looks hot when he is angry. That is not supposed to be the directions of my thoughts. What the hell is wrong with me!

  
And somehow, he sounded angrier now than earlier when I outright said No. Something about that anger was nagging at me. Something that his eyes seemed to convey. _What is it?_

* * *

**Aman**

It infuriated me endlessly. This mystery of a man in front of me. Karthik Singh

What does he take me to be? Some kind of monster? That wouldn’t be a huge surprise now, would it? I am most of the times rude to him, sometimes downright snobby.

I cannot let him know I am hella into this guy now, can I? Secrets are neccessary. They help me survive.

I didn't know he had sister. And what the hell does he mean by "she needs taking care of"? as I said infuriating.

"Very well then!" I said, when he didn't bother to reply, " Take of all of our material... Tonight we work at your place."

Karthik's jaw dropped in horror. Yeah Mate, you are stuck with your horrible and rude boss for the rest of the night. Oh Wait! this is the part where I smile evilly.

His eyes widened a little. Jerking his head slightly he took a breath in and mumbled, "My place is hardly fit for the likes of you."

"Unless you live in my very basement... Its ok with me... Besides its only for a night Karthik. We need to do this and you know it!" I said.

Yeah! I am not beneath comparing his poverty to the conditions in Parasite. Karthik is clearly from the lower middle class strata. His clothes look like they are straight off Dadar streets. But I couldn't bring myself to begrudge him for that, especially because he compensates for the lack of brands with his suave sense of style and an excellent mind.

* * *

**Aman**

“This is Jugni, my sister” Karthik said, leading me into a room in his two-bedroom flat. The place was so homely, domestic and charming that I instantly liked it. The place is so Karthik, after all!

“Hi Jugni! I am Aman Tripathi” I said, extending my hand towards a girl who was buried in a book.

She put her book down surveyed for a moment through her geeky round spectacles and said in a cute but irritated tone, “Croissants? Seriously everyday? Aman Tripathi! I hate you!”

Karthik looked shocked beyond words. But before he could react, I laughed and sat down at the edge of her bed, I liked her instantly. She was so absurd, just like Goggle.

“Baccha! Is that the way…”

“Karthik…Yaar! Stop being so formal” I said still chuckling, “She is right! I am boring that way!”

Jugni smiled cheekily at that. She looked at Karthik with a straight face and said, “Wow he is cute… your descriptions were edging on hot… I think you will have to re-evaluate.”

Karthik blanched while I snorted with laughter. I couldn’t control my giggles. The kiddo was a firecracker. And Karthik must have felt really uncomfortable. But it was hella entertaining.

Also did he find me hot! Wow I am liking that thought. So, maybe he will not entirely averse to the idea of sleeping with me. Shit! That is not the way my thoughts should go. But my spirits are just not listening to me, they are flying!

Thankfully, Jugni called for my attention, “Aman bhaiyya… seriously you should try his other dishes… if ever you had his pancakes, you will be proposing to him next.”

Wow okay! I cocked my eyebrows at that. I could be proposing to him ever since I met him, if only…

_Aman Tripathi! Focus, will you?_

Karthik turned beetred at that, and said, “Juggu! Baccha… I know you are bored…But Please don’t screw up your brother’s only job just coz you’re bored!”

“Actually… Karthik… Why don’t you go freshen up and make me some of those reputed proposal-worthy pancakes, while Jugni keeps me entertained with these delightful insights?”

“Sounds like a deal to me!” Jugni piped in.

“Aren’t we supposed to work here?” Karthik turned to me, letting on a mock hurt at my supposed betrayal. But I am having too much fun taunting him along with Jugni, my surprise partner-in-crime.

I grinned, “Who said I am here to work at all?” giving a sly high-five to Jugni.

“What?”

“You kept this delightful little one a secret, this is your atonement for that crime!” I said. Yeah! I can be dramatic when I want to.

“What! You kept me a secret! You keep telling me about your Aman… you should also tell Aman about your Jugni… Bhaiyya! Not Fair!”

I sniggered. Karthik looked surprised as hell.

Karthik opened and closed his mouth looking a cornered fish and sighed resignedly, “Fine! Pancakes it is!”

* * *

**Karthik**

“You definitely have to try Resnick and Halliday… It’s a pure delight” I heard Aman say excitedly in the Jugni’s room. I cannot believe they jelled with each other so fast. I thought Aman, will be awkward at least even if not downright sulky. And that Jugni will be uncomfortable.

Today, I realised how different Aman can be out of that stifling office room. He loosened his tie, and dumped his suit in the car and with it, his grump and sulk. His smirk became a boyish grin and his rakishly handsome eyes looked so warm…

I shook my head at my wayward thoughts, flipping the pancake they ordered. Making stuff at kitchen is almost second nature to me, so my mind once again wandered and settled itself cosily in the next room. And it has firmly decided to marvel at the nerdy turn Aman’s personality took. The guy who couldn’t bother himself with little details in 100-crore deals is now chattering his way to glory about the nuances in science with a teenager!

I allowed myself a huff of laughter, who could have thought there will be a day when the Sole Heir to TriT will be in my house expounding about his love for physics!

“Jugni yaar!” I heard Aman laugh boisterously. That was something so delightfully new! The sound tugged at my heart more than it should. I found myself with a big grin spreading over my face.

_Way to be obsessed over your “Might-be-straight” Boss!_

I loaded the pancakes onto their plates drizzling maple and chocolate syrup and garnishing the plate with cut-strawberries. What? It’s absolutely necessary to plate your food well! The first lesson kind Mrs. De’souza taught me.

“Pancakes are ready!” I announced happily holding the heavy tray, standing at the door. And my eyes met with the most heart-warming scene ever!

Aman was clutching his stomach and laughing. Jugni was laughing equally hard. They were high-fiving each other as I entered.

“Wow! Bhaiyya! After so many days!”

“Hey don’t you behave as if I don’t feed you at all… huh!” I said mockingly.

“Hmm… what to do, I am not as special as Aman bhaiyya!”

“Oho! Such a Drama queen!” Aman remarked with his characteristic smirk. Oh! There he is. I have started to think that he left himself in the car!

* * *

**Aman**

“She is not your own sister, and yet you have given up your lifestyle, your freedom, settled down to do a job to pay for her treatment! This is something I have never heard of Karthik! How can you be so loving!” I asked softly.

We were sitting on the overhead tank of Karthik’s terrace. His favorite vantage point apparently. Its almost half past one, Jugni is safely tucked in bed, our target of opening accounts is done. I was tired to bones, and so was Karthik. That’s when he brewed a light peach tea and brought me up here. To be honest, I never thought such beautiful sights existed at such ordinary, run-off-the-mill places. And yet here I am, marveling at the sight of city lights, and the depth of the enigma that Karthik really is!

Karthik looked at me side-along and a little wistfully. “Cannot believe Juggu told you this … She never reveals that she is not my own sister and its easy to forget that tiny fact.”

“She is obviously proud of you and wants to tell me how awesome her brother is!” I said honestly. I cannot hide my admiration for im anymore.

“But the fact is that I am no hero here!” he said, once again his soul sparkling in his eyes. I was lost in his eyes. Its quite easy, when he looks into mine so earnestly. Perhaps this is the first time I saw vulnerability in this perfect man’s visage. It is beautiful. Almost captivatingly so.

“I traveled the world… with absolutely no anchor, no care for the world. Yet in the inside, I was that little boy seeking something. Something more meaningful… You must think … what nonsense! The guy who had all the freedom in the world, what would he want!” he said shrugging his shoulders. Actually no, this is something that I experience on a daily basis, a dearth of something even when I have everything. I shook my head slightly, silently imploring him to go on.

He pointed at his heart, “You cannot escape what your heart needs and if your heart needs something, that’s love… You know when I back to Delhi, I couldn’t revisit the chawl where I was born, where I grew up, from where I ran away. I couldn’t bear to revisit the place my little angel, my sister, Jugni breathed her last, shivering in fever. She was nine then, and we had no medical help.“

Karthik was shaking by this time, his repressed emotions slowly unfurling inside him. I can only imagine how painful that could be. Unbidden, the memory of the goggle’s accident swam before my eyes, that was the closest I went to losing my loved ones and it shook me.

I moved closer to him, took his clenched fist into my hands. I squeezed his hand reassuringly, rubbing my thumb across his taut knuckles. He sighed and continued with a little quake lingering in his voice.

“When I found Juggu in the hospital yard, she somehow reminded me of my own little one. It could be her name, or that naughty smile or the sound of her Bhaiyya… I don’t know. But that day, on the hospital bed, when I got to know that her family has abandoned her, I realised that this is my chance at having a sister again. So I took it. She might see me as a hero, but the fact remains that she found me rather than I found her. I needed her as much as she needed me. Without her, I would have spiralled into something else. She kept me sane!”

Karthik’s face was red, eyes swimming in unshed tears and I would be damned if I could not comfort him. Verbally awkward, I did what I know Goggle would have done if she was in my place. I pulled him into a tight hug.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him relax against me. At first, he was too shocked to react. But slowly, he melted into my embrace, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my shoulder. His breathe slowly calmed down from shudders to sighs as I rubbed his back slowly.

I suddenly realised this is what I actually wanted. A peek into his world. A touch of his warmth. A taste of who he really is!

And somehow, once I got it...I craved for more…


	5. Drawing me in and kicking me out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ice has thawed, warm breezes lull into a spring,  
> Yet there are damp patches that festered  
> Sun has not yet reached its zenith  
> Dewy tear drops are still clinging to my heart
> 
> -Aman
> 
> Its a slightly longer chapter. And Dev Alert guys! our lady is back to tease Karthik!

**Karthik**

“So, you spent the night with your boss?” Devika asked with her characteristic smirk.

It was Friday evening and I came home to find Ravi and Devika already. Ravi was checking up on Jugni. He is her doctor. While Devika is catching up with me. They were a solid support to me as I restarted my life in Mumbai.

“Naah… Gosh that’s sounds so off…” I shrugged, “We kind of fell asleep on the terrace.”

Devika nods cheekily to my admission, sipping her beer, “in each other’s arms”

“Why cant you forget that tiny detail?” I asked her exasperated, I shouldn’t have said anythig about that at all.

The fact is that I couldn’t get over the hug he gave to comfort me. His warmth, his embrace and his silent acceptance.

It should have been embarrassing to say the least, that we found ourselves comfortably snuggling each other in a half embrace on the terrace, but it was not… it felt strangely natural.

Aman who normally gets flustered at the slightest of physical contact with anyone, in fact, snuggled closer to me when he woke up.

The entire day following our little night together, I missed his touch. For some moments, it felt as if he did too. Physical attraction towards Aman was something that I could at least manage, but last night was something else. I opened up like that only to a few people. And somehow my boss is one of them?

“So, he is ok with you?”

“what do you mean?”

“I mean, you know my doubts about him right! He troubled you enough to qualify as a sadist or a Pshyco… I am asking if he does anything weird with you?” Devika asked.

The girl is a no-nonsense type. Probably that's why she is my bestie.

“He is no sadist. He troubled me at the first intentionally, I realise that now. He wanted to push to see my limits.”

“Why the hell should anyone do that?”

“Because, he can be a handful sometimes and he knows that. He is cranky, moody and quite difficult to handle sometimes. But all that only makes him perfect. He developed that sarcastic edge to himself because he wanted to avoid people from taking an advantage. You know he still takes my No personally, it seems as if no one had ever dared to say No to him before.”

“Ok… now you are raving about him. What happened to the horrible boss from a few days back?”

“He is horrible alright, but only sometimes. Now I have a way to handle that too.”

“I don’t know Karthik, I saw what he has done to his previous PA and I cannot shrug off that feeling. I don’t want you badly hurt.”

I am touched by Dev’s concern, but she suspecting the wrong man! I had a hunch when Aman mentioned how his other PA’s tried to seduce him. So, I did a little digging to find out the truth.

“Did that lady tell you what she did to him, moments before that?”

“No”

“She groped him… in his own chamber, and he reacted instinctively, slashed at her with what he had in his hand...a pen! It was an accident, she did not really get seriously hurt. He made sure that even her medical expenses are covered by the company. And he did not screw his reference letter for her.”

Devika opened her mouth to argue. But I cut in.

“I know, because I watched the CCTV footage of his room. And he dictated the letter to me. I drafted the severence and seperation emails. I handled the insurance approvals and everything. Had he been a sadist, he would have thoroughly screwed her life and could have easily gotten away with it. He chose not to do that. Doesn’t that speak anything about the person he is?”

Devika’s experssion cleared. First shock, then acceptance and now a shrewd calculation.

“Does he look any different from the billboards we see?” she mused.

“Oh! So much more handsome for sure, the billboards don’t do his eyes justice!” I exclaimed happily.

She smiled in triumph. And I mentally slapped myself, I walked straight into her trap.

“Dude! You sound so whipped!”

“I am not whipped!”

“You are no longer a reliable source of information.” She disregarded me with a look.

I was about to answer her jab, when Juggu walked into the room. I stood up in absolute shook. She doesn’t have a support today. Ravi was close behind her carefully watching her wobbling legs if they have enough strenght to go on. But they did, until Juggu carefully sat herself on the couch. Both me and Dev rushed to her side.

“Juggu… how!”

“She was practising….” Ravi announced proudly.

But I felt a frisson of fear. If she does that unattended, she might fall injure herself, my head started spiralling with horrible images.

“I told you Bhaiyya will spriral!” Juggu said pouting at Ravi.

Devika ruffled my hair, said kindly, “Baccha! She is fine… see? She did that on her own!”

“With a little help from Aman Bhaiyya”

“What?” there were three voices mine, Dev and Ravi’s

“I was hesitating on this for long. Then Aman Bhaiyya explained how to use friction to support body weight. It was so cool. I tried it… it worked for me”

“Aman Bhaiyya!” Devika mouthed astonished.

I sank into the couch beside Juggu, wrapped my arm around her shoulder,

“Dear sister, explain in detail please”

* * *

**Aman**

“Will you stop being a stubborn ass for once?” I asked in a low voice, annoyed.

“Yeah…sure when you stop being a pushy asshole!” Karthik whispered shouted. We were in the far end of Karthik’s open kitchen. His living room is full of people.

Kusum contacted me with a favour to ask. She needs a job and a place to live. And I know a perfect place.

I smirked at his use of ‘pushy asshole’ remark. Oh, he has got no idea!

“Kusum is an excellent care-giver, she worked with us when my sister had an accident. She can simultaneously help Jugni with her studies. I cannot understand, why are you so against this?”

Karthik sighed and leaned against the refrigerator.

“Aman, I cannot afford…”

_Oh!_

“I don’t want you to… She is still on my payroll!” I shrugged, “See, no big deal!” I was sure the discussion ended there.

Karthik huffed angrily. He grabbed me by my elbow, when I turned to leave, and pulled me closer. And for a moment I blanked out. He was breathing down my face, his eyes boring into mine. And I am finding it hard to focus on anything but our proximity at this point.

“I don’t want your sympathy Aman. This is the reason why didn’t tell you in the first place!”

That explains a lot! But I will not back down on this one. I held his gaze and replied in a firm tone.

“Thank you for explaining that! You keep forgetting that there is a thin line between pity and concern, I am not sympathising you or Juggu here, I am just trying to help you out. If you forget… I would like to remind you that Jugni calls me Bhaiyaa as well…”

And then there is this moment where we simply could not look away from each other’s eyes.

It bothers me that he keeps pushing me away.

“This time I wont take No for an answer Karthik…” I breathed heavily. His eyes mellowed and he sighed with a small smile.

“You know sometimes, its not even about you. I don’t say No to you. I say No to things that you propose, the parties, the informals, the favours… I say No to them.” He said softly.

“The things don’t get to hear it from you… I get to hear it …all the time!” I said. Was that a whine in my voice! Oh Fuck it.

I am what I am in front of him. Difficult, cranky, whiny as I please. And he handles me.

“Aman! Stop this…stop doing favours for me… the debt will increase and I will not be able to pay back!”

“Yeah right! And all the hard work you are putting in to round up the scammed money? Your honesty, your commitment, your dedication? Stop being the asshole who tries to put a monetary tag to every intangible thing, will you? I am not doing a favour here. And frankly, you are compensating more than enough for your salary in your work. All I am doing is make things a little easy for you.” I said stepping a little closer to him. I don’t know how my body does that, it finds a way to get attracted to him even amidst a heated discussion.

Karthik was silent for a moment. He was trying to process things in his head.

“Fine! I will ask this Kusum to be with Juggu”

Yay! He said yes! I gave him a winning smile.

I honestly don’t know what got over me. I mean its hardly professional. But…I jumped into his arms and hugged him. Karthik’s heartbeat sped fast for an instance. He didn’t respond. I should probably withdraw from the hug before he gets awkward and scamper.

But the next moment he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me back, I relaxed completely against. He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, “You are a pushy asshole.”

Trying to ignore the sensations he excited, I smirked into his shirt, “And you are a stubborn ass!” I responded, my voice muffled in his embrace.

A low chuckle passed between us. A secret that we keep. Some boundaries are erased today. And I am so glad that they did.

Jugni's voice clearly rung out from the other end of the kitchen, "And the bickering old couple made up with a hug!"

* * *

**Karthik**

“How dare you do that! Apologise to Karthik NOW” Aman growled. Everything happened within a moment and I stood frozen, run over with bulldozers of shame, embarassment and vexation.

We were wrapping up a meeting with Rishabh Dadhlani, the CEO of SSNT. It’s a joint venture of several hundred crores. And the swanky son of the Dadhlani group had come to meet with Aman. The details were already in place and only the finer points were to be discussed. All of it went like a breeze.

The trouble started when the Dadhlani Scion decided to flirt with me. Smirking, being overtly nice, throwing in some innuendos and the like. It would have been fun, if the whole interaction didn’t somehow have an uncomfortable undercurrent. It could be me, so obsessed with Aman that I cannot enjoy other’s attentions anymore. It could be Aman, who was staring daggers at Rishabh for flirting so shamelessly. Or it could be Rishabh himself, his cocky smile and confident manners, somehow didn’t cover the fact that he is coming off too strongly on me.

“Apologise right now!” Aman growled again. He had the tall frame of Rishabh pinned against the wall, with just one hand at the collar. Rishabh, who didn’t expect Aman to react that way whimpered like a kitten.

He didn’t expect Aman to react so violently. While leaving the meeting Rishabh made a more open pass at me, perhaps he took a wrong signal from my half-assed attempt to stop him from flirting.

He grabbed my ass. It happened so quickly that I couldn’t even respond.

Aman reacted faster than me. He bodily tackled the Scion of Dadhlani’s to make him apologise.

I never saw Aman so angry!

Rishabh nodded, red-faced and grimaced turning to me. “I am sorry. It was out-of-line for me to do that.”

I nodded, stone-faced. Whatever his attempt was. Physical space violation is something I hated.

“Please leave.” Aman said disgusted, releasing him.

Rishabh took a long hard look at Aman and left.

Aman breathed heavily, looking strangely stifled.

More than what happened to me, I was worried what will happen to the deal.

I poured a glass of water and passed it to Aman, who took it with a look of surprise.

He took a gulp and looked at me with genuine concern in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

His eyes were kind, radiating a pleasant warmth. This washed away the feelings of confused shame that rattled loose within me.

“I am not actually.”

“Sit down Karthik” he said, placing a hand on my shoulder and gently leading me to the couch.

He went to pour a glass for me. I accepted it gratefully.

“What will happen to the deal now?” I asked meekly.

Aman looked at me surprised. He smirked. “Seriously? you are worried about that now? Dadhlanis cannot defy Tripathis… Karthik! And even if Rishabh takes it personally and sabotages his own company prospects, we shouldn’t be the ones to care!”

“But isn't this a loss to us too?”

“It probably will be! Think about it this way, we need not deal with that Sicktard anymore! That’s a silver lining in itself”

Aman laughed at his own dark humour. I smiled, not at the joke. But at the man in front of me. I am proud to be his…

His personal assistant. Shit! Why is this… such an after thought.

* * *

**Aman**

“Now you cannot wriggle out of this one!” I said triumphantly, leaning back on the couch looking at him.

Karthik smirked, and leaned back too.

“Not fair boss!”

“Everything is fair in love and war” I said without really thinking. Karthik cocked his eyebrow at that.

Shit! Did I really say! Mental!

“And this is …” Karthik prompted smiling

“War” I breathed suddenly feeling warm around my neck.

“Right!” Karthik said flashing his dimples. This could be counted as second Yes to me. It felt good, oddly gratifying.

The easiness with which we interacted these days surprised even me. There were so many boundaries that went erased. Karthik seemed to now know what inherently ticked with me and what did not. He seemed to understand my stress signals, my reactions more intimately.

I quite like the change. Our arguments now end with a chuckle. We did not hug after that day, but I am constantly reminded of it. Almost like I need it. The warmth he emanates is so addicting. But its best to leave the hugs to the home turf.

“Earth to Aman!” Karthik said waving his hand in front of me.

“Yeah! What?”

“We have to finalise on the JC deal.” He said going through the file at my table.

“Karthik! Please stop working! Its Friday night! Lets go already!” I whined.

He looked up from the file with a soft smile and said, “One last … I promise”

“I hate you!” I said grudgingly dragging myself to the table.

He simply chuckled, lighting up his tab.

* * *

**Karthik**

The lights, the music and faint smell of alcohol is sure uplifting. But whats better is watching Aman in his sleek black suit shirt with casually undid tie and rolled up sleeves, downing his shots. Probably this is why Aman insisted for casual hangouts.

He looked around, searching intently for someone. When his eyes fell on me he instantly lighted up.

He beckoned me towards the counter.

Wow was he waiting for me? Who would need alcohol when Aman is here to give me such highs!

“You made it alright… and you thought Rakesh will gobble you up.” He said smirking. I cannot think about Rakesh right now, I cannot think about anything right now, because I was hit anew by how sexy Aman actually looks in Black!

I cleared my throat and looked away searching for a response. “Rakesh is genuinely scary alright!” I managed.

Rakesh was one of his cousins, away from the family trait of petite forms, he looks like a Arab stallion on steroids. Its not his form that intimidates me. Its his eyes. They are cold, calculative and edgy. They give me creeps.

“Says the guy who went on mountain treks with Scandinavians” Aman teased.

I was surprised that he remembered. Its just a little detail that slipped in our conversations.

“Hey! Come on, they are very warm and welcoming.”

“Not to mention cute and dreamy?” Aman muttered loud enough for me to catch, while sipping his drink.

Whats the matter with him? Why does he have to look so … enticing? And he is literally flirting with me.

“Dance?” I asked because I really did not have a comeback. He won this round fair and square.

“Karthik… I have two left feet… I cant…”

“Oh please!”

I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

It was cute to see a cocky Aman turn into a shy Aman within seconds. But I cannot keep holding his soft hand... even if i wanted to.

I wanted to place my hands on his shoulders to make him relax, but I cannot, there were people around. So I started my own goofy dance that instantly cracked him up.

A smiling and visibly relaxed Aman started dancing, but soon I wasn’t the only one who vied for his smiles. The entire female population in the pub, gravitated towards him. Soon, he had to reluctantly nod, smile and smirk in a pattern that pained me somehow.

He looked at me and signalled that he head towards the bar counter. I nodded, I made to follow him. But I was stopped by my own doubts.

Does he want or even need my company?

He looked back at me, as if to say yes. And so I followed him with a new flip in my step.

Just then a girl who looked like a runway model, walked towards him, hugged him whispered something in his ear. He looked at her and smirked.

She kissed him on his cheek and left.

I have no right here to be jealous, but…

He ordered his drink and there is yet another girl. She was whispering something to him, giggling, leaning heavily on the shoulder. I suddenly needed alcohol to swallow the bitterness welling inside me.

“Whiskey on the rocks” I ordered.

Aman cocked his eyebrow at me. I shook my head and downed the drink in one gulp. Another girl came by.

“One more please”

The bartender nodded, looking at Aman more than me.

The fact that I burning in hellfire, is apparently visible on my face. Aman’s brow furrowed.

The barrage of girls was not stopping. And my malt whiskey orders. The bar tender now looked from me to Aman with a mild interest one shows while watching a match of tennis.

Aman randomly stopped one of the girls and kissed her on the lips. He sealed the deal. That was the pick of the night. I cannot stand watch him. Obviously, so I was slowly made my towards the roof top gallery, the pub had. Some fresh air would do me good. Regrets roiled in my stomach along with all the alcohol I gulped.

One of the office staff, Preeti, I think, she stopped me.

A hand of her on my chest, her eyes on my lips, she smiled a little.

“I am gay darling! I am not into you!”

I whispered, she opened her eyes in shock and immediately mumbled a confused sorry.

I shrugged it and continued.

Fresh air does do me good. I swayed forward a little.

A strong hand stopped me from falling on my face.

I need not open my eyes to check. Its Aman, only he can smell that good.

“Karthik! Really why did you drink so much!”

“I am a recovering alcoholic… I cannot stop when I start!” I slurred.

“Oh God! Then why did you even start!”

I opened my eyes, his form swam in front of me. He led me to couch and made me sit there.

"That girl she tried to kiss you! what did you say?" he asked, his voice had a tinge of jealousy. Or my sloppy head is just imagining it.

"That I am gay, I am not interested in her"

"how can you say it so straight"

'Because thats what I am... not straight!"

Despite myself... I chuckled at the nonsensical turn of our conversation.

“Here drink some water… you must feel thirsty”

I am… very… but none of this will quench that thirst. The one thing that can... is so off-limits for me!

“Water will not help it… Aman” I said pushing away the bottle from my lips.

“What will then?” Aman asked. There was an edge to his voice. An almost angry edge.

“You... Why are you wasting your time with me?” I am sure he would prefer taking the girl picked home, rather than staying here tending to a drunk PA.

“What do you mean?” he asked, still struggling to make me accept some water.

“I thought you have picked your girl for tonight!” I said. The words were bitter. He planted those soft lips on her. And i want...

“It was just a kiss Karthik, to keep the other girls at bay. I was getting frustrated at the endless train of them.” Aman said dismissively.

Really? How many of these just kisses happen in these parties. If its just a kiss why am I so riled up?

“Drink this you will feel better. I will get you home.”

I opened my eyes, his eyes still had concern in them. There was something more, that almost felt like regret. I accepted the water.

He signalled the staff to fetch his car.

“I don’t need your pity Aman… Go and enjoy the party. I am a wreck and let me be one! I can take a taxi. Hello taxi... taxi”

I didn’t have the strength to push his arms away from me. I swayed and buried my face in his neck. Not intentionally. But it felt really inviting.

He shivered slightly. My touch might not be very inviting to him. Obviously!

Aman chuckled, “You are a wreck alright, but you are my wreck. So move your lazy butt now… Come on!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it going fellas! I hope you are liking it so far.  
> Do tell me in the comments.  
> Whom do you like more a cocky sarcastic Aman of the previous chapters or this mellowed version?


	6. Out of my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams that touch your eyelids touch mine too  
> in that surreal landscape, we are together  
> With sweet nothings and kisses passing between us  
> Dreams are, but to end, reality could be sweeter!  
> -Karthik
> 
> First up! One clarification is that this story has same characters but different stories. Its completely canon-divergent.  
> And set in present times, in Mumbai. Sorry for not explicitly stating this earlier.

**Aman**

> I walked groggily into Karthik’s kitchen.
> 
> Karthik was busy mixing some dough. He looked cute… with just the apron and sweatpants, whistling and humming. He looked up and said “Good morning” to me as I streched and yawned and jumped onto the table top.
> 
> “What are you making?”
> 
> “Apparently its Chocolate day today, and I am making ChocoLava Cup cakes. It’s a surprise treat for Juggu.”
> 
> “She deserves it… She has been really good!” I agreed.
> 
> Karthik gave a soft smile in response.
> 
> He turned and started filling the cupcake moulds with the cake mix. I watched the artist at work.
> 
> He carefully placed the cakes into his oven. He sighed and smiled.
> 
> I was feeling a little miffed. The chocolate day surprise is only for Juggu… Then what about me? I was good too…
> 
> “No surprise for me?” I asked in a small voice.
> 
> He would have completely missed it, if he hadn’t paid attention.
> 
> He smiled and asked, “What do you want… Chocolate Croissants? Chocolate chip waffles… Anything you say!”
> 
> Right! That was the opening I was looking for. He was leaning on the table top beside me, I looped my fingers into his apron straps. And pulled him towards me. His pupils dilated, his breath coming out in heavy huffs.
> 
> “What do you want Aman?” He whispered in a soft voice.
> 
> “How about Chocolate Karthik?” I smirked. Without him noticing I slyly dipped my finger into the bowl of melted chocolate and smeared some on his lips.
> 
> My treat is ready and I can have it… I leaned in to take his lips. The heavenly feel of his lips on mine.

“Aman” I heard a throaty whisper from something heavy on my chest. Awareness flooded in… I opened my eyes. Damn…That was a dream?

I couldn’t help but feel vexed that my body still reacted to a dream the same way as it would to reality. Karthik is lying sprawled all over me. His head on my chest, his hair tickling my collarbone, his lips moaning my name.

I suddenly couldn’t decide whether I want more of this, or none of this. This intense attraction, his attention, his softness… It’s like a fast flowing river in which I must take a plunge in. I want to, but I am afraid too. What if this ends up badly. What if…

I repressed a horrible sight that guts me to the core from my childhood. An example that was set by my family to control the ‘waywardness’ in us.

I shook my head to clear the images. I gently placed his head on a pillow. This is not the first we slept together. Ok that sounds wrong… Its not the first time we fell asleep together. The first time was on the terrace, it was a memory that will stay forever with me. Last night … was different. I was vexed with this stubborn man. Why did he have to drink a peg for every girl that came to me. What did he expect? That girls will stay clear of a billionaire scion and a bachelor. They wont find me attractive is something I know as a fact. Girls do have sub-conscious gaydar. But Aman Tripathi is a package isn’t he? A façade… and more often than not people get attracted to that alone. Not just girls, guys too. I have a huge circle of friends who hardly know me.

Last night, my vanity did a lap dance too. Karthik was clearly jealous. Probably because he doesn’t see my Façade, he sees me. I don’t know what to do with it. I never calculated that he will feel attracted to me. I didn’t know that He will pick up my unconscious cues so well. He might have felt confused last night. I would too I felt so attracted to a heterosexual man.

I looked back at him. How much ever I wanted to kiss him, amongst other things… I should probably keep my distance. I don’t want to push him down that lane again. Things between us, if escalated, might hurt him a lot.

I walked into the living room, only to find Kusum and Juggu right there. I was hoping to slip away unnoticed. Kusum, got up to greet me.

“Aman” she smiled, “How come you … Did you bring him back?”

“Yes!”

“Oh good…” Kusum looked a little uncomfortable. It took me a second to process why. She was always a little wary of drunken men, men in general. Bad experiences there too.

“Don’t worry” I reassured her in a low voice. “He is really a very good person, he is gay and doesn’t drink that much generally, yesterday was an exception.”

“He is gay?” Kusum asked a little surprised. Did I miss out that little detail? How come Karthik didn’t mention that himself. Generally, he makes it clear within 5 minutes of his introduction to a new person.

She slowly moved her eyes from me to Karthik’s room, colouring as she did.

Oh no!

“There is nothing between us…” I felt responsible to clear that.

“But you wish it… you wish something is there between you…” she said shrewdly. I looked at her in surprise.

Damn! That’s my cue to scamper.

I smiled at Juggu who was trying to look as if she was not drinking in every word we spoke.

I ruffled her hair. And left the place.

* * *

**Aman**

“Are you kidding me? RAJJOO!”, Karthik let out a high-pitched squeal of delight.

Within mere three hours of leaving the Singh household, I was unceremoniously dragged back by my unapologetic sister who just landed back into our lives. I had to call Karthik ahead that I am bringing a guest for Kusum. But nothing could prepare me to this sight. Karthik was bobbing up and down like an adorable kid who is seeing his friends after a long time.

But wait Rajjo!

“Wait WHAT,” Goggle’s loud voice pierced my eardrums as her eyes fell on the source of the excited squeal, she pushed me aside as she reached the top step, “NO WAY… KARTHIK FUCKING SINGH!!!”

Okay I am a little peeved. I know at one point that Goggle and Karthik will team up, but they already knew each other.

I heard something drop in the room adjacent. The corridor is not noise proof. And nothing can really stop Goggle’s carrying voice. Kusum must have heard her.

I mentally facepalmed. There goes our surprise.

I watched as Goggle rush to Karthik, flung her arms around Karthik and hugged him. Their familiar way of hugging each other somehow warmed my heart.

“Rajjo! I cannot believe this is you! Oh god… its been so long!” he exclaimed. His eyes were all smiles, his dimples couldnt look cuter.

“Saale… You left us after the last trek… No email, no phone number… no social handles… the last thing I heard was that you were looking for your roots… got your roots?” She punched his gut and said that. My sister she is a little rough…

“I am sorry Rajjo… I was a douchebag! You don’t know how much I missed you when I was back in delhi… I should have told atleast you.” Karthik said ruefully, still rubbing his tummy.

I am still majorly peeved. Oh wait! USA? They freaking were friends in USA? Goggle hid from me the fact that she had such a hot gay best friend? Damn!

“I also didn’t know that the Karthik Aman was raving about was the same douchebag!”

_Oh there I am… now I can stop feeling left out._

“You knew Karthik from US?” I stepped in.

“Yeah! We went on a trek together… We became great friends after that….”

“You never told me about him” I asked with gritted teeth. I could keep the accusation from my voice.

Goggle looked a little guilty. She knows that she is the official manager of my love life department. Because I suck at it anyway!

“I wanted to introduce him… I swear… that’s when this idiot ran” she hit his head.

Karthik smiled goofily at that, before widening his eyes, “Wait this is the Aman you talked about so much… the sweet, nerdy, innocent… Aman?”

Wait she said all that? Damn!

“Yeah he is the one. Although now he has a people-protection suit all over him all the time.” She said dismissively.

“Excuse me! I am right here.”

Karthik smiled at me, I smiled back at him… Well no, he was gazing at me and I was gazing back at him. Goggle simply looked between us with an expression that could only spell DISASTER in every language.

“So any new tattoos?” She asked rubbing her hands together.

Karthik looked away from my eyes, and I had to control a mad urge to turn his head to hold his gaze.

Karthik smirked lazily, “You bet,” Rolled up his right sleeve to show his artistically done, Shiv-shakthi tattoo. “Cool na!”

“Yes Bro! So the back dragon is still on the back burner?” Goggle giggled.

Wait Back tattoo?

“yeah That’s my pipe dream!”

“You know Aman he almost had his entire back tattooed with a rainbow spewing dragon…”

“Then what?” I asked, my interest piqued… I always felt tattoos were hot… on others.

“Then I chickened…” Karthik shrugged.

“Nah!... that not you!” I said before I could stop myself.

Goggle nodded, “He didn’t enough money… that time.”

“One day! I would put all my savings into a back dragon.”

“Or We can sponsor it from company’s side, we do have Tatoo sponsorship program.” I piped in imagining his back tattoo already. Quite shamelessly so.

Karthik gave me a ‘are you for real’ look. Goggle saved me or rather put me in a fireline saying, “Of course, we have that program in our company. Even if it is not there, Aman will create one for you.”

“And why would he?” Karthik argued.

“Obviously Karthik! Anything to see you shirtless!” She said shamelessly winking at me.

_Someone just kill me and dig my grave here!_

* * *

**Kusum**

Okay! I can calm myself down. Jugni is watching me… I better get myself together. Yet Rajni’s voice carried easily into the room, a thousand butterflies kicked up in my stomach.

I sighed. Its been 4 years since I saw her. There was a time when I was angry with her for leaving me alone. The truth is that she never left me. Her warmth, her eyes, her smiles, the easy way she pulled me into her crazy adventures, nothing left me. Aman took over her responsibility of keeping protected me from my horrible family.

Jugni is looking at me curiously, “Your friend?” she asked.

I nodded. Friend doesn’t really cover what we had… although I don’t know if anything will be the same. She came back from a whole different world. We, no longer share the tiny bubble of common comfort. She might have become more open, adventurous and if its ever possible, louder!

I smiled to myself. Turning around arrange Jugni’s rack, when two soft hands snaked around waist. Rajni!

I would have had a mini heart attack. She didn’t change in this way at least. This was her favourite way of surprising me.

Only she became a tad stronger, slimmer, she breathed, “Missed me flower girl?”

I couldn’t control my squeal of delight that bubbled from my throat, “Rajni!”

I turned into her embrace. For a moment I was a blubbering mess in her warm embrace. Her shoulders had always been my place of comfort. My pillow. Her hand is already ruffling my hair.

“How is it possible that you became softer…more cuddly than ever” she whispered against my neck. I shivered a little. Butterflies are having a riot inside my tummy.

“How is it possible that you became louder… I could hear you from four miles” I smiled into her wiry hair.

“Oh yeah! Then how come you didn’t come to meet me”

Was that a hint of a whine.

“If I did, you would complain that I didn’t you a chance to surprise me!” I answered cheekily. I know what my Rajni wants…

Not….. my Rajni!

But before I could think of anything else of those sobering thoughts. Rajni jostled my head into her palm and looked into my eyes.

“I missed you so much… I have decided, next time, I am stealing you away for myself.”

“You really had time to miss me?”

“Haww… You are doubting me? Shall I show you how exactly I missed you?”

Her almond eyes glinted in familiar mirth and mischief. My heart stuttered… Nothing really changed. Rajni simply became naughtier.

“No please…”

“Oh Yeah?” She laughed. Her embrace suddenly became tickling torture.

“Stop Rajni… oh … no no…” I laughed breathed heavily. This is the undue advantage she had over me.

“Say it… Say it” she laughed evilly, tickling me further.

“Okay …okay …” I breathed, “I missed you too…”

* * *

**Karthik**

“I cannot believe you said yes to him?” Aman voice somehow contained annoyance, accusation and hurt. We were still leaning on the parapet wall in the open corridor outside my house.

“He apologised, and asked if he can treat me… what I am supposed to do? Turn him down like a snob?” I surveyed my hands saying that. I somehow could not meet his eyes.

“Yes! Without a doubt…” Aman said without even missing a beat.

“No Boss,.. I cannot be that!”

“Well… you say NO to me all the time and so easily” Aman countered.

He came back to that again. He is back to the famous sulk, he crossed his arms and pouted. He can get his way around anything with that pout. Such kissable pout!

Shit! What am I thinking. He is straight. He made that quite clear last night.

Actually that was the reason why I said yes to the Rishabh guy. He sent me flowers to my home address, and called me to apologise for his behaviour.

I needed something to distract me from my insane infatuation with Aman. Something… Anything and a date with Rishabh might just do the thing.

“Listen…Aman… I cannot be rude to the only guy who is interested in me. My dating opportunities are scarce already. This is something I need for myself too…” I said in a softest voice possible. That’s the only thing that melts his sulk, I have learnt.

He looked up at me with inscrutable eyes.

“Fine! Go with the Sicktard who harassed you! Its not like I give a damn!” he said angrily and walked away.

“Aman … Aman! Wait! Listen to me.” I called behind him, taking huge strides to overtake him. I caught up with him near the stairs.

“Karthik…seriously its your life.. I really don’t have a say in it… I am sorry if I crossed my limits.” With that pained parting words he brushed past me.

“Aman”

Damn the man is quick… All I could do is follow him with my eyes. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration.

Impossible impossible man!

He is possesive AF… impossible, cranky, sulky,… impossibly cute even when he sulks, incredibly hot even when he is angry… why the hell is he like that…

* * *

**Aman**

“Raamu Kaaka! Today you can take a day off.” I said happily.

“Okay Sahib… call me if you need anything.”

“Don’t worry Kaaka… I will be fine.”

I wanted my house for myself. Karthik is finally coming. Yeah it took me a little skulldiggery, but I did it. I am not ready to lose to him to someone named Excuse me! “Rishabh Dadhlani”.

Its not like I am doing anything wrong. I am protecting my friend from a possible sicktard. Yeah… I should tell that to myself more often to actually believe that.

The truth is that I cannot bear the fact that Rishabh is taking My Karthik out. He cannot do that… He is mine. I want him… all to myself.

Heck! Why is Karthik so blind… Really Rishabh is the only guy interested in him? Then what am I, a wall poster?

So yeah… I called up Keshav to ask him a favour. I called Goggle to ask for a favour. Juggu was the one who convinced him to come to my home to complete the work. The plan worked like a charm.

Chugsy was jumping excitedly up and down. I told her, “Yeah he is coming… I hope you like him… I would be damned if you two don’t get along well.”

The intercom stated that Karthik Singh needs an entry.

I started feeling nervous suddenly. Chugsy woofed and nudged my hand. Yeah I got to get the door.

I opened the door. “Hi” Karthik breathed. He looked nervous too.

“Hi” I smiled. Damn my blush,… seriously whats wrong with me.

“Not angry with me anymore?” Karthik asked quizzically as I let him in.

Oh right! I wish I remembered that. It could have been a better cover.

“No… Just… the work is getting on to my nerves” I faked it.

“Right… Don’t worry, I am here, we will deal with it.” He reassured me.

I felt a tad guilty. Faking a work excuse, I made him come home….

Chugsy ran into his arms, barking, waving her tail. As if meeting an old friend.

“Hello cutie pie… whats your name?” Karthik ruffled her fur and cooed.

I cannot believe,… I am melting. God I am a wreck!

“This is Chugsy…Chuggu Karthik”

“Woof”

“Chugsy… cute!”

“Karthik listen… the sheets are spread in my room… Go through them… I will go for a quick shower and come...”

Karthik nodded.

“Chuggu…. Give him company baby!”

Fifteen minutes later… I am still in the shower. Trying to calm my nerves. Why the hell am I behaving like this. He is Karthik, my Karthik… I mean my PA Karthik… Damn Why is this such a second thought…

Its not the first time he and I will be alone. But this is my home turf, where I am completely free. I realised I needed an official setting to function properly around him.

Ok ok … enough …Aman Tripathi You will not mess up… Come on … be confident now… be bold come on now…

I stepped out of the shower and started to dress. I hope I will not do anything inappropriate. I need Karthik. AS my PA… I also want to able to see him normally…

Ok this is not difficult at all… Aman Tripathi… don’t mess up!

I stepped out, drying my hair with my hand towel, He was bent over the work table with all the papers, he straightened up and turned to look at him. Chugsy also got up from the couch and quitely walked away. Strange!

“Oh Fuck me!” Karthik whispered fervently. I looked up quizzically at him, only to realise that he was not looking at my face. He was staring…

I looked down. _Oh Shit!_

_Damn I messed up! I forgot my shirt in the dressing room!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that World Chocolate day is on 07-07... I just used it ahead. I hope you guys liked the little dream sequence.
> 
> Something major is going to happen in the next... hence the cliffhanger.... bear with me!
> 
> How is my introduction to Rajni-Kusum angle? Let me know in the comments please.


	7. Perfect Imperfections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do we wish for? Love ? Validation?  
> Or simply a brief interlude of forgetfulness?  
> Would it be too bad to ask for more?  
> Would it be a crime to ask for all?  
> -Aman
> 
> Ok I admit, this is a little tricky to write, but here we go!

**Karthik**

“Oh Fuck me!” I couldn’t help my fervent wish to escape my lips.

Aman stepped out of the shower in his sweatpants, only in his sweatpants. HOW am I supposed to handle that!

Why would I NOT forget to breathe! Why would I NOT have difficulty looking away… Its NOT humanly impossible. His eyes, his damp hair, his lips, his collarbone… OK OK I lost my brain somewhere.

How the hell does he do that. How the hell does look so effortlessly hot!

He looked a little shocked at my reaction. And then he gave me a smirk that literally short circuits me and said, “Oh I will! But lets have some coffee first?”

Wait WHAT! I could not manage to give him a coherent answer. He smirked and left the room.

Oh ok… Hussh! This is the time to restart my breath, my brain and possibly my heart.

There is no way I could get the work done in this state. Oh… No…No Way that’s happening.

If he stays… shirtless… I don’t think I will be able to control my reactions any longer. I am already feeling wired. I am fucking desperate and he is straight. I never had this problem before. I should probably get my gaydar checked.

The shirt issue must be solved on a priority basis.

__________________________________________________________________________________

**Aman**

DAMN my nervousness! I scampered from the room as fast as I can. THANK GOD for my evil smile and quick comeback!

I reached the kitchen, and only then could I let out my breathe. That was insane!!! The way he was looking at me… I swear I was reduced to a puddle. How do I resist a man who looks at me like that.

Husssh… Ok .. I have this in control… I do..

I wonder if he liked me shirtless better…

Ok Damn… No… breathe in breathe out. breathe in breathe out …It should be easy!

The coffee machine pinged to life. I know how Karthik takes his coffee, almost a light latte with extra sugar. But this is the first time I am making it for him.

Shit it could have been a casual night with fun conversations but no.. I had to make it excruciatingly torturous by forgetting my shirt.

Its hardly appropriate too… now that I think about it… Maybe after giving him the coffee I will casually pick a shirt and wear it.

It will save him and me, loads of ungodly thoughts.

So, I picked the two cups and gathered my flimsy courage and wits to tackle the Royal enfield in full roar.

Karthik looked with a kitten soft flustered expression. Ok shit… now what? I am supposed to find a shirt.

“Your coffee!”

“Umm… Thanks! I should have come to help…”

“That wouldn’t have really helped.” I smirked.

His eyes melted, his cheeks took on a crimson. Remember we are trying to put a distance between us,… you are not supposed to look at me like that.

Damn!..My brain is going for a 180 degrees spin here. Treacherous thoughts entered my mind

Maybe… I can delay putting the shirt situation right. I mean I want to… but not everyday can you see the Karthik Singh so flustered and cute.

Maybe… I am allowed to have a little fun here. I am a wreck in the inside... and this is the proof.

I sat down beside him. A little closer than usual. He immediately hit the panic mode. He stood up and backed to the table where the sheets were spread. He fired up his tab, furiously working…or trying to work.

I don’t know if I am supposed to be sadistic or something that I could derive so much pleasure out of his reactions.

The fact that I could affect him this way…is making me giddy with happiness.

Also his eyes, his flushed cheeks, his breathy, fidgety self, are becoming quite a force in me… Its hard to ignore the fact that he is biting his lower lip. I cannot help it… it turns me on.

I just casually reached the table., trying to shuffle the sheets, obviously, I have to pretend that I am working too.

He closed his eyes and released his breath slowly. He slowly opened his eyes and focussed them on me and said, “Aman please wear your shirt!”

Now I had two options, to meekly obey him and go wear it, or argue with him… to see if I can really push his buttons.

And because I am a wreck, I took the reckless option.

“Why whats wrong?” I moved a tad closer to him.

“Its hardly professional. I cannot concentrate… please wear your shirt!” He pressed his slightly shivering fingers to his temple.

I still had the choice to scamper. But my brain is drunk on Karthik’s attention, it will only do what buys it more.

“Why are you so bothered?” I smirked.

There is always this point when things suddenly seem to go out of control. Like reaching the top of a roller-coaster ride, Like swinging a bit too high on a park swing with loose hinges. Too much acceleration, can phenomenally fuck up the balance. And that’s what happened next.

His eyes, mellowed and slowly became molten metal and I was smouldered to the spot. I sucked in breath raggedly, realising that I didn’t…for while.

Suddenly, he was in control… Suddenly, I was not the one pushing his buttons. He smirked in a lazy way and took a step towards me. I should have stepped back. But how can I ? I was rooted to the spot.

“Aman… You do know I am gay, right?” in his softest possible voice.

“Yes” I breathed back. I was in a trance. He was still moving impossibly closer to me.

I could hear his irregular breath, I could feel the heat radiating from him. The room temparature could have risen atleast by several degrees.

He placed his hand lightly on my shoulder. My sharp in-take of breathe, only spurred him. He smirked yet again, making me dizzy with desires. Heat was pooling in my gut. My heart was racing in possibilities that existed only in my fantasies.

“You do know that I appreciate beauty in male bodies, right?”

Ok yeah! Yeah… yes… my heart was jumping into my throat.

“Yes” I breathed. The headrush.. it was insane. His fingers slipped from my shoulder down my neck and collarbone, not entirely touching, but running across the length of my torso. I was so right about those fingers, they can work magic. I don’t know whether it was his feather-light touches that did it, or his dark, desire-laden eyes, or that graceful smirk, I was undone… Completely, irreversibly undone.

“Wear your shirt… or I will kiss you right here,” Karthik said in a low growl.

Need he suggest that? As if possessed, I grabbed his face and planted myself on his lips. For once giving into my fucking electric fantasies for him.

For a second, his eyes widened in shock. What did he expect me to do? Back off from that!

To hell with the consequences, I want him… all of him, I want to give him… all of myself.

After a moment, he responded… with equal fervour and intensity. Now that I got a taste of his, its hard not to demand for more. Finally I am biting that lower lip myself. He moaned against my lips. I made way to his exploratory entry into my mouth. I realised, all these days, I was aching to give him this access. 

Soon his hands were freely roaming over me, exploring places that are best left unsaid.

His lips left my lips flushed and tingling, he trailed his kisses onto my neck, my shoulders, and my collar bone. We swayed dangerously against the table. My body was flush against him, we were tangled beyond comprehension.

I found my purchase in his sinewy back and shoulders, while he continued his onslaught on my nerves. I am reduced to a blubbering, moaning mess.

“Karthik…” I managed, “Karthik …Bed!”

He responded to my barely audible request by lifting me off the ground entirely and carrying me to the bed. He was a beautiful mix of brute force and gentleness. But before this escalates any further, I should tell him, that I have never done this before.

He lowered me on the bed, and found my lips once again, effectively cutting away all coherent thoughts. Pinned under his delicious weight, I squirmed a little under the building pressure in my gut. 

His hungry kisses now slowed down to a more languid and teasing pace. His hands are decidedly heading southwards.

“I have never done this before.” I breathed between his kisses.

He paused a second near my jaw and peeked into my half-closed eyes. I brushed 

“Are you serious?” he asked a little surprised. I nodded, ”so, are you comfortable doing this with me?” He asked breathily concern colouring his features. I cursed myself to have broken his flow.

“Yes,… Yes Karthik….I want you,” I said almost sounding desperately. He smiled crookedly, grazing his lips oh-so-gently against my ear and then back of my ear.

“So whats the deal? You are Bi-curious? Bisexual?” He asked slowly sinking back into the crook of my neck to nibble.

Seriously? How am I supposed to respond with coherent answers when he is nibbling at me there?

“Gay!..” I answered, my eyes rolling back into my eyelids in pleasure.

He faltered again, stayed there for a whole second, resting his lips on me, not quite kissing. He propped himself up and looked into my eyes.

“You are gay?”

“Yes…”

“How is that,… you said you were straight… you were fucking kissing those girls the other day…” He asked. His eyes were searching me, there was a little less than desire in them now. Our spell was truly broken. He sat up, his eyes on me, but to my disappointment leaning away from me. I sighed. Explanations were in order, I guess.

“Karthik… I am gay… but no one can know that… I have a huge responsibility…Aman Tripathi that the world knows… He cannot be gay, or imperfect. He is a façade my father built and I am supposed to maintain.” I said in a low voice, I peeked at him once, before looking down at my hands, I continued, “The perfect son, the perfect heir… that was the expectation out of me… Not a son who likes guys,..”

He nodded. His face was becoming stonier by the second.

“Please understand … I had to keep up pretenses.”

“So you had me believe you are straight?”

“I had to Karthik, I had no choice… I didn’t want this insane attraction I felt for you to destroy the Aman Tripathi I manufactured. I didn’t know that you will be attracted to me too.”

“So what happened now… this” he indicated us both with his index finger, “this will not destroy the image you built.”

“It wont… I will make sure,.. we will keep it hushed… I mean it’s a one time thing anyway… so”

Karthik withdrew his arms from around me with a sigh, he ran his hands through his hair and got up.

“Karthik?”

“One-time thing? That’s it then? You expect this to end after we fuck each other? What if?…what if…I … I am sorry Aman… I cannot do this.” He got up from the bed. He was uncharacteristically vulnerable. As if I touched a raw nerve somehow.

“Karthik…that's not what I meant… Listen” I called in alarm. “I thought it will be easier to be around each other once we get it out of our systems.”

He turned around incredulously… He sat down on the couch opposite. He was still breathing heavy. My breathe was laboured too. I ached to get back to sweet abyss of pleasure we were in, till few minutes back. Me and my big mouth.

“So its like a no-strings attached, casual one night stand?”

“Yes… something like that…” Yeah... maybe he will say yes that way.

“So no feelings involved?” But I kind of like you.

“Yes” Ok finally He is listening to me.

“No.”

“No?”

“NO”

“But… but… I thought you are attracted to me…” Wait a second. I rerun the whole evening … did I seduce him or something?

“Karthik… listen… I am sorry if you… I thought you… I am sorry..”

“Aman Pause… what are you talking?”

I took a deep breath… “Did I seduce you against your will or something… I swear that was not my intention…”

“Wait what? Seduce against will?”

“I genuinely thought you were attracted to me…”

“I am… very much!”

He is? Very much?

“Oh…Then what?”

“I am hella attracted to you… but I am a little confused here… Why do you want this to be a one time thing?”

Isn't this infinitely clear? We cannot...

“Because… I cannot date you Karthik…we…We cannot be in a relationship,”

“Why?”

“Oh please keep up Karthik… If I had a slightest chance of that sort, wouldn’t I ask you out? We cannot date… its too risky… If we get involved, its going to be disastrous.” My biting remark rippled out of my throat without my express permission.

I had to repress the horrible images that swam in my eyes yet again.

He let out another frustrated sigh, “I cannot do this Aman… I don’t know what you are expecting out of me…but I need some time…”

I felt my spirits plummet, I nodded.

“So, I guess NO is a NO…” I said defeated.

Perhaps I overestimated my power over him. Maybe he doesn’t like me so overwhelmingly much, like how I do. Its not the first time this happened.

Karthik looked at me for a moment. I must not show him how disappointed or hurt I was feeling.

I tried at my smirk, “For once I will not sulk that you said No.”

Even if I am still stuck in a limbo between what was happening just five minutes back, and whats happening now. I must keep my distance.

Disappointment is welling in me bitterly. The taste of his lips, the warmth of him on me… The sensation is still on me…

“Thank you. Should I umm… Should we get back to work?” He grimaced at that.

Is he crazy? My lips are swollen from his kisses, my entire body feels tingled and teased, and he wants to work?

“I don’t know what superpowers you possess, but I might need a cold shower now… there’s no point trying to work… I cannot focus.”

There it is,… my bitterness, its finding a way out.

Karthik managed a crinkling smile at that.

“Isn’t this really important stuff to do?

“I think it can wait till tomorrow… Leave it Karthik… its not urgent anyway.” I am hard-wired here, aroused and stinging under a slap to my vanity and the man wants to work!

“If it wasn’t so urgent,… Why in the first place was I made to come all the way here?”

I blanched. He caught on pretty quickly because of my expression. Shit ! I messed up.

“You called me here,… on a work excuse. You wanted to do this all along…? This was the real reason you called me here?” He asked, looking truly angry for the first time.

“Its not like that Karthik…” I said, my voice faltering and failing me, “I wanted you to stay away from Rishabh…”

“Because you were jealous…” He finished. I hate him for judging me like that.

“No because he is an asshole who misbehaved with you… I cannot let you… “

“Is that your decision to make Aman?”

My mouth went dry.

“Aman…Answer the damn question,” he asked through gritted teeth.

“No” I admitted in a small voice

“Yes?”

“No…” I said a little stronger, “Why are we fighting over this? Whats done is done? I will make sure Rishabh will not contact you again.”

I know, I am sounding extremely bratty and not to mention conceited.

“NO Aman… that’s exactly my point… You don’t get to make decisions for both of us… you cannot suddenly decide that you want to fuck me, without even properly coming out to me in the first place.”

He suddenly got up from the couch and start pacing around, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

“Did you know I was doubting myself for getting so attracted to you all this while. I was thinking that I was going mad, because I am finding a heterosexual man so insanely magnetic…”

Wow! Okay… Hope bubbled up despite the pain and confusion I was feeling. Only Karthik can make me feel this way.

“You cannot decide to sabotage my date with anyone, just because you thought I am one-night stand kinda guy. You don’t want a relationship with me, that doesn’t mean Rishabh doesn’t want it too… there is a chance that he just messed up the other day and wants to genuinely make amends and there is a chance he might actually like me.”

Wait no! What! It not like I don’t want … I cannot…

I couldn’t get the words out… I was pathetically quivering. Tears welling inside me.

“Karthik” I whimpered. He didn’t even look at me.

“Enough of this drama… I am going home.” Saying that he grabbed his phone and left.

“Karthik… Karthik!”

* * *

**Karthik**

“He didn’t come yet?” I asked Laila.

“Nope!” Laila deadpanned.

That was the 13th time I asked her for him. Its five in the evening, and Aman has not showed up. I called him, messaged him…eventually cancelled all his appointments and meetings. Three months in, and I know Aman never does this. Never misses work.

I cannot believe all this has happened. I cannot believe I got so mad at Aman that I didn’t give him a second glance before walking out.

I didn’t know the depth of my own feelings for him till last night. I didn’t know that the words ‘one time thing’ will hurt me so much.

In that hurt and rage, I overreacted. I realised that only in the morning. I regretted my outburst. I could still remember his call my name to stop me.

I still cannot get his memory off me. His soft lips, those bright eyes, his responsive, hot… Aaarghh I messed up.

He is young and a little impulsive and bratty, but I should have at least clarified things with him.

“Hey I don’t need permission to enter my brother’s room” Rajjo’s loud voice woke me up from my reverie.

“Where is Aman?” She asked me as she entered, “The idiot’s not picking up my calls from last night. I even went to check his apartment, he wasn’t even there.”

Realisation struck me like a bulldozer.

“Wait! Aman is not in his apartment? Shit… He didn’t come to office from morning… Oh god,… Oh god no … This is all my fucking fault!”

“Karthik… What the hell? Why will it be your fault… Aman’s like that… he keeps disappearing from time to time. Damn! Stop hyperventilating”

“Rajjo…no .. it is my fault… I shouldnt have…shit”

“Wait… am I mising something? What happened between you too?”

“We… I ..”

“Karthik… breathe first…” She commanded I obeyed almost unconsciously, “Now tell!”

“Rajjo I messed up! I got angry with him…”

“If you don’t tell him from the start… how will I even understand?”

“Rajjo… last night ,… we … we had something happening between us, when he…”

“Wait… last night you had a moment?” She almost screamed. Its good that we are in a sound proof room.

“More like… a make out session…” I admitted with a small shrug.

“Oh god! I should have told you ,… That my lil’ bro is virgin.” She blanched.

Yeah! As If I didn’t get to know that last night.

“Damn! I got to know that … well.. he told me… before things got escalated in that direction.”

“Ok… cut out the unneccesary details…we are talking about my little brother..” she said with a grimace.

I couldn't help but add, “Well not so little anymore”

“Arggh continue”

“Yeah,.. so he revealed to me that he is gay… and I was a little irritated at the fact that he revealed that to me at that time… and then he said he wanted to have a one night stand with me… that’s when I completely lost it…”

“Wait! He said one-night stand?”

“Yeah..”

“Ok… weird but yeah…why did you get angry?”

“Because I wanted more… I like him more than that…I got hurt… it was like Enrique all over again…”

Rajjo facepalmed.

“I have never seen two fucking idiots like you! And Karthik… seriously? Are you still not over that Enrique for god’s sake? When was that… two years back?”

“Its not like that… I am just too into him… to even…”

“Trust me Aman… he must have thought it will be easier to convince you for a one-night stand… because he is definitely not that type.”

“Seriously? And you know this for a fact?”

“Hell yes!"

"And how?"

"Because my brother couldn’t break up with his dad’s old bike, how would he break up with you…he is an old soul that way”

“Oh god... okay...so I messed up big time.”

“Yeah… how should I tell you...Aman… he is a complicated fool. He is afraid to ask for more, Sometimes never asks at all. He has literally no experience in the matters of the heart. The only actual boyfriend he had, was back in London, during his graduation. It didn’t last long because the asshole he dated, dumped him for an Italian model.”

“Whoa… man… shit… shit… shit… now I am feeling more guilty…” I said. I hope Aman is alright.

“That’s not my intention Karthik… To tell you the truth… I was hoping he will come out to you properly, before all of this went down like this.” Rajjo said quietly.

“Damn Rajjo… I must have hurt him more than I imagined. Now where do we find Aman?”

“Goggle your mobile is ringing for the hundredth time yaa…” Keshav entered in a huff holding her mobile. Thank God, he was not here to here this bizarre conversation.

Rajjo took the phone from Keshav with an obviously scathing, “Oh yeah thanks!” 

Keshav kind of missed that, and grinned innocently back. The kid is a disaster socially.

For a moment, Goggle glanced at the screen and smiled before picking up.

“Kusum?”

Rajjo smiled in relief because of something that Kusum said.

“Sure baby…See ya.” Rajjo ended the call with a smile that didn’t really fit the situation.

“Aman is with Jugni… playing Ludo!”

Oh Wow! That was unexpected. Its good because my little sister has superpowers when it comes to cheering up. But I got to own up to my shit…make amends before its too late.

“Um,.. okay… lets go then… does he like flowers… Or should I like buy him a gift…”

Damn! What would a guy like that need?

“Whoa Dude!… sit back… chill out first,” Rajjo pushed me back into the couch.

“What Why?”

“Because Aman will panic if pushed too hard. Take it slow with him, will you?”

Last night was a contradiction to what she just said. But yeah whatever.

“Right!”

* * *

**Karthik**

“Bhaiyya…not fair… this is the third round you are winning…you are doing something with dice” I heard Jugni protested. Our walls are really thin… every damned sound carries.

“Nothing like that… I am winning fair and square…” Aman laughed. Now that’s the sound I wanted to hear.

Ironically, this entire situation simply seem to rub it in my face, that somewhere inside, in many ways Aman is still a child.

Guilt is roiling and rumbling in my guts like a physical entity. I shouldn’t have hurt Aman like that.

“Bhaiyya, why are your eyes red and puffy?” Jugni asked, her concern that filled her voice gutted me completely. I hovered outside the Juggu’s room, unable to face him.

“I … didn’t sleep properly last night,” Aman said in a low voice.

“Whenever you don’t get sleep na… call up Karthik bhaiyya… he is the best in lulling people to sleep… I do that a lot… the meds I take they are bad… they don’t let me sleep, Bhaiyya would stay on for hours to read to me… his voice is melodious and soft… so slowly I kind of drift into sleep…” Jugni rambled.

I was almost afraid that Aman would get angry on my mention. Aman stiffened inperceptibly, but nodded stiffly, saying in a rueful voice, “ His voice is soft… true”

That’s it… I must own up and atleast clear things up.

“Jugni!” I called from the other room, giving Aman a moment’s advantage.

“Jugni… its late… I will leave… take care alright!”

“Arrey but Bhaiyya!...” Jugni sounded confused with Aman’s sudden desire to exit.

I was at the doorstep by the time he exited, the timing was such a bitch that he suddenly came face to face. He took in a sharp breath looking up. I tried to breathe to steady myself.

His eyes met mine. His eyes were red, but had a steely tenor to them. It seems like he had just enough time to rearrange his face into a inscrutable mask.

There were subtle tear tracks… shit! My hands went up to his face automatically. Last night’s memories, our intimate moments came flooding back into my mind.

But the moment I touched his cheek, he stepped back slightly, trying his best not to show the tension he felt, to Jugni behind him, who was looking at us inquisitively.

I sighed, and stepped aside to give him way. He is right. This is so not the right place to have that conversation.

I threw a smile at Jugni, which can be described as a grimace at best.

She looked at me and then at Aman’s retreating form, alarmed.

I shook my head at her reassuringly…She crossed her arms in front of herself and cocked her eyebrow. Actually… no nothing is alright.

I turned back and ran after Aman. Thankfully, he was just near the stairs, so I literally skidded infront of him.

He looked up in shock and annoyance.

“What the fuck! Karthik… do you have a fantasy of breaking your nose falling down the stairs?” he said in an acid voice.

Oh there he is, my boss Aman. Should I feel happy that the tough Aman is back or feel sorry for my hand in bringing him back?

“Ummmm… sorry…” I said in my lowest voice possible.

He looked up intensely into my eyes. Why am I not tired of this intensity in him?

“Actually That was out of line for me… I should apologise…”

“Are we redrawing the boundaries now?”

Yeah I actually asked that. I don’t know how I got the stupid courage to ask that question.

He took in a sharp breath glaring at me for a second. Then something extinguished that fire from within, he slouched unconsciously as if tired,

“Boundaries are good Karthik. They are necessary for survival.”

He made to side-step to leave. I blocked him, ventured to hold his hand by wrist, just hoping that my touch would soften him a little. He tried to step back, until he was blocked by the wall behind. I took a step closer effectively locking him between my self and the wall.

“Karthik… let me go,” he breathed. A new emotion in his expressive eyes. Longing.

“Not until you hear me out.”

“Nothing has happened that you should feel responsible for, Karthik. Everything was my fault. I shouldn’t have,…Anyway, Let me deal with it...okay? You don’t need explain yourself. I am not that petty too.” He said it in a clearly pained voice looking up my eyes.

“No” I said intensely, “No… Not everything is your fault.” I said, unconsciously taking a step forward. His breathe hitched, for a second his eyes flitted from eyes to lips. I could see desire swirl in his deep eyes. The need in his eyes, turned into something heady in me too. For a moment, both of us had leaned in unconsciously, in a sweet oblivion.

The brief moment of forgetfulness is lost. “I am sorry…” I breathed against his lips. A second more, and my lips would have recaptured his. But he glared at me, pushed me back using his hand, closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself. The taut tension is back in his frame. He seem to radiate frustration from every pore. 

“No I am sorry… I was a pushy asshole after all. Please don’t resign from your job… I need you, in work I mean… I will keep things professional. I promise. You need not feel uncomfortable or guilty about…about the stuff that happened. I wish you the best for your date tonight,” He said he was unable to meet my eyes even.

And before I could say another word, he ran down the stairs.

“Aman … Aman…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose i should tell you guys that Angst train is stationed in Aman station now, but not for long!  
> Silver lining enough?
> 
> Tell me your favourite chapter so far and why, just out of curiosity!
> 
> I was listening to "Yeh moh moh ke dhaage" for the first half and "Naina na jodeen kithe" and "Pani da" for the latter half.


	8. My Rythm and Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some accuse me of feeling too much  
> Some accuse me of feeling too less  
> How do you measure the depths of inky blue skies  
> Or the rigidity of winds under the wings?
> 
> -Karthik
> 
> The Angst train is gonna go in circles Guys! Enjoy the ride!

**Rajni**

“What will happen now?” Kusum asked innocently.

“How would I know? Arrgh... I feel like making these two idiots shake hands like how teachers make fighting kids get back together! I see no point in their fight.” I said in frustration.

Karthik had come back disheartened into the living room. Instantly we all knew shit went down horribly. Karthik wanted to spend some time with Jugni and Kusum and I were left with each other.

Aman and Karthik are so perfect for each other that it pains to see them apart. Even without their feelings acknowledged they had crackling chemistry.

I felt a soft hand on my unconsciously balled fist. Kusum’s thumb was rubbing reassuring circles on my knuckles. I relaxed against her, resting my head on her shoulder. We both were leaning on Karthik’s Kitchen table.

“Perhaps its just time, Goggle. You cannot rush a person’s feelings.”

“True... you cannot rush a person’s feelings... But what about the scenario where feelings are there on both sides, but they are too afraid to confess because they might get hurt.”

“It might not be even fear sometimes Goggle... It could be an urge to protect the other one some inevitable danger.”

“Really?” I asked. I am no longer sure whether she is speaking about Karthik and Aman’s love story.

She drifted off in another zone.

I nuzzled against her neck for her attention. she wrapped her hand around me, of course after carefully scanning the room behind us. It’s unconscious but its there. Whenever I initiate any kind of physical contact, she rescinds almost as if expecting an invisible rebuff.

There was a time when we used to wrap hands around each other and stare at the skies endlessly. There were times when we used to talk into the night about all the things under the sun. We went with a rhythm of sorts, she dances to mine, I dance to hers. Things were uncomplicated then, feelings were unexplored, expectations were unformed. I guess that’s the purest form of love. The one where we don’t realise what it is, where Love just is.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked softly.

“Our childhood,” I said simply.

She sighed happily against me, tightening her arm, unconsciously bringing her palm closer to mine. I took her hand into mine, tracing her long, graceful fingers with mine. I snaked my other arm around her waist. She shivered at my touch, I could hear her heartbeat pick up speed. I cannot un-see these little reactions she gives me. I cannot un-feel how my whole body flares for her at moments such as these.

“Goggle...Have you ever wished... that things were different?”

I looked up curiously for a second before sinking into her neck again. Kusum was still looking into the distance.

“What kind of different?” I asked, trying to bring back coherency to my thoughts.

“Like... did you ever wish that you were born a guy, or I was born a guy... or we are what we are but in different conditions?” She asked in a small, lost voice.

I would have laughed at the absurdity of the question some other time, but today I couldn’t. I might have been a loud, punky, obnoxious tomboy, but there are things that are truly feminine about me that I am proud of. And no matter how many alternate universes there are, I wouldn’t trade myself for a male body or personality.

And to think about it Kusum’s beauty would be lost on a male body... ugh... Not that the male species is not beautiful... but some things are best left as is, her tenderness, the charm, the patience, the lithe agile frame, the quickness of her mind. Anyway, in which universe will you trade a flower to literally anything else?

I doubt whether a change in circumstances would really affect a lover’s journey.

“Will that change anything Kusum? I would be still the same, You would be still the same, We would still have to figure what to fight for and what to fight against!”

“Yes... Love is just a fabled myth that we keep seeking for!”

“No...Love is our fairy tale which we have to script for ourselves.”

Her fingers still entangled with mine sure felt like a fairy tale. I wish she sees my feelings for her. I wish she acknowledges our nimble touches are arising from needs of a different kind. I wish she agrees to come away with me without fear of that fantasy land I want to take her. But she is not ready yet, I know that. And I am willing to wait for her. From the moment my lips touched her cheeks on that rainy day three years back, I knew that she is it. My Queen. And a Queen is worth waiting for!

* * *

**Aman**

Sometimes it’s hard to understand why I want something I am not supposed to want.

It’s stupid, I know it... but I cannot stop wanting him.

Even when he taunted with the boundaries question, I couldn’t stop noticing how perfect his eyes were. I almost lost control over myself when he touched me at the wrist. All I wanted to do is surrender to his touch, let him take me wherever he wants.

It was only a touch for Fuckssake, why should my heart react so wildly?

True, he leaned in too... only to tell a fucking sorry.

Sorry I cannot kiss you... Because you are boring, serious and unlikeable. I am sorry because you are my boss. I am sorry I cannot tolerate you otherwise. Sorry I hate you... sorry I need the job for Jugni.

Sorry... If not my own need... I don’t have an interest in you.

Tears threatened to overwhelm my eyes as I drove back, and I was momentarily blinded. Blinking rapidly, I let the tepid moisture run down my cheeks for once. I am in my car alone. None can judge me for succumbing to tears.

Well, at least Karthik is honest. That is, in fact, the first quality that endeared him to me. I know he plans to go to that goddamn date because Juggu slipped up. I wish I can decide whether I am jealous or angry more. Jealous that, Karthik chose Goddamned Rishabh over me, or, angry that he chose someone who treated him wrong, so early on.

Maybe, he did feel attracted towards, ugh... that icky Rishabh. That guy had the creepiest smile ever, but he had a handsome face, suave sense of dressing and not to mention, he is the perfect height for Karthik. The First floor-second floor problem that arises from our height difference is completely out of the equation.

That set a whole different set of thoughts into motion, the ones that involved Karthik and that Rishabh, in ... an involuntary shudder passed through me, as some very unwanted images flooded my mind’s eye.

The burning sensation that was there in my chest all the while I was talking Karthik, now seemed to settle in my gut.

God! I am a complete insufferable wreck! I need therapy.

* * *

**Keshav**

It’s funny how both Goggle and Karthik disappeared right after I gave her the phone.

I would have gladly tagged along with them, but they have forgotten me.

Sometimes I feel if I go long enough without speaking to any one of them, they might forget I even exist. It bothers me. But there is hardly anything I can do about it.

That’s why I need to crack this case of missing money so that I can prove to Taoji that I exist. Aman, Rajni and I grew up together, although I am way younger than Aman, they treated me the same. But somehow, slowly they started expecting Aman to take the mantle of the whole business, Rajni to marry their Partner’s son and me to be, well, invisible.

Aman never even wanted all that. He had to take it up because Taoji had his stroke. I volunteered to help him. But was allowed to do only unofficially. If I have a little more scope at the leadership, there were many ideas, that we can implement.

Aman is an excellent leader, but he cannot envision things. I have ideas, some with great potential, but I cannot get them into the process, he can set up a great system for things to get implemented. In a way, our working styles complement each other. And now when Karthik and Aman are together, they are just unstoppable. Karthik somehow fills the gaps and ridges that Aman cannot get bothered with.

It’s funny how a guy who walked in just three months back into the company, came to be such a trusted and integral part of our lives. Aman’s especially. He is stark opposite to Aman, but a complete fit, they flow naturally like a well-programmed code. No glitches whatsoever.

Oh, that reminds me... why was I thinking all this? Oh yeah, I am searching for Karman... I mean Karthik and Aman. Its a lot easier to think of them as Karman. It takes a byte less of my RAM. I need their credentials for logging in the transactions of our dummy accounts.

The problem is that Aman, is nowhere to be seen, not in the office, or his apartment, or at Karthik’s. Where would he be?

Oh yeah Obviously.

Half an hour later, I walked into Aman’s well-lighted sophisticated yet dirty, and unorganised workshop.

I was right! This is where Aman disappeared to, from time to time. His father’s Yezdi Bike. He calls his garage-cum-workshop Tinker Lab. This is the only place where Aman does not play by rules. He tinkers with every piece of machinery that fascinates him, often dismantling stuff, making it better and putting it back. Not always successful but kinda cool. Mechanics and motors are to Aman what Codes and gadgets are to Me!

I smiled at Aman who looked at me. He ignored me and went back to work. He is his maha sulking avatar today. These are the days when people wish they could avoid Aman. His vibe becomes a blast of cold freezer gas.

But here I am. I will wait patiently for him to finish whatever he is doing. There was a subtle tick in his forehead. That’s a huge red flag in Aman. Why is he so bothered today? Now I remember even Karthik looked troubled today. Oh! did they fight or something? Even Goggle sounded stressed as she told me that Aman is not at Karthik’s place.

If the HarryPotter Trio existed in siblings, Goggle would have been Ron, always there to support Harry’s constant mood swings. the best part is that she knows when Aman needs to be left alone. Something that I got no clue of.

But why trouble in Karman’s paradise? that too so soon. I doubt if they had started any relationship at all. Now it’s so natural to think of them as a couple that I couldn’t think of the time when Aman was a loner.

Aman got up from his stool, went to wash his hands off the phenomenal grime, He fixed something back in his Yezdi. Probably that carburettor he was raving about.

Finally, he turned towards me and cocked his eyebrow.

“Aren’t you in a mood today?” I asked. This is called ‘asking for it’ in Goggle’s words. For me, this is just testing if the therapy was working or not.

“Ain’t I in a mood every day?” he jerked his head dismissively. Ok, the therapy was perhaps, less than effective.

“Ok, I will not irritate you. I need credentials for the accounts you guys have created, I cracked the code to keep a track on the individual transaction within 5 minutes”

“Wow! that’s brilliant!” He seemed like he wanted to appreciate me, but he is so out of place with his own self that his words seemed almost half-hearted. But I couldn’t grudge him on his absent-heartedness. After all, how many times can you see Aman so whipped?

“Keshav, go to my room and see if Karthik left his tab there. He recorded all the details in the folder on your name.”

“Oh, strange! why is Karthik’s tab in your room... he came to the office also today...and you didn’t even come to office today... So he was in your room last night? Oh! so your plan worked... the date is sabotaged? then why exactly are you so upset?”

It’s true that curiosity can kill a cat, mine almost killed me.

Aman suddenly lifted me bodily and threw me into the wall. My brother, he is a little violent like that!

I was bracing myself for the punch he would throw as he did in our childhood. Of course, later he would be the one to take care of me. I am annoying sometimes, I know that about myself.

But the punch never came. Instead, his tears fell, He helped me back on my feet and murmured in a low voice, “Sorry Bhai...just don’t ask so many questions.”

I always thought getting punched is painful, but this is several notches above that, Aman was literally crying in front of me. He never did that in our childhood also. Now I know something is really really bad.I wish he punched me and found a physical outlet to that pain.

I don’t know how to console him. Goggle was the best in these matters. I silently wrapped my hand over his shoulders reassuringly.

He shuddered for a second and wiped his tears. With a gigantic attempt to get back his composure, he jerked his head and said, “I messed up last night, and now Karthik is probably enjoying his date with that creep, Rishabh Dadhlani guy”

Damn! This is why he was so angry. I could never relate to their love life struggles because I never experienced these highs and lows with people. Gadgets aren’t so complicated, so my highs and lows only went as far as winning or losing game streaks.

Wait a minute! Rishabh Dadlani...why does that ring bells in my head?

OH God NO!

I suddenly slapped my forehead in realisation. Aman looked at me curiously.

“Bhai that’s one of the guys I was talking about... remember I told you that I overheard a conversation in one of the gaming places. The Dadhlani guy, he is one of them.” I said anxiously.

“What are you talking about?” Aman said nonchalantly.

He has to take this seriously. I stepped in front of him and shook his shoulders.

“Remember I told you to stay away from some pubs and hangouts because of a gang which made its habit to abuse gay men.” He turned pale at that. I continued hurriedly, “I am pretty sure, the Dhadhlani guy was one of them.”

“Oh, No no...no... He is a sicktard. I knew it!” Aman exclaimed, he started pacing around anxiously this time.

“Aman... what are you up to?” I asked him after an anxious second. Also Sicktard? Is that even a word?

“Obviously, I have to save my Karthik. I will not let those sick bastards touch him! Keshav, go to my room, Karthik’s tab would be right there. He has an app to track his phone in it. Use it and give me a call. I will in the general direction of the place... south Mumbai right?”

oh! Sick+Bastard= Sicktard! Amazing

“Yes... ok!” I said. Looking at him jump onto his Yezdi, spurred me to action. His apartment is in the same building. I can easily get there.

He looked at me, after plugging his Bluetooth in his ear and putting on his helmet, “Keshav, bhai, you are a lifesaver!” No longer absent-hearted.

* * *

**Karthik**

_Noctor’s hangout._

Ok, I legit hate this place. I hate this green lights, the gamer vibes and darkish alleys surrounding the place.

There is a small voice at the back of my head that pointed out something uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t be so unhappy if I had come with Aman here. Hell, I wouldn’t mind it if he took me up to Chai tapri for a date.

But that’s the problem I cannot be with the one I like, and I cannot like the one I am with.

Let’s face it I am not even here for a date! I just want to let down Rishabh in the right way. I fucked up majestically with Aman. I shouldn’t repeat the same mistake with Rishabh too.

I will do that quickly and get away from this place.

I went inside only to find the said Rishabh entertaining a table of six to seven other guys, presumably his friends. He must have been hilarious because the whole table was in raucous laughter.

Something felt awfully out of place for me. It could be the vibe of the place, its dark and claustrophobic, not an ideal scene for first dates, but whatever. It could also be the fact that Rishabh chose to make a friends hangout cum date. I don’t mind, but that’s not how you should do it on first dates, as a rule. Probably the guy needs guidance. But most importantly, I might be feeling out of place because I am not in my usual style for first dates.

I picked the first T-shirt my hand touched in the wardrobe, it turned out to be a godawful lavender T-shirt I picked on a whim but never bothered to wear, I paired it with old ripped jeans, the only one that seemed to go with it. I forgot to do my hair, forgot to wear a watch or a jacket because honestly, I was too distracted. I was constantly going back to what Aman said, how he looked and how he was hurting.

I sighed, let me just get over with it.

“Hi Rishabh” I called.

“Hey Karthik, I am so glad you came.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes. They looked eager, even predatory, somehow reminding me of a hyena. I shrugged off the feeling. It’s probably the lights. After all, who could look good in neon green lights?

He sauntered towards me, and pulled me into an uncomfortable hug. Well, uncomfortable on my side.

I cannot believe, I could feel this awkward. This is one of those rare times, I am doing stuff I don’t feel like doing. Its probably because of that.

We sat at a table he chose, in a far corner but directly in the line of sight of his friend’s table. They all turned away from us, but somehow I couldn’t overcome a feeling of being watched. Strange!

Rishabh was talking something to me. Oh yeah, I forgot to pay him attention. I simply smiled in response.

“So, how long have you been working with Aman?”

God Damn! why mention Aman? “Three months”

“How is he good? Firm? careful? negligent?” He asked, his voice conveyed confidence, but his eyes are eager, greedy even. A huge red flag.

Why is it feeling like ‘intelligence-gathering on Aman’ mission rather than a first date to me?

“You should have told me you are more interested in Aman. Could have asked him along!” I smirked.

And he would have ripped your throat. That would be fun to watch.

“Haha,... You are funny... I am just casually asking. Would Aman be interested in men?” Again a red flag.

What the actual fuck!

I realised he is a hyena. The whole set up seems to suggest that. Trap the gay PA of the MD of TriT and sexually manipulate him to gain insider info. That seems to be the agenda.

“No! Aman is not interested in Men, but he could help set you up with someone he knows.”

Oh no, he is not for a creepster like you!

“Really? It’s hard to believe that, he reacted so wildly in his office.” He smiled leeringly. God! Why am I here.

“Aman is a good boss. That’s why. Anyway, you don’t really seem interested in me anymore, so its easier for me to tell this. Look Rishabh, I am not really interested in you. I just showed up today not to disappoint you.” I’m irritated that he thought I am kinda guy who goes and bitches about his job, and boss to whoever listens.

“Oh!” he responded. He tried to look disappointed. He was definitely not.

What a waste of an evening! I wish I ditched him without a call and went looking for Aman.

So much for doing it the right way!

“Yes... So enjoy your night. I will get going?”

“Hey, easy dude! It’s ok you don’t want to be my date. You look good today, stay back and have a few drinks with us.”

“Ummm... Not in the mood actually. Let’s do it some other time.”

“Karthik Come on! I insist! My apology treat is still pending right!”

And so, I joined friends table, while Rishabh ordered shots. I cannot drink. I should not. So I found a handy stone bowl to empty the shots into. I did stuff like that before so I took the moment when everyone threw their heads back to glug the shots, I performed my sleight of hand. I just have to wait for the party to get too drunk to notice me gone.

The party around the table became louder, more raucous and slightly wild. The warm banter that generally exists on such a table of friends is amiss. These guys drank as if they were on some mission, talked about some time when the actual party starts with a kind of barely concealed glee. Somehow it sent creeps down my spine. What do rich kids do anyway after downing so many shots?

One of the guys suddenly rubbed his hand against my thigh. I jerked my leg away from him and glared at him. He smiled lecherously and slurred, “ Why so serious, darling?”

That’s when I saw it coming.

Suddenly a rough hand closed my mouth, pulling me out of the chair. After a messy dragging by the drunken gang, I found myself in one of those dark alleys which had the neon green of the pub’s signboard bouncing off it every surface.

There were clammy hands all over me. Sending shivers down my spine. Thank God I did not drink.

The Singh in me took over.

They either underestimated my scrawny strength or their drunken brute force.

I gripped the hand that held my mouth and gave it a mighty tug bending down simultaneously. The poor guy who didn’t suspect this, he toppled over me down to the ground. I surveyed my periphery carefully, One down seven to go.

Another one pounced at me from my right side, I ducked and let him cross me before tripping him. A dulcet crack told me that his head had found the ground.

This is where fear starts in the mob. A scuffle of sorts ensued.

They all came upon me at once. Easy...

You gotta bend and parry aside. My blacksmith father was a man of brute force and uncanny target. He taught me well, I survived him. I stalled a wolf attack, for more than half an hour. These guys are nothing.

The group collapsed as I escaped their huddle attack like a pack of cards. All I had to do was, separate each one and one punch on the nose, one in the gut, one in the groins.

Nose, gut and groins. Nose, gut and groins. Nose, gut and groins. The drunken idiots didnt stand a chance!

Alright, I am done. What I didn’t expect is that Rishabh went missing in the motley mob of bodies.

He crept up from my behind and placed a sharpy thing against my neck. I stalled. I realised that was a knife. He was as tall as me, he whispered creepily into my ear, “Some fight you have in you, Meetha”

“What are you then?” I spat forcefully. The grip on my shoulder tightened. The knife was rested dangerous on my neck.

“I am here to teach you a lesson. So much pride you have in yourself, in being half a man. I will show what a real man does.”

His fingernails dug into bicep painfully, almost drawing blood.

I calmed myself to think. All I need is a distraction. And I can dig my elbow into his gut to rid of his stranglehold.

With the knife against my adam’s apple, it wouldn’t be possible, One distraction that can slacken his grip on the knife will do the trick.

Suddenly the cold night air ripped with a roaring sound of a bike.

The biker turned sharply into the alley, his wide eyes impossibly widened as he saw Rishabh and me.

He skidded right in front of us with phenomenal control over the bike. It came to a screeching halt almost gracefully near a fallen guy.

The biker looked at us and shouted in full throat.

“Karthik!”

It was a sound of the angsty wind that hollered in a small container with too much energy and suddenly found an outlet.

Aman? My heart popped despite the morbid circumstance.

“Aman?” the creep’s voice sounded fearful for the first time in the evening.

The knife slackened from Rishabh’s grip and I did my work. Only, I didn’t count that the heavy knife will fall vertically over me.

“Kaaaarthik!” Aman screamt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rambling Keshav or the poetic Rajjo, who is your favourite Tripathi Cousins?
> 
> I apologise that I have ended the chapter in a cliff hanger! But I promise an update soon.


	9. Its ringing in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love, such as this, is rare,  
> like a droplet of rainbow  
> When its rare, its also demanding  
> burning and all-consuming!  
> -Aman
> 
> Are you ready for such love?
> 
> Pure Karthik and Aman treat for you guys! Hope you will enjoy it!

**AMAN**

“Karthik!” I screamed my gut out. It was crazy how my mind was only chanting one name until then. It calmed me then, it is spurring me into action now.

  
  


“Aman?” a fearful whisper from the guy who held the knife against my Karthik. Rishabh.

  
  


My blood boiled beyond control. I got down from my bike to kill the bastard.

  
  


Karthik suddenly ducked sideways avoiding the slackened knife against his neck, punching him hard in the ribs with his elbow. But the knife in Rishabh’s hand flew from his hand and fell straight back on Karthik.

  
  


Sickeningly enough, I could see it happening, but couldn’t reach in time. The knife grazed Karthik upper chest and toppled tip down into his forearm.

  
  


“Kaartthikkk” I ran towards him.

  
  


“Aahhh” Karthi gasped, as he stumbled forward. I steadied him by his shoulders from falling. A low whimper broke out of his pursed lips.

  
  


The sound seared through my heightened senses in the form of adrenalin. I picked up a rod near my feet and before I knew it; the rod was making contact with Rishabh’s body in oddly satisfying rhythm, punctuated by his cries.

  
  


Karthik called from behind, “Aman... AMANNNN”

  
  


I could only hear it distantly, after the horrid crunch of Rishabh’s bone. It couldn’t heed to it. I just couldn’t.

  
  


Reason left me completely at that point.

  
  


“HOW DARE YOU HARM HIM?” A rippling sound broke out of my mouth. The rod went back into action in my hands. It’s almost automatic.

  
  


“Aman... STOP!” Karthik’s voice was now a low, firm whisper. His command to my frenzied senses. And it worked. A low growl rippled out of my throat.

  
  


I threw the rod and turned back.

  
  


“Want to kill him or what?” Karthik asked furiously. I looked up in rage and confusion. He was a foot away from him, sweaty face shining in neon green lights. He looked beautiful, almost unearthly. But that was beyond the point. I was livid beyond words.

  
  


“He put a knife to your neck and you are angry with me?” I asked in return.

  
“Yes but,” He crossed the foot’s distance between us and placed a hand on my shoulder, “Yes... Aman but calm down... I should not drag you into this mess.”

“Well! It's my choice whether I want to get into this mess... Keshav told me that these fuckers have made it a habit to terrorise and abuse gays. To teach them a lesson, apparently... I want to kill them right now to have tried that with you.” I yelled back at him.

To have touched you! I wanted to say.

Karthik lost all the colour in his face. He looked around in disbelief. His expression changing from disbelief to rage within seconds.

“Damn the bastards! I want to kill them now,” he growled. It’s a pleasant sound, especially when I am not the receiving end of that rage.

I suddenly said looking up the alley, “I have an idea... Stay here...” I rushed towards the other end of the alley.

There were spray paints scattered beside a freshly painted neon graffiti, I collected some cans with neon paints.

I went back with the cans and handed one of them to Karthik.

“Spray them, brand them, Rapists. That will serve them right. The neon paint is hard to get off. There might be side-effects to the skin... but honestly... who cares?...” I said forcefully.

“My God! You are a closet Amitabh Bacchan! I love you!” Karthik said empathetically.

WHAT!

“Huh?” my short-circuited brain articulated the stupid question.

Karthik blinked rapidly, and said in an indistinct voice, “I love Amitabh Bacchan.”

Oh! of course.

He looked so sheepish that I grinned... For the first time after,... I don’t know a long time... “Me too.”

Karthik smiled and nodded towards the mass of semi-conscious bodies.

“I am taking Rishabh! Call it a personal grudge!” I said venom spewing inside me.

“Wow ok!”

Rishabh and his cronies now lay on the alley with foreheads marked “Rapists” in neon yellow paint. We sprayed huge letters on their clothes to for good measure, before clinking our cans and guffawing like fools.

* * *

**Karthik**

“Will you stop moving like that?” Aman looked up in irritation. I stopped squirming and held still.

I looked back in his eyes with a small apology, “It’s stinging!”

“It has to... Karthik! just don’t move so much... also you are blocking the light, I can hardly see anything.” He said, with concern filling his eyes and irritation dripping in his voice.

I think only he can do that! He insisted we go to the hospital to tend to my wounds, but I was feeling too peeved to step into a hospital, I hate the smell, the silence and the needles. He had to relent to my tantrum at last. So now, the Aman Tripathi, the CEO of TriT is sitting on a park bench on a street, trying to tend to my wounds!

“Aahhh...” I winced as he dabbed some icky brown liquid on my forearm.

Aman looked up concerned and started blowing gently over the wound, as he dabbed. He had my arm resting against his shoulder; he held it gingerly as if my arm is really precious to me.

He frowned slightly; he seemed at odds with himself. And whenever, concern for me is increasing inside him, he would remind himself and me, that all this was because of my stupid decision to trust the creep Rishabh, “Why don’t you go for some more dates with that creep? Honestly, don’t you see red flags all over the guy when he ... when he..”

“Grabbed my ass?” I supplied with wry humour. He scowled at me in frustration.

The funny part is that I did. I just wanted to avoid getting too attracted to a certain someone. I wanted to say that. But couldn’t, especially because under that thin layer of brattiness, it was clear Aman was hurting. Apparently he took my No to one-night stand as an outright rejection. How could he?

“Fuck you Karthik... It’s not even a matter of joke,” he replied sharply.

My beautiful, sarcastic, bratty boss! I couldn’t help but smile impishly.

“Look at it from the brighter side, if the whole fiasco didn’t happen, we wouldn’t have had the chance to brand those sicktards for what they are. What do you think, how long will it take for them to rid of the marks?” I snickered, elbowing him suggestively.

As I hoped, Aman’s frustration melted into a fit of giggles.

“A month mostly, give or take a few days! But I feel the punishment is not good enough... I cannot imagine how many guys would have suffered in silence.” Both of us sobered at the very thought.

Aman looked like he was lost in thought. I thanked heavens that Keshav had warned him against frequenting this side because of that gang. I shuddered involuntarily, even at the thought of such danger to Aman.

Aman looked up into my face in concern and a kind of familiar softened expression, “Shush... Don’t worry, you are out of danger now,” he said in a mellowed voice.

Dear dear Aman! How cute can you be?

And so I took the chance and shuffled closer to him, leaning to rest my head on his shoulder. For a second, a sliver of a smile passed through his features.

As if reminded of the duty of taking care of me, he focussed on tying bandage to my arm. He, then slyly removed a vial and huge-ass injection and I instantly backed away from him. I hate needles.

“Aman please...” I whimpered shamelessly.

“Karthik, it will not pain. Trust me! Anti-tetanus is absolutely necessary. It was a knife wound!”

“No, No NO, please...I can’t take needles.” It’s not just hatred... somewhere it was fear. Stupid, senseless fear!

Aman suddenly looked up to see behind, tense and alert. Involuntarily, I straightened up to see behind me. I carefully scanned the surroundings. The haze of orangish light was casting illusions on rustling leaves. But there was not a single soul on the street apart from us. There was nothing that could have warranted such a look on Aman. Strange!

“It’s done,” Aman said in triumph.

“What?” I turned back to see the injection syringe slowly coming out of my bicep.

Oh!

“You are so adrenalin-ridden that you didn’t even feel the pinch!”

“My god...you cheated me? I could have felt the pain,” I said in mock-hurt, covering my mouth with my hand dramatically, actually trying to cover my awe for the man who could give a painless shot, above everything else.

“Look who is talking,” he scoffed, “The guy who didn’t care about a knife set on his throat.”

“Knives are at least visible.... needles are weird...How do you know how to give shots and first aid so well?” I shuddered at the thought of needles.

Aman stroked my arm. It was pleasant to see him care for so minutely. As if I meant something to him.

“I used to volunteer Charing Cross medical aids for poor,” he said with a slight smile.

No wonder he is such a softie.

“Where did you learn to fight so many people at once?” he asked softly.

“At the risk of sounding like a complete dick here,” I smiled, in response, “I should say that I have seen worse. These guys were nothing.”

“Street scuffles?” He asked curiously. He wants to get to know me. He has that expression when he is reading something, trying to decipher it.

“No... no,” I sighed and looked down at my fingers, “My father used to beat me up...” There was a soft intake of breath from him.

“He was a blacksmith and an alcoholic... and whenever I behaved oddly, got good marks, thought Amitabh Bacchan was hot, he used to use his belt, sometimes wooden cane.”

Aman extended his hand to intertwine his fingers with mine, I shuddered heavily, but couldn’t help but continue my story, the one I don’t relate to anyone.“My sister Jugni passed away with fever, my mother passed away soon after. I was left alone with my father. That taught me survivor skills.”

His thumb was rubbing gentle circles on my knuckles, “Once he caught me kissing a guy, I was fifteen then. He dragged me home and lifted an iron rod.” This time Aman had to stifle a gasp. “For the first time feared for my life. I was terrified. I bit him out of fear and scampered. From then on, I was pretty much on my own.”

“Karthik...” Aman whispered, his voice was heavy with pain. Somehow, it was comforting. I didn’t open up about these things to anyone. Devika knew me from school days and knew everything, but what happened that night. That was the weakest moment in my life. I hated fear. Despite all the daredevilry I did just to prove myself I am fearless, that moment always comes back to me as a dirty reminder of how much of a coward I am.

“You were really brave Karthik. I don’t want you to think otherwise. You were a brave little boy then, and a brave man now! Choosing to save yourself is a brave thing to do,” he whispered squeezing my hand gently with his own.

How did he know what I needed to hear?

“And so are you! Who else would come racing halfway across the city to save a PA from a potential rapist?”

Aman huffed, shaking his dismissively. “you wouldn’t know the panic I felt!” he murmured. It was so low that I almost missed that.

“Huh?” I questioned?

“Nothing! Was just thinking aloud.” Aman straightened, looking self-conscious.

He felt panic for me. He beat that guy black and blue for me. It bothered him that the sicktard touched me. He was concerned about my wounds. He is cleaning my freaking wounds in the middle of nowhere when he could conveniently book a cab and send me home.

I don't know what to make of it. Is it possible that...this man feels more for me... more than he acknowledged?

Because, I am sure that I am falling for him. If not already...

We disentangled our hands, after a pause, when realisation slowly gave way to awkwardness.

I was lost in his thoughts, when suddenly I felt a tug at my neck. My heart stuttered for a moment, looking at Aman leaning in, and then I realised he was easing the rip in my t-shirt to check on the wound there. The knife has grazed that spot. But Aman’s touch seared through my veins more. He blew slowly onto the wound, and I found myself winding into some very untowardly thoughts.

He carefully dabbed the cotton on my chest, blowing his sweet magic on me. It would have stung, if I was not occupied in keeping my thoughts, my hands, my lips, hell! My whole body away from him, tightly under the reins. How could I swing so fast from thoughts of love to ... well, other needs?

“This will burn a little,” he whispered.

“I am burning... already,” I whimpered needily.

Thankfully, he didn’t look up into my eyes. His eyes were still on the wound. He must have mistaken my lustful whimper for pain. I get lucky sometimes. With the wounds... I mean.

He pressed the medicated cotton by the length of the cut with his hand and turned looking around searching for something.

“What are you searching?” I asked.

“Medicated tape,... It was right here. I don’t know where it went now.”

As fate would have it was behind him and beyond his reach. So I had to reach for it. I scooted closer to him, almost tucking him into myself in a bid to reach for the tape behind him.

It was uncalled for, but not in the least bit unpleasant, the way his beard prickled my neck as I reached for the tape that was stuck between two ridges of the benches. I wanted to shamelessly prolong the moment. I am getting desperate to touch him in every way possible, the headiness, my waywardness are becoming quite unmanageable. Aman inhaled sharply, the pressure of his hand on my chest increased slightly. I withdrew unwillingly with the tape in my hand.

He looked up my eyes, his eyes were orbs of molten metal, his lips were parted slightly.

Suddenly, his brain kicked in, or so it seemed. Because a flash of hurt passed his stunning face.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes on me. That only tempted me to place a sly kiss on his lips. But before I could act on my temptations, he opened his eyes, an infuriatingly inscrutable mask replaced his face.

I sighed softly. There was a wall between us now. Also a lingering awkwardness. There were audible sighs from both ends, unacknowledged longing on both sides. We savoured each other’s touches but tried to move away before the moment can turn into a tempest. For a moment it seemed to me, like it was a tug of war between love and regret. A battle between vulnerabilities we both had and passion we both felt.

“You never dressed up so tardily,” he commented, slyly checking me out, and continued, “even to the office, you come so perfectly dressed. How come you turned up to a date like this?”

I don’t know if it was the headiness of the moment or the unexpected warmth I felt looking at his signature smirk, I completely lost my brain-to-mouth filter.

“Whom should I dress up for? that Rishabh? I only went to turn him down.”

“Really?” Aman perked up almost instantly. But before I could answer in earnest, his mask was back.

It was like a wave rising the expectations and crashing down miserably against the rocks.

Aman got back to work on my chest. I mean... to bandage. Shit! What’s wrong with me.

After a few moments of tugging helplessly at the medi-tape, he leaned in suddenly to tear the tape with his teeth. And I couldn’t stop a needy moan rumble from my lips.

* * *

**Aman**

I tried to focus on the road ahead of me. My Yezdi was roaring under me, the roads were almost empty in the city that never sleeps. But all I could remember is the low moan from him as I tore his medi-tape with my teeth. The tiny sound that threatened to unfold my yearning for me in danger ways. I was already feeling wired, tensed and adrenalin-ridden. And he had to do that to me.

Our touches are no longer friendly or innocent, I realised. The slightest of our touches felt electric and teasing. At least to me.

But it seemed like the night of adventures is going to end soon. I wished it would never, as I wished any time with Karthik never end.

Vain are my wishes, I tried to tell myself.

Karthik sighed softly behind me. We had a carefully constructed distance between us. He had held the seat handle behind for support. And I was suddenly wished it wasn’t there. I yearned for those tentative touches that are taking me on a pleasure ride. I missed his touch for almost 24 hours now and it kind of irritates me, the way I am missing him so much. He is so addictive and infuriating.

He could have simply avoided all this. He could have easily said yes to me and said No to that fucker.

But No!

He had to choose him.

Although I suddenly remembered, he himself had confessed that he only went to turn him down.

God! I have never seen him so carelessly dressed, he looked better in some of his pyjamas when I was at his home.

Well, some consolation that is to me! I would have died a little more if he went to that date looking dapper as usual.

Karthik was humming to himself, I looked at him from the rear-view mirror. Some view that was.

He had a small smile playing on his lips, he was taking in the scenery.

Now I am curious. I looked around for myself.

Oh! Of course. Its marine drive... my favourite stretch of the road. And I didn’t even notice it while I am riding, Only because of you Karthik.

In fact, wait a minute...the night doesn’t need to end so soon.

“Karthik...”

“Hmm?”

“Up for some chai?”

“Yes... would love some chai!”

Wow! That counted as an easy yes! although It could have been solely on the account of chai.

Now, where is Kittu’s chai tapri!

Oh yeah, there he is!

I parked the bike along with a haphazard milieu of other bikes. Kittu’s Tapri has the best goddamn chai in the whole of the marine drive.

“Kittu!” I said fondly.

He is a little man probably in his 40s. He looked up and immediately smiled in familiarity,

“Aman Saab... you came after so many days...How are you?”

“I am good...How are you... Man! I missed your chai! Give me two Kadak specials” I said affectionately.

Karthik was smiling at our exchange with a little wonder in his face.

I passed him the chai and we went ahead to seat ourselves on the concrete embankment overseeing the sea.

He said, as soon as we settled down, “My! My! The wonder of wonders! Aman Tripathi! The CEO of TriT! frequents this spot? A roadside Chai tapri!”

“Always the tone of surprise!” I smirked shaking my head.

“Yuh...Huh! Remember” he jested, pulling an excellent impression of my frown, “I would like Croissants from these bakers only, Morning’s espresso is too watery! Is it even from Starbucks?”

“Yeah Yeah! I know I act like a spoilt brat! I don’t like it when my morning espresso is messed. But the Aman Tripathi of TriT is shed once he steps out of that place. This Aman loves his old Yezdi, solitary rides and midnight chais.”

“You cannot make him cooler than this!” Karthik smiled

And my heart somersaulted at that.

“So... you prefer riding alone on your Yezdi, and drinking Chai to going out with that huge gang of giggling girlfriends and drinking shots?” He asked curiously.

“None of them are girlfriends exactly...” I somehow felt it necessary to clarify, “and yes I prefer Chai to shots... weirdly so. I only drink to down my social discomfort and awkwardness.”

I told this ever to only one person before, and he gave me a weird, you are crazy look. So I was pleasantly surprised when Karthik smiled with genuine wonder and said, “Perhaps, there is so much more to discover in you.”

It warmed my heart.

We sat there sipping chai in comfortable silence. I was peeking at him as he was, at regular intervals of watching the sea. Somehow tonight, the sea, in all its glory, is lost on me. Only this man, with his beautiful smiling eyes and cute dimples had my attention.

And anyway since we are unravelling each other. Why not go a little further?

“I always had a doubt Karthik...”

“Hmm? Ask na!”

“You came back from the USA, quite suddenly, going by what Goggle said, You went to Delhi, couldn’t stay there... and came to Mumbai, How did you find Jugni in the hospital?”

“Oh that... is a long story!” Karthik shrugged.

“Too personal?” I asked dancing around the edges.

“Nothing like that... Actually it was quite a misadventure! I came to Mumbai because my best friend Devika is here! On her insistence, I tried to open a restaurant of my own way.”

“Wow!”

“There is nothing wow about it... The investor’s meeting went downhill after I pitched my idea because they were homophobic assholes.”

“Why did you declare you are gay in front of them... that should be hardly their concern...”

“One of the investors, an attractive young lady, decided to take interest in me... I had to clarify.”

Well! I can imagine how that would have gone!

“So they insulted me so much that I wanted to give it back to them!” he said with a smirk, “ I got myself drunk and paraded to their residential area with gay pride flag around my neck and announced to the whole locality that they had Homophobia.”

He dramatically turned towards one side, with an imaginary mic in his hand and enacted the scene “Homophobia” “Homophobia” “Homophobia” he mimicked echoes from all directions.

That would have been hilarious to watch.

“That is some rebel,” I said, chuckling like an idiot. I couldnt help it. The man is a rockstar!

“Yeah that’s what they thought and set their goons on me,” he said laughing along with me.

“What?” I was shocked. Goons?

“I was drunk and tipsy, fell down a lot that day, almost helped them to beat me up. And ended up in a hospital with a fracture and a few bruises.”

The blood running within me froze for a second. Goons, beat him up?

My mind conjuring unwarranted sick images of Karthik, bruised and bleeding. I cringed internally.

“Oh god!” The horror I felt seeped into my voice. He looked at me, smiled reassuringly.

“That’s how I ended up in the hospital bed. With two big lessons for life.” He finished with an extra dramatic flourish. I willed myself to calm down. It was in the past. Karthik is hail and healthy in front of me.

“And what are those?” I asked trying at composure, still slightly on the edge.

“Well for starters, don’t drink when you are in unfamiliar settings, or with unknown people. And don’t parade shirtless with the gay pride flag, the bruises will take forever to reduce.” He guffawed adorably at his own joke. He is right about one thing though... He has seen a lot in life. Enough to know when to go all out and when not to.

“So that’s why you didn’t drink today... thank goodness!” I said in relief.

“Yeah!”

Wait a minute!

“Then how come you downed so many whiskey shots that day....”

“Oh come on now Aman! You are not that innocent too...I was jealous of all the girls who got to kiss you!”

And just like that, waves reached higher and higher and crashed inside me until my head’s completely underwater. His words, seconded silently by those eyes, was enough to set off pandemonium of chemicals in my brain. All hell broke loose in me.

* * *

**Karthik**

“Won’t Jugni notice that you have injuries?” Aman asked worriedly. He just dropped me at my home after being awkwardly silent all the way. I got down and considered him. Its true she will freak out in all possibility.

“She will, I guess! God! One hell of an explanation that would make!” I said exhausted, looking down at myself.

“You know what there is a way to save yourself from questioning, at least for tonight. I have an idea... come.”

He parked his bike and got down. Leading me into the staircase that led to my house, he stopped midway and turned around to face. It was a sheltered landing, there is no way anyone can see from inside the building or outside.

“Lets exchange shirts, this way the bandages won’t be visible,” He said resolutely. He pointed to his full-sleeved sweatshirt.

What no! My shirt is torn. I cannot just give him my sweaty, torn t-shirt.

“But... my shirt is torn...”

“Its ok Karthik... I have a jacket.” He shrugged.

I nodded. He is right. Jugni would get worried unnecessarily.

Our shirts came off almost at once. There was an instant perceptible change in the atmosphere. Obviously, the light was shining only through a tinted glass on the landing, and in that dim light, I couldn’t help my eyes take a peek at him. What started as a peek turned into a lingering gaze, on both sides. We exchanged the shirts tentatively, our eyes on each other.

His mustard sweatshirt fit me snuggly, I smiled a little at his faint scent that clung to the fabric.

With an almost inaudible sigh, Aman wore my torn t-shirt. If it looked terrible on me, it looked cute on him. Yeah even with a bloody rip on the chest. Slightly oversized, but cute.

Its senseless, magnetic and overpowering. The electricity that zinged between us. I cannot ignore it anymore. I am in too deep.

To hell with consequences. I closed the distance between us in a stride. He sucked in a breath helplessly. I reached out to adjust his collar. He shivered at my touch, his eyes smouldering into mine. I moved closer to him, unable to stop myself. He looked up at me, conflict clear in his eyes.

“Don’t do this to me Karthik, don’t lead me on when you are not interested...” he said in a breaking voice.

“Not interested?” I asked intensely, cupping his face and taking a step closer, his quivering lower lip speaking letting on his feelings much more than his words.

My voice turned breathy as I confessed only a part of what I felt inside. “Have you ever seen me function properly around you? I am not so incoherent or stupid all the time Aman, its because I cannot think straight around you... with you... I lose my brain-to-mouth filter all the time. Even before I know you are gay and interested in me... I was losing my mind over you!”

“then... why? I don’t understand...why?” He asked in forlorn shock.

“Why I have left the other night?” I supplied.

“yes...,” he pursed his lips. His lips forming an inperceptable pout.

I couldnt stop myself from giving him a small peck, before telling him, “I got hurt. Because here I am going crazy for you and all you want is a one-night stand with me” His eyes widened, a soft gasp emanated from his lips.

I nodded and continued, “Call me needy, clingy, even greedy...but one-night didn’t seem enough to me...I am not ok with just a one night to stand with you, Aman... I want more... I want all.” I breathed against his lips. He parted his lips unconsciously and looked into my eyes. His silent eyes burning, going heady with desire.

He grabbed my face and pulled me into his kiss. I smiled into the kiss. His hunger matched mine.

For the next few seconds, we were a mess, lips locked in a desperate battle of dominance. Then it cooled down to a thirst-quenching smooch with lingering softness. I backed him to the wall for support. But soon I was the one pinned against it. Aman was exploring my mouth in a leisurely almost torturous pace, while his hands danced around my back.

We broke after what seemed like an eternity. Humans need oxygen, after all. And I realised I needed more than a hot make-out session on a staircase.

“Looks like someone needs a cold shower tonight,” he smirked.

“No... I need you...” I said whimpering against his neck shamelessly in overwhelming need.

I brought my hands down his spine and squeezed his butt, pulling him plush against me.

He gave a delightful squeak. I rested my head on his shoulder, nibbling at his neck. He squirmed, moaned and shoved me a little.

“You are wounded Karthik... I gave you sleep-inducing painkillers. I don’t want you to pass out on me during our first time....my first time,” he said in a quivering voice.

“So... You will leave me like this? Aman... that’s mean!” I pouted. I don’t want to leave him, although I could see the logic in his reason. Besides where'd we go, every damned sound carries through the walls of my house. I don’t really think we can make it noiseless.

“Remember you left me needy and aroused last night... ?” He said in mock-accusation.

“Hey...Come on... you are better than me...” I whispered into his ear. Loving the way he shivered, and melted a little. But then, He stood his ground.

Aman wrapped his arms around my neck and brought me closer, cupped my face, looked into my eyes, with a patient expression in his eyes, he said, “Karthik... Trust me... once the drugs start acting you will feel a lot differently.”

I gave my one last trial by sucking at his collar bone but to no avail, he shuddered a little in my arms but said ruefully, “Not tonight baby, please... Listen to me!”

It’s lovely to hear that endearment roll off his tongue.

“Fine... One kiss then...last... don’t want to let this night end so soon”

He chuckled and nodded. His lips were finally on me. And I savoured every second, his little shivers, his exploring hands, the tiny noises of delight he made. The goodnight kiss, left him and me, both needing more. But with one last longing look, he left.

You are so in for a ride Aman Tripathi... I am in love with you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baarishon ki Mausamon ki bheegi hariyaali tu  
> Sardiyon mein Gaalon pein jo aati hain woh laali tu
> 
> Raaton ka sukoon tu hain  
> Subah ki azaan hain!
> 
> Was listenting to this and Mana ke hum yaar nahin... while writing this chapter!
> 
> The more I write for this Fan fic... the more I would want to write! It took a completely different direction to what I originally planned.  
> How are you guys liking it? Do tell me!
> 
> I have added three sly references... Find all of them and I will post the alternate scene I wrote for this chapter.


	10. Cards on the table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My hopes and vain wishes, dreams and shameless desires  
> All are up burning in that wicked wicked fire!  
> One day, my love I would be there too  
> For I know I am only a moth to your flame!  
> -Karthik
> 
> First Up, Sorry for the delay!  
> Second Up, I hope you like the first kiss of our girls!

**Rajni**

“No Way!” I breathed, suddenly flustered. I hate Karthik for putting forth such stupid stupid dare.

How can I... Kiss Kusum? My cheeks were warming up, telltale butterfly riots in the stomach. I hate Karthik!

This is all one bad bad idea.

The hangout was a good idea. Jugni took an early night in, I called up Aman and Keshav over to Karthik’s place.

Karthik called Devika and Ravi to make it a perfect party. Things seemed to have cooled off between Aman and Karthik. Aman was being guarded as usual, but there is a slightly flustered little kid behind that facade. Karthik is no longer bothering to hide his ‘crazy for this guy’ look. Oh! I know that look from before. I am only happy for Aman. My little brother seems to have his fairy tale in the making.

We all gathered on the Vantage point Karthik had access to, the overhead tank. With a couple of beers, good food and friends! That was the idea. But Truth and Dare is a bad idea.

Keshav was spinning the bottle and he opted out of the game. I should have done that.

“There is no way you can say no to the dare” Aman chimed in. Really baby bro? I cocked my eyebrows at him.

“Come on! Rajjo, stop being a spoilsport!” Karthik said with his crooked smile and eyes dancing with mirth.

“What the Fuck Karthik! you know what I feel for her, she is feeling uncomfortable already, stop being a bitch and give me another dare,” I whisper-shouted at Karthik. He sat beside me so pinching him hard on his bicep was not that hard too.

Aman laughed, Devika and Ravi chimed in. Karthik mocked his hurt dramatic look and whispered back, “I know what you feel... Think about it, possibly this is the only way you can test what she feels for you... You will thank me later for this... so, pick your stubborn ass and go kiss her Rajjo.”

“Kusum!” he said, addressing my gorgeously blushing girl and she looked at him like a doe caught in the middle of the highway.

“Come on! you won’t mind a friendly peck on your lips from your friend right?” Karthik pleaded in his softest tones possible, stressing on the eternal friend zone I am stuck in. I pray to God that no one should get such a friend, a well-meaning but stupid asshole like Karthik.

Aman nodded with a smirk at Karthik turning to Kusum beside him and said, “I am sure... She wouldn’t mind...Kusum ... Go on!”

Keshav, Devika and Ravi all started a chant! “Kiss!” “Kiss!”

“I have something for you guys,” I said suddenly cheerful, putting my hand inside my bag, everyone turned towards me. I brought my middle finger out to show it each one of them. They deserved it, Karthik Singh, especially.

Kusum looked momentarily into my eyes, her conflict clear in her eyes. I would not push her to do anything with me if she is not comfortable. I held her gaze, offering a small smile.

Karthik looked between us and said with a smug tone, “Kusum... and Rajjo, I will make it easier for you guys, you can kiss privately. We promise, we will keep our distance.”

I was about to protest when I saw Kusum nod for a split second looking back into my eyes. Oh!

Wow! Was that a yes nod or was that ‘let’s get over with this’ nod?

Hell! Why should I overthink?

“Okay Fine!” I said loudly to their stupid chant.

To be honest, I have fantasized kissing Kusum way too many times to admit. I was never interested in guys, though I had somehow forced my self to kiss my first boyfriend. Thankfully, the kiss never happened because of my glass-eye.

Only after I left to the US, I understood the depth of my own feelings for Kusum. But I am afraid, that she might not feel the same way. One way Karthik is right. I will get to know what she felt at least.

Kusum got up and I led the way down the spiral staircase, we stepped into the terrace area.

My hands felt clammy, my heartbeat sped. Kusum was meekly following into the shadowy space I led her into.

I turned around to find her way too close for comfort. So close that I could count her eyelashes.

“We can act like we kissed, Kusum if you are not comfortable with this.”

Kusum smiled shyly and stepped a little closer. We were almost touching each other, she held my forearm and squeezed it a little, before whispering, “these little pecks are not new to us, Goggle.”

There was a playful glint in her eyes, and that was really drawing me in. Warmth washed all over me like a mighty wave. For a second, thoughts flew away from me.

My mind, rather my body decided that it is better to go ahead with the kiss. I leaned in to place a feather-light peck on her soft lips. It was the lightest of the touches, like the graze of two petals brought together by the wind.

I expected her to back away immediately as I did that. But she leaned in closing her eyes. I couldn’t stop myself touching her lips with another light kiss. She leaned in a little more, her arms travelling to my neck.

Well, then maybe just another peck at her addicting lips. I didn’t know how my peck managed to linger for a second longer, and she kissed me back. At first, tentatively repeating my pattern of feather-light touches, and then a little more passionately. My hands snaked around her waist, her arms rested on my shoulders. Moving a little closer to her, I gave into my fantasies for her.

The world would have gone into a hell hole within that time and I would not know. I would only know the feel of her soft lips against mine, her arms that held me, her slightly shivering frame against mine, her racing heartbeat that matched mine.

I moaned a little, wanting a little more. My hands made their way to her neck, fingers digging into her hair, thumb coaxing her jaw little. She sighed against my lips, parting them for me to take what I ached for.

Dew on the mountains, the splash of a waterfall on my face, the sunset against Andes nothing I experienced before could rival that simple kiss. Goosebumps rose all over me, and tears welled up into my eyes. This was the dream that I held onto during my lonely miserable days abroad. I don’t know if the time came to standstill or we have taken hours making out, exploring each other’s mouth in a leisurely almost, savouring pace.

We would not have parted if we didn’t come short of breath. But then awareness had popped the bubble of our blissful oblivion.

Kusum opened her eyes, disappointment, wonder, pain and confusion swam in her eyes.

I was disappointed too, that we were mortal and had to stop. Her breathing was laboured, still, against me, she shuddered a little and stepped away from me. Her lips were swollen due to my attention to them. She cupped my face and wiped my treacherous tears that leaked down my cheeks.

She looked even more beautiful like this, flushed red in the cheeks, amber sparks in the eyes, quivering swollen lips, erratic breathing. her hand automatically reached mine.

I placed yet another kiss, this time, an innocent kiss on her cheek.

“You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” I whispered into her ear. I believed it to be true. She is the loveliest, most gorgeous and most delicate girl I have ever seen.

She shivered a little as my breath touched her neck. She giggled at that and looked at me with eyes searching for something in mine.

“Can I just say I liked that?” she replied playfully.

I pouted with mock disappointment, and said, “Oh come on! flower girl, you loved it... I loved it too!”

I grinned.

She turned away from me to hide her grin.

Nothing... I repeat nothing can beat this feeling.

Okay... I have to thank Karthik. The stupid asshole is right for once

We went up. Kusum struggled slightly with the higher last step and I gave her my hand. A gesture that was raucously cheered by the whole gang. Kusum’s visage now took a flaming red. Every time I think that this would be the last shade of red she can turn, she beats me to it.

Karthik wolf-whistled in his enthusiasm. I relieved my feelings by aiming a good shot at the back of his head.

“You owe me big time! Rajni Tripathi!” he whispered as soon as I sat down beside him.

“One smack wasn’t enough... do you want one more?” I asked him grimacing.

“Oh please! you guys disappeared for 15 minutes there... I thought the session would have turned into a quickie!”

I showed him middle finger again... but couldnt help my grin. Really we went away for 15 minutes? It felt like a lot less.

Aman cleared his throat significantly at me, smirking and the bottle spun again.

And predictably, it rested in Aman’s direction. He groaned. I rubbed my hands together. Its revenge time!

But Devika beat me to it.

“Kiss Karthik,” she said, winking at me. I grinned and gave her a High five.

“Okay, I agree!” Karthik exclaimed excited before Aman even had a chance to react. Damn is he for real?

Aman face-palmed and said with an exasperated voice laced with mirth, “You are not supposed to look so excited Karthik,...look at your best friend and learn something.”

Wait really! So, ... Aman is ok with the kiss?

I looked around and identical expressions of shock were on Devika, Kusum and Ravi. Only Keshav looked like he saw nothing amiss.

“Oh Shoot! Right... I am supposed to look colly uninterested?” Karthik asked him grinning like a besotted fool.

We definitely missed something... How come their relationship status gets updated faster than IPL leaderboard?

Two days back they looked as if they were crushing on each other, the next day I saw Karthik on the literal verge of insanity and Aman back in his infamous shell. And now they are literally flirting with each other.

“Wait! What did we miss?” Ravi voiced my astonishment.

“Exactly! I thought...Karthik you went on an apology date with that guy... what’s his name ...Rishabh... and then...?”

Keshav was busy looking into his mobile, looked up at the riveted group and said nonchalantly, “Then what?... Aman went and rescued Karthik and they had a great night together!”

“You! Stupid stupid ass... This is why I don’t tell you stuff!” Aman smacked Keshav’s head in sheepish irritation.

“Aman Tripathi YOU DID NOT TELL MEE?” I screamed.

And exactly at the same time, Devik screamed, “YOU DID NOT TELL ME THAT YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND!”

Karthik and Aman had gotten up to get away from us, the femme fatale duo suddenly, laughing and shrugging uncomfortably at us. Ravi and Keshav looked like they would have loved a tub of popcorn with the unfolding drama.

“Devi! I am your best friend...its not too good to murder me!” Karthik said in a real fright to his advancing friend.

“Yeah, You decide to NOT to tell your BFF that you are DATING YOUR BOSS!” She bellowed. The girl’s got some voice!

“Hey...Dev...It’s not like that!” Karthik cooed placatingly.

I turned to Aman, tapping my foot for an explanation. He nervously shuffled his collar, smiling uncomfortably.

“We are not dating as such... we simply... acknowledged each other’s attraction...we are figuring out stuff!!”

“So you guys are NOT boyfriend-boyfriend?” I asked pursing my lips.

“No,” Aman said in a small but firm voice. Karthik turned towards him for a fraction of a second in shock.

I was not too happy about that. Yet again, Aman is playing it safe. He is trying to keep things in a shadowed zone. As predicted, Karthik didn’t like it much. But Karthik carefully covered his expression from Devika’s hawk-like eyes. She was distracted by Kusum’s narration of how Karthik turned up last night with Aman’s signature mustard.

But I had my eyes trained on Aman and Karthik who backed together from us. Aman had slight guilt on his face. Karthik’s eyes held a small hurt. It’s evident he didn’t want a scene there. He would take it up with Aman privately. I do hope my little brother would not fuck it up for himself.

Karthik might look like an Over-the-top dramatic guy, but he knows when not to create drama. Aman doesn’t know how lucky he got finding a guy like Karthik. I think it falls on me to make him realise that.

* * *

**Aman**

“So what are we exactly?” Karthik asked throatily rubbing his thumb against my stubble in dizzying circles.

“Can we discuss that later?” I asked kissing his lips once again. Relishing the sweet escape from my reality. We are in the garage of The Tripathi Nivas, cuddled up in the back seat of my Porsche. By all means, to the people in the house, what we are doing would amount to a huge sin.

I climbed into his lap and pulled myself closer to his body. His warm fingers were dancing on my shoulders and back.

“Please Karthik... Don’t ask questions... I need this right now.” I whispered against his lips, I don’t care how pleading and pathetic my voice sounded. Karthik nodded, pulling me closer.

“I am here for you, baby!” He breathed against my stubble. His voice eliciting weird responses from my body.

Somehow what he said, it warmed my ice-cold heart. I tried to block out the voices that threatened to douse that warmth too.

Karthik’s searing lips against mine became my saviour of sorts today. The entire Tripathi family is gathered for the official family lunch. Yeah, it is official, there is nothing familial about it. Our matters are discussed in a pompous manner, futures decided in a whim, and our lives... well, shoved in the general direction of the illustrious Tripathi expectations.

Karthik swept his tongue into my mouth hungrily. I love it when he does that, its almost as if he cannot get enough of me. It makes me feel wanted, appreciated and needed.

> “Aman, I thought you will send me progress on the SNT venture....” my father boomed from the head of the family chair. Shankar Tripathi, a man who seemed to have more grit and determination than half the nation, he is the patriarch of the Tripathi Khandan. The Numero Uno Tripathi. He is rigid, inflexible and has too high expectations for me all the time.
> 
> I find it hard to gulp the morsel of food I was chewing. Sunaina Tripathi, my mother, the matriarch of the Khandan, scowled at her husband and said in a low carrying whisper, “Will you let the kid eat in peace?”
> 
> “He is no longer a kid Sunaina... Stop treating him like one.” He barked back in frustration for his son.
> 
> In moments like these, its hard to remember the doting father of my childhood. All I see is a commander leading his troops, ...glorious... in his own short-sighted vision.

Karthik for some reason stopped kissing me. I opened my eyes to him peering at me with a curious, slightly frustrated expression.

“Hey! You are distracted.” He said accusingly.

Damn! OK... How did he know that?

“What? Me? NO...” I said shrugging, trying not to look guilty.

“Aman I can literally hear you thinking...”He had the expression of a mom who caught you stealing a cookie. Damn! Even that look suited him.

“Well, I cannot shut it off...I thought that kissing you will work... will shut it off... But I guess it doesn’t”

“So, That’s what you are doing? Blowing off some steam here ?” He asked half-amused, trying phenomenally to stay stern with me.

Actually, that was the plan. I was so sick of the “Family Time” we had to spend that I pounced on Karthik when he came for some signatures and dragged him to the garage. It was hardly fair to him.

“You know what... yeah... actually... I am sorry Karthik. You go now... I will meet you later...” I admitted in a small voice. I tried to get up from his lap. He held me firmly by shoulders to stop.

“OK ... shush... stop it... Aman... sit here ... and tell me... talk to me” Karthik said softly.

He is asking me to talk... to tell him my problem. Does he know me at all?

“It’s stupid actually...” I tried and failed to avert his gaze from me.

“Yeah, no problem... I can do stupid... I heard a drunk Tunisian Teen rave about how magical her cat is ...for five straight hours... Trust me ...I can listen... tell me,” Karthik nodding, committing himself to an inevitable disaster.

I snorted with laughter. He chuckled with me. I tried to get up from his lap but he snaked his arms around me firmly grounding.

“I cannot ...” I started, and I paused my spirits faltering, “It’s nothing Karthik really.”

“Oh please... that frown on your face, it didn’t leave you the entire time, even while we are kissing... I don’t like it... It is crying out loud that you are stressed...trust me...”

“I am stressed... It is normal...I don’t think its exactly.... discussable” I ventured doubtfully.

It’s not... The entrenched patriarchy in my family. The unchallenged homophobia and its everyday reminders to me. None of this can really be discussed. It’s my inescapable reality.

Karthik regarded me for a second and nodded again.

“Ok... no problem... don’t talk about it if you are not comfortable, come here...”He said in his soft voice. He actually sidled me closer and held me tight. And I simply had to melt in his embrace.

It was easy and natural... so easy that I realised that I didn’t know when was the last time I did anything this easy. His fingers played with my hair and his arms were wrapped protectively around me. I sighed and smiled against his neck. This was a far cry from what I expected from this whole dragging-Karthik-into-the-garage-session. Not that I am complaining. But now, I knew romance movies showed it wrong, you cannot blow your steam off sexually all the time.

“You know... it’s hard to get this but I am feeling a lot safer in this garage, at the back of this car, with you, than I ever felt in my room.” I murmured against his neck.

He didn’t say anything but pulled me closer in response.

“They hate us...differences...homosexuals... Gays... in my family...They hate us! Today was a close call... Goggle’s wedding was almost fixed and I am afraid mine will too in the due course of time.” I continued, unable to stop somehow.

Karthik’s response was a sharp intake of breath. I wanted to peek at him. To see his reaction, how he bore it. But I am a coward... I cannot face him.

“But we fought over Goggle’s wedding... we got a lease of another two years till they filter the suitable boys for her. I guess that should count as a win. They want to celebrate Goggle’s wedding along with mine. And guess who’s the bride? Kusum... Goggle looked like she swallowed castor oil the entire time. I don’t know Karthik... How should I avoid this mess?”

“Kusum knows about this?” Karthik asked quietly, his fingers still in my hair, running soothing circles.

“Yea... She was right there, awkwardly acknowledging my mom’s mother-in-law special edition attention.”

“Can’t you guys just come out to your family? You and Goggle? It would save you both a lot of trouble.”

Oh no no no... Not coming out... Tripathi’s Khandaan is crazy about heteronormative structures. They destroy the aberrations.

I gulped painfully to forget painful memories that erupted in my mind.

“I can’t Karthik... It’s too... I cannot ... I cannot.” I shook my head and nuzzled closer to him.

I might have been a Koala bear for crying out loud but Karthik was also an able animal whisperer.

“Shush... shh... Ok... ok... No problem” he said softly. He kissed me on both cheeks several times, giving me several pecks on lips. His hands cupping my face. Man! This guy knows how to comfort me, to get rid of my discomfort. He just knows what works the best for me.

“It’s risky you know? Making out with you here this way... This could land both of us in a lot of trouble....” I smiled a little despite myself.

Karthik’s eyes glinted in mischeif.

“Well, that’s what makes it hot and irresistible, isn’t it? The forbidden romance...”

Karthik whispered, enunciating the romance word for a sexy effect.

It blows my mind how he is so damn courageous all the time. The risk factor that pulls me back seems to only spur him to action.

This time, the action is so good that I really didn’t have anything to complain about. He nibbled at the length of my neck, brushing erogenous spots behind my ears with his fingertips, warranting a moan from me.

Suddenly, all the reservations I had, those bitter thoughts, all fled my mind, in their place heady desires clouded my head. And I was lost to sensations of a different kind altogether. The pit of my stomach that burned in vexation and shame all morning, now burned in sweet desires. My heart that raced ominously when Papa asked casually who my new secretary is, now raced with anticipation to the attentions of the self-same secretary. When did my life become such an adventure?

“Karthik...,” I half-groaned and half-moaned as he lowered me onto the seat in a fluid motion, simultaneously undoing several buttons of my shirt.

Ok, this is a serious talent we are talking about it. Does he know how to have sex at the back of a car?

Well, I really couldnt dwell on the idea, because Karthik was back, kissing me hungrily.

That drove thoughts away. And drive something hot all the way from the pit of my stomach to the crotch!

Only...suddenly a knock sounded on the bumper of the car. I opened my eyes to see someone rap their knuckles on the car.

“Oh, No...NO..NO” I whispered trembling with a wholly new emotion.

Raw panic seized me. Karthik disentangled himself from my body and was about to get up when I pulled him back.

He froze on top of me and peered into eyes in alarm.

“Shush... You are not supposed to be seen alright. No matter what you hear ... Don’t come out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Know I Know, I cannot pardon myself for the half-assed attempt at angst and romance.
> 
> And not really that sorry for the cliffhanger though...
> 
> Any guesses on who that might be?


	11. We're both showing hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How much do we show? How much to hide?  
> Disaster is a glance away and yet we play  
> Cannot banish what I feel for you  
> Cannot vanquish these fears for you!
> 
> -Aman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! I am really sorry that my updates have become so far apart.  
> And thank you for bearing with me!
> 
> Apologisig upfront for the Angst!

**Rakesh Tripathi**

“Are you serious? Neon Paint huh?” I smirked at the joke, this call is highly entertaining.

Kusum is writhing restlessly against me.

One glare from me seemed to quell her. I had her pinned against the wall, my one hand enough to hold both her wrists.

“You are fucking making fun of me! You and your cousins all are Psychos” Rishabh seemed to spit through the phone.

“Yeah! So what! Let’s talk something of use here...” I said firmly. I have had enough of the Shankar Tripathi nonsense. That Chotu Aman is looked up to as the sole heir. It really gets to me. 

I just need one thing. One thing to make the Tripathi clan turn against Aman completely. And this could be just the thing.

“So you are saying that Aman takes a special interest in his personal secretary? And that guy is gay?” I asked. I could see a grand plan forming from that germ of an idea.

I hate to admit this, but I always had a soft corner towards Aman! Because I know that he is no good. He is easy to break. The little guy is of immense use to me. He has this inherent flaw that I could cash on. No matter how perfect he might portray himself to be. He is far from it. 

Kusum widens her eyes and then narrows them at me. The girl sure knows something and she could be the link.

“Yes the PA’s name is Karthik, Aman, even your other cousins, that girl from US and scrawny kid, all of them hangout with Karthik apparently.” Rishabh talked on. The fool thinks I will avenge his plight or something, that’s why he is blabbering all that he knows. Well the more, the better.

After all, with more information I can expose Aman in the best way possible. The Fall out of SNTT and TriT, the amount I siphoned off TriT’s current funds, and the Aman’s fall of grace amongst Tripathis’, all these will work out in my favour, will make my command on the board absolute. 

“Don’t worry bro! I will make sure Aman pays for this! Neon Paint!”I sneered my insincere words into the mouthpiece, pressing myself on Kusum’s soft body. She jerked her head to the side, facing away from me with a look of disgust.

The fool seemed to be satisfied even happy. Its lovely to have such foolish people, makes it a lot easier to make them to do my bidding. I disconnected the call, and looked back at the girl in front of me.

  
“Karthik… He is gay! You are supposed to tell that to me. Why didn’t you?” I asked her my eyes boring into hers. My fingers also bore into her skin, just as a reminder of what I can do with her.

“I didn’t know…” she whimpered piteously. I would have trusted her, if I didn’t know how observant she was. She got to know my intentions pretty fast. She understands my veiled threats carry more weight than I let on. 

“DON’T GIVE ME THAT CRAP!” I growled. “You live in that house! Now don’t dare to mess with me Kusum… I have some dirty secrets of yours. One word out… the Kusum wannabe Tripathi will become Kusum nowhere to go…”

Now there’s that flicker of fear in those I enjoy immensely. 

“Leave me! I have nothing for you! Karthik is a very closed person and he… hates Aman. He needs the job and thats why he is putting up with Aman.”

“Hmm” I grunted in agreement. I don’t doubt that. Aman is a boring old kid! “And why does he need the job?”

“I don’t know all that” she said that too quickly, gulping and looking down.

The girl has the guts to lie to my face. I grabbed her throat and pinned her head to the wall. Her head thudded against the wall. A low gasp escaped. Now that’s fear and pain. Satisfying!

“You had one job… One fucking job. To woo Aman and you couldn't do that. You became his friend. I forgave you for that. You are supposed to inform me of any changes in his life. And you chose to keep me in the dark about his PA? You sure do have a death wish!” I growled. 

“Breathe… I can… not breathe…” she struggled against my strangle.

“Karthik hired you as a care-taker of his sister. Why? The kid is not normal?”

“Its nothing… She… is just… not well.” She spluttered, eyes streaming with tears.

“Really?” I asked momentarily letting my fingernails dig into her flesh. “Don’t you think you are too loyal to the street urchin?”

“Really… There is nothing wrong with her…” she said almost pleading, her hands were flailing at her sides. Now as much as I would like to see her struggle for breathe under me, I cannot let her die. She is still of some use to me.

“Listen carefully Kusum. That Rishabh guy said Aman was wild when he found him touching Karthik… Now why would Aman do that? He doesn’t care for anyone… then why just Karthik?… If my guess is correct, little Aman is gay! And if he is… I have great good chance to finally overthrow him!”

Kusum looked relieved at first when I loosened my grip on throat and now it seems as if all the colour has left her face. She stared at me as if I am a ghost.   
I know she needs more than this little threat. 

“Your family is searching for you. Now…If you don't want me to accidentally slip something about your whereabouts… you tell me everything you see and hear about Aman and that Karthik. AM I CLEAR?” Saying that I released my hold on her neck.

She swayed against the wall, spluttering and coughing. A moment later, breathing heavily and looked up at me for a whole moment. Now she had her lips pursed into a thin line.

“Crystal.”

* * *

**Karthik**

“Shush... You are not supposed to be seen alright. No matter what you hear ... Don’t come out!” Aman said darkly. I pursed my lips. I cannot even argue. He already said he would be in serious shit if he gets caught. He slowly got up from under me, slid down the seat and straightened, buttoning his shirt back. 

Heart beating wildly, interestingly due to opposite emotions, arousal and horror, I lay flat on the back seat, listening hard. 

I could hear a gruff voice that simultaneously reminded me of Shankar Tripathi’s deep voice and Keshav’s slightly mellow voice.

“Aman! Why are you here and who is that inside?” said the voice, trying to sound stern and failing phenomenally.

“Chacha… its nothing… I just came here,” said Aman in a low voice.

“Listen to me Aman! This is highly risky… isn’t this your PA?”

My heartbeat quickened. OMFG! Fuck Fuck Fuck! Aman is in serious trouble right now. Did I just out Aman? How are we supposed to deal with this. Will his family disown him because of me? Damn! 

“Chacha…Karthik…” Aman faltered.

“I know! Listen,… I beg you… Just go from here. Don't you realise how risky this is? What if your father noticed that you are not there at the Aarthi? What if he came down to check for you? Even if it was anyone else… Do you even realise how bad things can get for both of you? Take your Karthik from here, and never let him comeback… not to this mansion at least!”

“Yes Chacha… I will do that!….and thank you chacha!”

“Take care Baccha! Take care!”

A moment later, Aman simply opened the driver’s seat door, sat, started the engine.

“Karthik! Hang in there!” Aman called. His voice shook slightly. His eyes even from the rear view mirror resembled a sea at storm.

Before I could reply the drapes slipped down, covering the windows and between the driver and passenger’s seat. For a moment, I felt like smuggled goods, illegal and dangerous. I didn’t know what to think, what to make of this. It was his Chacha and he talked as if he knew Aman is into me… as if he knew that we are a couple. How did he know?

More than that, there is a hint of sadness that goes beyond reason in his worried voice. He knows about us and he worries that others will find out.

I was so lost in thought that when Aman suddenly hit the brake, My body gave a horrible jerk and fell forward.

For a second I struggled with the drape and my awkward fall.

Aman called, “Shit Sorry… I should have told you before I hit the brake. Wait I am coming.”

He helped me out of the seat. I stepped out onto the road. He had stopped the car in a deserted road, perhaps to let me get out. With some struggle, we could get my long frame out of the car. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. A tired looking Aman stood in front of me. 

His eyes are still stormy, his face became an impassive mask. He didn’t even look into my eyes the whole time he helped me out. 

If anything, that worried me more.

I cupped his chin to make him to look into my eyes. 

“Are you okay?”

The question was unnecessary, I know he isn't. It was more of an opening to him to let his feelings out. 

For a moment his eyes looked like molten metal, and then they became, steely and distant.

“Yes!” he nodded, “ I am okay Karthik. Come, I will drop you home.”

His iciness hurt me more than I expected. 

“I can drop myself you know!” I snapped. 

He looked up in shock. He pursed his lips in frustration for a second, sighed and said, “At least give me an excuse to stay with you!”

His words warmed my heart more than they ought to. Its getting confusing. Everything between us. His cold and warm gestures. This weird dance he does. Its as if there are huge walls he built around his heart against people and all my efforts are towards trying to get past them.I sighed and nodded. With a small smile I took both his hands into mine, and asked him,

“How about I give you an excuse to feel a little better? Spend the night with me? You need something to get away from all those thoughts in your head.”  
Apparently my offer to make him feel better took his thoughts into a totally opposite direction.

He smirked and asked, “But you were against blowing the steam off.”

“I am against blowing the steam off sexually. Its not healthy… trust me… things take a turn for worse once you start doing that…” I said softly.

“Previous experience?” he asked,unconsciously stepping closer. His hands were still in mine.

“You bet!” I smiled. He looked at me for a second and suddenly realised we were on the road. He gestured me into the car. I nodded and got into the passenger’s seat beside his as he took the driver’s.

Aman had a small smile on his lips, and hint of jealousy as he asked, “Really… how many relationships you have had before this?”

There were many. The fooling around ones, the toxic ones, the sexual ones, the no-strings-attached ones, a serious one, a heart-breakingly one-sided one… None were at a level we reached, even without being in an actual relationship. I chose not to answer that directly. It doesn’t help to make Aman feel insecure my experience or his lack of it.

“Enough to know that your first time must always be special…” I smiled back, as he fired the engine to life. 

He looked at me surprised. There was a warm glow back in his face. The freaking frown was ebbing away. Thank Heavens for that!

He smirked and whispered in a conspiring tone, “We were about to… in the back of my car… might I remind you.”

That’s true. In my defense, I wasn’t exactly planning on getting captured by my frustrated and hot AF boyfriend at the back of a Porsche.

“Yes… I am sorry… I got a little carried away!” I admitted.

He took my hand into his and gently rubbed his thumb across my knuckles.

“You weren't exactly expecting my ambush…” he said. 

“I know you are frustrated and so your ambush is justified… Also who else will you vent your feelings to?… But I hope you are not in trouble because of me… with your Chacha?”

“I am not in trouble as of now. But it was a close call today. We should never repeat that stunt again…”

“He seemed to be an ally… wasn’t he? Is he Rajjo’s dad?”

“Keshav’s dad…”

There was an uncomfortable silence after that. The topic had an embargo written on it.

Aman’s hand went back to the gear rod and steering. His eyes went back to stormy.

“Today… I shouldn’t have done all that with you… it was impulsive, stupid and risky… not mention unfair to you…”

“Whoever made all those rules! You wanted to kiss me and you did… and I am always here for you Aman. Don’t doubt that!”

“Why? Why are you like this Karthik? Why are you sweet, and so patient with me? I have given at least a 1000 reasons to leave me by now. I am a horrible boss, I am possessive, borderline abusive, and

very difficult to deal with. I keep thinking that one more push and you will leave me, because you don’t deserve all the crap I put you through ”

“You are Aman Tripathi! You are a 7-kilometer slippery road ride in rain with my bike on fire, remember?” I said dramatically. It’s funny he calls himself horrible and abusive. He is not… all those are his masks, his defense mechanism.

Aman chuckled at that darkly. It was humourless. It made me want wrap my arms around his shoulders to comfort him.

“Look I don’t know why I am like this… all I know is that I am crazy about you! And even if there is a sliver of chance of us both together, I would take it!” I continued.

“I cannot decide if thats a good thing or not,Karthik. We are not boyfriends we can never be! You should not start catching feelings for me” Aman said in a low voice.  
There goes my hope. I am head over heels for him, and he doesnt want to acknowledge that he cares for me. Back to square one!

“Start?” I asked trying hard to keep bitterness from my voice.

“Are you serious? Karthik! If thats so… then…” He looked at me in shock, no thats called Horror. He looked horrified and slightly guilty.

“Don’t do that ok.., don’t freak out! Look I am an adult. I can deal with it. Just be open with me and tell me what you want! Tell me where we are. Friends with benefits? No strings attached? casual partners?”

Aman gulped, and turned his eyes back to the road. But his body revealed tension, way before his words.

“Do we really have to define what we have?” he asked 

“All I am saying is that I am not afraid of labels. It is what it is!”

“Please Karthik.., I don’t know where we are. I want us but I don’t want us getting through so much shit. I don’t know where we are heading. I know you have expectations. But I cannot be that guy to you!”

I cannot be that guy to you. That stuck to me the most. Yes, way to squander your heart Karthik!

I know I must be mature to answer him. “Thank you for being honest with me Aman. I know you are young, want to explore more from life… and its the right thing to do too. I will stop being pushy.”

I nodded and turned towards the window. We were at a signal. Traffic was all around us. For the first time in my life, I wished for its noise to drown myself.

“Karthik,…” Aman called. His voice was thick. Perhaps he was feeling guilty. Guilty for not falling in love with me? That’s stupid. But that’s probably what he felt, Aman is a softie in the inside. And I know that for a fact. I cannot let him beat himself up for what he might have felt or not felt for me.

“Umm… can you drop me at the marine drive? Just the next signal… I totally forgot I need to pick up something for Jugni!” I changed the topic.  
I could see Aman look at me in shock for a moment, from the corner of my eye. I was resolutely facing away from him, looking through the window.  
He seemed to get the signal.“Sure Karthik! Tell me what you need exactly, we will pick it up together and I can take you home.”

“That wont be necessary… just drop me here…” I said in what I hoped was a neutral voice. From the moment I got to know Aman was into me, all I hoped and dreamed for, is ‘Us’ together. Now it seemed a very far fetched idea. But I didn’t that will hit me so hard every time he says we cannot be together. Nobody can force love. He might feel attracted to me. We do have chemistry. But he cannot give me what I want. ‘I cannot be that guy for you’ rang in my head. Sure, my expectations were very high. Maybe he is not in the space for love right now. I cannot begrudge him for that. I can never. But never knew this would hurt so much. 

“But…” I heard a small voice. 

“Yes… right here. Thank you for dropping me here.” We reached the next signal. I wanted to clear my head, before I say anything that hurts him. He pulled over at the side of the drive. I reached for the door.

“Wait…don’t walk out on me like that,” Aman said, his voice was stronger and neutral. I felt that it is safe to turn towards him. Perhaps a few parting words.   
“We both seem to want different things from each other Aman. I know being with you wont be all roses, I know its going to be messy, but I am willing to give it a chance,… Are you?” I said before I could stop myself. 

There was a sharp intake of breathe. He looked into my eyes. The soulful eyes I fell in love with. It is extremely hard for me to walk away from him. But its necessary. Aman dropped his gaze and looked down at his own fingers.

“I am… its hard Karthik! You know that right…,” he said in a sorry voice.

“No one has it easy baby! No one!” I said. My voice was mellow, my heart was melting. However hurt I am, I cannot seee him hurt. 

“Just hang in there for me, okay? I know its probably selfish to ask… but hell I am wreck… let me figure out things.” He said, still not able to meet my eyes.

  
I took both his hands into mine. And gently pressed kisses on his knuckles. He needs time. This is the least I can do.

“I am not walking out on you… not even by long shot! Didn’t I tell you I am crazy about you? Take your time…I am always here for you. Alright?” I said. I am doomed, I know that. I love this man. And I cannot retract now. Even if he doesn’t love me back I cannot say No to him. 

I gently placed his hands back on his lap and turned to leave.

“I don't want you to go… and you won't stay… Am I the only one who gets so many of your Nos?” His voice sounded slightly desperate now.

My bratty Aman is back. How did he count my NO in this one? 

“This is not a No Aman…”

“Then why does it feel like one?”

I cupped his face, gently stroked his beard, and smiled. “We both need time Aman. You, to figure out what I am to you, and me, to figure how I can handle your rejection and still stay with you.”

  
With those parting words I left his quiet car and stepped into the noise and confusion. I stepped onto the sidewalk and turned to see Aman who was looking at me retreating back. He reverted his eyes to the road and started his vehicle. 

Marine Drive! I couldnt help but wonder how the sea does it… every time it rises magnificently in hope to reach the moon. And here I am… confused whether to hope for his heart or to rue the loss of mine. Whether to give up on love or to go on love him without expectations. My heart is his, there is no doubt in that. But will his ever be mine?

* * *

**Keshav Tripathi**

“Where were you?” Goggle asked in her characteristic brashness. Aman looked at her and shrugged, flopping down on his bean bag.

We are finally away from our prying-eyed relatives, the milieu that we belong and not belong to. We are in ourt castle, the attic in the Tripathi Nivas, that only we had access to. Me, Goggle and Aman. This was our safe place since our teenage years. Our Pink Floyd and Freddie Mercury space. Our Literatti discussions and Harry potter space. Our hacking and telescope space.

Outside this room we were the Tripathi cousins, inside we are what we are. Individuals.

“Seriously where were you? You went missing during the Aarthi, and where is your boyfriend?” Goggle persisted at interrogating Aman. Even as her glass eye got replaced, her glassy stare is irreplaceable. She is pretty shaken after the Khandani lunch we were subjected to.

“He is not my boyfriend and stop saying that aloud, will you? I cannot get over the feeling that I am being followed,” snapped Aman. Aman is in a mood today. I hoped Karthik’s superpowers will improve that… but I guess I overestimated. Khandani lunch effect there too. 

“Why the hell is he not your boyfriend Aman? And did you say that to him? I thought you were crazy about him, and he is about you?” Goggle asked, her voice a tad higher than usual.

Aman sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Yes okay… yes I am crazy for him. But we cannot be together Goggle. You know that. Or do you need a refresher of the afternoon?”

“So you will give up on a chance at true love you have got, because a bunch of oldies want you to marry Kusum?”

Damn! Goggle could be a burn! Aman looked up at her and then away, unable to answer that question to himself. Kusum being the bone of contention here. Although she hardly is. Aman has his eyes only for Karthik. But I have to ask her though how does she know that Karthik’s is true love?

“Goggle how do you know Karthik is the one for Aman?” I asked musingly.

“Oh will you please keep up?” snapped Goggle turning to me. “When was the last time you saw Aman happy? Not after thirteen I am sure. Now whenever he is with Karthik, he actually laughs, his smiles, not smirks SMILES. And I know Karthik from before. The guy went through a lot of shit, He has had the chance to date some of the most gorgeous men in the world, and yet here, whenever he looks at Aman, he looks as if he had hung the moon for him.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Aman start at that. Interesting, some of the most gorgeous men in the world!

“You knew whom Karthik had dated before?” Aman asked in a small voice. 

“Why does it matter to you Aman? You are not his boyfriend right?” Goggle retorted waspishly.

“Its not like that… Its not like I don’t want to be… But Goggle you know the consequences of that right? Or maybe you will never know how it is. Because you have never witnessed what I did.”

Goggle flinched at that. I hung my head. Every time I look at Dad, I wish I could change that reality for him. He became a shell of a man he once used to be. Although I was too young to know what actually happened, from what I could gather from Aman’s rare allusions to it, it was tragic enough to break a man like Dad. 

“What actually happened that day?” I asked despite myself.

Aman looked at me, and shook his head. “I cannot tell that to you Keshav. Not Now…Please… I am sorry…”

There was a rare tenderness in his voice. I wonder if I will ever know what happened that day. Aman was only thirteen then. Goggle and I were in Mumbai for our end of the term exams and Aman, whose school finished earlier, went to our Ancestral home in Allahabad. We were supposed to join him like we did every vacation. We were only late by two days. We never saw old Aman again. He came back as a brooding, serious guy with a perpetual frown. Dad was a step further, he locked himself up for several days. He stopped talking, stopped cracking jokes, stopped going to theater. After that day, I don’t even know how, but I lost my father and my brother. 

Goggle’s expression softened, and she said, “but do you want to lose Karthik?”

“I do not know how to hold onto him… It feels unfair. Selfish even. I want him to be with me. But I cannot give him what he wants. Do you know how hurt He was when I said we cannot afford to be more than just casual partners. I hate to put him through all this shit.”

“Casual partners? What the hell does that even mean? Fuck buddies? Seriously?”

“We cannot afford to catch feelings for each other. In two years we are doomed to marry someone we can never love. Why start something you know will be never be successful? I don’t want keep Karthik’s hopes up only to disappoint them. I cannot hurt him that way.”

“So you hurt him by saying that you are not serious about him? Are you nuts?”

“Listen! whats wrong in keeping it casual?” Aman retorted trying to keep his guilt at bay.

“Aman! Do you even have a idea of what Karthik must be going through at this point? He has had enough of those casual partners… Why do you think he came back to India in the first place. He was in a one-sided relationship with a toxic bitch called Enrique. They had a really intense physical relationship, but an empty one." Aman fliched horribly at that, Google continued emphathetically, " Enrique couldn’t connect to Karthik at an emotional level or maybe never wanted to. But he literally used Karthik. It was very hard to walk away from such a relationship. But Karthik did, because he knew what he wanted. And he knew Enrique wouldn’t give him that.”

It was hard to digest that all this happened to Karthik. He is such a kind and sweet person, he wouldn’t easily give up on people. But He is also one of the rare people who knew exactly what they wanted.   
Aman looked so troubled that Goggle went over to him and wrapped her arms around him.

“What happened Aman? As far as we know you, you are also not a person who wants flings. You cannot leave people or things too easily. From where did all these fancy words get into your head? This casual partners, friends-with-benefits kinda nonsense. You are so not that!” Goggle said in a soothing voice.

True! He is not that. Aman might not wear his heart on his sleeves, but he holds onto everything he loves with visceral intensity.   
As far as I could see, Karthik is already there, in Aman’s heart. Perhaps he is too afraid to let on. But if I could see it, because generally my train runs late in this, then it is evident enough.

“I don’t know what I am any longer.” Aman said in a voice cracking with the weight of the emotions he is suppressing within.

“My time with Karthik has an expiry date to it. I tried to stop this, you know? I didn’t want to hurt him that way… I couldn’t… couldn’t control myself. I didn’t want him to like me back. I mean I dreamed of that, but I know its not practical. I tried to be distant with him, rude even. I couldn’t. I lose a battle with myself whenever he is with me. So, I thought at least we can be casual partners. That way, when time comes its easy for him to move on.”

“And what about you? Will you be able to move on? After marrying Kusum?” Goggle asked. Her voice cracking, its hard for her too. At least Aman knows Karthik likes him back. Goggle doesn’t even know if Kusum likes her that way. 

Aman gave her a long hard look. He shook his head and sighed.

“Why drag Kusum into this? Both of us cannot be happy with each other. For all I care Kusum is my bhabhi! Damn this is so messed up!” Aman said through his gritted teeth. 

There you go! I always knew it. Kusum is definitely Bhabhi to both of us. 

Goggle smiled with tears in her eyes. Tripathi trio is back! She rubbed Aman’s back and said with a finality in her voice.

“Aman, you cannot love people in installments. You either love Karthik or not! It is upto you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the songs I heard in loop this time is 'Waves' by Dean Lewis.  
> And an old favourite of mine, "Tujhse Naraz nahi Zindagi" re-rendered superbly by Sanam.


	12. Can't pin you down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Counting in you those million magical charms  
> That made my fall infallible from the start  
> Yet a moment with you, in my arms  
> spells victory to my crazy crazy heart
> 
> -Karthik

**Aman**

“When were you planning to tell me?” I asked irritated, scowling at a shocked Karthik, as I walked hurriedly into Jugni’s hospital room. It was 11 in the night. And thanks to Kusum, I got to know Jugni had a fall and was admitted to the hospital. Karthik stopped mid-track and looked at me, first in surprise, relief and confusion passed through his features.

Jugni looked up surprised and broke into a heavenly smile.

“Aman Bhaiyya… I thought I’d never see you.” Her voice was weak and breathy.

My heart squeezed as I heard her voice, I looked up at Karthik worried. His eyes were teary, face red and face spelled the same worry that I am ridden with.

I stepped forward towards the side of her bed. She raised her nimble, IV drip attached fist to bump with mine. “What’s up Champ? How are you feeling now?”

“Oh! Its such a vacation… I cannot tell you” She said with splendid sarcasm in her tepid voice. The low tenor of her voice was tugging down at the ends of my forced smile. 

_I cannot believe she sounded so weak. Karthik must be going through hell right now._

I couldn’t bring myself even to look into his eyes. But I knew he was worrying himself sick for his sister. Jugni was really in a bad shape. She sustained a fall while walking and we did not yet know how badly she’s hurt. Although her spinal Osteosarcoma is operated on, she is out of the clutches of the fatal cancer, her condition is still delicate. 

“Juggu! Don’t talk when you have less energy” whispered he softly from the other side.

“Karthik is right! Tonight we would talk and you would listen… That way the chatterbox will get some rest.” I said in a false cheery tone.

Jugni theatrically rolled her eyes at that and said, “at least let me tell you my last wish…”

“Baccha!” Karthik exclaimed horrified.

“Jugni!” I cried. _Please No! God NO Please! Please!_

“Let me speak” she said in her pained breathy voice, Both Karthik and I moved closer to her bed, “as a parting wish I want you two together… forever… Like a proton and neutron in a nucleus. Like Mister Darcy and Miss Elizabeth from P&P… Promise me.”

She sucked in air strongly through her mouth, struggling to breathe. My gut clenched rapidly as I saw her struggle.

“Juggu” Karthik exclaimed.

Jugni reached for his hand, and for mine and brought them together in her shivering hands. She placed my right hand in his left. 

I suddenly felt tears prickling in my eyes. Karthik’s eyes were no longer holding his tears back.

“Will you promise?” Jugni said in her breathy voice, suddenly affecting a spluttering cough.

“We will we will” I said panicking. Grasping Karthik’s hand in my fear. Unconsciously, he mirrored my gesture.

“Baccha! Please don’t say… I cannot… Juggu Please!” Karthik sobbed miserably running his hand gently over her hair. I was close to breaking down myself. Jugni on that bed, her weak voice, her struggle for breath, ominous thoughts clouded my head. 

Jugni widened her eyes as she saw her brother reduce into a sobbing blubbering mess.

She shook her head, “Shh… Bhaiiya… listen to me…”said she suddenly in a perfectly normal voice, “Bhaiyya… I was… see I am absolutely fine… Bhaiyya! Bhaiyya Don’t panic please… I was messing with you…”. 

She looked apologetically towards me and Karthik.

_What is happening here? Juggu was acting? Damn!_

“Yes. Don’t panic Karthik! Her reports are all normal. PET scan, MRI… Everything is perfectly fine,” said a unusually cheerful voice from behind us. I turned to see Ravi in his doctor coat and Devika close behind. Karthik looked at Jugni in complete and utter confusion. 

There was some comfort in their smiles. I turned back to see Jugni grinning apologetically at Karthik. He withdrew his hand from mine. He had an epic scowl on his face. 

I, on the other hand, felt both awed and irritated that she could pull off such a stunt on both of us.

“Juggu! What the hell… How can you do something like that? ” he said in a voice cracking with emotion. “Do you even know what I am going through? Any idea how scared I am? How can you do this to me Juggu?” He implored.  
  


  
“Sorry! Bhaiyya! Sorry sorry sorry” she cooed, with an overwhelmingly cute look. Sensing that Karthik is already on the melt, she said, “I felt like this was my chance to enact the most dramatic trope in the Indian Cinema!”

_The girl is such a drama queen! Such a flair for acting but the worst timing ever possible!_

I couldn’t help a chuckle bubble through my lips. “Dramebaaz!” I snorted. She poked her tongue out at me. 

Karthik looked back at me in shock and irritation. I shrugged at at him.

“What? You gotta admit she did pull that off well! Such a natural Nautanki!” I said still only attempting at my smirk.

Jugni somehow winked at me and controlled her stupid grin when Karthik turned back at her and tried to look seriously at him. 

“This is not how you joke baccha! I had a mini heart attack here… all for a joke?” he tried to sound stern at the face of Juggu’s cute smile.

Ravi, who was checking Juggu’s papers was silently shaking in laughter, Devika was also controlling her chuckle, like me. Laughter is infectious, they say… its true. Slowly, it crept into Karthik’s lips to.

For a glorious moment, the quiet hospital room erupted with laughter. It was as if a veil was spread across some unforgiving realities, so that everyone can have a breather!

Jugni was the one to sober down first. Looking at Karthik thoughtfully for a moment and then at me, she said, “Well, even if it wasn’t my last wish… it still counts as a wish Bhaiyya… I cannot see you guys like this… look at yourselves! Looking like you were the kings of some sleepless land. Its been a week now! Patch up na!”

  
Jugni’s frankness stumped me. For a moment I wanted to agree wholeheartedly to her. Karthik looked at me, for the first time in the week, I actually looked back into his eyes. 

The whole past week, was nothing but a torture to me. Excruciatingly slow, because of the missing banter between us, and not to mention, Awkward, there were unsaid feelings all over the place. We kept our communication to a bare minimum at work, but what of those thousands of undertones of desires that passed between us. What of that silent electricity that still zinged between us whenever our fingers brushed each other accidentally. We both felt that and both tried the best to look away and ignore it.

I cannot still believe that my goofball of endless energy can go mute like that. It pained me endlessly to see Karthik like that. But I am wreck and a cowardly one at that… I couldn’t gather courage to talk to him. 

I cannot believe his silence can affect me so much. I didn’t know that I can miss a person even in their presence. Now, I grimaced as Jugni looked at me expectantly. I wish it was that simple. As much as I want to be with Karthik in at least a semblance of a relationship, I am afraid of the consequences. Afraid? I am petrified of the consequences. Although I couldn’t bring myself to regret all our moments together, now I know, I have been reckless, with both my feelings and his.

I stepped back as Ravi stepped forward to check Jugni’s vitals. I silently made my way towards Karthik. He also stepped back from the bed, and leaned against a counter. He had a troubling frown on his forehead, eyes were cast down, an unconscious pout forming, it overwhelmed me, looking at him like that. In moments such these, my heart makes its presence felt by setting itself into a dull ache. 

I found myself leaning against the counter beside him. My hand on its own accord reached his hand. He straightened at my touch, jerked his hand away. It hurts more than it ought to. But what else can I expect?

But I cannot bring myself to let it go. I cannot let him suffer, worry and brood all alone.

This time I reached for his hand. As soon my hand touched his, he tried to pull away yet again. But I beat him to it. I quickly slid my fingers through the gaps of his fingers, grasping his hand tightly.

He looked down at me, surprised. I looked back at him, determined, letting him know that I intend to stay. With him. He let a sigh escape through his lips. He looked back at Jugni. His hand struggling against mine. I slowly rubbed little circles on the back of his hand with my thumb. 

Jugni looked at me and grinned. The kid is a cracker and a matchmaker. What will I do without her?

Karthik smiled a little at her, shook his head and relaxed his hand into mine.

* * *

**Karthik**

> “As soon as they were gone, Elizabeth walked out to recover spirits, or in other words, to dwell without interruption on the subjects that must deaden them more. Mr Darcy’s behaviour astonished and vexed her. ‘Why, if he came only to be silent, grave and indifferent,’ said she, ‘did he come at all?’ she could settle it in no way that gave her pleasure. ‘He could still be amiable, still be pleasing to my uncle and aunt, while in town then why not to me? If he fears me, why come hither? If he no longer cares for her, why silent? Teasing teasing man! I would think no more about him!”

I paused, letting the words sink in, both to myself and my audience. Jugni and Aman. I looked up to see Jugni’s eyes fluttering shut. Finally, sleep graced her features. Its a little past 1 in the morning. We came back from the hospital and Jugni was shaken, although she would never let that on. She hated those painkillers they gave her and needed something to soothe her to sleep.

Whenever Juggu could not sleep, I would read to her. Today’s choice was Pride & Prejudice. 

I heard a soft snore from my left side and turned to see Aman curled up awkwardly on the one-seater sofa beside Juggu’s bed. An unconscious smile formed on my face, before I could check it. I wonder why he would take so much trouble to drive us back. He could have easily booked a cab and sent us home. But no, he drove us all the way here. He helped me bring Juggu up. He needn’t have, Kusum was here. But he did.

There comes the question that rankles me up, why would anyone go to such lengths for someone they are just causally interested in?

Of course, Aman shares a bond with Jugni that is wholly exclusive of me. It is endearing to watch him care for my sister as his own. Perhaps, it is natural for him to go all out for someone he cares. But then if it was only for Jugni, he wouldn’t have waited for me to put her to sleep. He looked as if he wanted to speak to him. 

He looked as if he needed an opening to talk. Possibly confront the weirdly awkward situation we were in, the whole of last week. It was new to me too. Whenever I was interested in anyone or in relationship with anyone, it was a simple choice of chase or let go. Admittedly, I had more let go scenarios than chase, there was never a point where I was confused. 

But with this man, Aman, I am hella confused. There were many moments where hope bubbled in me despite his dire warnings. I cannot let him go, even when I am hurting over his lack of feelings. Maybe, its because I don't believe he does not care for me. Actions speak a lot louder than words.

Aman cared for me in action, and always said he is not looking for anything serious with me. The man is a walking paradox! What am I supposed to believe?

Would anyone bash a potential partner of a multi-million dollar joint venture, just for a Personal secretary? Would anyone drive like a maniac on an old Yezdi bike, to save a PA from a trap date? Would anyone face the wrath of his father and board of directors for the mishap and not blame the said PA, even when he is only mildly interested in him? 

And if he does take me seriously, then why say he is only casually interested?

If he is only causally interested in me? Then why stay awkward, restless, completely distracted all the while? Why did he have to look like he longs for my touch? 

_Teasing Teasing Man!_ I found myself repeat Jane Austen’s expression. 

I closed the book and looked at him once again, he was sleeping peacefully, with his cute mouth slightly agape. He was finding it hard to sleep, he confessed that softly to Jugni, in the car while our way back home. I had pretended to take a nap so that Aman and Juggu can talk.

Now watching both Jugni and Aman fell asleep while I was reading, I couldn’t help but wonder if my voice indeed had some weird soporific effect.

Should I wake him up? Is it worth it? Judging by the dark circles shadowing his eyes, he was finally getting the sleep he deserved. It feels almost cruel to wake him up.

I got up and gently tucked Jugni’s blanket. And turned to see Kusum on the door step. She was smiling at Aman. 

“He would definitely get a crick in his neck and act cranky all day tomorrow. All the best with that.”

She said that in such familiar fashion that it ignited a small spark of jealousy in me. Great! Now I am feeling possessive? My heart is such a disaster magnet!

But what she said made sense, I nodded to her and stepped closer to Aman. Probably I should wake him up. If felt almost criminal who is sleeping so beautifully.

“Aman!” I whispered, patting his shoulder, he simply reshuffled to rest his head on the back of my hand on his the shoulder effectively trapping my hand.

Kusum chuckled and whispered, “Trapped!”

I shook my head and chuckled. Who am I kidding? I cannot possibly wake him up like this, nor can I leave him curled up here like this. 

“I am going to carry him to my room.” I said more to myself.

Kusum who was preparing herself to turn in, gave me a thumps up and flopped onto her pillow. 

Jugni and Kusum shared a bed. I sighed slowly slid my hand across back of his shoulder and slowly lifted him up, gently jostling him closer to myself. 

Kusum snorted softly from behind. I turned to look at her. Big mistake. She smirked at me teasingly and said, “Bridal style!”

“Oh shut up!” I whispered back with a stupid grin and warm blood rushing into my face. 

I walked into my room with Aman comfortably snuggled in my arms. He unconsciously clutched my t-shirt collar. And even as I lowered him onto the bed carefully, he didn’t release his hold on my collar. Wonder what he would do if he gets to know that he was clinging unconsciously to the same person from whom he is running away!

Once he was securely on the bed, I proceeded to shift his head into a more comfortable position on the pillow. It was somehow pleasant to watch him sleep. The frown that became a permanent fixture on his features these days, eased out, his hair was slightly swaying across his face. 

He looked so peaceful and calm in his sleep that my hopeless heart faltered and stuttered. 

My Aman! 

I could not control myself anymore, I gently placed a kiss on his forehead, for moment allowing my fingers to play with his hair. 

“Hmm… Karthik…” he moaned. 

_Wait! Was he? Was he awake?_

Vexation overwhelmed me for a second, but looking closely I realised he was mumbling in his sleep. 

Yet another emotion washed over me… I can hardly define it myself. Hope? Despair? Or falling in love with him all over again?

* * *

**Aman**

> The brilliant sun is setting by the medley of trees and buildings, more trees than buildings. Steady melody of Ganga soothed my senses. There is something about this land, this place, that amazed and attracted me every moment.
> 
> Allahabad! The place where Ganga meets Yamuna, they become one and live happily ever after. A simple love story that was etched in the history of time itself. 
> 
> Maybe that’s why I like it here! I love the unpredictable noise of the sea there in Mumbai, but I love the moving melody of this place, the confluence of Ganga and Yamuna more.
> 
> I wish Goggle and Keshav hurry up too. So, we can start loafing around these banks more.
> 
>   
> Walking by the shores of her makes me happy somehow. The sun was still spreading its crimson and scarlet strokes. I was walking by the ruins of god-knows-what haveli, when I heard that boisterous laughter. 
> 
> Wait! That’s Sasidhar sir! I know that laugh so well. His voice is one of the most melodious I have ever heard. I walked a little too enthusiastically towards the source of the laughter. I love meeting Sasi sir, he used to come to teach us Tripathi Trio music. Though none of us really had the musical bend of mind or talent, we took his classes solely because, both Goggle and I had a crush on him. 
> 
> Thats when I heard yet another burst of laughter. One second,… isn’t that Taran Chacha’s voice? It is. Hmm… Wonder what Taran chahcha is doing here, with Sasi sir.
> 
> Suddenly, I found myself at the opening of a grove like place. Surrounded nearly on all directions by high-rise mound, trees and bushes on the edges, its a perfect hiding place, and cherry on top, It has only one opening.
> 
> I could hear their voices clearly now, although I don’t know what they were whispering about. 
> 
> I carefully stepped through the overgrown roots without making noise. After a moment, I stood still, blood rushing into my face. For I saw, Taran chacha and Sasi Sir in a passionate embrace well inside the groove. 
> 
> A second later, they started kissing each other. Wow! I have excellent timing! It felt weird and wrong to intrude in such a private moment of theirs. 
> 
> Slowly I stepped back and started walking away from the groove. _Sasi sir and Taran chacha are a couple?_
> 
> _So… that means it's not strange to like guys? Then why do people talk about only guys and girls as couples. Wow! Sasi sir is so cute… I wish Taran chacha marries him. I think Keshav wouldn’t mind too. Sasi sir had always been very kind to Keshav._
> 
> I turned away from the banks into the adjoining the road to see a mob of people with sticks and lighted kerosene-torches heading towards this direction. Another brain freeze for me. 
> 
> In the fading light, I could suddenly see a tall silhouette, marching towards the place, leading the mop. Wait a second, he is limping a little. That could be my grandfather. Not could be… it is. 
> 
> Panic seized me as I looked at his dark glowering face in the light thrown by the scorches. I really don’t know why… I never saw Dadaji so angry. I quickly got out of their way, before they noticed me. It was easy. All I had to do was step into the shadows of the huge trees that lined the road.
> 
> The mob passed by me without a hitch. Wait… did I hear Sasi sir’s name. Dadaji was in the mob, my Papa was there. All of them looked crazy angry… almost ready-to-kill type angry!
> 
> Oh God! Taran Chacha!
> 
> I ran amongst the trees for a while following the mob. 
> 
> “Sasi” “Meetha” “Vash mein Kar liya” “Buri asar”
> 
> All these random words from the mob gave me the context. 
> 
> _God no no! They are a sweet couple… what the hell were they against??_
> 
> And then again there is no surprise that Dadaji is against love! He hated the concept. He stopped my Papa’s elopement with his lover. 
> 
> _What will they do to Sasi sir!_
> 
> I jumped over a small wall that separated the bank and the haveli. This route well take me faster to the grove. 
> 
> I ran like a crazed guy towards the grove, panic propelling forward. I reached the grove just in time, though I can see the fire lit torches of the mob at a short distance 
> 
> “Taran Chacha!” I called. 
> 
> Chacha and Sasi broke apart. Both their faces writ in confusion and after a moment, shame and awkwardness.
> 
> “Aman?”
> 
> “Chacha…. They are coming…” I panted, short of breath from all the running, “Chacha… Dadaji and a mob of angry people. They are all coming here. I heard sir’s name… that’s why I…”
> 
> Chacha’s worried expression took on the colour of panic. He looked back at Sasi sir, who looked slightly calmer albeit fearful. As if had anticipated this all along.
> 
> “Thank you Aman!” he said, “Taran… if we ever meet again… know that I love you!” he said before hugging chacha. It looked like one last time. My heart squeezed in pain for them.
> 
> “Take care sir!” I called as he ran out of the grove. 
> 
> “Aman… you run now… don’t speak a word of this to anyone…” said Chacha gripping my shoulder in emotion. 
> 
> I nodded grimly and set off in the opposite direction. But the sun had already set, and I tripped as I steeped onto the high ground surrounding the grove and fell into the roots, twisting my ankle. I got my leg tangled in the roots. By then the mob reached the grove. I was out of their, dense shadows and bushes kept me hidden from sight. 
> 
> It was terrifying to see the mob go berserk when they found Chacha. 
> 
> Chacha was calmly answering Dadaji’s rage and Papa’s taunting questions.
> 
> Never knew Papa was like this.
> 
> Dadaji was an old man who took himself too seriously, but Papa? For the first time, I felt disappointed with Papa, somehow it was mixed with a tinge of regret.
> 
> Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some of the people detaching from the mob. Good! the lesser the people the less violent they become.
> 
> But then, a horrible sight met my eye. 
> 
> They were brutally dragging Sasi sir back into the grove. Their faces were unfamiliar but all had identical expressions of morbid delight. It sickened me to my stomach. 
> 
> I could see Taran Chacha lose all his colour in the flickering fire light. The mob engulfed Sasi sir. 
> 
> Sasi Sir was screaming by the time, I could catch a glimpse of him.
> 
> NO! I almost screamed. I had to force a hand over my mouth to stop myself screaming.
> 
> Taran Chacha’s screams were muted by Papa! He was holding Chacha by neck. He was never too big, Chacha… while Papa was a little hefty. Bile rose into my throat at the sight. 
> 
> I closed my eyes in horror. Insides squirming in disgust.
> 
> They had stripped him naked. Our Sasi sir. Tears were streaming from Chacha’s eyes. I didn’t even realise that my eyes were tearing up.
> 
> They were hitting him with those sticks. They were kicking him everywhere. His screams rented the night air, resounded in the small grove. Although I had my eyes tightly shut, there was no escaping those terrifying screams. My whole body shook like a leaf in a storm. I was sweating, my tears were streaming down my cheeks, my hands were still trying to mute my sobs.
> 
> After what painfully seemed like hours, there was silence. The mob frenzy seemed to have died. They seem to have dispersed.
> 
> I opened my eyes to see him even as I cringed in horror and fear. No one was around. Only him and me. And mounds of fire everywhere. Strangely, the silence was louder than all those screams.
> 
> He was down on the ground, face on the ground. 
> 
> “Arhhgghhhh” he growled. Oh thank god… Thank god he is alive. 
> 
> I blinked to see clearly. He turned his pale and bloodied face towards me. His bright eyes boring into mine.
> 
> My racing heart came to a painful halt. Karthik?
> 
> “KAARTHIKKK…” a scream left my lips.

“KAARTHIK….”I screamed, sitting up so fast that my head swam dangerously.

Someone stirred groggily beside me.

_Where am I? Where is Karthik?  
_

It took a while for my eyes to get adjusted to the darkness. I had already broken into a cold sweat. Even in the darkness I was searching for Karthik, his ashen face and bloodied body swimming in front if my eyes.

_Someone sat beside me. Am I? Oh, I am on the bed! Then where is Karthik!_

“Karthik?” I found myself calling for him in darkness. Heart still painfully thudding against my ribcage.

“I am here… what happened Aman?” he whispered his hand reaching for my shoulder.

The horrible image of Karthik in place of Sasi sir, shook me to the core.

Its a nightmare. Nightmare. NIGHTMARE! Yes... its only a nightmare.

I chanted that to myself. But it was too close to reality. That realization bulldozed my guts.

I gripped my hair in both my hands, tears streaming from my eyes, huge beads of sweat forming on my face. 

Karthik shuffled closer to me. His hand wrapped around my shoulders. I am piteably shaking. 

“Shshh,… calm down Aman… was it a nightmare? You saw a nightmare. You are safe…” cooed Karthik in his softest voice.

“No...No No… You are not getting me… you are not safe” I cried into his chest, as he pulled me into his warm hug.

“Shshh,… I am safe Aman… I am with you…” He cooed. His soft voice, was gentle and calm. His embrace held my failing parts together.

The panic I felt, even as the aftermath of the dream faded, rankled me and he rocked me gently. I don’t know how much time we spent in the hug. But slowly my heart beat slowed down to the normal.

“Karthik…” I mumbled into his warm shoulders as my eyes felt too tired to fight the overwhelming sleep.

I will not let that nightmare become a reality! That was my last conscious thought as I slunk sleepily into his embrace.

* * *

**KARTHIK**

Aman slowly drifted into an exhausted slumber in my embrace. His head rested on my shoulder, his hands still clung to me, I gently took his head into my palms, to see face clearly in the semi-darkness. 

Tiny droplets of tears still hung from his lashes. I carefully wiped his tear stricken face, and slowly lowered him onto the bed. I tried to detach his hands from my neck, but even his sleep he held fast. 

I smiled ironically at my strange predicament. I want to comfort him, hold him, hug him, but was afraid how he’d react to the sleeping arrangement when he wakes up in the morning. Gently, I slipped beside him and held him to my side. He snuggled closer to me as if in response to my unasked questions.

For a second, I wished that this arrangement would stay for the rest of my life. His head snuggled into the crook of my neck, his hands clinging to my shoulders, his warm weight enveloping my body on one side. This is what I needed. Him. With me.

Tears prickled in my eyes. He was calling out my name in his sleep. He saw a nightmare where I was in some danger, and he cried, his fear was for me. My heart swelled uncontrollably in hope. You wouldnt know the panic I felt, he said once. Today, I saw! He cared for me much more than he ever confessed. 

Physically, I enjoyed a lot of proximity, but not one of my previous boyfriends were this close to me, emotionally. Aman, even while kicking up tantrums in his own way, brought a semblance of peace to me. Peace that I had longed for, that I sought in everything, in my travel, in literature, art, cooking, in all those crazy wild adventures. This is what I sought for, in all my lovers. 

Strangely, Aman, without being my lover filled that void. All my life I had given pieces of my heart to people I loved. And most of them had taken those pieces, maimed it, bled it and traded with it. It was almost as if I didn’t matter much to them. Life had just fleeting kind of love!

I belonged whole heartedly to all my lovers, but they never belonged to me.

But Aman... I takes his name in a sigh and an unqualified prayer, I belonged to him, and now I realised, he belonged to me too, from the very moment our eyes met. We belonged to each other! in strange irrefutable ways!

His attachment to me… went way beyond what he let on. I understood that on the day after our first kiss. Though our kiss was of raw passion, it stirred something akin to a storm in me. That day, he looked so hurt and lost that my heart knew, he is mine. 

How much ever he insisted that he was only sexually attracted to me, there are many moments such as these that proved to me his feelings too run as deeply as mine. If I had been hurt and miserable the whole week, he was also feeling no better. 

I ran my fingers through his hair, caressing his head, wondering how to make Aman realise what we have is rare and real. Its hard to find such love, and now that I found him, I cannot let him go. Its impossible!

* * *

**KARTHIK**

“Aman Bhaiyya, come have breakfast. Bhaiyya made Chocolate chip pancakes!” Juggu called for Aman excitedly the moment he stepped out of our room. My room! Whats wrong with me?

“Hey Champ! Listen I gotta run,” Aman said hesitatingly. He was looking everywhere except at me.

Really? Are we back to ignoring each other. Aman looked extra forlorn today. His expression was enough to make my heart urge me to hold him and kiss all his worries and fears away.

“Aman, you should have your breakfast and coffee before you leave. Its already 9 and we both know what happens when a certain someone misses his 9Am coffee.” I intervened, with a smile.

He looked up at me for a brief moment, his eyes barely containing a tirade of conflicting emotions. He nodded grudgingly, plopping down on the sofa beside Juggu.

  
I smiled as I made his plate and heated his coffee. I wish I could somehow comfort him. I passed him his plate and he simply mumbled his thanks. There is something brewing inside that head, I can vouch for that.

Aman cleared his throat and said, “Karthik… you can take leave for today. Juggu needs you here.”

“I am coming to work Aman. Juggu is fine, Kusum is there to take care… right baccha?” I said without hesitation, turning at my little sister-slash-decision-maker for consensus. We had already discussed and Juggu wanted me to stay close to Aman. Last night’s nightmare and Aman’s screams woke up Juggu too. She was worried for him as well.

“By the way Aman Bhaiyya, you are supposed come to our place again at 7! So finish up all your work fast okay?”Juggu said cheerily.

Ok now that’s news to me! Is she planning her own birthday. Both Kusum and me are acting as if we forgot Juggu’s birthday for the surprise we planned.

“Why?” Aman asked curiously.

“Bhaiyya and Kusum dee have planned a surprise birthday party for me… I am inviting you to it” Juggu said with a perfectly straight face.

No… what… how?

“Juggu?” I asked in horror. _Nothing can be a secret from this girl!  
_

Unfortunately Aman sipped his coffee right at the moment and spluttered it in shock. Juggu smiled back at all of us innocently.

"How ... when?" Kusum managed.

“Oh! Come on Dee! You think it would be a secret? You guys were dying to wish me since morning… you both are terrible actors, I tell you.” Juggu huffed with a heroine’s flourish!

Aman coughed, spluttered more and laughed even more.

“Oh My god! She is such a Madhubala!” Aman said chuckling uncontrollably. Whether Madhubala or not, she is a rockstar when it comes to cheering people up. Aman’s mood lightened so well!

Aman affectionately ruffled her hair and said, “Happy birthday Champ!” and looked conspirationally at me before whispering back to her, “Promise me... promise me that you will always spoil Karthik’s surprises like this.”

It warms me up whenever they team up like that… even if it is against me!

“Ha! Pakka Promise!” Juggu high-fived.

“Not Fair!” Kusum cried. Although she was laughing along with Juggu.

“Ye too Brutus!” I said in mock-hurt to Aman. I enacted someone's stab on my chest dramatically. Anything to hear that laughter again

Aman snorted with laughter, looking at me and shook his head muttering, “Like Brother, like sister… all are Drama Queens here!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, the reason why Aman has huge fears about being in a relationship. Thats the mystery of Taran chacha! The whole story will be revealed in coming chapters.
> 
> How are you liking it so far people? Throw in some suggestions if you have! 
> 
> And stay tuned for Juggu's Magical Birthday! Major developments@Karman
> 
> P.S: At the risk of completely giving away my plot... I have written a poem in both Aman and Karthik's PoV for every chapter. I am adding that the Part 1 of this series... Do check it out!


	13. Magical Mystery Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your touch is a dream, your presence a trance  
> If waking up means losing you, I close my eyes  
> Yet I know clock never tick backwards  
> However close I want to hold onto you  
> -Aman
> 
> Hey Fellas! Happy SMZS Halfversary! Here is a chapter as a gift to our fandom!  
> With sprinkles of Angst, banter and Pure old Bollywood romance revisited in Karman style!   
> Long-ass chapter with loads of fluff! So, Beware!

**Rajni**

“So what is the plan?” I asked Karthik. I arrived early for Jugni’s surprise party, which is no longer a surprise. 

One look at Aman this evening told me that something is awfully wrong. He is more anxious than ever and a general wreck, after Karthik left work today. I instantly set about to know the whole thing. Karthik frowned and didn’t answer as he was busy filling cup cakes with chocolate syrup. 

“Karthik yaar…!” I asked exasperatedly.

“Rajjo… what plan are you talking about?”

“You and Aman are going through a rough patch… so what’s the plan?”I asked without missing a beat. If anything works with Karthik, it is straight faced frankness.

“When was there a relationship that there would be a rough patch? All he wants me to do is not to get involved with him. He sees a nightmare about me, but he does not to talk about that to me, he cares for me, but panics when he sees I care for him too. He looks at me, no gazes at me all day, but says he is not interested to be in a relationship with me. I can take his tantrums, his brattiness, his sarcasm but this… this hide and seek? This is killing me…”  
Karthik finished intensely.

Whoa! Aman is literally driving him crazy! I cannot see Karthik like this. The earth can only have one brooding fellow and thats already Aman, I don’t want him to become another! So, Diversion technique!

“Who are you and what did you do to my friend Karthik Singh?” I asked rattling his shoulders for good measure.

Karthik looked at me raising his quizzical brow. 

“Rajjo … I am serious…”

“Yes! You are Sirious to Aman’s Lupin. You are Veeru to Aman’s Jai! Dracoto Aman’s Harry! The forbidden love…” I said with maniac smile.

“Rajjo! Are you okay? Did you take something? Why are you talking as if you are high?” This time Karthik shook me by shoulders.

“See… all I know is that you both are made for each other… but there are several Iron walls to cross before you reach your happily ever after.” I said after chuckling a little.

He paused, brow furrowed in thought. Crossed his arms across himself and said grimly,“I am listening.”

“Look…Aman is afraid of messing it up and hurting you even more if it gets serious with you. He talks about how his time with you is already on expiry date with the Tripathi Khandan Farman issued for his wedding and mine.” I said seriously. I had to tell him that.

He sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter, suddenly looking tired.

“But how can you control falling in love? Honesty, wouldn’t I help it if I could? Both of our situations are not ideal, but when some thing’s is meant to be it’s meant to be!” he said, with conviction.

“I am glad at least one of you has a half braincell.”

“Doesn’t really help the situation though Rajjo!”

“Dude! Since when did you become a loser? Since when did you start giving up?” I asked him angrily.

“Rajjo?” He looked shocked at my sudden outburst.

“I know Aman’s hesitance is hurting you… But I promise my brother is not playing you. He is already in to you deeply, you don’t know how smitten he sounds when he talks about you.”

“He is not ready to have a relationship with me Rajjo! What should I do?” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Mr. Karthik Zyaada Singh! Did you really forget who you are? You are a charm-machine. I saw you floor straight men with your attention!” I said passionately, with a hope that he’d listen. “The plan is simple…Turn the charm back on.”

“What do you mean?” Karthik cocked his eyebrow at me once again, consciously straightening up.

I hesitated. I am definitely going to go to hell for this.

“I should not say this as a sister, but flirt with him. Sweep him off his feet. Aman is almost a little kid in these matters. You show him the taste of the real Karthik Singh and he will not be able to resist you.”

“Are you serious?” he asked with a cute, smitten smile. He seemed already in his dream zone. Without letting my thoughts go towards what he might be doing with my brother there…I jested.

“No you are Sirius!”

“Rajjo!”

“Ok ok I am joking… But it’s worth a try bro! What you guys have… its rare. You gotta fight for your fairy tale now. And trust me! We will all help you in this”

He nodded enthusiastically and bowed to me theatrically, and chanted,“Maha Devi Rajjo ki Jai Ho Jai Ho”

I laughed, despite my own misgivings on the said plan! I blessed him.

“Ayushmaan Bhava!”

* * *

**Aman**

I nervously fiddled with my shirt collar and had to actually step back to breathe a few times before I could gather courage to knock the door.

I brought a gift for Jugni that Karthik might not approve of. But the kid needs something to occupy herself with. And I am sure that this can help. The only problem is to convince Karthik. When I finally found it in myself to knock the door, Karthik opened the door at the first knock.

“Wow!” Karthik breathed looking at me. I shuffled my collar, my nervousness is no longer about the gift I brought. I looked up at him, his flawless white button-down shirt, his casually done hair, and for a change, his face was lit with laughter. Its been a whole week since I saw him smile properly. 

“Umm… Same to you?” I said, my voice taking on a breathy tenor.

“Come in.., Everyone is waiting for you.” He said, side-stepping to let me enter and like a gentleman reaching out to help me with the package in my hands.

_Oh God! Please don’t get angry!_

There was a small frown passed his features, probably at the weight of my package.

“Aman Bhaiyya!” Jugni cried happily from the couch. She looked cute in her white snow princess type dress. White seems to be the theme and I wore pitch black! I am such a disaster. 

“Hey Champ! Happy Birthday! What are you today? The Snow Queen?”

She shrugged, “Your movie references are as old as you are… This is Elsa special… Rajjo dee selected this for me!”

Karthik chuckled shaking his head at his sister’s dramatics as he set the package carefully in front of Jugni, who immediately set into unwrapping it.

“So, Did you get the present that fits my royalty?” Jugni asked with regal almost snobby air. Goggle and I chuckled, while Kusum snickered. 

  
“Juggu!” Karthik cried. Wonder why he gets worried when Juggu behaves her age.

  
“You bet I did.” I winked at Juggu. She clapped her excitedly as she unwrapped, to reveal her present.

“Wow Apple Macbook Pro! This is so cool! Bhaiyya You are the best! Thank you!”

“Oye! Not fair…” Goggle cried. “Aman!” She turned towards with her hands on the hips.

“What! The kid can learn now to her heart’s content!” I shrugged. But even she couldn’t help her indulgent smile as Juggu excitedly opened the laptop.

A strong hand suddenly pulled me in to the kitchen. I needn’t really turn to know who that is. That doesn’t stop my heart from reacting wildly at his touch.

He stopped only when he reached the dark corner of his kitchen, releasing my shoulder, he turned to face me, leaning on his fridge, arms crossed in front of him, dark eyes piercing into me, brow furrowed, lips set into a thin line.

He looked at me waiting for a explanation.I know he is angry. But I could not stand justifying myself, my love for Juggu.

I had my answer ready, only I didn’t expect him to look so hot when he is angry. I gulped nervously and breathed in to calm my wayward thoughts first.

“She needs a good laptop to home-school herself. I got it preloaded with the best of the educational software.” I said in a slightly apologetic tone.

“And you think that a laptop is something I cannot afford?”

“No!” I exclaimed. I knew the conversation will head this direction. “Hell… You are drowning neck deep in her medical bills Karthik. You ended up using all your savings for her operation costs. And I didn’t even know she existed at that point. You are taking care of her life. Let me take care of her mind, her education. I don’t want to undermine your value in her life, I just want to help in taking care of her. She misses school. She wants to study. I know you would do everything in your power to do that, but Karthik, what’s wrong in sharing responsibilities?”

Karthik’s expression slowly cooled to a genuinely surprised look. “You want me to share her responsibilities with you?” he asked.

“Yes” I answered firmly.

“Do you know how big a commitment this is?”

“Yes”

“And you are ready for it?” he asked sceptically. Something akin anger flared up in me.

_What the hell is your problem!_

“Yes… Jugni is my sister too… and nothing can change that truth!” I said angrily crossing my own arms in front of me. Unconsciously, he released his stance and straightened up.

He smiled a little and looked at me. This time there was a soft glow in his eyes, his eyes crinkled with his smile.

“Jugni is your sister too… I agree… I cannot say No to that… never knew I will say this to any other person ever… but yes Aman, we will share Juggu’s responsibility…” he said softly.

Yes! Yes? Wow he said yes! I cannot believe he said yes!

“But on one condition!” He said with a pause. My spirits were already soaring. It was a big deal to me. I wanted to join Karthik in taking Juggu’s care as soon as I first saw the little munchkin. Sisters are always special, and a firecracker younger sister like Juggu! Thats a blessing!

“Well?”

“You will not spoil her with expensive stuff…”He said firmly.

_What’s with him and his middle-class obsession with frugality. Oh! He might not want her to turn into another bratty Aman Tripathi! Good try Karthik Singh! Good try!_

“Agreed” I am not signing a MOU out here. And well, at least he said yes! I wonder PS5 comes under expensive stuff or not, according to him. I smirked.

“No PS5 even if she pesters your ears off…” He added another clause shrewdly.

Now this is cheating. “Hey come on! PS5 is an essential!” I protested.

“No”

“Yes”

“No”

“Yes”

“No” 

“Yes”

“Yes”

“NO” 

“Got you! Never play this game with Karthik Singh” he smirked smugly. Even in the semi-darkness he looked ravishingly handsome.

“Such a stubborn ass!” I smirked back. There is no way I would back down on that one. He mouthed “Pushy asshole” and turned back.

* * *

**Karthik**

Jugni, my little princess cut her elaborate birthday cake amidst, all our loved ones. There are moments when you know you finally belong somewhere. For me, it is this moment. 

There were moments in the past, when I helplessly held my deceased sister and mother and cried into the night.

There were nights of me finding refuge in dark shadows of makeshift tents on the roadside because my father chased me away.

There were moments when I felt worthless and used, right after stepping out of Enrique’s caravan.

This moment is an answer to all those moments. Today I have a little sister, several friends who care for me and the love of my life with me. Looking around my people, my heart swelled with pride. My people! 

From the other side of the table, Aman looked at me with a question in his eyes. I shook my head subtly. He smiled and nodded towards Juggu. 

_Of course!_

I picked up a small piece and fed my little one. 

“Janamdin diya Dher saari mubaarakaan!” I said, my heart welling up as I kissed her forehead.

“Bhaiyya you are the best!” She said hugging me happily. “your cake is out-of-the-world anyway, but I liked your other gift more!”

“My other gift?” I asked surprise, cupping her chin to see her eyes.

“Aman Bhaiyya!” she said, her eyes crinkling with a trace of tears.

“How can I say No to your happiness?” I whispered softly back, wiping the lone tear that leaked out of her eyes. Between us, I had already given Aman full rights to fuss over her.

Jugni turned to Aman trying to feed him the cake. Aman ducked playfully and fed her first, while Jugni protested feebly.

Everyone took turns to feed Juggu until she looked stuffed. I silently cleared the cake and passed the others drinks.

We gathered around Jugni in a makeshift circle on the ground. Kusum had laid the pillows all around to make it look as if Juggu was really the queen and we are her lowly subjects.

Its a surprise that even Aman didn’t seem to mind sitting on the floor. By the time I came back with snacks for everyone. The seating arrangement conspicuously hinted at me to take my seat beside Aman.

Not that I am complaining, Aman’s request earlier for Jugni’s responsibility filled my heart with such hope that I am even ready to take Rajjo’s scandalous advice to fight for my fairy tale. 

Its almost as if everyone from Jugni to Keshav are onboard with the mission Karman. Yeah! That was Keshav’s suggestion for the name. Apparently he coined it. I protested but was promptly overridden by the strong female voices in the group.

So, I am to woo Aman, with my charm. I don’t know about that, but I am surely wooed by his silent charm. Yeah already!

I took my seat beside Aman, of course there were sly smiles on everyone except dear innocent Aman.

Aman turned towards me and grinned. After a long time, his boyish grin was back. He looked ravishingly hot, dressed in sleek black, with that grin on and his sparkling eyes.

I sighed dreamily, stretching myself as I sat crossed legged. As fate would have it, my fingers accidentally brushed his.

He instantly straightened, not quite jerking his hand away for my comfort, but looked around extremely conscious.

There was a slight colour raising into his neck and cheeks.

Heady hope! His fingers touching mine, him sitting beside me, blushing! It just gave me courage to go further. This time I moved my hand to cover his, slyly pushing both our hands under a pillow. There was an intake of breath from his side, and a side-ward glance towards me. I know, because I had my eyes only on him. It was easy, considering how lovely he was looking tonight!

The noise of the banter brought us both back. On Juggu’s request UNO cards were brought out. It was quite easy to keep our hands together while in the game. But it was hard to concentrate on the game itself, with Aman looking adorably flustered all the while!

Juggu noticed our hands and gave me a sly wink. Rajjo elbowed Kusum subtly cocking her eyebrow at the pillow that hid our hands. Meanwhile, Devi and Ravi were doing something similar under a pillow with their toes. Tonight is turning out to be quite a romantic one indeed.

After a couple of rounds and a tug of war between our fingers we had to part because Keshav, the only true innocent in the group asked Aman to use both hands to play.

Keshav! I could see almost everyone mentally facepalm at his timing.

* * *

**Aman**

_When you don’t want something or rather, want something real bad but are extremely afraid of that happening in reality, then the entire universe conspires against you to make it happen._

_Seems a little convoluted to be a law, but that’s that!_

_I want Karthik and his attention… real bad! But I am afraid.Afraid…even to admit it to myself. And yet somehow everything that is happening between us since the moment we met is pushing me more into his arms. Despite my resistance! Now it’s even more difficult to resist because his arms are widespread welcoming me._

_I mean, How did a simple birthday party turn into this epic teasing session for me?_

_It’s already incredibly hard already to resist touching Karthik. How can I control myself when his hand willingly seeks mine?_

_It’s already incredibly hard already to keep my heart functioning normally around him, how do I save myself from a mini heart-attack when his eyes smolder into mine, every time I glance at him?_

Finally, thanks to Keshav’s impeccable timing, we had to part our hands. But the disappointment welled inside me, after his warm hand left mine…that was literally hellish. It’s insidious how everything is stacked up against me in this, even my own self, my own desires, my own heart.

“Bhaiyya I am bored!… Please sing for us na…Its been really long since we had a proper jamming session.” Juggu whined after several rounds of UNO.

“Bacha… some other time?” Karthik said hesitatingly. For a brief second, I looked at him, our eyes somehow met!

“Karthik… come on bro!” Ravi said from the other side patting his shoulder.

Devi and Goggle started a ‘Karthik’ ‘Karthik’ chant. When he reluctantly nodded.

Karthik must be a good singer, judging by the popular demand… Wow! I never knew this.

He smiled and got up to get his guitar. All of us got up after him, thinking its better to settle in the chairs. I settled myself beside Jugni, feeling a little excited. I was always mesmerized by his soft voice. It seems like a cherry on top to hear such a voice sing.

Karthik took a chair directly opposite us, and strummed a few strings, tuning the strings. Is there anything this man cannot do?

As he strummed his first few chords, the anticipatory silence was so heavy with expectations that I wondered how Karthik didn't feel pressurized. I would have been a nervous wreck in his place! But all the worldly thoughts vanished when his song started.  


> “Ithna mohabbat karona, mein doob na jaaon kahee”

He smiled as he sang the first line, looked at me.

> “Waapis kinaare pein aana mein bhool na jaaon kahee”

Tilting his head lightly, continued to gaze at me… smiling, his gaze smoldering into me even from afar.

> “Dekha jab se hain chehra tera  
> Mein to faton se soya nahin….”

His melodious voice, the gilded lyrics, and his eyes that were just on me. 

For a moment, I had to turn away from him to actually breath. My heart was racing already.

Jugni elbowed at me and grinned. I forced myself to look back at Karthik.

Apparently, he paused for me to turn around and once he held my gaze, he uttered the next words with a treacherously sweet smile and a dramatic nod!

> “Bol do na zaraa dil mein jo hain chipa   
> Mein kisi se kahoonga nahin!"

How do I express what I am feeling right now? How do I express how my heart is running wildly miles and miles ahead of me?

> “Bol do na zaraa dil mein jo hain chipa   
> Mein kisi se kahoonga nahin!”

How can I say anything that jeopardizes your safety? I want to say anything that will make you stop hurting yourself?

> “Bol do na zaraa dil mein jo hain chipa   
> Mein kisi se kahoonga nahin!”

_How should I tell you I crave your touch, your smile, even your glance sometimes? How do I tell you that I am going crazy for you, despite all my fears and cowardliness?_

_Why Karthik… why are you doing this to me?_

Everyone around me were all smiles, swaying to his lilting voice. Am I the only who is getting hard hit by those lyrics. Karthik stopped strumming his guitar after his interlude, humming melodiously, got up and went up to Goggle.

He bowed to Goggle and Kusum taking each of their hands and making them stand to dance with each other. He went to the Devi and Ravi and did the same. The surprised couples bore it well and danced slowly to his hum.

Who’s next Me and Keshav? I smirked at my own wry humour. Juggu elbowed me yet again, smiled and raised her arms as if holding someone in a dance posture and swayed a little in her seat, clearly asking me to dance with Karthik. 

I smiled and shook my head, only to find Karthik kneeling in front of me, moments later. Both of them have an undeniable penchant for cute gestures. His just floored me. 

For an entire second, I was mentally collecting the blown pieces of my mind, while he waited on one-knee, arm extended, still humming the music.

After a playful push from both Jugni and interestingly, Keshav I placed my hand in his, only to be fluidly pulled into a slow rotating move.

_How does this guy dance so well?… Its not fair… its the one thing tall people find a problem in doing._

Yet again… My thoughts were lost as Karthik’s hand wound around my waist, pulling a step closer. One of his hands still holding my hand. His face was inches away from mine, and I was getting the thoroughly heady version of his song.

> “Mujhe neendh aati nahi hain akele Khwaabon mein aaya karon!  
> Nahin chal sakunga tumhare bina mein, mera tum sahara bano!”

I looked away from his eyes with difficulty. We were locked in an intimate position and our audience were quite oblivious to that.

Karthik transfered my hand onto his shoulder, and cupped my chin to bring my unwilling gaze back to his eyes. Unwilling because, I am moments away from melting completely into his embrace, and kissing his beautiful lips. 

> “Ek tumhe chahne ke alaawa aur kuch humse hoga nahin!”

His eyes, his lips, that silken voice, raw yet somehow melodious, the warmth of his embrace, made me almost swoon in his arms.

He suddenly took my arm, stepped back and with a playful glint pirouetted me, singing

> "Bol do na zaraa dil mein jo hain chipa   
> Mein kisi se kahoonga nahin!”

He caught me back with a cute dimpled smile, biting his lower lip.

_It’s crazy how I didn’t want him to be like this, yet enjoying every bit of this ride he is taking me on._

_It’s crazy how after telling, literally lecturing myself not to get into any kind of situation that will attract his attention, I ended up being his sole focus._

_It’s crazy how despite doing everything in my power to stay away from Karthik, here I am, in his embrace, desperately needing his lips on me._

Embarrassingly enough, a needy moan rumbled out of me, when he pulled me back into himself. He was humming quite loudly so no one else would have heard it. But Karthik’s eyes smoldered into mine, heady with untold desires.

I found myself leaning into him. And so was he, when he recollected himself just in time…because audience! Somehow I found enough strength to push him gently and step away from him. But he held me back by my hand and pulled me right back.

He stroked my cheek slowly, grazing my stubble, and sang

> “Hamara kami tumko mehsoos hoga bhigaadenge jab baarishein!

His breath was ghosting over my lips, making me feel thirsty, needy and reckless.  
His eyes spoke of the same fire he ignited in me.

> "Mein bhar karke laya hoon aankhon apne adhoore se kuch khwahishen!”  
> 

_How the hell did he find the perfect song for our situation?_

He held both my hands and stepped back and forth, to bring himself closer to me while leading us both in a slow turn, cupped my chin and forced me to look into his eyes.

> “Rooh se chahne waalen aashiq baatien jismon ke karte naheen!”

He smiled and gave a sly peck on my cheek, before turning around and going into a full throated and final

> “Bol do na zaraa dil mein hain jo chipa   
> Mein kisi se kahoonga nahin!”

Leaving me wound, teased and melted and overwhelmed in the middle of his hall.

_Damn Him!_

I walked swiftly into the only refuge I found. The Kitchen. Trying to calm down my erratic breathing, swiveling desires and a dull heartache that till then, his voice seemed to carry.

As I tried to regain myself from the vortex of emotions, Devika walked with her bottle of beer.

“Are you Ok Aman?” she asked in concern.

What a thorough wreck I am! I must have made a complete fool of myself.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably and nodded, “I am searching for some water”

“Here…” she handed a glass of water to me and smiled kindly. This was not what I was expecting. Although I need something more stronger than water… I gulped it gratefully.

“Thank you” I managed civilly.

“I know Karthik can be a little overwhelming sometimes!” she said without a preamble.

_Why talk of him!_ I jerked my head irritably.

Devika never liked me. And I know that. So, its hard for me to understand why she was talking to calm me.

“Why are you trying to help me… I thought you hated me?” I asked deadpan. There is absolutely no space in my head for intrigue anymore.

She chuckled, “I don’t hate you… I was only finding it hard to trust you. But now, when I see you trying to keep your distance because Karthik might get hurt with you, I cannot believe I misjudged you so much…”

“Is it that evident?”

“His attempts at flirting or your attempts at controlling your feelings?”

“Both, I guess?”

“It’s cute to watch Karthik so much in love, you know! All his life he ran away from commitments, or anything meaningful in relationships. I have to thank you for that.” Devika said in a matter-of-fact tone that gutted me guilty.

“In love?” I asked in a low voice. My throat was rapidly drying up.

“What??” she asked, she was actually distracted by a sudden rise in voices in the hall.

“What do I do now?” I retraced on my question. 

_Karthik is in love with me? Why did have to choose me to fall in love…_

_What did I do to deserve him? He deserves much better…_

“Simple… flirt back!” said Devika with a smile.

_Are you serious right now?_

“That will be really counter-productive!” I said irritated that she would even suggest something like that.

"No, it gives you back the edge… trust me!” Saying that she winked and left me.

_I like that very much!_

* * *

**Aman**

“Jai” Karthik said quite suddenly.

I wondered how he even stayed quiet at all till now. He seemed to be bursting with energy as we are driving back to my apartment. Yes, my apartment. Giving further proof to my theory that everything in the Universe is conspiring against me, Jugni banished Karthik from his home, saying that all the girls will have a pajama party. Keshav declared that he has to go on an all-nighter gaming streak, so his room cannot be shared. Ravi has a night duty, so, no scope there. Now, Karthik is sitting with me in the car, restlessly fidgeting with his leg till I reply.

“Huh?” I managed. 

“This is a game we are going to play while you are driving?” he said with a darling smile. The night is going to be long… if I had to resist his newly found cuteness.

“And why are we playing the game?” I asked.

“Offo! Keep up Aman! I am bored and you are not really talking today!” he said.

_He is bored… after flirting so thoroughly with me, teasing me in every possible way…he is freaking bored!_

“So what’s the game? At least tell me that!” I asked exasperated.

Karthik smiled and turned half towards me in his seat and said excitedly, “I will tell a name from famous movies or series and you have to say the name of their soul mate slash lover.”

_So the flirting is still on… only more subtler. Game on Karthik Singh!_

“Ok… But beware my ships are quite unpopular…” I said with a dire warning voice. Somehow… after a whole week today I am feeling this good… No doubt the effect is Karthik’s. 

I guess, we all are attracted towards dangerous stuff in life.

“Oooh! Lets see that too..” Karthik nodded with a playful smile. 

Rubbing his hands together enthusiastically he shot his first,“Raj?”

“Simran.”

“Rahul?”

“Anjali.”

“Really not Tina?” He twerked his bushy eyebrow at me.

I smirked, of course not, I confirmed “Anjali.”

He rolled his eyes at me, and said, “Fine Amitabh Bacchan?”

Dunno how he manages to say the name with so much reverence.

“Rekha.”

“Hey! That’s blasphemy!” He exclaimed dramatically.

“Says the Jaya Bacchan’s Nephew? Nobody said you will like it! And you have been warned!” I smiled evilly, turning towards him.

Its quite hard to concentrate on the road while he is beside me.

For a moment he gazed at me, before flashing his dimpled smile.  
  
“Monica?” 

“Chandler.”

“Chandler?”

“Joey.”

“Hey!” he exclaimed half-amused this time. 

“What! They literally have their own missing and making up montages!” I shrugged.

For once, he agreed with me dreamily, “Yeahh… would have been an epic ship… anyway moving on… Sirius?”

“Remus.”

“You too?” he laughed.

“What do you mean you too? Who else?”

“The maha devi Rajjo!”

“Of course!”

“Ron?”

“Hermione.” There can be no doubts about that!

“Harry?”

“Draco.” I breathed, my long-lost crush on Tom Felton surfacing.

“My God! JKR would be scandalized!” he said cheekily.

I shrugged, and asked him, “Why are you so concerned?” and laughingly added, ”I cannot believe I am enjoying this stupid game so much!”

He took the compliment bowing dramatically waving his hands. I missed this Karthik so sorely the whole last week, that I am enjoying this night quite thoroughly.

“Jai?”

“Veeru.”Pat came my reply. Honestly No-brainer there!

Judging by his agreeing nodded and smile… we both shipped them…the Epic Jai and Veeru! I guess a re-run of Sholay is in order!

“Laila?”

“Majnu.”

“Ranjhaa?”

“Bulleh shah.” I quipped almost expecting his surprise at the answer.

“Are you serious?” 

“What! Heer was only there half the time… Ranjhaa constantly fell back on Bulle shah… It was Bulle Shah’s love for Ranjhaa which made his love story immortal.” I answered categorically. It was my favourite argument. 

“Hmm…Interesting… I never thought about it that way!” he smiled, a little dreamily, lost in his thoughts. I love that look on Karthik. That brief moment of interlude to his endless energy, somehow tugs at me.

Fortunately, we reached my apartment, before I got lost in admiring his rare contemplative look.

“Here… we reached home.”I smiled. A small sigh was his reply.

I parked and we quickly walked into the service elevator. Ramu Kaka lives downstairs, I cannot risk him seeing us.

“Aman”

“Karthik.”

“What?”

“What? I thought you were playing the game still” I panicked. And almost at the same time Karthik asked, “Are you playing the game still?”

_Great! Just great! This is the problem with playing with him, I don’t know how things could be kept casual anymore. There is always this undertone of desire for him. How do I cover up my slip now?_

Karthik said with a slowly blooming smile, “Wait! If you were playing the game still,.. That means you ship us?”

“Karthik…” I said in an uncertain voice.

“You ship us… you definitely do… Karthik sounds just perfect with Aman doesn’t it?” he asked softly, there was such sweet hope in his voice that my heart swelled in response.

He actually sidled closer to me. I am already a puddle… anticipating his electric touch. The elevator started its ascent… faster than that,…my tension escalated as Karthik’s eyes bore into me. 

I sighed and looked away. Karthik, for the nth time in this evening, cupped my chin gently to make me look into his eyes. 

I closed my eyes partly to hide my own needy gaze. But then, obviously he would lean in.

“Karthik the elevator has CCTV cameras…” I said quietly. I opened my eyes after a split second, just in time to see a flash of disappointment in his face as he withdrew his hand and stepped aside to give me space. I sighed.

My heart squeezed in guilt…This is such a disaster. Neither can I control myself around him, Nor can I see disappointment in his face.

I have to buckle up… This is not going to work out. This is insane. Why are you playing with fire Karthik? Why are you courting disaster?

Karthik looked lost for a moment, when I dared to throw him a side-ward glance. 

The lift zinged to open into my floor.

“Karthik…”

He shook himself out of his trance.

“Are you feeling sleepy… because I want to watch Sholay…” I said. I know the movie will keep us from thinking about each other at least for some time.

“Sholay it is!” he instantly perked up.

“That’s the plan then… Sholay and Chill!”

“Sholay and chill…” He repeated with a longing smile. Oh no!

He probably stepped only an inch towards me and I panicked. I turned abruptly and opened the apartment door.

Quite stupidly, I waited for Chugsy to come bounding towards us. I totally forgot that she went to Goggle’s. 

“Where is Chugsy?” Karthik asked.

“At Goggle’s” 

“Oh why? Goggle is ours”

“Actually Champa chachi is her favourite. Now that Chachi is in Mumbai, Chugsy will not leave her.” I explained.

“Thats cute!”

“Yeah and quite lonely.” I couldnt help adding. I missed my Chugsy. She is the only one who understand my obsession with Karthik’s safety in a non-judgmental way.

“I understand!”

I shrugged and led him into the living room. Its time to open my movie den. 

“Let me show something,”I said excitedly. Karthik turned to me questioning.

I led him to an adjoining room with false walls, complete with acoustics. I clicked the switch that fires my movie den into life. With some clicks and cool whirring, the purple step lights led us into a semi-dark room.

A low whistle from Karthik…I knew, this would impress him.

Slowly the entire room lighted with darkish tints, like that in a theatre, I picked the system’s remote and said, “Play Sholay!”

A huge screen came to life on the other side of the room. 

“Whoa! This is a mini-theatre!”

“Liked it?”

“Loved it! You sure know how to enjoy finer things in life!”

“Thank you I guess” I laughed. “Stay here I will get us some drinks and popcorn”

“Let me help you.” He said moving forward. As fate would have had it, He tripped over the edge of the couch and fell down.

“Karthik!” I exclaimed.

“I am ok…” said he, from somewhere on the floor.

“Shshhh...Here come with me” I guided him out by hand. 

We went into the kitchen, he sat at the counter wincing while I applied ice on his bumped forehead. I pressed his forehead with my thumb gingerly, and asked him gently, 

“Is it paining?”

He looked up into my eyes, it was then I realized how close I was to him. I tried to take a step back.

He had his hand on my shoulder, and pulled me back closer to him, “Yes its really bad…the pain…”

_How does he do that? Sound so innocent and needy at the same time._

“Karthik…”I stepped back and handing him the icepack. As much as I was worried for him… we cannot… and its extremely hard not focus on anything else but his eyes at such closer quarters.

> “Jab pyaar kiya toh darna kya… Jab pyaar kiya toh darna kya …  
> Pyaar kiya koi Chori nahi kee… chup chup aahen bharna kya!”

He sang with a cute little pout, eyes imploring me. 

_Why Karthik?_

I turned my back to him… and walked to cabinet to pick some popcorn to microwave.

Willing myself to concentrate on breathing again because his cuteness just short circuited my brain.

“I think we should establish some ground rules here, Karthik” I said forcing myself to sound stern and normal.

“Ground rules?” his repeated in his soft voice. 

“Yes… Rule number 1… Stop flirting with me.” I said keeping the bag of popcorn in the microwave and shutting the door to face him.

After a second, I regretted to turn at all… he pouted in response, looking criminally hot.

I gulped, “Rule number 2…Don’t pout at me like that” His eyes melted and he smiled in response…I am sounding pretty bratty right now.

“Anything else?” his voice couldn’t have been softer. I shouldn’t melt. I cannot melt. No melting.

“Yes” I breathed, “Yes! Okay first stop smiling like that…”

He bit his lower lip, to stop himself from smiling. But Damn that lip, it reminds me of several times I bit it while kissing him.

“Rule number 3… Dont bite that lip!”

“Why?”

“Because I…” I faltered. _Damn!_

“Rule number 4?”

“No Touching!” I said a tad firmly. Painful yes… but boundaries are necessary. 

  
“So basically boundaries are back. Right?” Karthik said gently, with a sad smile.

If till now, his smirk raced my heart, this smile smothered and squeezed it.

I looked up at him. Regret and disappointment washed over me like a tidal wave from inside.

I craved for his touch too… even from afar, my body is attuned to his every move.

Thankfully, the microwave pinged, I busied myself with pouring the popcorn into a bowl, bringing out drinks and arranging the tray, all the while feeling his gaze burning into my back.

_Please stop this Karthik…_

“Let’s go…?” I asked him with the tray. He reached for the tray to help me.

I shook my head, “I dont want you to fall again… so hold my shoulder and I will guide you through the movie den.”

“Yes boss” He said perking up. He placed his hand on my shoulder from the kitchen itself. And I had a hard time controlling my smile. 

“And no Flirting Karthik!” I smirked, there was a definite chuckle in response from behind me.

We made our way to our movie den… for the sholay and chill! This would be a night to remember for me!…Hope this tenterhook peace stays…Hope we remain friends… Karthik will move on,… after a point tired of me… but I would remember this wonderful man… and this wonderful night…

Karthik sat down first and helped me with the tray…the automatic sensors detected that the audience are settled in the couch so… the movies started playing.

A child-like awe replaced the rather rueful smile Karthik had. I love that look on him.

I sat down beside, careful to leave a small gap between us, which he completely erased as soon as I sat down. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, relaxed us both back into the seat, covering our feats with the mini blanket and pushing the leg rest up.

I am not saying its uncomfortable… not in the least bit. Actually I am so comfortable that I ached for this for the rest of my life… I want all the friday nights to be this snuggly and warm with Karthik beside me. Now thats the dangerous slope I was talking about. I am afraid I should want him to stay with me forever… There is no way its possible.

“I thought NO touching was one of my rules.” I asked. Half-exasperated, half-amused with his direct breach of my rules…

“Oh come on! I cannot watch a movie without cuddling… and besides you broke that rule yourself… so null and void!” he said, giving me a half a glance and smug smirk, because he freaking knows that I am liking this immensely.

The movie started with the high-octane train robbery and chase. Both of us turned towards the screen, almost reverentially. Its Jai and Veeru after all!

Yet,…there is no denying the electricity zinging between us,…aided and abetted by Karthik’s casual snuggling. But as an unspoken rule, we kept our eyes to the screen.

It was almost after the first sequence ended, after the famous “Yeh Dosthi hma nahin chodenge” that Karthik sung along in his beautiful voice, that our glances met tentatively again. Sometimes a simple glance has the power to tip the scales off balance.

I turned back to face the screen… but I can still feel his gaze over me… It was warming my cheeks… thank god for the dark room. One glance, one damned glance is all it took for all our carefully constructed controls to crumble.

“Karthik…”

“Sholay is happening what about the chill?” he asked in a sudden husky voice.

_Oh no! What the hell did get myself into? I gulped as I felt him shift a tad closer to me._

_This is insane… how am I supposed to resist this man,… when I am actively fantasizing over the 1000 ways I can touch him._

“Karthik…”

“Shshh… let me handle the chill section…,” he whispered against my ear. I shivered slightly in response. 

Suddenly, I could feel his lips on my jaw, making feather light impressions on my stubble. My hands reached his collar… I am supposed to push him… but that didnt happen… I clutched his collar for support, for I am falling back into my fantasy land… head first!

The feather light kisses slowly turned into hungry nibbles, all over my jawline and cheeks. Thought slowly shut down…as he took control…

“Karthik…” I moaned, somehow twisting in our couch to give him full access to myself.

Karthik, cupped my face placing a chaste kiss on forehead, he proceeded kiss my closed eyelids. The heavenly warmth from him, radiated into me in cascades. 

He pecked at my lips and drew back, I opened my eyes just enough to see his lips and kiss him back…

As I leaned in… he whispered against my lips, “I love you Aman…I love you so much!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Max out the kick with Armaan Malik's excellent "Bol Do Na Zara" from Azhar!
> 
> Do let me know what you think how the story is going... I am low key proud of myself for pulling off this chapter!  
> Which chapter is your favourite uptill now?


	14. My Head's Spinning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My joy, my pleasure, my musing  
> When did you steal so deep into my heart  
> My heart, it's bleeding for the first time  
> Never knew how hard I fell for you
> 
> -Karthik
> 
> Hiya Folks! first up I am really sorry for the extra long time I have taken to update this chapter!  
> Also a very long chapter ahead... so grab your cups, and enjoy the show I guess...
> 
> There are some revelations, a little smut and angst ahead... so brace yourselves!

**Karthik**

“I love you Aman Tripathi! I love you so much,” I whispered against his lips. The words found my voice on their own volition. I seemed to have mastered the art of spilling the beans.

If I had to choose a moment to stretch into a millennium it would be this. Aman sitting almost in my lap. My fingers playing with his hair, his eyes wide at my words, countless emotions that welled up as tears in his eyes, he was so close, so beautiful, so real. I wish the moment stretched into eternity, because, my heart, it also squeezed in fear, fear of the impending heartbreak. What if he says no? What if he doesn’t feel the same way for me.

“Karthik…” he whispered, still not able to voice his emotions. I placed a feather-light kiss on his lips, this could possibly my last and rested my forehead against his.

“Is it a NO?” I asked, voice quaking. There was hesitation clear in his eyes. Our moment is broken, its time to face the hard truth. I started withdrawing my hands from his cheeks.

He cupped my face, this time, “Stay Please…Please… five minutes” he sidled closer to me, keeping our foreheads connected, somehow managing to still maintain eye-contact with me. Two tiny droplets of tears were hanging from his lashes.

“You had to find the most complicated guy in the city and fall in love with him, right?” He said attempting to chuckle, playing with hair at the nape of my neck. 

I gave him a watery smile. He doesn’t love me back. This was just softening the blow.

“It is a NO, right?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

“You are a wonderful man Karthik… I wish… there is a way we can be together. I wish… somehow I could allow myself to take a chance with you. Its so easy to fall for you… its so natural to be with you…But I am afraid…because today, If I selfishly think about myself and be with you… what if,” He gulped… looking truly frightened, “What if tomorrow, my family finds out about us… what if they harm you… You have not seen half the Tripathis, Karthik. We are a crazy circus. And… I cannot let myself do that to you…”

For a moment, our ragged breaths and Sholay still running in the background became the only sounds in the room… There was a heavy silence settling between us despite the background sounds.

I processed what he said. Re-running his words feverishly in my head. There were many ‘I wish’ s, ‘what if’ s and ‘but’ s… I could feel his heart pounding against me, just like mine, he had tears in his eyes and looked genuinely afraid.

A thought intruded me through the haze. I have faced rejections before. There had always been a volley of explanations. “Its not you its me!” , “I don’t deserve you… you deserve to be with someone much better” , “I am not looking for anything long term right now” , “Karthik! You are a wonderful guy… but you and I cannot be together”- these were the standard responses.

The answer was always a No… however, softened or sugar-c0ated it was. But before any of those words, a sorry expression clouds their eyes. I know… because I have seen that look too many times to mistake it.

But here, I don't see that. He had longing raging in his eyes…or maybe my judgment is clouded by my own wishes. I decided to probe once more.

“If only,” I started, he had closed his eyes, letting his tears fall. “If only…I could keep it casual with you?” I said ruefully.

He opened his eyes in shock. He shook his head. Moving closer to me. His fingers caressed my stubble in soothing circles. 

“No … No Karthik… things were never casual between us… I realized that long back… you and I…” he sighed. He leaned forward to kiss my forehead, before continuing, “you and I… we connected on a much deeper level…If only… I was just Aman …. Not Aman Tripathi… just Aman… If only I was a regular guy with no baggage and you met me in a cafe, or …or Kittu’s roadside Chai Tapri!”

We both let out a chuckle at that.

“What would have happened then?” I asked trying desperately to keep my wishfulness in limits.

“I would have fallen for you instantly,” pat came the answer. For a moment, he looked lost too. His eyebrow twitched, he gulped and bit his lip. It seems as if he was processing something himself.

“And you wouldn’t have been so bratty?” I asked, allowing myself to jest… Somehow my heart… it seemed to hear what it wanted to hear. ‘I would have fallen for you instantly’ it sounded too close to truth that it was impossible to ignore it now. That Aman and the Tripathi inside him are warring against each other. I could see that in his eyes.

“Naa… No relief from that mate! My brattiness is still included in the package” he joked with me, his infamous smirk returning.

“I am glad!” I said simply. Complications, no complications. Bratty, No bratty, I love him… I cannot get myself to regret falling for him… however impossible our situation seemed, I cannot bring myself to give up on him.

He looked up at me in mild surprise… For a second there was a slight smile too. After which he fell back into a brooding silence. 

“Do you…” he started, faltering in hesitation, “do you regret us?”

US… that’s a beautiful word… It sums up all my wishes.

“Do you?”

“Never!” he said intensely. 

“There, you have my answer!”I smiled. Its strange that we reached a point where we talked about us…without ever actually being “us”.

“Why should everything be so complicated?” He said his voice thick with tears.

“Karen bhi toh kya karen, Yeh ishq naheen asaan!” I smiled, slowly disentangling myself from him. As much as I want to stay close to him. Touch him, caress him and kiss him in every way possible… reality has finally set into my mind. He might have felt more for me… He is right, we could never keep it casual… he was passionate about me… but then he has taken a decision to stay away from me. I must respect that.

“Wait…you are leaving?” He asked in a small voice, as I slid from the couch and straightened.

“Do you want me to stay?” I asked him softly. For me, our story doesn’t end in his silence or his denial. Its complicated even in my head, but at least one thing is clear, Aman and I are in this together for a long haul.

But it seems like, he is spiralling with guilt and what felt like heartbreak. For the umpteenth time, Aman’s words and his actions spoke to me contradictory things.

He buried his head in his hands, shuddering a little. I reached out to him in an instant, placing a hand on his shoulder,  
“Yes… Karthik Please… I cannot … I am not ready to let you go…. I want you by my side… don’t walk out on me!”

He said that anxiously. I was right, he was spiraling. And I hoped, doubted and hoped yet again… in that brief moment.  
“Aman,” I started.

“Karthik… please … you will get over me … you will get tired of me… I am constantly pushing you away… there will come a time when it sticks and you will leave me forever…” he said, in a low voice almost muttering to himself. Really? He actually believed that I will simply abandon him and leave?

“Aman why are you thinking all that?”

His entreaty to wait now has a different meaning altogether. His first boyfriend abandoned him… perhaps the wound is still raw. 

“Because thats what happens eventually… everyone leaves me… I will be all alone… I wish…I wish…” he said intensely.

“What do you wish for Aman?” I asked, sounding close to tears myself.

He ran his hands through his hair, sighed and shuddering. Basically, battling the panic attack he was having. He took a moment to compose himself and opened his eyes. His deep eyes looked restless. He suddenly looked tired.

He shook his head and said in a neutral voice, “Leave it… shouldn’t matter…”

“Aman?”

“No you are right… I am being selfish… go… I have hurt you enough….” He nodded, trying to convince himself.

“Aman… don’t do that… don’t push me away…. I will stay with you as long as you want me to… you know that” I said sternly. There is one thing panicking. Everyone deals with loss differently, but what Aman is doing now is actively pushing the pain under the blanket.

“No!… I cannot do that to you, Karthik. Its already bad that you are in love with me… Someone who doesn’t have balls to love you back… I cannot stand up against my family to fight for you… to love you the way you deserve to be loved… to stay with me is a disaster for you… it would only delay an eventual heart break. My time with you has an expiry date…” he said all that in one breath, again rapidly spiralling.

I sat down on the couch beside him wrapping my hand around his shoulder. He melted onto me naturally, resting his head on my chest.

“Shsshhh…. Stop spiraling…!” I cooed.

“Karthik…”

“Shsh… calm down Baby!… calm down” I said softly, I could feel his racing heartbeat, his eyes were restless and a small almost indiscernible shudder still passed through him. I kept rocking him gently, running my hand down his back gently.

He wanted me to stay, he wished he was in a different situation. ‘I would have fallen for you instantly’ , ‘I cannot be that guy’ , ‘Don’t walk out on me’ ….what could be the meaning of all this? And why was he so afraid of me getting hurt, hurt by his family? Fear of being out to one’s family can be a harrowing thing. But this fear seems deeper than that, as if he knew exactly how his parents, his family would react, as if he had seen that reaction before.

Aman seemed to regain himself again. He straightened and looked at me solemnly and asked, “Where do you get the strength to love so unconditionally?”

Experience… when you see enough in life to know what love could mean….

“How did you convince god to make you so lovable?” I asked in return. My beautiful, doe-eyed Aman.

He chuckled dismissively at that. 

“Aman… your time with me has an expiry date. My love for you doesn’t. Even from afar, I would love you. Even as I stay away from you at your request, I would still love you. Look Aman… I can understand your fear… but this is no way to live baby…. Your family might be the biggest bunch of homophobes ever, but you cannot let them dictate their terms to you. Forget me for a second, do you want to see yourself like this forever? Locked away in this god-damned tower of expectations like a bloody Rapunzel? You deserve to live your life your way… on your terms… like your breakfast and coffee at 9AM, exactly the way you want.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” he said chuckling ruefully. He looked like he drank in my words. He looked a little less forlorn. A little less in despair.

I smiled and pecked at his lips. Got up to leave, really hoping that the girls will let me in this late.

  
  
I hardly reached his front door that I heard his voice, “Karthik! Wait…”

He came running behind me. I turned to face him, and steadied myself just in time. He launched into arms. I caught him mid air and hugged him. Snuggling into his neck I realised I am not ready to leave him yet. 

“Stay… please… stay with me…” Aman breathed against my neck. I jostled his head into my head, to see his face. Not quite ready to let him go, I still held him to myself, his feet were still hanging in mid-air.

After a long moment of gazing into his eyes, “If I stayed, I don’t think we can stay away from each other, Aman.” I whispered against his stubble.

I could feel Aman’s smile as he said, “I don’t want to stay away from you. I want you with me. I have battled long enough against myself….” He paused hesitating. I looked into eyes, gently nodding, imploring him to speak. 

He continued, “I cannot promise a great future with me. I cannot come out to my family. We might need this to be really discreet. It is what it is… I want to experience this craziness with you… Will you be… would you… I promise I will do everything in my power to keep us together and possibly keep you happy.”

I cannot believe he just said that. Finally releasing him from my stronghold, I gazed into serious slightly teary eyes.

“Boyfriends but not quite boyfriends?” I asked ruffling his hair.

He nodded a little, looking up with eyes brimming with hope.

“Be the Veeru to my Jai?” he asked gently.

It didn’t even take me a moment longer to find his lips. Every kiss we shared had a different tenor and tone to it. Some hungry, some explosive, some languid… this … this quenched my thirst… He might not have accepted his love for me… but it is there… hope bubbled in me as a potent serum.

  
We broke apart for breath, he grinned and rested his head on chest, pulling me into the cuddliest of his hugs.

“So yes?” he asked, snuggling comfortably into me. 

“Should I prove that to you,” I said, before recapturing his lips. Tenors in our kisses change quite quickly. From reassuring to ravenously hungry.

Somehow… we made our way to his room. My last coherent thought simply marvelling at the absolute adventure of a man he is!

* * *

Aman

Eggs sizzled slightly I poured them slowly on the pan. After mentally rechecking the video I saw for the 100th time. I cannot believe… I am making eggs. I am quite helpless with anything that doesn’t come out of a machine. Ramu Kaka would normally made my lunch and dinner. Nowadays, I got addicted Karthik’s amazing breakfasts. 

So this is my first willing venture into the kitchen. I smiled to myself. Actually, I couldn’t stop smiling from the time I woke. Albeit slightly sore, but somehow radiating happiness. 

I turned to place slices of bread in the toaster. Eggs and Toast… And some coffee. It would be a perfect breakfast in bed… a perfect surprise for Karthik.

The coffee machine zinged… And damn its overflowing…. Did I add too much water… Shit… There floods my kitchen!

Where the hell does kaka put the napkin now? Why should my kitchen be such a maze?

Squelch! Oh god! Eww..

Kitchen work is messy… dunno how Karthik manages to make such awesome things… thinking of him brought a smile again. I must look like a besotted fool smiling while cleaning up spilled coffee.

Wait…! Whats that smell? Nothing smells so horrible here…and its just coming now… Shit Some thing’s burning!

My EGGS!

Fuck!

I was about to touch the hot saucepan with my bare hands in hurry, when a pair of strong hands held mine back.

“What the hell are you doing?” Karthik said his voice raspy and thick with concern.

“Saving my Eggs… which got burnt now!” 

“Yuh…Huh! Mr.Egg Saviour! You put them on high! And you were about touch the bloody pan with your hands… want bandages till next week?” Karthik said half-amused, half-exasperated. He still held my hands from behind, his breath coming deliciously down my neck!

“High?” I asked in confusion, half-twisting to see his face.

Karthik shook his head, smirking, gently pulling me back from my burning eggs to handle it himself.

I watched him carefully, for future reference, he was shirtless and so effortlessly sexy… yeah… definitely for future reference. 

He tapped on the buttons to lower the heat. Oh! Obviously! I mentally face palmed.

With a low chuckle he picked the pan with gloves and emptied the burnt contents. He got back to make some eggs himself. Wait what’s that noise. Toaster!

I turned back to find two squares of Charcoal instead of bread.

“Aman!” said Karthik sternly. Oh yeah! I was about to touch the burnt bread now.

Can I do anything right at this point? Karthik looked for tongs for a moment and then removed the burnt bread from the toaster. 

It took only moments of my sullen silence to make Karthik look back at me. Eggs were already sizzling again. Bread slices were in the toaster, already. Coffee machine was zinged back to life.

I leaned against the kitchen counter with hands across myself. This was supposed to be my surprise!

“By the way! I loved the gesture!” he said, coming over to me and enveloping me in his bear hug.

After a moment, I had to relent. He stroked my beard gently with his thumb, and continued in a soft voice,”Breakfast in bed… I must say thats one of the most r…” I placed my fingers on his lips.

  
“No… Don’t! It was not!” I said quickly, colouring rapidly. I’d be damned if he associates me with the ‘R’ word!

Karthik’s eyes glinted mischievously. He held my wrist and kissed all my finger tips and kept kissing them till I withdrew my hand. Wonder how he can melt me like this every single time!

“It was… it was the most romantic thing ever done for me… because you don’t know the ‘C’ of cooking!” he stressed on the ‘R’ word for dramatic effect! Damn him!

“I just thought it was convenient…” I managed in a small voice. I am such a wreck! Especially in front of him… especially for him.

“Hmm.. Convenient… How so?”

“Well… if you have breakfast fast, We can get ready and leave for work…” I launched into explanation, suddenly realizing the flaw in my plot.

“So… a leisurely breakfast in bed, is a way to do that?” he asked cheekily.

“Fuck You!” I said in irritation.

“Hmm… lets do that for lunch!” he smirked.

Wow! His comebacks improved overnight! Just like my smiles.

Karthik turned back his attention to the breakfast in question. Within minutes, steaming hot breakfast complete with coffee sat at our table. 

“Always knew you are such a softie!” he said with that cheeky smile of his!

“Me?” I smirked back. Oh thank god! I retained at least that. “ Really! Remember how I can be really hard on you! Karthik!”

He ducked into his plate laughing opening at my stupid innuendo. After he recovered from his laughing fit. He grasped my hand under the table and pulled me towards him.

“Oh yeah?!” he said challenging me, “Disprove this, like you did with another of my statements.”

“What?” I managed to ask. His lips were too close to mine for comfort. And I am like an addict to those lips.

“That this Aman Tripathi would be nothing” He said smiling with a significant look. Of course! His ‘Fuck me’ at first sight! 

“I disproved it? How?” I asked innocently. Of course he would say I am indeed his bike on fire!

Karthik cupped my cheeks, placing a chaste feather-light kiss on my lips and said, “Because now, this Aman Tripathi IS my Everything!”

* * *

Kusum

“I have never seen you like this” I said looking at a laughing Aman. We both took it upon ourselves to arrange a good study desk and book rack for Jugni. The princess is sleeping, so this could be the best time to do it. If not she would not let us do it for her. Aman and Karthik came back from work early today. It seems like they are together now. Aman is just radiating happiness.

“Like what?” Aman raised his eyebrow looking at me, his smile was still like a 1000 watt bulb.

“Different … I don’t know…Happy?” I blurted out, looking a little apologetic. No offense to him, but Aman had always well-meaning but sarcastic, kind but grumpy, good-at-heart but boring. I don’t know how he was like, in his childhood but going by what Goggle says he was always silent and introverted.

Aman looked a little surprised and asked shook his head. He turned back towards the section of books he was arranging. After a moment’s pause, “Is it really that evident?” he asked in a small voice.

“What? you being happy? You being happy whenever you are around Karthik? Yes… very!” I said with smile.

Karthik has that effect on people, just like Goggle. Perhaps thats why they hit it off from the day they met.

“I am making an effort to look as normal as possible you know.” Aman said. Really? Why? And how strange is this? Aman is actually speaking to me. He never really talked to me… for the fear that his family members will construe something else of our friendship. After Goggle left for the US, he’d call me from time to time to know if I was okay.

“Did you ever” Aman started, paused, doubted and continued looking a little uncomfortable, “did you ever fear that just when things are getting better… something wrong will happen? Just when you are feeling happy, something will come up and destroy that happiness?”

I know that feeling too well to form a coherent answer immediately. I looked at him and nodded before turning back to my pile of books. Whenever I go closer to Goggle, feel that we are more than just friends, that finally I can find my happiness in her, Rakesh makes his dark entry.

“I am a coward perhaps, but thats that.” Aman finished looking a little miserable. God! I wish I hadn’t broached the subject itself. 

“You are not a coward Aman… if you were, you wouldn’t have chosen to give your love a chance. That's a courageous thing to do!” I said. I said that not just to comfort him, it is the truth. I am a coward. I couldn’t give myself a chance to be the girl my Goggle wants me to be, because of that fear. Rakesh is way too powerful to be played with. If he see my bond with Goggle he would go to any lengths to destroy it.

“Love?” Aman asked sounding puzzled.

“What else then?” I asked him. Aman would not admit it to himself, I am pretty sure.

“Yeah…” Aman shrugged trying to look emotionless, distant, but failing to do so. “Yeah… Karthik is in love with me… but … he cannot seem to realise that that road is a deadend to me.”

“Who was talking of Karthik here? I was talking about your love….” I deliberated.

“I am not… in … in love with him…” he said nervously shuffling his collar.

“Yes…” I smiled, looking at him over the last pile that we were arranging. I continued, “yes… keep telling that to yourself, maybe then you will believe it…”

* * *

**Aman**

“You are just paranoid Karthik…Why will Rakesh of all people try to sabotage me?” I laughed, when Karthik talked about his suspicions on Rakesh Tripathi.

“I know he is your cousin and all that… but listen to me.. Ok?” Karthik said, seating himself on the couch, half turning towards me. I frowned and nodded. He looked really tensed. Three days into my personal heaven with Karthik, I was expecting something of some sort to crop up. Because that’s how it works, my destiny. 

He continued, “My suspicions started from the time Rakesh started inviting himself to all the high profile meets that you generally keep private. Because, A- how did he know the exact venue every damn time? And B venue might still be predictable, but time? You are by nature erratic in fixing these meets and we used to reschedule them often, and still he gets it every time?”

Whoa! Wait thats true. Now I am taking every question of his.

I nodded muttering, “yeah, now that I think about it… it is strange!”

“Exactly. He was using these meets somehow to gain standing amongst your board of directors, investors, stakeholders, basically, your circle. And I have some proofs that he was unofficially running some errands for them.” He said passionately. 

“Errands?”

“Yes like, creating shell companies, creating skewed data, money laundering.”

Oh my god! This is serious. Rakesh always had a thing for data! 

“Are you serious?” I blanched, possibly my astonishment and building anxiety is showing on my face, or Karthik is just tuned to pick signals from me, he reached and rubbed my shoulder gently.

“I wish I wasn’t. But even as I digging around for this information… I was led into a false security that there was nothing he was doing to undermine you, or your hold on the company.” He softly, but his frown spoke louder than his voice. 

The fact that Rakesh can do something against me, on the hindsight, doesn’t really shock me. We weren’t really that close. Shantha Bua is one of my favourites, but his father was a man everyone avoided. But Rakesh cannot stand his ground against me and the Tripathis. Crazy as we are, our is a very tight knit family. Sanskaar over everything else.

“How will he undermine my hold Karthik? Possibly he was doing this for money… he cannot do anything against me… Did you forget that I am the Tripathi’s poster child?” I said that later part almost wistfully. That privilege led to me being lonely than ever, how can I forget it even for a second.

“I know you are… you know how big trees are removed? When people want big trees removed without much effort, they dig a small trench around it several feet away where its roots are spread, and keep pouring a chemical into the trench. The big tree gets poisoned at its roots and withers away,” he paused, allowing his analogy to sink in.

Horrified, I stared at him, “Do you have any further proofs against him?”

“He is getting insider information on you. So, there must be some source. The source is none other than Laila,” Karthik finished.

“Laila?” I asked. This is the second shock I had in a day. But Laila? She is here since five years… she helped me a lot initially. Yes she had other motives also in mind, but she backed out and kept her dignity.

“Yes…” Karthik nodded ruefully.

“She was working here since five years, from the time I took over, she was of great help to me… are you absolutely….how did you get to the conclusion that Laila is helping him?” 

“Remember the day I came to the mansion for some signatures?” Karthik asked. My mind unhelpfully dived into steamy session we had in the back of our car. For a moment, I could only gulp and smirk slyly at Karthik, who got the reference. He smiled at the memory first, then frowned and refocussed himself, shaking his head.

“Anyway…,” he continued, “The returns that were supposed to be filed that day somehow got missed. And Laila told me that she had handed over the documents to the IT department. But no, they were not. In their place, several other documents, without your signatures went the IT department. Thankfully, for those documents I started using IOT encrypted chips that Keshav gave me, so I tried tracing them. And guess where I found those files?”

“Where?”

“Rakesh’s car.”

“What?” 

I couldn’t help despairing a little. If Karthik wasn’t there with him, I would have been clueless about all this. Keshav proposed this IOT chips thing long back. But I couldnt get my previous PA to coordinate with him, until Karthik came. After he took over, he stepped up to solve, first that money laundering rig, and now this. How I did get so lucky to have this wonderful wonderful man in my life!

Karthik got up for the couch to bring back his ipad from the table. “Yes,… subsequently, the returns were filed, with due penalty, I must say, but if they weren’t, you can imagine what would have happened. Working on the lead, I embedded those chips in most of our important files in the strong room to keep a track and see for yourself where some of them are.”

Karthik showed me the tracker on his ipad. “Bloody hell!” I muttered. There were several bluish dots in my place, several in strong room, but there were nearly seven to eight dots in 7th floor conference room that Rakesh converted into some kind of make-shift ideation room. It really irked me then, but I let it slide. Such a mistake.

“That place is a den to Rakesh’s activity.”

“Damn! Karthik… this is crazy… I trusted him so much. When he wanted to work in Data Department, I gave him free rein… His mother, my bua, she is one of the sweetest ladies you will ever see…See how he turned out?”

“No one ever really takes after their parents completely. Imagine me taking after my dad, you after yours?” he shuddered theatrically. 

I smiled a little and said, “Touche`.”

He reached for my shoulder to comfort. I sighed and couldn’t help feeling a little relaxed at his touch, Despite everything that happened between us Karthik pursued his leads, to ensure my safety. Apart from my immediate family, no one else had ever done that for me. Once again, I am overwhelmed by how much I meant to him. 

  
And despite everything Rakesh is doing, and might be planning to do. This is the first time, some calm voice inside me told I will be alright. Because I am with him. 

“I have a suggestion Aman,… I don't know if you think this is intrusive.” Karthik said tentatively.

“What is it Karthik?”

“When enemies are within your fort, you don’t build ramparts for war, you grow ears and eyes.”

“I didn’t get you!”

“Decentralize your power Aman. You are becoming the sole focus for the Tripathi Khandaan, the world and everyone who wants to sabotage the company. Internal and external. Find your trusted few and make them your equals. You, Keshav and Rajjo have always been the perfect trio. If you share your responsibilities with them, the focus will not be just on you, the hitherto unheaded departments in your group will come into proper organization and most importantly, you will have each other to back.”

“You know my plight Karthik, Papa wouldn’t hear a word of it.” I said vexed. I was 23 when I took over TriT, I didnt complete my PG, dad had a stroke and I was asked to step up. Chaman chacha was there, Taran chacha was there. Papa could have easily given any one of them a chance to lead. But No. After I took over, Goggle left for USA. Keshav was helping, I wanted to give him some departments to head. But again Papa and his iron will prevailed. Its ok to proud of what he accomplished as the second generation Tycoon, but its not ok to not let the next generation take their own decisions. 

“Hmm.. I know that…but you also have to learn theatrics.” Karthik said after a significant pause.

“What?”

“Announce in your family that you have something huge to share… obviously like every Indian Khandaan they will think that this is about your wedding…Elude all the questions till the last moment, just keep asking your parents if they trust you. On the D-day… announce Rajini and Keshav’s throning as your equals. Your father will be too shocked to react, and cannot really say no to that, in front of your chachas. We will get the papers ready and get them signed pompously in front of everyone.”

As he said it, I was able to imagine my father and mother’ s faces. Its not that they are bad people… they are far from it. They are only a tad bit controlling and self-serving.

“Whoa! That’s like giving them a taste of their own medicine!” I exclaimed.

“Exactly. We will keep Rajini and Keshav looped in. So the transfer of powers and responsibilities will be seamless.”

“You have really thought this through didn't you?” I asked, barely concealing my adoration for him. Its a lost cause anyway. Besides, he must know how wonderful he is. He deserves to know what I feel for him.

I suddenly realised something. So, this was the reason for his stress during the entire last week. And I thought he was stressed staying away from me. My vanity took a slap there. I had been anxious all week for him, missing him, missing his warmth, his touch. He didnt miss me, he was only working his ass off trying to figure who is the mole in our midst. I know I must be grateful, but I couldnt help but feel a little disappointed.

I said, “Wait a second! So this was why you were so stressed the entire last week. I thought you missed me…”

  
Okay that sounded phenomenally bratty, even to my ears.

He looked at me with melting eyes, his mouth forming a half pout, he moved a little closer, cupped my cheek and said in the softest voice possible, “Who said I didn’t! This extra work I did… It did serve me as a distraction from you.”

“Well… you were better at handling it than me.” I said, regretting already that I even doubted his feelings for me.

“Yes…by locking myself in the strong room”, he huffed shaking his head. I chuckled, a spasm in my heart easing out.

Oh what will I do without you Karthik Singh? How did become so essential for me, for my functioning?

“But how do I thank you Karthik… This whole time, you really didnt need to do this… I was hurting you and you were doing all this for me?” I said, gripping his hand.

“Love is blind Aman… I am not… I could see that you were hurting as much as I am… how will I not look out for you?” he said intently staring into my eyes. 

His sincerity only redoubled my confidence. In him and myself. I will take his plan through. Together we will nab Rakesh too. When Karthik is with me, I kinda feel I am invincible.

“I will take your plan through Karthik… I always wanted to give Keshav and Goggle their share just didn’t know how to convince Papa. This plan… we will have to foolproof this,… and execute it to the tee… will you help me?” I smiled to see his eyes flash his determination.

* * *

  
**Kusum**

Goggle restlessly played with my hair as we waited for the line to clear. We both came out to pick groceries while there is time. Devika, who came home to spend time with Karthik ended up playing God-knows-what game with Juggu. 

Karthik is at Aman’s, obviously. Cannot believe how they can oscillate between two extremes like a couple of stuck swings. A month back they were only working with each other, and now they are behaving almost married. Its a good thing for Jugni though… she keeps thinking that her brother stopped dating because of her and she absolutely adores Aman. 

Its strange how everyone simply fit into this strange equation. 3 months back we were all strangers, and now somehow because of a 14 year old warrior girl, we all came together as a jigsaw puzzle.

Goggle playfully blew my hair off my neck. I sighed turned to face her, she is not going to let it be, if I didn’t give her enough attention. 

“Finally, someone decided to talk to me… what a blessing!” she said rolling her eyes at me. 

I smiled and winked at her, “Oh come on! Its not as if you were letting me be anyway…”

“Oh yeah?” she huffed and turned to another side, crossing her arms across herself, “Fine I will let you be!”

“Hey Thats not what I meant Goggle!” I said giggling at her antics. Just then out of the corner of my eye, I saw them enter. Blood ran cold in me.

Goggle who turned to see me, saw my panic and grabbed my shoulders. “Kusum… what happened?”

Somehow her touch, cleared my brain, they have not yet seen me…

“Shh… come with me” I muttered, grabbing her arm and dragging her along with me, away from the line. We hid behind the one of the aisles.

“Seriously, what happened? You are suddenly so scared … you turned pale.” Goggle whispered. 

I threw myself into her warms arms, quivering. I can no longer control the panic that gripped me from inside, twisting my guts into a tight knot. Tears spilled from my eyes, as all those horrific moments from my past. I held onto her tightly, buried my face into her neck. For moment I felt as if I was hanging onto the hinges of sanity by holding her.

Goggle rubbed my back gently, cooing into ears something unintelligible. 

“Goggle … goggle please …. Lets just leave this place.” I said shivering uncontrollably.

The exact moment they started some kind of commotion, calling out my name. Shouting obscenities to the staff. 

Goggle looked at them and then at me… in an instant she understood my situation. She removed her scarf and wrapped it around my face. And picked up her bag. We waited behind the last aisle and waited for them to turn and start searching in the aisles. We swiftly made it to the exit even as my panic laden legs gave away.

Goggle caught me, and supported me into her car. We zoomed out of the parking space, just in time. I ducked under the dashboard to avoid them seeing me. Goggle who saw all this, looked red and focused and hella determined, by the time we reached Karthik’s house.

They reached till here. How much do I have till they trace to Karthik’s house too…

  
No… no they should not find me.., they cannot find me… I cannot run now … I cannot leave Goggle… How will I manage to stay hidden….

Goggle silently led me into Karthik’s living room. After another half hour of absolutely blind panic, I found my shivering self in Goggle’s embrace. 

“Who are they Kusum? Your Family? Your brothers?” She asked quietly. I could only nod.

“Sh,… Don't worry… I will not let them harm you again baby… I will protect you… I am right here… no one can touch you…”

“Goggle…” I whimpered helplessly… how can I tell her that I brought this to myself? I trusted a wrong man with my secrets. When I was abused by my own family… only Rakesh was there for me… I thought I loved him… I thought he loved me… till he started abusing me. How can I tell her that I couldn't save myself from his clutches completely even today…

Even after Aman reached out to me, tried to help me, I couldn't divulge all my secrets to him or her. Till date, neither Goggle nor Aman know that Rakesh was giving me shelter. That he made me plant this idea in Sunaina’s head that I will be her perfect daughter in law. That he threatens me till date for information about Karthik and Aman’s relationship.

“Sh….baby … you are safe with me!” Goggle whispered, “wait I will get you some water!”

I nodded and pulled myself together. Still shivering I turned to see my phone buzzing. 

  
Automatically I reached for it and saw Rakesh’s name blaring on the screen!

“Aman’s …Aman’s place he is at!” I said panicking, picking up the call. Now I know for a fact that Rakesh is the one who sent them there.

“Not so loyal now Bitch!” he leered through the phone. I cut the call wiping my tears. Whatever his plan was… I should alert Karthik or Aman.

“Call Karthik home please.” I pleaded with Goggle who returned with a glass of water in her hand. She nodded and picked her phone.

I have to warn them, I can feel it. Rakesh is going for the kill tonight!

* * *

  
 **Karthik**

“Amaaaannn” I groaned in frustration. I am trying to cut vegetables here and he … well he is nibbling on my neck, kissing me behind my ears, basically trying to distract me from cooking our dinner. I was sitting down at the counter. So, it was easy for him to wrap his hands around me from behind and pepper my neck with kisses. I mean I could stand… if I really wanted to… but then how can I resist giving my baby what he wanted.

“You say you are mine… and you give the damned vegetables more attention” Aman said, his voice taking a hot as hell breathy tenor, his attack on my neck has not abated. He shifted himself closer to me, brought one of his hands to cup my cheek and angled my head turn towards him. 

“If you don’t look at me now…” he warned, not before planting a kiss on my cheek.

“What will you do?” I asked looking into his eyes. Somehow I managed to turn around a bit. Instead of making our stance more awkward, I made it more comfortable. Aman smirked in his response.

“I will kiss you more…” he replied throatily.

Bless My beautiful bratty Aman! He can simply kill me with his cuteness. 

“Shh… baby… give me two minutes…I will give you all my attention.” I whispered softly back. Turning to my almost done vegetables. He went back to snuggling and nibbling. The point where he reached the area behind my ear, where my tatto0 was etched, I lost my battle to him and my own mounting urgency. I turned into Aman’s arms smashed my lips against his. He smiled into the kiss.

This is really convenient, the stool I sat on, was of a perfect height, so I could pull him into myself. He deftly stepped between my legs and gave himself to our kiss.

I am no late bloomer and yet this kiss swept me off my feet! Never was I kissed so thoroughly, so fiercely, so lovingly. Aman put all his passion and literally kissed the daylights off me.

We had to break the kiss, for air. Running my hands down his spine, all the way to the small of his back, enjoying that delicious little shiver he gives, “That was the one of the best kisses,” I said, my voice was already breathy. 

He smirked, and stepped more closer, rubbing his beard to my cheek, “Good…coz, you deserve only the best,” eliciting shivers in me. There was a touch of rawness in his voice, that made my breath catch and heart beat faster at the same time. 

  
Damn the effect he has on me!

He found my lips again. I am sure dinner is going no where this way. Because, so other needs came into the picture.

I moaned and pulled him closer, almost clawing onto his back, while started unbuttoning my shirt with a rare abandon.

He left my lips to nibble and kiss my throat pushing every other possible thought away. Suddenly he pulled me up by arms, to stand me up. 

“Couch?” he asked huskily, his deep eyes burning with intensity. I quite like that idea. Looks like Aman wants the lead tonight.

I nodded and brought my lips back to latch onto his, as we pirouetted slowly to the couch. Once he touched the side board of the couch, he free fell into it pulling me with me. 

There are too many desires clouding my head now.,. Too many needs overwhelming my senses. His touch… I realized through the haze. I need his touch!

I cupped his cheeks, grazing his beard with my thumb, comfortably perched on top of him, I went to kiss his lips once again. Aman was ready with his desires to match mine. His tongue swept into my mouth opening a pandora box of unholy windings. My hands found their way into his half undone shirt. 

Suddenly Aman jerked his head, to break apart, I opened my eyes in irritation, only to see horror bloom on his face, as he turned towards the entrance side of the apartment.

I followed his gaze.

SHANKAR TRIPATHI! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Alright! this is the official notification that all hell is gonna break loose from here!!!
> 
> Also dont kill me for doing this Karman!


	15. My End and My Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never saw the sun sober his shine  
> Never felt silence so piercing loud  
> Hope never found me, now even heart is lost  
> When did you own me so? and what cost? 
> 
> Aman
> 
> Heavy Angst alert guys!

**Aman**

I know it’s insane. How my heart reacts to him. I can never get tired of his lips on mine. I can never get enough of his attention. I fucking felt jealous of those vegetables before he turned to me. 

Hell! It was a miracle that I even resisted him for so long. For once, I can let myself be completely be with him. I don’t know how long I am allowed this time with my Karthik. I know fate will catch up soon enough. But I will give my entire self to him in this short while. He deserves the best. And I will give him the best.

“That was the one of the best kisses,” he said in his breathy tone.

My heart stuttered and breath hitched. A surge of smugness made me heady. 

Yes… I am a wretch in the inside. And in these precious few moments , when I don’t feel like one. 

_What to say Karthik…you are the worth it!_

“Good,” I said, desperate to get closer to him, “coz… You deserve the best,” grazing my cheek to his. I mean every word of it. Heart racing at the slight shiver he gave me in response, I sought his lips again. Pushing every thought away and stepping into that sweet abyss.

I am going heady with desires, thinking of another 1000 ways to show him what he means to me. I want him to remember this night… I want to make it worthwhile. I want to tell him I am truly his and he is mine.

He moaned into our kiss, releasing a shot of dopamine in my head, pulling me ever closer to him. Hazily I realised, there were several layers of clothes between us. That won’t do. I started unbuttoning his shirt swiftly.

His delicious neck and collarbone became my focus again. I know my Karthik loves it when I kiss him there. It is getting quite out of hand, my desire for him. I don’t want to rush him…but I am already getting hard on.

  
  
“Couch?” I asked him pulling him up before he could answer. Dinner is all but forgotten.

He nodded enthusiastically, finding my lips again. I found myself on a graceful, almost dance-like spin across the hall and finally fell on the couch, Karthik landed on top of me.

An immense wave of warmth swept over me as he brought his hands to cup my cheek and stroke my beard.

_I love those beautiful, black eyes, swimming in desire. A shot of thrill that runs through me, whenever I realise that he wants me as much I want him. I love that small half smile he gives when he indulges with my tantrums. I love the way he touches me, he kisses me. I love the brief pause he gives to look into my eyes, before he kisses. I love the friction between our lips. The way my heart reacts to it._

_I love every little thing about him. I love him. I love him._

I took in the realisation while Karthik fervently went back to kissing me. 

_Oh my God! I love him. I am his, in every sense of the word._

I kissed him back almost reverentially. He pushed his hands into my shirt, teasing my skin with his fingers. But before I could lose myself to the sensation, I heard a click. My door?

Involuntarily I jerked my head to check at the source of that click.

Two eyes bore into mine. Shocked, angry and disgusted. My father!

Horror swept across me like an aftermath of a bloody bomb. Destroying everything else in its wake, burning everything in its vicinity. 

Its visceral, the way my father looked at me. Disgust spelling clear in his eyes. 

Karthik shifted away from me, finding the source of the disturbance himself. He quickly got up from the couch, and for a second looked lost and helpless, taking in my father’s disgust and my horror. A heavy, almost unbearable silence settled in the room. The temperature in the room dropped at least by several degrees, courtesy my father’s cold dagger-like stares, first at me… then on Karthik… to my increasing dread only on Karthik. My heart stuttered as the implications of his glares hit me. With it, unbidden, the images of the worst memory of my life. 

Mother side-stepped from behind father, irritatedly tsking at him for blocking the way. A wave of shame hit me as I saw her reddening awkwardly at finding her son with another guy, with half open shirt, swollen lips, disheveled hair. All the tell-tale signs. 

_Someone just kill me and bury me right here please!_

Karthik looked down at mother’s entry, embarrassed at his state and mine. He suddenly realised that I was still on the couch, awkward and conscious.

He extended his hand to help me, which I automatically took. A mistake, I realised that within a split second, because of a sharp intake of breath. As I got up from the couch, I saw out of the corner of my eye, a sudden moment from my father.

“Papa!” I shouted as my father literally charged against Karthik, his face turning into dangerous red. 

Several things happened at the same time, but all I could register is my father’s hand going high up in the air, to slap Karthik.

I lunged between them, to push my father away from Karthik. Before I could succeed…  
SMACK

My cheek stinged under the slap, the force of his hand turned my face away. 

“Aman….” Karthik exclaimed in shock.

I was wedged between them, my back to Karthik. His hand supporting my back.

“AMAN,” papa called, in an uncharacteristically high tone. 

“Papa! Listen to me,…”

“I am not going to spare this… this…” Papa, clutched at Karthik’s collar, shaking him violently. 

“STOP” I shouted.

Tears sprang to my eyes. No not now… I cannot let him hurt my Karthik. I have stayed silent once. I will not stay silent today. I felt a frisson of fear looking up at my father’s taut form, the rage that distorted his face.

I know that he is capable of doing. If father wills it… Karthik will be destroyed. What can I do to protect Karthik? What can I do to secure a word from father himself that he will not harm Karthik? 

Isn’t it obvious… Karthik will be spared if father believes that I am not his lover. I have to separate myself from Karthik, only then there is a chance that father will spare him. 

* * *

**Sunaina**

“STOP,” Guddu shouted. His voice uncharacteristically loud and high. My heart squeezed looking at his teary eyes take on the glaze of steel.

_Why is this happening? Like a horrible repeat episode from the past. My Aman… My Guddu… and this boy. There is no mistaking it… what they were doing before we came in._

_Shankar smacked my boy… my Guddu._

_Why does he have to react so brashly?_

Shankar was now shaking the boy bodily. If it were anyone else, they would have quelled against Shankar’s legendary rage… but this boy, he stared back hard at him, and stood his ground.

He even had a comforting hand on his Guddu’s shoulder. But Guddu had his eyes only on Shankar, these are the moments when Guddu feels less his father, and more like me. I could see Guddu thinking hard, trying to contain the situation. I could see his resolve forming within moments. But his lips quivered as he balled his fists.

“Paapaaa STTOPP!” he screamed. My skin prickled at his tone, his anguish. The boy looked at Aman for a second, concern colouring his features.

How dare he? How dare he show concern over my boy? It is his fault in the first place, that our surprise dinner plan went horribly wrong. No one raised a finger at Guddu till now, and today his father actually slapped him.

Guddu pushed Shankar away from the boy. Shankar actually released him, perhaps in shock that our Guddu was acting out. Guddu who never said a word against our decisions, Guddu who always supported his family the way he ought to. My son, my pride… no this is not my son… he got hoodwinked by this boy. I dont know how Guddu can… this is hard to even imagine. 

I shuddered in disgust and shame. Two primal forces tugged against each other, anger on the boy who took my innocent Guddu into his power, and concern over my Guddu. 

Guddu looked towards me for support. I decided to step in. 

“Calm down Shankar!” I said, letting just the right amount of sharpness seep into my tone. Shankar looked at me for a split second and nodded. 

He grasp releasing the boy collar. The boy sent me a grateful half smile, ignoring him, I turned my eyes back onto Shankar.

“You have a condition remember, Shankar? Sit down so that we can talk like civilised people.” I said. My tone colouring itself in disgust and shame I felt.

Shankar nodded. And breathing heavily sat down on the one-seater couch leaving me to take the couch my son vacated moments ago. I shuddered yet again. 

Guddu looked up at the boy and whispered, “Karthik… come with me.”

Karthik… that rings a bell. Was it the same boy of whom Guddu was building mansions of praise? Very efficient? Very intelligent? Hell Now I see things clearly. Guddu was clearly in his trap for a long time. 

_Dont know what people do for money these days…._

Karthik, looked back at Guddu questioning. They seemed to talk through eyes. Guddu shook his head slightly and took his hand to walk him, actually drag him to the door. The boy is unwilling to move. 

I doubted myself for a moment. Karthik looked genuinely concerned. At this age, I don't get hoodwinked easily. He wanted to stay… why? 

_So that Guddu won’t be alone facing his own parents?_

Again rage prickled inside me.

_Who is he to support Guddu? Who is he to wedge himself between a son and his parents?_

Yet again, my mind dwindled between doub and hatred. If he truly wanted only Guddu’s money, he must be afraid that he is caught. But this boy looked fearless. If he actually honey-trapped my son, then why does he want to face the consequences with his parents, the only logical thing to do is scamper.

I could see Guddu’s small frame struggle to pull him out. 

I could only wonder why?

_What is happening? What is going to happen? Because Shankar’s rage is far from doused. Its simmering deep inside him and I know that. It is almost like in the first few years of our marriage. His rage simmered on, bursting forth at the slightest provocation and almost always on me. Never letting me forget even for a moment that I am not his lover._

_That rage is a ghastly thing. It burns holes into people’s lives. I remember his rage years later once again resurfacing at every slight mention of Taran. Taran, their youngest brother… he was so much like Aman… perhaps a little too much._

I vaguely remembered those uncomfortable whispers. That Taran got together with a meetha… but Sashi never looked like that… I was very confused. The whispers were also ghastly things. They made Taran go farther and farther away from us. Until he became a shell of what he was previously. 

I remember my kind Guddu being the only one who talked to him. Keshav, confused at his father’s withdrawal, grew distant from him.

There were several regrets I carried all my life, one was that I failed Taran personally. He was the first one to help me and comfort me like a son. Chaman and Shankar were peas of the same pod. Chaman being only a milder one. But Taran… he was different…he used to have a penchant to make everyone smile. I could have done something to stop things from escalating so far. I did not… partly because, then I was only a daughter-in-law, sheltered and ignorant. 

Guddu came back into the hall without that boy and with an expression that spelt very close to heartbreak. He seemed to have fixed his shirt, his hair . But he looked miserable. 

He took a deep breath and calmly walked into the hall to sit across the table opposite his father.

Again a steely look replaced his heartbroken eyes. The rage that danced behind Shankar’s eyes, somehow danced his eyes too. 

“What do you want?” He asked in a low firm voice. I was surprised and slightly irritated at the tone. 

“What do you mean… what do you want? What do YOU want? What are you doing with that boy? I will KILL that boy… mark my words… I will KILL him for having done this to you” Shankar said vehemently. 

I could not help but agree. Of course, Guddu was forced into this muddle… What would have happened if we didn’t arrive in time?

Guddu stared at his father as if he was looking at an alien. An insidious rage burned in him. I could see that. Guddu never looked so angry before.

“I am gay. I like boys. He was only satisfying my sexual needs.” Guddu said in the same firm voice. A nerve ticked at his temple. Another wave of shame swept through me, looking at my son saying this kind of things to his parents.

_We have not raised our kid like that!_

“How dare you… How DARE you talk like that!” Shankar exclaimed. Somehow Shankar seemed to lose his ground in front of Guddu.

“Mr. Tripathi… I want you to calm down.” Guddu said in his business-like coldness. I looked from Guddu to Shankar, incredulous and bemused. It was as if shards of glass were piercing through my heart. Guddu’s manner, his behaviour its changed. My perfect son…is no longer obedient, dutiful, soft-spoken like before. For a mother, nothing can be worse than this.

“Aman?” Shankar also said his tone softening in surprise.

“Mr.Tripathi… I know what you are capable of.” He paused, somehow a true emotion entering his eyes, “I know what you did to…” another painful pause, “to Taran chacha’s lover…”

Shankar’s breath hitched, now the subtle tick was on Shankar’s temple. I could also see, with a motley mix of pride and shame, that Guddu, is now Aman Tripathi, dictating his terms to Shankar Tripathi!

Shankar now looked brooding and forlorn. Nowadays, Taran’s topic always brought that expression to him. Ten years passed, rage cooled into thought now. Sometimes I feel Shankar regrets leaving his younger brother alone.

“This is not what you think it is … I was not hoodwinked, or taken in, I was not given drugs, as I said earlier I am gay. I desire only guys. I was not trapped by Karthik. I was also not planning on eloping with him. You see? History is not repeating itself.”

“Aman…” Shankar said in a low voice. Aman had read through Shankar’s mind. I don’t know what to think of that.

“So what do you want?” Aman said in the same dead-pan voice. 

“What?” Shankar’s voice felt weak and quivering. Aman looked as if he is going to hammer at his weakest spot.

“In return of sparing Karthik his life….”Said he without wasting a breath. 

Rage flared in me. Son or not, he cannot talk to his father that way. What does he think his father is a murderer? Although I don’t know what transpired that night. I know one thing for sure, Shankar regretted that.

“Aman,” I exclaimed sharply, “that’s not the way to speak to your father…. Your father is no murderer… Stop this non-sense right now!” I snapped irritated.

Aman turned to give me a long hard stare. For a second, he looked disappointed and then nothing but cold.

“You were not there… You don’t know what this man and his father are capable of doing. They let a man bleed to his death in front of their eyes. So Ma… please stay out of this.” He said finally with a tone that both requited and accused me of my crime of absence.

“Aman…”Shankar seemed to find his voice again.

“Mr. Tripathi. Let me be very clear… Karthik is NOT my lover. You needn’t worry that I will run away with him. I don’t want a murder on my hands. Spare Karthik his life. I will make sure I severe all ties with him. Will that be it?”

Shankar nodded, as if in trance, multiple emotions rippling in his hands.

“Aman… on one condition” I decided to speak up. I would be damned if my own son defied us this way, “Marry Kusum… Marry Kusum in a week’s time and I will make sure that Karthik will be safe.”

Aman’s breath hitched, the simmering rage that he held in, burst forth through his eyes. He suddenly got up, nodding as if he was signing a contract. He gave me his hand. We both unconsciously rose.

“A life for a life…. I will marry Kusum within a week. You have my word, Mrs. Tripathi,” Aman said in finality. His eyes now looked devoid of any feeling.

Can things go worse than this? A son addressing his mother and father like his clients. Striking a deal with them. Where have we gone wrong in raising our son?

“If that Karthik meant nothing to you. Why will you negotiate so much for him?” Shankar asked, half in desperation and half in curiosity.

“Karma is a bitch, Mr.Tripathi.” Aman shrugged, seemed like he had an answer for everything and said indifferently, “Taran chacha was never fine after that, was he? Want me to become like that?”

No! I felt a frisson of fear.

Shankar shook his head. Fear in his eyes too… We both don’t have the strength to see another of our children go empty like that. Aman walked us to the door, and we unconsciously followed him. Why does it feel like we have no space in his life anymore? Why does it feel like we have disappointed him beyond words? Why does it feel like somehow Aman is right in what he is doing?

“Come with us beta… dont stay alone,” Shankar said in a quivering voice. Maybe this is where Shankar was not his father. The old man was all hatred and bitterness. But Shankar … he loved his Guddu. 

“I am used to being alone, Mr. Tripathi.” Aman said his eyes burning as he closed that door on us.

* * *

**Karthik**

“No I don’t love you Karthik… now please leave without making a scene!” Aman’s voice haunted me.

I opened my tired and throbbing eyes suddenly to a lot of uncomfortable light. 

Right… as I registered a new day into my half-hallucinated, half-delusional mind.

“Good… coz… you deserve the best” yet another voice of Aman’s played out in my head. His soft eyes, his passion, his demand for my attention. I was swept anew by a wave of miserable confusion. I dug my fingers into my hair in pain and angst. 

> “Tere bina saans naa le mere din raat  
> Khali khali lagte hain lakeeron wale haath  
> Saath mere chalthe chalthe rasthe na mudi…”

  
Fresh tears filled my eyes as the last night memories assaulted me like a bull-dozer.

> I stepped out of his apartment, no, he dragged me out of his apartment. With a worrisome frown on his face and cheek painfully red and swollen. Once safely outside, I cupped his cheek forcing him to look up. His eyes looked stormy and wet. Heart squeezing uneasily, I caressed his red cheek with my thumb. He let out a breath, closing his eyes, as slowly planted comforting kisses on his cheek. He opened his eyes, giving me access to several emotions. Conflict, pain, anger, longing flitted through his eyes.
> 
> “We are in this together ok?” I whispered against his lips. For a split second, his lips captured mine. But before I could react, he pushed me. 
> 
> “No Karthik… we are not in this together… You are going home.” He said in a voice that sounded far from neutral.
> 
> “Aman… baby,… its ok” I tried to get back closer to him, his frame was revealing tension. I couldn't bear to see that sight.
> 
> “I am NOT your Boyfriend Karthik… remember that… you should go home…” Aman snapped. My boss Aman is back. 
> 
> “You are not my boyfriend? Aman… remember, you are my Jai?” I asked, trying to keep the hurt from creeping into my voice. 
> 
> “Wake up Karthik… our little movie together is over. There are no happy endings here… anyway…No hard feelings! I hope you will realize how futile this is… this was only a fling… I thought it might develop… but no… there is no chance of that now…”
> 
> “Only a fling…” I asked. Heart rapidly shrinking.
> 
> “Yes! For what its worth, you were great in bed and all that… but it is what it is… I am not in love with you… And I don’t want you to interfere between me and my family,” said Aman his tone sharp, almost painfully sharp. He is not looking into my eyes when he said that. I cupped his chin, to look into the only place he cannot lie, his eyes.
> 
> His breath hitched as his eyes met mine.
> 
> “So you never felt anything for me? Anything apart from attraction?” I asked my voice quivering.
> 
> His eyes never looked this vulnerable before, but after a split second, his mask was back.
> 
> “No” he said firmly. Pursing his lips, and turning away from me, towards the door. 
> 
> “You never loved me?” I asked, one final time. His grasp on the door knob tightened momentarily before his inaudible sigh. 
> 
> “No I don’t love you Karthik… now please leave without making a scene here!” he said, not looking back at me. Leaving me all alone at his door.
> 
>   
> “Naina na jodeen kithe? Naina na jodeen!  
> Tenu vaasta khuda da mera dil naa thodeen”

Tears overwhelmed me and for a few moments I succumbed to them. I tucked my head into my knees and for once, let them flow out. Every damned time this is what happens. I love and they use… 

“For what its worth… you were great in bed and all” Aman’s clinically detached voice came back to haunt me. I felt dirty, used and disgusted.

I looked up into the mirror. I looked like shit, I felt like shit. He could have remained my horrible boss, but NO... he had to show me my place in his world. 

Yet there is a shameless part of me that still ached to see Aman, to comfort him. I hated that part of me. Because it was potent enough to destroy my resolve to resign from his company, to severe all ties with him.

* * *

**Karthik**

I walking into his office for the last time. To give my resignation. How much can change within three months. From strangers to friends and lovers back to strangers again.

A sharp intake of breath accompanied my entrance. 

He looked up at me from his desk, still had that intensity, in his blood-shot eyes. His breakfast sat on the table untouched at 10:30 in the morning.

“Karthik?” He asked politely, turning back to his papers.

“I am here to give my resignation. I wont be able to serve any notice. I hope you understand,” I said struggling to keep my voice neutral.

“Yes… I was expecting that,” he answered calmly. He passed an manila envelope to me.

I silently took the envelope and opened it. There were several papers and a cheque. “What are these?” I asked quietly. Anger and bitterness raising in me at the sight of that cheque.

“Just the regulars, reference letters, severance documents and severance compensation” he said still buried in his damned file without looking back at me.

“Well I cannot accept this,” I said separating the cheque from the rest of the papers and passing it back to him. He looked at me in surprise.

“I can hardly accept compensation for pimping myself out to you.” I said, acid spewing inside my voice. I cannot help it. Bitterness welled inside me.

“What the fuck Karthik!” he said angrily. For the first time, in all morning, my heart made its presence known. “How can you even…” It is this intensity I fell in love with him

He forced himself to calm down. No I cannot let happen. I wanted to push his buttons. To make him angry enough to stop pretending nice to me.

“Then what is this? Pity money?” I asked, enjoying the little start he gave at that.

He closed his eyes, to steady his rage. When he opened his eyes, his mask was back, he said in a neutral voice, “Mr. Singh… this is the compensation that comes from the company side. This is something that we pay to everyone who was under the payroll.”

He explained categorically. But I was hurting and angry, “I am sorry what part of I cannot accept that is not clear to you? I don’t want your damned money, I don’t want your damned sympathy, your professionalism, your fucking calm replies. I don’t want any part of you. You are an asshole and will remain one forever. And yes… don't try to contact me or Jugni…ever!”

All this while I was banging my palm on his table, watching his shoulders droop slowly, and his lower lip quiver as I spewed my bitterness onto him. He nodded to my statements, looking as if he was resigned to it.

It made even more angry.

I got up and left his office in rage, balling up my fists and scrunching those papers in my hands.

> “Lazmi mein tere liye, tu zaroori mere liye  
> Aansun yeh bichode walen palkon pein na chodeen”
> 
> * * *

**Aman**

“You are an asshole and will remain one forever” he said in his hurt voice. 

It kept me ringing in my head. The bitterness in his voice was only a tip of an iceberg of pain he must have felt. He was right. I am an asshole, who can never keep anyone happy. 

His eyes were blood-shot, with tear tracks clear on his face. A tidal wave of guilt swelled in my heart for making my cherubic, full-of-life Karthik a zombie like myself.

> “Saavre se baavre se do naina yeh…  
> Naina yeh naina yeh,..”

Although all night, I ached to see him, I couldn’t look up at him now. His tearful eyes and harsh hurting voice. It took all the strength in me to stayed rooted. It took all my strength to resist throwing my hands around him.

I nodded calmly to his insults. Knowing fully well that I deserved every single one of them. I wanted him to cut all ties with me. I wanted him to be angry with me… to hate me. Because thats the only way he can move on. He is Karthik… he will find love again… He will forget me soon enough…but this is necessary. It will keep him alive. Nothing else is more important than keeping him safe at this point.

I carefully rearranged my expression to look back at him, one last time. He huffed angrily, and walked out from my cabin. 

For all my fears of him walking out on me… this is one time I wanted him to do that. I got up, my eyes following his back.

I don’t deserve to be loved, especially not by him. His all consuming, unconditional love… its simply not for me… 

I am prepared for this to happen… doesnt mean, it doesnt hurt. I never imagined this ache to be so horrible. His harsh words repeatedly gutting me. 

As if hypnotised, I got up and followed him out. To watch his form angrily get past the morning crowd of my hallowed and hollowed halls.

> “Pichhe Pichhe Tere Chale Khaawb Mere  
> Main To Tera Parchhai Sa Hu”

He would never know that he touched me in ways no one ever could. He would never know that I fell in love with him too… He would never know that I had many dreams of us together. He would never know… I am an asshole who fell in love with an angel. 

I watched him wipe his tears angrily as he waited for the lift. The same lift we met for the first time. I quickly stepped into one of the smaller lobby lifts.

> Suni Raato Mein Bhi Payega Tu Mujhe  
> Main To Tera Tanhai Sa Hu”

I cannot help but feel crushed at the cruel turn of fate, just when I finally picked courage to take a chance with him, this had to happen. Don’t deserve even this tiny sliver of happiness and love? 

I stepped out to see his retreating form walking swiftly across the ground floor lobby. I am worried he might hurt himself in his rage. Also because I am a wreck without him. 

I crossed the lobby myself. And walked out to see Karthik tripping over the footpath.

“Karthik!” slipped out from my voice. Karthik straightened and looked behind him. Fortunately, I was quick enough to hide behind a pillar.

Cursing my compulsive actions that turned me into a bloody stalker. I looked back at his form. 

> “Bhaage hai ye kahaan Dhoondhe hai ye kisey  
> Mann mera yeh pagal ho gaya  
> Nahin tu jahaan ruke yeh na wahaa  
> Yeh to jaise baadal ho gaya”

  
  
Karthik… please stay safe. And forget me.

What was it? A request? A hope? A prayer? 

I balled my fists and slowly walked back into the building. My worst memories assaulting my senses yet again. This time with Karthik flitting in between them.

I am an inch away from going insane!

* * *

**Keshav**

“Sunaina Taiji?” I exclaimed at finding her at Karthik’s door step. What the actual hell?

“Keshav…why are you here?” she asked in surprise. 

“I wanted to give something to Jugni,.. Umm…. Karthik’s sister?” I said. It is beyond bizarre for her to turn up here and at this time.

“Karthik? This is Karthik’s house?” she asked astonished. Now …what? She doesn’t know that it is Karthik’s house, then why did she come here in the first place. And how did she get the address?

“Where is Kusum? I asked Rakesh Kusum’s address and he sent me this…And again why are you here?” she said irritatedly.

“Kusum… is here… One minute she is helping Jugni. So Rakesh gave you this address?” I asked. Freaking hell… Karthik was right then Rakesh keeps tab on every one of us. No one apart from us, knew Kusum is here.

“Yes,… move aside beta… let me at least enter.” She said bulldozing her way through. Google who just came out of the kitchen stood still holding her glass and stared at her.

“Taiji?” Goggle said finally gulping her water with difficulty. The whole situation would have been comical only if that undercurrent of discomfort is not there.

Kusum came out to see Taiji, got shocked, coloured and turned pale. She hastily bent to take blessings. 

Taiji within seconds turned on her ‘the mother-in-law’ mode, waving her hands over Kusum’s head for nazar, hugging her and the like.

_Don’t parents get awkward it is? Or do they simply ignore the signs and see only what they want?_

“I need to talk you about Guddu and your wedding my dear.” Taiji said. 

_What? Aman is getting married?_

“My wedding?” Kusum breathed uncertainly looking from Google to Taiji.

“Yes Guddu agreed to marry within a week… there are so many things to do, so many preparations…I felt before all that I should come to give your shagun.”

“A week?” Kusum repeated weakly.

_What is happening here? Aman is getting married, within a week? What about Karthik then… I thought they are together. What exactly happened here… And why do I feel Rakesh is behind all this. Somehow, after Karthik told me about his suspicions on Rakesh… I could help but notice his strange connections, his lurking habit, his creepy behaviour, his snide remarks… with sharp focus._

I looked at Google. She was in verge of tears.

Suddenly Karthik walked in. Looking like a terrible zombie. His white shirt was crumpled. His cheeks were strained with tears, his eyes were blood shot.

He looked up shocked at having so many people in his living room. He looked at Taiji, as if he knew her, gave her a long hard stare and walked into his room. 

Goggle followed him and eventually I did too, hanging around his doorsill so that I have the view of both the rooms. We were shell shocked at the turn of events. But its Karthik that we are more worried for. He simply walked into his bedroom and collapsed on his bed.

“Karthik… why the hell are looking like a bloody zombie??” Goggle asked more in shock than in concern.

“Nothing Rajjo… nothing dramatic. Its the same old story… that plays in loop in my life… fell in love, got played.” Karthik in frustration and tears.

Taiji flinched horribly at that. It looked as if she knew… did they… oh my god! They know?

“What are you talking Karthik… why is Taiji here saying Aman agreed to marry Kusum within a week…?”

“He is?” Karthik looked as if he barely registered the part where Aman is getting FREAKING MARRIED!

“I thought you guys are going strong… I thought Aman is really happy after a really long time… what exactly happened?” Goggle is a small almost motherly voice.

“Last night when we were together, his parents walked in. Aman called it quits with me… and possibly was bullied into marrying Kusum within a week. Are you guys allowed to vote or even that is done by your parents?” Karthik asked bitterly.

He had a point though. Its true that the Tripathis controlled their children’s lives obsessively.

“You know what… come with me, lets sort this with Aman…” Goggle holding up Karthik’s arm, trying to make him get up.

“No Rajjo… he never had any feelings for me… nor will he ever have…He made it clear last night… He was just in for the sex… I was a fool who gave him my heart… It serves me right… I wish I wish… I never met him… I never let him into my life… Now even Jugni will get hurt… How can I answer my little one when she asks where Aman bhaiyya is?”

“Aman is not like that Karthik… trust me”

“Its ok Rajjo… he might be a great guy…for now just please let it be… I am tired... I am tired of loving someone, who thinks of me as just a fling… I dont beg for love Rajjo… Karthik Singh does not beg!”

Taiji paled, frowned and coloured as she heard his words. I guess this is the best part about the match box apartment that Karthik has, every sound carries.

I looked directly at Taiji. She avoided my eyes, turned to Kusum, and asked, “do you know…” she gulped uncomfortably and continued, “do you know that Guddu and this boy,…”

Kusum grimaced, “Yes auntiji, the question is, when you do know about Aman and Karthik, why are you hell bent on this wedding?”

* * *

**Kusum**

“What the hell are you doing with yourself?” Goggle’s voice carried loud enough for the next 5 buildings. No surprise that a very forlorn looking Aman jumped horribly at that.

Also what he is drinking? Alcohol… at 12 in the morning? Whats wrong with him?

“Goggle? Kusum? Keshav?” Aman managed weakly looking at the three of us storming at him in his cabin. The contents of his glass spilled on a cheque he was looking at.

“Bhai! What is wrong with you. We understand you got outted, but why did you hurt Karthik like that?” Keshav asked in a firm voice. For the first time in my life, I saw Keshav speak up. Karthik’s effect was rubbing off on him too.

“And you are to marry Kusum within a week? Dimak Kharaab hain tera?” Goggle asked not bothering to see that all winced at her loud voice. 

Aman looked guilty. He loosened his neck tie and gulped the remaining alcohol in one go. Jugni was calling my mobile. Oh wait! If Aman opens up… then Karthik will have a chance to listen to his side. I silently picked the call and put it in loud speaker.

“Bhai… what the hell… why are you drinking at this hour? That too in office!” Keshav asked. I couldn't believe the Tripathi famous tenor is coming through Keshav! 

Aman walked towards us. Already slightly tipsy.

“Everything is my fault na… Papa and Ma came budging into my private apartment… thats my fault… Papa tried to slap Karthik… Thats my fault… I tried to negotiate for Karthik’s life and ma put this stupid condition that I get married to Kusum in a week… thats MY Fucking fault…” Aman burst out angrily. He looked beside himself. His eyes looked red and his stance was stooped making him look smaller than normal.

“Taoji tried to slap Karthik?” Google asked in shock.

“You tried to negotiate with Taoji for Karthik’s life… Why would Taoji harm Karthik…” Keshav asked, “Bhai… you are over-reacting… we know Taoji is a little strict and all… but I am sure he would not go after Karthik because of you…”

“I know what my father is capable of doing, Keshav… They can literally destroy people’s lives and not bat an eyelid.” Aman said that in such anguish that we were rooted to the spot.

“How can you say that Aman…our Khandaan is crazy sure, but they will not harm anyone like that willfully…” Goggle tried to reach Aman with a calming hand but Aman shrugged it.

“Oh yeah? And you know that for a fact?… well let me open your eyes…” Aman turned at Goggle and said in his sarcastic voice that gradually spiked in pitch, “They can go to any extent in homophobia… and yes …they can willfully go after the lives of our lovers… why do you think I was reluctant to get into a relationship with Karthik in the first place? They don't think… in thier head they are always right!…and in that righteous anger… they destroy…”

I felt a frisson of fear. Somehow I could sense Aman is talking out of experience. He is talking of what he saw already.

“What the hell are you speaking bhai…calm down…”Keshav now more out of concern for a shaking Aman. Aman did look close to a breakdown.

“What do you think Keshav? Why do you think Taran Chacha distanced himself from everyone? Why do you think Taran Chacha never really could smile or be normal again? What do you think happened all those years ago?” Aman asked turning to him.

“What? Why is my father involved in this?” Keshav asked turning pale.

“Ten years back…. I went back to Allahabad alone remember?” Aman asked, his words flowing out under the combined effect of alochol and anguish, “Taran chacha was in love, Keshav… you didnt see them together… but Taran chacha and Sashi sir… they looked so happy together…”

“Sashi sir?” Goggle interjected.

“Yes Sashi sir…and that day…daadu and papa with a huge mob, went after Sashi sir… I tried to save him…you know…I really tried” Aman said in quivering voice, he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, “But… they caught him, stripped him, beat him up, all in front of Taran chacha’s eyes… My great papa… he… he...,” he paused looked at the shocked Keshav and suddenly held Keshav’s neck from behind. Just looking at Aman imitate his father, horror seeped into me. 

“He was holding chacha by his neck … like this,” Aman said forcefully, “Forcing him to see what happens … what happens when we love… what happens when we take a fucking chance at happiness…” He released Keshav, staggered a little and steadied himself before turning to us.

“I cannot see my Karthik in that state…I cannot live if anything of that sort happens to him,” said he again reliving those horrific moments in his mind, and shaking uncontrollably. He looked lost in fear and anguish for a moment, his head bent low, tears falling from his eyes. After a moment, He looked up and said“ And what will happen to Juggu without him?”

He continued, “I know… this is not Allahabad… And papa is not daadu… but you guys didnt see that look in his eyes… I did…” he said jabbing his finger at his chest. 

“So you told Karthik you don’t love him so that you can save him?” I asked calmly. Fervently hoping that Karthik is listening to this. Rakesh had played a masterstroke in outing Aman. Now… he can simply blackmail Tripathis that he would out Aman to the rest of the world. This is the only thing I can do to help these guys. 

“Yes… if not …if not … Karthik will not go from there… Thats the only way I can make him leave… I told him that I was in it only for sex… that he was only a fling…I wish… I wish… there was some other way! I wish I didn’t hurt Karthik like that…But I had no choice!” Aman said looking broken completely.

“Kusum I am sorry,” he looked at me in guilt, “I dragged you into this mess… the wedding should happen… we will apply for mutual consent divorce… I even got the papers ready.”

I nodded, looking back at Goggle, beseeching her silently to patch up.

“Bhai,… I am sorry…” Keshav said in a low voice.

“Keshav… I am sorry… I had to tell this like this… I wanted to protect you from the truth…”

“No… bhai… I always blamed Papa for going away from me… I never knew… never guessed,..”

Aman shook his head and hugged Keshav.

“I am sorry Aman… I misunderstood you…”said Goggle guiltily.

“Its ok Goggle… we are always together… in every shit that life throws at us… please dont leave me alone this time… you dont know what I am going through hurting my Karthik.., I need you guys with me!” Aman said in a small voice. Goggle simply went over to him and hugged him.

After a heavy pause, where snifles of the three cousins were heard, Keshav looked as if remembered something.

“Sashi sir… he …”Keshav asked hesitantly. Aman understood the question

“He is alive… broken in every sense of the word, yes but alive…that night after the mob left, I took him to a hospital, made him leave Allahabad for good,” He said with a watery smile.

“My father knows he is alive?”

“Yes… I offered to re-establish contact… but Taran Chacha couldn’t bring himself to…”

_Thats what love does I guess. Scars._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sunaina Tripathi...has made her snappy entry this time. Just wanted to have one of the parent's PoVs.
> 
> Is it well-rounded enough? Throw in some comments people!
> 
> Next chapter also there will be heavy angst. And some action... so brace yourselves!
> 
> Did I mention? Did I mention? Of course its going to be a happy ending for both the couples.
> 
> My mood for this entire chapter - Imagine Dragons "Believer"
> 
> Of course, "Naina yeh" and "Naina Na Jodeen"


	16. My Worst Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am the moth to your flame,  
> Burn I did, in a gamble of hearts  
> I lost mine, never had yours too  
> What do I hold onto? What do I hold onto?
> 
> \- Karthik
> 
> Heavy Angst Alert Guys! Read it at your risk. 
> 
> There are several things that affect us. Traumas we endure, toxicity, negativity thats projected onto us. To fight them and to fight them right, must be our aim. Communication is sometimes the best way to confront. Please take it in the best light possible. 
> 
> I repeat Angst is heavy and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
> 
> I might extend the climax chapter(the next one) into two... And then we will have the resolution. Stay tuned! 
> 
> And please stay happy!

**Keshav**

_There are several things on my mind. Things that could make an actual person crazy… wait did I just think that? I though that I am not an actual person? Interesting. Lets just keep that thought aside._

_Aman gave me a shocker today. I couldn’t cry there. So I am crying now. Its strange how our mind just constructs unhelpful, positively self-destructive conclusions to things that happen to you. It could have been a simple turn of fate, an awful chance that timing went bad, but our treacherous minds just construct an imaginary ‘if’ and ‘else’ clause to somehow point out that our ownselves are at fault. And we say “karma is a bitch”. Thats bullshit! Actually this over-thinking mind is a bitch!_

_Ten years… ten years I lived under the impression that somehow I proved to be a worthless son._

_I didn’t even know the circumstances. I only knew something unspeakable happened that day. That some tragedy affected my dad. Yet I supposed he grew distant from me because of me… I simply constructed a condition where I am at fault._

_I just assumed that my father doesn’t love me anymore… because… well, I am not Aman? Or Goggle? Or some more impressive Tripathi Khandaan kids… there were_ _too many overachievers to take my pick._

Today sitting one of the insignificant rocks on the marine drive, I can finally tell myself that it was not my fault.

_It was not my fucking fault! I did not allow myself that solace for a long time now… Its insanely liberating… this thought._

After sleepless nights of trying to figure out where I went wrong and trying to fix myself, after harrowingly endless days of self doubt, after painful moments of witnessing my Papa’s seeing unseeingness, I can finally liberate myself from the pressure of achieving… from the pressure of proving myself to people who didnt even ask for a proof in the first place.

There were days I spent on the same rock, feeling thoroughly insignificant, just like these rocks, in comparison with the sea. There were days, especially dark days, of suicidal brooding over the futility in everything I do.

I remember getting bothered me how forgettable and quite irritating I am for other people, and later accepting the fact and making peace with it.

Today, finally after knowing father’s truth, I feel oddly sorry for my old man. He forgot that he had a son to share his anguish with. Perhaps I was too young then… perhaps he thought he would burden me with his grief. The same way Aman tries to protect me from harsh realities, even father tried to protect me from his grief. 

> “You are freaking amazing, you know that?” I remembered Karthik saying that to me.

And an insane surge of pride I felt at his words. I could trust Karthik. And he is not obliged like Aman and Goggle to encourage me, so I took his compliment as is. Its not just Karthik’s compliments, that helped me assert myself more. Its just his presence.

The way he trusts me to crack the most complex code, the way he pats my back and says “Khush karditta mennu” in pure, heart-felt Punjabi, the way he takes my utter lack of interest in humans in his stride, the way he actually respects me as a person and the way he tries to keep me in loop with everything they do, work-wise. Living with a constantly flambouyant Goggle and mostly reticent Aman, I always struggled to find my ground… its because of Karthik, actually even Jugni that I found it. Finally, I started feeling valued.

A sweeping realisation completely overwhelmed me for a moment. Aman without Karthik simply cannot function. The guy was a whiff of normalcy in our dysfunctional lives. Especially Aman’s! Somehow the little psuedo family we built around Karthik and Juggu felt more like a real family. Without Karthik, Aman would be another empty shell, just like Papa… 

I wiped my tears and straightened up. Seems like everyone in my family is on an emotional ride, so, I am the only guy who can apply the brains to the problem. Lets get to the roots. Mission Karman begins!

* * *

**KESHAV**

“I need your help!” I said as I stood facing an utterly distraught Karthik. It was too early in the morning but it was hella urgent.

I was actually surprised that he opened the door after seeing me through the peephole. I thought he would ignore me. Honestly, by all measures he is entitled to do that. It only shows how immensely kind he is, when he opened the door and came out to hear me out.

“If this involves some explanation on your brother, I am sorry I cannot help” he said snappily.

I looked down. I suddenly had to gather all my courage to face him, “Karthik I am not gonna lie. It does involve him. But not the way you think.”

“What do you mean?” he frowned, leaning onto the balustrade of his corridor.

“I think Rakesh hacked into Aman’s apartment security controls.” I said quickly but confidently. I am almost 90% sure of the fact.

“What?” he said standing up straight.

“How else would he orchestrate Taoji and Taiji’s entry into Aman’s locked apartment, exactly when you were together?” it took me an entire night to reach this conclusion. After checking, Aman’s apartment security, Aman’s personal data security. We already know Laila’s role in this.

“Bhians ki Aankh!” Karthik exclaimed vehemently.

“Yes not only that," I said trying to reign in my anxiety, "there is someone else helping him. I really couldn't figure who… he also manipulated several documents, including Aman’s divorce documents…”

“Wait! What? Divorce documents?”

“Yes Kusum and Aman are getting married, and Aman is arranging for mutual consent divorce…”I said unconsciously trying to defend my brother.

“Why should he even get married in the first place?” he looked troubled beyond words.

“Taiji’s condition… I feel its somehow a ruse to keep Aman distracted from something else. Over the last two days, exactly from the time this whole fiasco happened, Aman’s data bank crashed several times, under multiple spyware attacks. Its just our foresight in installing all those updates that saved his data…” I said. The entire conspiracy does not just involve Aman’s sabotage in his parent’s eyes… Its as if to prove that Aman was not a worthy successor to TriT.

“Did you tell all this to Aman. He must act fast!” Karthik asked, truly worried. 

“Where is he even in a state to listen?”I fought hard to keep my accusations from my tone.

“Why? What happened?”

“He is drinking endlessly…”

“What? Why??”

“Lets just say he cannot function properly right now…”I supplied uncomfortably, shuffling my collar nervously. Obviously, I cannot tell Karthik that Aman is not able to manage without him. 

“Why is he spiraling, when he was the one who broke up with me?”Asked in a low voice, deep in thought, the question was more to himself than to me.

“I only know the whats Karthik, I don't know the whys…” I said. Its true, Karthik doesnt deserve my half truths. But the fact that Aman is in love with him, is something Aman has to tell him. Its high time we cousins stopped playing cupids in each other’s lives.

Karthik nodded slowly, and asked looking up, “So whats the help you need from me?” 

“That means you are saying yes to helping Aman?” I couldn’t help the elation that seeped into my tone. I know Karthik is a reasonable guy. But I figured hurt people can lash out at anyone.

“Whats wrong with you Tripathis yaar?” He said rolling his eyes. “Of course, whatever happened between me and Aman personally should not affect your company. I will not let that Rakesh harm Aman, your or Goggle in any way…” said he firmly.

“Thank you for being there for us, Karthik…”I said. I dont know if I was really able to convey a rush of gratitude I felt towards him.

Karthik smiled, and said reassuringly, “Now tell me what you need.”

* * *

**AMAN**

“Jugni? Are you ok? Karthik is Ok? Why.. I mean” I started as I saw Jugni’s name on my screen. I was listless at 11 am in the morning. I don’t know how to function anymore without Karthik. Its been complete 42 hours away from him. 33 hours from the time I saw him last.

“Kyun Bhaiyya, I should not miss my Aman bhaiyya and call him?” She asked with a mock hurt voice. 

My precious little one! I missed her too…

“Its not like that Champ… I was just worried if there was any emergency… Karthik is not at home?” I asked, unable to mask my overwhelming guilt and worry. I dont want Karthik to think that I betrayed him further by keeping in contact with Juggu.

“No… He went out to meet one of his friends. And I wanted to talk to you… so I called… I know you will not because Karthik bhaiyya told you not to contact me ever again… hain na?” She asked thoughtfully

Thats the problem with the little one. She is dramatic, lively but extremely observant and thoughtful. A very dangerous combination that is.

“Karthik told you all this…?” I asked, not even believing that myself. He has a delicate sense of honour, he wouldn't discuss what happened between us with Jugni.

“Nah… I just have sharp ears and our home has thin walls…”She said casually. 

I facepalmed internally, somehow a little of the weight that sat on my chest lightened slightly. Karthik was right when he said Juggu has magical powers of cheering up. As usual, he was right about almost everything…

“Chant Baccha!” I exclaimed, trying to continue the light-hearted tone of our conversation.

There was a tinkling laughter and a few snorts that truly defined Jugni, the live-wire. After a few moments she quietened and said in a somewhat mellowed tone, “Bhaiyya but seriously… how are you?”

Here is the example of Karthik’s quality rubbing off on others. Jugni sounded as soft as Karthik, his empathy had rubbed off on her.

“I hurt your brother Juggu… that too in the worst possible way… and you are asking me How I am?” I couldn't help but question the irony in the situation.

“I am asking you… because I know you are hurting too… I might be younger than you guys Bhaiyya, but I have an inbuilt radar to detect fake love… none of what you guys had was fake…” she said quietly, letting those words sink in.

My heart swelled in the moment of comfort, even if not for long, my love was real.

“Juggu I know that this sounds like an excuse… but I am not the right person for Karthik… He deserves more….” I said uncomfortably. I want even Jugni to hate me… so that I can keep both of them safe.

“What makes you think that you are not the ‘more’ that he needs?” she asked with an infinite sense of conviction. How does she find it in herself to trust me so much.

“Because I cannot give him more…” I replied defeated. Its not true… I can admit that myself at least. I want to give him more… I ached to give him all. 

“No… Its because you think Bhaiyya’s life will be in danger if you are with him,…”pat came her reply. 

_What? How does…_

“How did … How did you know this…”I stuttered, my heart racing. That was supposed to be a secret.

“I called Kusum di, when they were at your place, I heard everything you said.” She said in a quiet almost guilty voice. 

_Oh no! My carefully constructed facade is cracking. Karthik should not know about this. He cannot. He will again come back to me. Trying to help me. Papa will not spare him._

“Oh my god… Oh god… No no” I spoke some of my unarticulated fears. Panic is hitting like a huge wave repeatedly.

“Bhaiyya!” said she in alarm, “Bhaiyya! stop freaking out please… I heard everything, But bhaiyya did not…”

_Oh!_

_Oh thank you Juggu…. Karthik must not know!_

“Juggu please dont tell Karthik … What you heard… Please…” I breathed, cursing myself for panicking so much.

“Agreed Bhaiyya… I will not tell…” Jugni said. Giving me a breather at least for a moment.

She continued, “But only because, he has to hear it from you. He deserves to know how much you love him… I, Goggle dee or Kusum dee cannot tell that to him… Only you can.”

“Jugni,… But” I blanched.

“Just think about this Bhaiyya…” she said with a wisdom that defied her age. “You were in love with Karthik for a long time now… But never spoke about it… You had this whole episode of your chacha in your mind haunting… you never shared it with Bhaiyya… if only you shared it with him… today my Bhaiyya wouldnt have been so hurt!”

Damn… thats hard hitting… but thats true.

She continued, “On top of it, you chose to keep what happened all those years back a secret…. I understand you were trying to protect Keshav Bhaiyya, but the silence also hurt him… because his dad grew distant from him.”

Ok that punched me in the gut. Its true, now I understand that its better to equip your younger ones with truth and help them deal with it than keep them in dark. Keshav’s breakdown after he knew the truth is a hard pill for me to swallow.

“That day you got a nightmare remember?” She asked in the same strain. Somehow this little girl, became my therapist.

“Yes” I managed in a constricted voice. The nightmare and my nightmarish reality!

“You thought Karthik Bhaiyya was in that same place right? That your family was somehow hurting Karthik Bhaiyya…” she asked tentatively. 

Again she was spot on. 

“Yes…”

“Then, you could have simply told that to Bhaiyya” she said desperately, for once her voice breaking. “You could have given him the reason behind your fears rather than proving his fears true…”

“His fears…?” I asked. He had fears?

“Yes… you dont know why he came back from US? It was because he was tired being a casual hookup, he wanted love not flings.” She said a little forcefully, “he was going through Bhayankar depression by the time he met me… He took me in, became my strength, he forgot his sadness and focussed on mine…He feared getting into flings so much that he kept himself away from dating sites… He wanted to provide me with a stable household.”

This sent me into another spiral of sorts. Karthik’s initial reaction after my one-night stand proposal, his withdrawal from me, when I said ‘I cannot be that guy’. He was insecure that I will leave after having a fling. I face-palmed. He must have felt used… damn that hurts beyond words. 

“And I became all his worst fears come true?”

“Unintentionally but yes…All this while, I had only one thought in my mind… if only Aman bhaiyya confessed his feelings a little early on…if only you sought help from a therapist for your fears, the trauma, your issues...if only you dont have that stupid hero complex that you have to protect everyone from everything...”She said, without mincing words this time.

_True… Hero complex… She is right... I could have confronted my issues with professional help!_

I realised, How much of a toxic little bitch I was, to Karthik. I am in love with him, actually for a long time, but never acknowledged that, kept him on the edge, constantly pushed him away only to get back to him. When all he did, was to welcome me with open arms, comfort me and get me to communicate with him. I treated him wrong.

Guilt wrecked me in the inside, squeezing my heart.

“How do you know that I am in love with Karthik?”

“Oh Please Aman Bhaiyya! Have you seen youself when you are with bhaiyya?” I could almost her frustrated eye-roll when she said that. She went silent before quietly adding, “Also your interest in Bhaiyya did not reduce when you got to know that he is a package deal, with an invalid sister bootstrapping with him…”

_How can she possibly…_

“Juggu…” I cried.

“Harsh,… but that is the truth,… I had my own parents abandon me…” said she in a very quiet voice, “I understand how much of an inconvenience I can really be…Thats why I can see how rare Karthik Bhaiyya is,… I can see how rare you are… you accepted me and loved as your own sister, from the first day you met me… you were never fake with me or my brother… and now you are left all alone to deal with this heartbreak… I don’t want you to deal with this alone Bhaiyya…. I want Karthik bhaiyya and you together… I want my happy family together.”

“Juggu… baccha… please…”

“At least tell him the truth Bhaiyya… he deserves the truth,” Jugni said with a sense of desperation that gutted me.

“Karthik will not stay away from me then Juggu… you don’t understand… He could get hurt … physically, his life could be in danger. I dont want him risk his everything for me… thats too selfish of me…”

“Bhaiyya…Again you are doing that… you are not solely responsible for everything that happens to us… Think about it...its not exactly healthy keeping things bottled up... you deserve your peace, my brother deserves your love.... also My brother is a tough nut… tougher than you think… and thirdly, don't you think its his choice to make? Isn’t it up to him to decide, what to risk and for whom?”

* * *

**AMAN**

_I am supposed to meet the fucking wedding planner. Yes I am so excited about the fucking sham of a wedding!_

My conversation with Juggu still brewing in my head like metal melting lava. The kid is tough as a nail and yet sensitive. If all this was Karthik’s effect or not… is something I cannot decide. But I am betting most of it is. 

Heck ! Even Karthik had a similar effect on Keshav! Honestly, I never saw Keshav assert himself like that before. My brother had suffered through his father’s withdrawal, and even though Goggle and I tried to keep him connected with us, Keshav… well, he surrounded himself with gadgets and books. I wanted to take him to London with me… afraid that he will not be able to survive the world. But as usual… my great family did not let that happen. Keshav was left alone almost for two years, with me in London and Goggle is US. I feel guilty that Keshav was lost in the milieu with no anchor. It was heartening to see him like this.

I got up from my chair and staggered slightly. Two pegs of whiskey neat… its not even 11 in the morning. 

I am such a complete wreck. Both on the inside and outside. 

But what I am supposed to do? I did not know I will miss him so badly…Its like I am holding a huge weight to my chest. I hated it that I hurt my Karthik the most. 

> Na maaregi deewangi meri  
> Na maaregi awaargi meri  
> Ki maaregi zyada mujhe maut se  
> Naraazgi teri
> 
>   
> And the guilt is killing me from inside. I want to make amends… I don't know how.

I dwelled particularly long on what Jugni said about hero complex… its quite spot on. This is the first time, I probably confronting my own issues. I do need a therapist. 

_And who am I meeting instead?_

_A wedding planner._

_Great just great!_

I grudgingly took the trouble to go down from my office building and walked to the starbucks in the adjacent lane.

I could see them from the glass window, their fiery purple streak giving them a distinct look Samara Pardesai, the individual goes as non-binary as the name goes. I heard a lot about him. Somehow, all these flamboyant individuals are Goggle’s friends. There is another man with him, who was trying to make a quick exit. Samara got up to hug him, and quite weirdly reach down to squeeze his ass. 

As I entered the place, my senses singed, my blood curdled at the sight. Karthik! In his flawless white shirt. My eyes burned at the sight of someone else touching him like that. I could see Karthik is familiar with that touch, that made me tummy lurch sickeningly.

_Karthik moved on so fast?_

The fact run me over like a speeding bullet train!

> Kyun ithna hain tu kafaa  
> Hain jidd kis baat ki teri!  
> Ki maaregi zyada mujhe maut se  
> Naraazgi teri

  
The place was so silent that I could hear what they were talking clearly.

Samara was shamelessly flirtatious as he asked, “ Whatsay! Dinner tonight? My place?”

“Huh! You wish!” with his epic eye-roll and for fuck’s sake he sidled out of that Samara’s grasp.

It really didn’t help the infernal fire that ignited in me…

“Oh come on!” Samara persisted, “For old times sake?”

Karthik tapped his sunglasses smartly, and smirked, “Too bad, I am staying away from fuckbois.”

I couldn't help but feel as if a tipper just ran over me. Fuck Bois…. Does he think I am also… 

He turned to see me… he stopped, he coloured and battled with himself, trying to regain those vestiges of composure that were lost to me too.

We were five feet away from each other. The distance does not help in these situations I realised. No not really… not when the only recurring thought was to steal my Karthik away to some unknown land where purple haired freaky strangers don't lay their hands on him, against his will… okay thats not the only thought I was having, I wanted to smooth that unconscious frown his face had formed, to kiss away that little pout his lips had formed. Or simply wrap my hands around him and say that I love him… I freaking love him… so much that it physically pains not to be with him. I love him so much that I am escalated from being a general wreck in the inside to being a complete wreck on the outside too.

> Jaan nissaar hain Jaan nissaar  
> Tere pyaar pein Mere yaar  
> Jaan nissaar hain Jaan nissaar

“Aman,” he said simply and acknowledging our threadbare sane relationship.

“Karthik?” I breathed. Of course I sound like the wreck I am. Jugni is right I do need a therapist.

And before I could stop, the alcohol in my system and all my overwhelmingly monstrous thoughts formulated into a snide question,  
“Boyfriend?”

Heck! That sounded half-desperate and half-bratty. I saw his smirk come back as he talked with that Samara… how else am I supposed to react.

His breath hitched and an excruciatingly hurt expression passed his face before rage took its place, he crossed the distance in one stride to stop mere inches away from me.

I suddenly wished I had sunglasses on, because my treacherously drunk eyes will express what I feel for him so up close. He looked into my eyes his breath fanning over me for a delicious second, before saying in a dangerously low voice, “ you have no fucking right to ask that question?”

He brushed past me and walked out to of the place, and disappearing out into the street. My eyes ruefully followed. He is right, I had no fucking right to ask. I should be thankful that he moved on. But then, my heart seemed to want contradictory things these days. His love, his safety. Him missing me, him moving on. For a moment, I was stuck in a chagrin, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry at my cruel fate. I made myself worthy of hatred of the same person I am aching to love. 

> Teri berukhi se badi   
> Hain umar intezaar ki meri  
> Ki maaregi zyada mujhe maut se  
> Naraazgi teri

  
Samara Pardesai, now no longer an ally to me, came forward to meet me, with the most disastrous opening statement ever, “Whoa! That was some sexual tension there! You both know each other?”

“Samara Pardesai. Glad to meet you.” I said acridly, thank god my evil boss persona is still alive.

They faltered, met my eyes, and grinned quite openly at me, “Hello Mr Tripathi. You are quite not what I thought!”

“I am sorry what?”

“I was prepared to find a Hetero Alpha Male trope here, instead found a Homo Alpha lover boy trope... I am so loving it”

“Excuse me!”

“Apologies” They said dramatically, pulling me towards the table by my freaking hand, “I should have introduced myself properly before, Samara Pardesai, The Numero Uno Desi wedding planner, event organiser in India, UAE, expected use of pronouns-They or their! And a proud ex to that gorgeous man who just walked out the door.” He reeled in his formal introduction with an almost scathing addition of his relationship status with my Karthik.

“Ex?” I asked in a low whisper despite myself, obviously I didn't register the rest of his speech.

“Yeah! Sadly” Samara nodded with a rueful distant look on their face, opening their briefcase suddenly seeming quite business-like, “So Mr Tripathi, you seem to be going for a normal heterosexual wedding, with Kusum Bharati?”

“Yes!” I said stiffly.

“And you are still hung on dear Karthik Singh?… This is epic AF!” Samara laughed.

_Goddamned balls They have!_

I kept my face impassive, but my ticking nerve is a tell-tale.

“What the hell! Samara Pardesai! Please don’t make baseless assumptions,” I thundered in my low voice.

Samara looked into my eye, with a pensive stare, a look so reminiscent of Karthik, that I had to look away. The look that is literally the human version of Lie detector.

“Also do not mention Karthik’s name in the whole of this wedding” I continued, internally spiralling at the possibility of someone else finding out. I regarded him once more, Samara is sure irritating, but they are what they are and I cannot begrudge them for that. 

I said with a touch of concern in my voice, “or anything about your non-binary status, or sexual orientation especially to any of our relatives. My family is ultra-conservative and exceedingly homophobic, despite the modern exterior. I do not want any conflicts arising from that. Is that clear?”

Samara looked surprised, and then pursed his lips and nodded, “Crystal.”  


* * *

**KARTHIK**

“Ouch” I cried in pain. I burnt my fingers trying to pick a pancake from the pan. Awesome… its been years since I burned my fingers while cooking.

  
_Aman’s eyes looked like he was drowning in misery. He smelled of single malt whiskey, in the morning._

_Heck! I shouldn't be thinking of him.!_

But to be honest, his hurt face, his myriad emotions through those eyes... That was all that I could think of. Kusum rushed to me. 

“Mr. Distracted. Go sit there with Juggu, before you burn the whole house down.” Kusum said sternly, picking up the ladle herself.

Something steely in me rose… I will not myself get distracted by him. I am not that weak

“I will do it… I am not distracted.” I replied stubbornly.

“Karthik…” Kusum questioned me with her eyes.

“I said right? I will do it…” I repeated with a dead pan look on me. 

_Damn! I sounded like him_

Kusum nodded, pursing her lips. She went back to cutting vegetables. I picked the freaking pancake again with the same hand. This time I stifled my whimper.

_Amaaannn..._ I dont know why take his name in a sigh! when did I give him so much power over me!

I drizzled strawberry sauce on Juggu’s chocolate chip pancakes, added the cut strawberries and took it to her.

Jugni looked at the plate and then at me puzzled.

“Bhaiyya sit with me please?” she pleaded. I nodded and sat down. 

  
Suddenly I noticed Jugni eating chocolate chip pancakes with strawberry sauce. What the heck… she hates strawberry sauce… thats how Aman eats…

The realisation hit me like a bus.

“Baccha… mat kha ! I am sorry … mein thode aur bana lata hoon na… I dont where my mind is…”

“Bhaiyya… its where it is supposed to be…”Jugni said in soft voice. 

My little sister is consoling me. 

Tears welled into my eyes, I escaped into my room, shutting the door behind me…

_How Dare he! How Dare he!_

_How dare he do this to me… and make me feel guilty about it?_

> “Boyfriend?” he asked in a half snide, half hurt tone.

_He takes one look at me and Samara and thinks I moved on?_

  
_He takes one look at me and make me feel loved and wanted again? After he broke my heart like that… he has no right… no fucking right to make me feel loved again…_

I brushed away my tears angrily. My mind dwelling back to that singular moment, him and me five feet apart. 

I was sure he heard my fuckbois comment. I didnt intend that for him. That was solely for Samara… yet when I turned, I could hurt dancing in his eyes. 

_He had no right to look like that. As if all he wanted to do was to hug me._

_Fucking walking contradiction he is._

_Says that I was a fling to him. And acts as if he wants to confess his love._

_Or am I becoming so blind in his unrequited love that I am imagining all this,…_

_And why the hell was he drinking so much? In the day… in the office?_

I couldnt help but feel anxious. For his safety. Rakesh is closing in on him. Right on the cue. Keshav’s call lights my phone.

“Keshav!”

“Karthik we need to retrieve several files from Raakesh’s car. I am sending you the location. Are you up for it?” he said.

“Yes… I am coming!”

* * *

**Karthik**

> Duniya zamaane se  
> Rishte mitaaye hain  
> Tujhse hi yaari hai humari  
> Ik baar toh aa

I walked into my room exhausted yet satisfied, all the files that were of use I have tracked them and replaced them with dummy files. Hoping that Rakesh will only notice it too late. While Aman’s data, is getting secured by Keshav and his team on the back end. 

Samara is here to guard Aman. A lucky idea of Rajjo’s. Rajjo freaked out last night when Keshav explained the threat he was facing. Samara, we both knew in an undercover security provider. His cover this was that of a wedding planner. Everything would have gone well if only he did not flirt with me… and his darned timing.

I lay on the bed, finally, letting myself brood on Aman and his contradictions. Seems to my favorite topic these days.

Today Jugni reminded my words yet again to me.

“People are what they do, na bhaiyya, not what they say?”

True. Thats what I believed in… thats why I never believed in what Aman said. Until now.

Why Aman! Why did you do this to me…. Even as I spewed so gyaan to Keshav about company over personal problems. I know … from the core of being. Why I am doing this.

I cannot see harm befall you. I cannot see you unhappy.

I fucking cannot stop loving you.

Why is it so hard to walk away from you!

> Maine nibhaya hai  
> Karke dikhaaya hai  
> Le teri baari  
> Ik vaari tu bhi pyar nibha
> 
> Ik vaari tu bhi pyar nibha o yaar

_Stop being a Man-child and own up to your shit Aman!_

>   
> Jaan 'nisaar hai Jaan nisaar  
> Tere pyaar pe mere yaar  
> Jaan nisaar hai Jaan nisaar  
> Tere pyaar pe mere yaar  
> Jaan nisaar hai... mmm… 

For once, I let my tears drench my pillow. Its been a long day. Emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting. Yet I know sleep will not come to me.  
Devika’s call interrupted my brooding.

“Karthik?” she sounded so edge, that I sat up worried.

“Dev … what happened?” I asked.

“Karthik can you come to Keya?”

“Keya? What why? Dev you know I promised Juggu I wont drink…”

“No I need your help… Karthik”

“Wait! I am coming.”

Also was that Aman’s voice in the background. 

Half an hour of hazardous ride, I reached Keya, to Devi, Ravi, supported a completely inebriated Aman.

My heart gave a horrible lurch. I ran towards them. 

Devika and Ravi had identical expressions of relief. I, hardly reached them when Aman looked up and swayed dangerously against an extremely uncomfortable Ravi.

“Please take care of your responsibility,” Ravi grunted as he heaped Aman on me. 

Aman looked disoriented for a moment, looking up at me, him and Devika, then stepped towards me, arms raised like a small child, his breath heaving, “Karthik!” he whimpered, falling into my ready arms.

He actually trapped me in his arms, rested his head on my chest and closed his eyes. Devika stifled a grin, while Ravi shook his head disgruntled. Being a doc he hated it when people abused alcohol.

“Thanks Dev” I said weakly.

She smiled in response, ruffled Aman’s hair with a sad smile and walked back into the bar with Ravi. For a second, I could not decide whether to laugh or to cry.

Aman is still in my arms, clinging to me as if his life depended on me. I gestured to one of the staff outside, to bring his car. Somehow I got him into his RollsRoyce.

Tried to secure him with his seat belt. But somehow through the journey, he entangled himself to the seat belt.

I wish I didnt care for him so much… I wish I had it in me to call Rajjo or Keshav to handle him. I wish I could the great Shankar Tripathi to handle his son in this state.

But I couldnt. Perhaps I am blind and senseless in love. 

I know I had to drive him not to his apartment, but to his mansion. Keshav has told me that he will be updating apartment’s security tonight.

Screech... That sound irritated me more than it should. Probably because of the heightened senses. Aman's head bobbed slightly at the brake.  
I hated myself to bring this upon him. I have been there, and I know how it is. To be absolutely crushed. He is dealing with it badly, drowning in alcohol. He hardly stayed sober at work. 

His father, mother, how could they not see how they are hurting him?

I cannot help him; I would only make things worse for him.

I sighed and released Aman's seat belt out of its shaft, gently undoing it off him. He was half asleep, hardly opening his eyes. But as I gently eased his head back onto the headrest, he fluttered open his eyes. Hazy yet beautiful eyes. I could fall in love with him every single second.

As I disentangled his seat belt off his wobbly arm, his beard accidentally brushed my cheek. 

Pure agony it was, not to lean into his touch. I missed him in so ways, that I lost count. 

His beard touched me once again, this time deliberately. I turned to see his eyes wide open for a second, his nimble fingers climbing my shoulders.

“Aman..” I whispered trying to stall him.

His breath fanned over me, and for a moment I lost myself to his touch. It’s been too long without his touch, without his lips on me. Maybe for a second longer I can hold onto this dream.

His ragged breath pulling me in. In vain, I struggled with the seatbelt. Aman whimpered, "Karthik...." before planting soft kisses across my cheeks, my jawline. He is drunk, yet he traced the lines of my face with lips as if he remembered it by heart.

"Aman…" I protested, unfortunately, sound that came out of me, sounded more like a moan. It only served to spur him, stoke the fire burning between us. Things started getting heated. His kisses were no longer soft and gentle. He nibbled on the crook of my neck, his hands pushing deep into my hair.

He was drunken, that was some excuse to his behavior, I am not, so what would excuse mine?

But thoughts slowly faded out in background as his warm lips found mine. I could taste scotch off his lips. It was heady to say the least. It was hardly reasonable from either of us. And yet, I could offer no resistance, as his tongue desperately swept into my mouth.

_How can I even resist him? It’s Aman. My Aman._

He did not take long to climb into my lap. He was taking me in without restrain, in a drunken haste. I couldn’t help my moans to his attentions. I couldn’t stop myself from giving him what he wanted. That’s how it had always been between us.

Only when He nibbled at my collar bone unbuttoning my shirt, that I became conscious of my surroundings. We were freaking parked in front of his mansion. His parents were also home. My eyes fluttered wide open as that realization struck home. Some of the will to resist him came back to him.

“Aman… Aman… NO” I whispered to my restless little conqueror. Aman opened his hazy eyes.

“NO?”

His voice sounded hurt, but even in his drunken state, he took my NO seriously.

“Baby…?” Aman sounded like he will break anytime now. His eyes were teary!

“I brought you home. Your parents are here. If they see us? Trust me, tomorrow morning you will thank me for this.” I managed in a tight voice. Aman opened his mouth and closed it again shocked and disoriented. He looked back at the building I was pointing at. His room’s window was clearly visible from the windscreen we were peering at.

“This is not home,” He said in a voice that is close to despair. He was pointing the building in front of us.  
His eyes had dropped the tears that they were holding for too long. He sucked in a ragged breath.

He pointed his finger, poking at my chest, “This is home.”  
There it was, the small smile that lighted his eyes.

Perhaps, my heart didn’t know what it was to beat previously, because, that was when it started actually beating. Beat, it did, wildly as Aman placed his head on my shoulder, snuggling at the crook of my neck, his hands securing his place in my lap by hanging on to my neck and shoulders.

  
He clung like a Koala bear in my arms. The position should be awkward, Aman in my lap, me in the driver’s seat in his Rolls-Royce. Yet somehow, it did not feel awkward at all. He fit snuggly in my arms and he had the most blissful look on his face as he rested his head on me.

  
This cannot be. Either I am dreaming or…No… there is no other choice. I am dreaming. Aman in my arms, calling me home. He did not care for me that way. I knew I had to break away from this shroud of wishful thinking, if not it will hurt me more later.

  
“Aman… Listen… Let’s get you to your room. You need to sleep.” I tried to disentangle him from myself.

“I don’t want room. I don’t want sleep. No sleep in that room. No peace in that place. I want you. Karthik my home.” He protested in my arms.

He ranted senselessly. I tried to make sense of his drunken yet eloquent slur. No peace? No sleep?

I could see sleepless nights casting their shadows under his eyes.  


“Aman… Where do you want me to leave? Rajni’s house?”

  
“No No. No Please don’t leave me! Karthik… Don’t leave me!”  


This was getting quite out of hand. Yet I could not get his arms from around me. If he was addicted to me, so was I. It was not enough. Nothing was ever enough.  


“Aman… Listen to me… I will take you to Rajjo’s house. Sleep there tonight. Okay?” I said, running my fingers through his hair the way he liked.  


“No… No … Not leaving you… No no”, Said Aman, moving closer to my body if that was possible.  


This is a near-impossible situation. I am at the door of his mansion. Anytime now, his servants, driver or Shankar Tripathi himself will come there to see Aman’s RR. And Aman is not leaving his bear-clutch over me. A part of me wanted him to go to his damned house so that I could go back to sulk over my miserable life, my only activity these past few days. And a bigger part of me wants to steal my Aman away. Take him home and love him the way he wants me to.

  


“Aman… where do we go man!” I asked in a low whisper.  


“Take me home! Karthik… Take me home please… I cannot stay without you…” Aman said against my neck, his eyes half open. He is not really conscious of what he is speaking. Or probably, this is my Aman behind all those layers of sarcasm and bitter boundaries. Maybe… My stupid heart burst in hope, just maybe… He does feel something more for me. He cupping his face in both his hands, looking into my eyes. Haze is still there. And that intensity that literally burns me.  


  
“Aman… Baby… listen” I tried again, turning away from his love. He rubbed his fingers on my cheeks, sending unwarranted shivers through me, coaxing me to look into his desperate eyes.  


“NO…No…Dont Don't leave me… Karthik Please… I cannot live…I cannot breath... I love you Karthik… I love you...I love you so much!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am legit proud of Keshav's growth through this story. It was a subplot that evolved naturally.
> 
> To give credit where its due Jugni's Prep talk to Aman was inspired by @Satrangee_ray insights!  
> Thank you 'Elusive A' ;)
> 
> What do you think of Aman's Drunk proposal? 
> 
> Its strange that both blurt out their feelings rather than actually proposing!


	17. All of me loves all of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battles lines are drawn, arms in line,  
> Always knew it'd come to this, bloody war  
> I know I'd lose, for both sides are mine  
> To love we fight the love that taught us to fight  
> -Aman
> 
> First up... I am really sorry that you guys had to wait for this long for this update.  
> shit has happened ... but lets move on. This is supposed to be my penultimate chapter.   
> But I am splitting it into two. 
> 
> Enjoy the angst I guess!

**AMAN**

“I love you too Aman! I love you so much…Go to Sleep now…love you”

I groggily remembered that whisper. Sleep that had been elusive to me for the past three days, somehow came to me. I also remember a warm embrace.

My senses become a tad attentive, bringing my sleepy brain to sharper focus. Was that Karthik’s voice? He is laughing? There is Jugni’s voice too, talking energetically about something. 

_One second, where am I?_

I frowned in that half-sleep, trying to make sense out of my fuzzy thoughts. Karthik’s familiar scent hit my nostrils. I was with Karthik?

I opened my eyes to the blurry realisation that I was indeed with my Karthik. Hazy snippets of what happened last night as I blinked on the soft pillow. 

_I kissed him in my car? Realisation hit me like a train wreck._

_I confessed? I took in a sharp breath. I tried to raise my heavy throbbing head. Gut squeezing in realisation that my facade crumbled before Karthik. Now what am I to do? How am I supposed to protect my Karthik?_

I sat up only to curl in confusing emotions coursing through me. Untold sense of foreboding clouding me, a reassuring voice that sounded very much like Karthik’s telling me that everything will be alright. There is a sense of comfort in the yellowing bluish walls of his place, the gaggle of sounds these walls allow, the smell of something heavenly cooking in his kitchen. His home feels just like him, warm, open and loving. There is a huge part of me craving his touch again. A huge cowardly part that wants to hide from him.

_No no no… this is not supposed to happen._

If Karthik confronts me… I would not be able to stop myself from telling him yet again that I fucking love him. I love him so much that it physically hurts to stay away from him. It hurts to see him even in the slightest pain. I cannot see him in harm’s way because of me. I cannot let even the possibility of my family’s homophobic rear its ugly head against him. 

That's that then. I have to stay away from him. Even if it hurts both of us. A selfish part of me still wanted Karthik to love me despite all this. A part of me wants to comfort him, with my love, alleviating all his fears, his insecurities of being used rather than loved. I wanted to tell him, impossible as it is for us to be together, I love him. That there is no expiry date for my love too. I wanted to tell him… that he is the first man I fell so hopelessly in love with. 

I dug my fingers deep into my hair, for a moment relishing a vent for my anguish in physical pain. I wiped my tears and got ready to face the day. To face him… possibly for one last time. 

“Who are you?” I heard Karthik. Fear prickled down my neck. I could clearly hear Juggu’s muffled and her door snapping shut.

I stumbled out of the bed, sheets that bundled at my feet made me trip.

That’s when I heard that. That sickening crunch. Something metallic striking. My heart rose to my throat as I panicked called out his name almost as a reflex, “Karthik?” 

I hastily disentangled myself from the sheets and ran towards the other room. Four men, burly and rough, with black pull down masks. One had a metal rod. One held Karthik and two were opening the door.

NO! NO!! 

“Aaargghhh” I heard Karthik groan. 

“Karthik …. Karthik” I called as the bastards dragged Karthik out of the hall.

My legs turned to lead at the sight. A lifeless Karthik, blood trickling down his face. One of the men turned towards me. As I run towards him. He throw something hastily. I ducked. 

Knife! I realised a second later.

“Karthik!” I screamed as the four men scurried, half-carrying and half-dragging. I ran behind them. Down the stairs, when one of the men held my collar and bodily pushed me down. I stumbled down the stairs. 

Nothing else was in sight. Except Karthik being mercilessly dragged. They were already on the street with a vehicle waiting. One of them retrieved a revolver, out of his shirt. He turned back at me. I hastily ducked as he fired.   
In the moment of confusion, they pulled Karthik into the vehicle and drove away. 

“Karthik!” I screamed running behind the speeding vehicle.

'“Karthiiiikkkkkkk!”

* * *

**TARAN**

“Keshav!” I exclaimed in surprise. My son was sitting on the floor beside my bed. For a moment, I could see a ten year old boy in that place. Many boyish features still in place. 

“Pa!” he said in a low whisper. With a smile that felt as if it resurfaced after a long time.

My heart constricted painfully making my own smile into a grimace. My son!

“How are you?” I asked. I wanted to know. Guilty that I left him all alone, all these years. All these years… 10 years. We first drifted away from each other because of me. My all-consuming numbness towards every human relation… after that fateful day.

_All these years… I couldn’t bring myself face the family, the world, all those blurred faces that pushed Sashi into that torture. I couldn’t bring myself to even look at and acknowledge father and brother. Every possible feeling died inside as I replayed his torture over and over again in my mind’s eye._

_I was afraid too. That my son will bear the brunt of what I did. I was afraid that bitterness that welled in me will lash out on my Keshav. I was afraid that in my self-disgust I would do irreparable damage to him. I was afraid that if by chance Keshav knows about me and hates me for what I am, I will not be able to take it._

_I could not bring myself to caress my own son’s hair in comfort as he cried several nights because of nightmares. It was Aman who had comforted him. I could not bring myself to laugh at his goofy jokes, ignored his wistful glances and walked away from every place where there is any chance to feel any humanly emotions. Staying locked up in a room would hardly help. Father died. And all I could feel pity. Shankar took over everything, Chaman quickly falling behind in line._

_Allahabad changed to Mumbai._   
_The Ganges changed to the sea. Nothing mattered._

“Papa….” Keshav said breaking into my reverie. He tentatively came towards me. I felt slightly afraid that he would say in a low whisper. That I don’t deserve him. That he will give up on me. That this is the last time I will see him.

Keshav peered into my eyes for a second. Could he see? Could he see the regrets that clouded my eyes? Could he see the remorse for what I did to him wreaking havoc in me?

_My Son!_

_He took a long deep breath and threw himself in to my arms. Just like my ten-year old boy used to. For a second, he is my young Keshav, needing support, craving solace, seeking his father in me. The next second, he is a stranger 20 year old, trying to re-establish what was lost, seeking to comfort me._

It's been 10 long years. 10 years since I brought myself to hug my own son. My heart squeezed as tears welled into my eyes. Tears? I thought they had dried up. 

Keshav broke our hug, stepped back to peer back into my eyes.

“Papa! I missed you.”

“Me too…” I whispered. The smallest comfort that I could offer him. Admittedly, he had more of his mother in him. Saroo! My best friend… my only friend. She was also like this. She had a heart to forgive. She had the heart to accept my… my disinterest in her. There were days when she actively pushed me towards my happiness. And yet, I failed her. I failed to keep my promise to my only friend, my closest confidante. 

“You are so much like Saroo… Keshav… You dont know how much you remind me of her…” I said. Unable to control myself.

A sad smile rested on his face. “Do you miss her?”

  
“Yes…” I replied without a doubt.

“As a friend?” he asked hesitantly. I nodded uncomfortably. Turning away from him, I sighed and sat on the bed, tired of the tirade of thoughts.

_How would he know? How would he know that we were never truly husband and wife? How would he know that I hurt Saroo unimaginably after we got married. Saroo was only nineteen then, eyes full of dreams and mischief. She didn’t know that her life was doomed to be with a man who could never love her. She didn’t know that she was married to a man who could not touch her. How would she know… that I could not even offer her an explanation that it was not her fault. It was not her fault that I could not love her._

_But she had a rare mature mind. She read, no devoured books. She found solace in music. Thats how Sashi came into our lives. She brought him to meet me one day, seeking my permission to learn music from him. She got over the pain and shame that her husband was more attracted to the music teacher she brought, than her._

_Saroo… She was quick to understand my feelings. And his… while she had to bear unkind rumours about the possible love affair between her and Sashi, she made me accompany her for every class. She understood how I longed for him, how he looked at me. She sometimes spared some alone time to both of us claiming that her books called to her. She felt miserable and lonely, yet she pushed me towards him._

_She sometimes sent me to tell him that she could not attend the class that day. I always returned late, she always smiled at that. But soon society caught up with us. Family treated her harshly for not bearing a child. She stopped me every time, I was on the verge of telling them that it was my fucking fault._

_We were made to bear a child at gunpoint. But she was strong even then. But I failed. I couldn’t notice how much of a stress this was for her until it was too late. The family, especially mother was very harsh on her. Words… words can literally destroy a person. Saroo even, while being pregnant was at the brunt of those words. All I could give her was my friendship, a shoulder to cry on, a hope that one day when we settled away from home, she would able to pursue her passions._

_Sashi, disgusted at the fact that I sired a child left Allahabad. Saroo left me in child birth. Her last words still rang in my ears._

_“Your happiness and my son’s happiness is always in your hands. Take care of them. Take care of my Keshav.”_

_Saroo left me all alone. With no friend or love. Soon Keshav became my everything. But not for long. I was forced to part with him. For his education. He went to attend the boarding school in Mumbai and I fell lonely again. Sashi came back. I couldn’t really get over him. And it was quite evident, that he could not too…_

_Love… It is rare. But for people with closed minds, our love is a sin, apparently. We had to keep it away from prying eyes for almost 2 years. I met him, frequently under the pretext of planning a music school, sometimes under the pretext of trying to train the musically disinclined Tripathi trio. Sashi somehow got around my betrayal and loved Keshav as the precious little boy he was. Aman too, in fact, who was too curious for his own good. It was Aman who tried to save us, save Sashi. Quite possibly, out of his own affection towards him._

_But the night haunted him too… I couldn’t confide in him too… could not talk to him. Yet somehow, he became what I am supposed to be, to my son._

“Papa” Keshav said, gently touching my shoulder. _I zoned out yet again?_

“Haa beta…”

“Papa … Aman told me about Sashi sir.” He said hesitantly.

My stomach gave a horrible lurch. So I was right this is a good bye from Keshav. 

  
Am I going to lose my son? Why would Aman do that? Did he also think that I don’t deserve anyone in my life? What if he deserts me? It would not be entirely wrong… I deserted my son too. 

“Papa… you were not wrong…” He said sitting beside me.

Tears made my way from my eyes. For a second, blurring my kind son’s face. 

“Papa… After seeing Aman and Karthik… I can only imagine what it would have been with Sashi sir in your life… What Daadu and Taiji did…” Keshav hesitated, “what they did was wrong. They don’t understand that love can literally make or break a person. You were not wrong papa.. You were not…”

“I was wrong in keeping you away… I made you suffer.. I was the worst father ever… and you are supporting me?”

Keshav smiled at that. “You went through a trauma… you had no support system,.. How else would you react?”

My son… he became really mature. He knows what happened. He is still here.

“Aren’t you ashamed that your father is gay?”

“Of course not Papa… I am ashamed that none of the family had an inkling of your struggle…”

“I am ashamed that I was never there for you… when you needed me the most… I promised Saroo I will take care of you… and I failed…if not for Aman and Rajini, I would have lost you…”

“Haa papa… you are right there.” Keshav said sighing, “without Aman… and Rajini I wouldn’t have survived. But none of this is your fault papa. I understand you wanted to protect me from pain. After that fateful night, my father lost his love, I lost my father, Aman lost his childhood. That should not repeat again. Our family is on the brink of danger Papa. Aman is in danger. And only you can do something about this.” 

* * *

**Jugni**

“I don’t think I will survive without my bhaiyya” I said looking at Aman Bhaiyaa.

To be honest, he was more injured than I am. But the force with which Kusum dee pushed me inside the room, made me topple over my walking support. Pain had been a constant companion in my life. But pain has what given me an edge. Pain sharpened me and made me think through things.

According to what Keshav bro spoke to Karthik Bhaiyya, Aman bhaiyya is on the verge of getting sabotaged. Sabotaged by someone in their own family. But Aman Bhaiyya has been drinking endlessly, perhaps to drown his feelings for Karthik Bhaiyya. Now with him lost, kidnapped, god knows by whom, Aman Bhaiyya is down another spiral. Honestly, I cannot blame him. I get what it is to constantly fear one’s family. To know that your own parents can be really cruel. Its crushing, I get that. But I need Aman Bhaiyaa to pull himself together. Pull himself together to find my Karthik Bhaiyya. Only he can do that. I am sure. All he needs is a push. Some drama.

“Juggu…” Aman bhaiyya replied softly.

He had his head hit. The goons who took Karthik Bhaiyya must have hurt him.

“Bhaiyya…. I need Karthik bhaiyya… he is my strength… he… I cannot” I stammered, sounding tearful. I am intentionally doing drama, and that’s not really far from reality. I need my Karthik bhaiyya, without him I cannot imagine my life anymore.

“Juggu… Baccha…. I promise … I will get him back.”

“How?”

“I…”

“Bhaiyya… You are badly hung over from last night… you hit your head in the scuffle… still you sent back the nurse who tried to dress you twice. I get that you are worried… But if you give up… I literally have no hope,” I pleaded Aman Bhaiyya, intentionally deploying my puppy eyes. Aman Bhaiyya started at that. He looked guilty as hell.

“Juggu… I...”

“Bhaiyya… let the nurse tend to your wounds, get yourself treated. And please find my bhaiyya… I need you to find him.”

I slowly closed my eyes and shuddered a little, at this point no longer knowing whether I am acting or not. My worry for Karthik Bhaiyya weighing heavily in my thoughts. Two tiny drops of tears slid down my cheeks. Aman Bhaiyya looked legit miserable.

“Will you promise? Ravi bro and Devika dee will take care of me…. Bhaiyaa… please please bring back my Karthik Bhaiyya….Promise me you will come back with my bhaiyya?” I asked, with voice constricting my wind pipe.

“Yes … Promise Juggu… I will get him back… Hang in there Baccha …. I will never forgive myself for bringing this upon you and Karthik…”

_Oh no no no!_

“Aman Bhaiyya” I called sharply, grasping his hand, “don’t blame yourself… I need you too… You both have to come back for me….”

Aman nodded slowly retracting his hand from mine. He looked at Devika dee’s reassuring grimace and nodded. He took one last look at me and got out of the room.

God, wait till I come up there! You have a lot of explaining to do. How dare you do this my family! Just when I finally found a family, with not one, but two brothers… you will take all that away from me? You better be ready to answer me!

* * *

**Karthik**

> “You might regret this in the morning Aman!” I whispered desperately against his lips. Trying to fight with my heart and losing phenomenally to its foolish force.
> 
> We were on my bed, and how we reached there? I hardly have any idea. All I could remember is his drunken confession and my split second decision to back the car out and bring him home. He was perched on my lap all through the journey, nuzzling against my neck, muttering my name amongst many inaudible words. But somehow all I could hear is his steady heartbeat against mine. Only when I carried him to my room, made him drink some water, he opened his eyes. He gulped a lot of water thirstily and seemed to slowly regain a semblance of consciousness.
> 
> Yet again, he pulled me towards himself, and I was battling with myself. They say fear and love cannot exist together. They say it wrong. Fear and love, there are the beats of the same heart. My heart was pounding at the elation that finally, my Aman confessed what he felt for me, and with the fear that if all this comes crashing back into reality tomorrow, I might not be able to handle the pain. For the first time in my life, I tried to stop my Aman from kissing me, I tried to stop myself from kissing him back. Both are lost causes. He was incessant and so was my need for him.
> 
> “Aman,” I tried yet again, even as I am practically on top of him. “Aman… you are drunk!”
> 
> “Ka…thik…” he moaned, “this is the only place I can be with you… Dweams…”
> 
> “Dreams?” I asked bemused.
> 
> “Dweams…” he muttered, nibbling at my jaw.
> 
> “What do you mean?” I asked my voice raising a pitch higher. Reality getting back at me. I tried to disentangle myself from him. 
> 
> “No sleep… only dweams.. You and me” he slurred against my cheek, as he climbed on top of me. _This is really getting out of hand._
> 
> _He supposed that we are together in his dreams? He is thinking all this is his dream? He is really really drunk._
> 
> “Aman…baby… this is not a dream… we are about to… we are in my bedroom…” I suddenly felt uncomfortable.
> 
> _He is so drunk that he doesn’t remember me picking him up. Come morning, he would not remember any of what he said or did._   
>  _This… we should stop… I cannot…_
> 
> “dweam of us togetheaa…I love you Kaathik…I want to mawwy you… you mawwy me?” he lisped. Strangely, instead of shuddering fear, a raw wave of affection swept my heart. _My completely absurd cute Aman._
> 
> “Marry you?”
> 
> “Yes mawwy me…” he said like a small kid asking for a chocolate. He was practically straddling me. For a moment he frowned and said again, “mawwy me… what happened to my aawwsss?”
> 
> “You want to marry me?”
> 
> “Then you, me, Juggu and Chugsy we all go to a big house…. Chugsy and Juggu will bec0me good fwiends…” he said, very much in his dreamland. Its funny he lisps his ‘R’s out. I allowed myself to revel in a moment of innocent fun. My chest eased out after what seemed like years of pain. He dreams about me? He wants to marry me? He freaking included Jugni into his future plans… Then why? Why did he say what he said? Why did he act like he never cared? If his drunken confessions were any indication… Aman is very much in love with me. 
> 
> “Yeah…but…” I tried to voice my doubts. My doubts, my unbidden fears, my insecurities.
> 
> “No butt… I have it all planned… Juggu will go to Hawwad, Stanfod… we will be pwoud bwothers of a supaa sista”
> 
> “You planned Juggu’s future?”
> 
> “Yes…” he replied innocently as if thats the most natural thing to do, “dont wowwy…. I will make sua she gets it thoo scholawship… what happened to my aass?” He looked so troubled about his R’s that I snickered. He looked at me and smiled dazed. Without speaking anymore, he wrapped his hands around my neck and snuggled into my chest. Quite automatically, my hands wrapped around him, fingers caressing his hair.
> 
> “What are we going to do?” I asked in a wistful whisper, somehow feeling content and desperate in the same time. 
> 
> “We?” he asked looking up and said with a blissful smile, “We live happily evea afta!”
> 
> Thats my dearest wish too. But, the irony of our situation is not lost on me. Here are two grown men holding onto each other, longing, wishing and dreaming about a fairy tale. Our fairy tale however, had no magical unicorns, no slaying dragons, no mythical kingdoms, it simply contained us living together in love and complete freedom. Damn the world that made such a simple wish into an impossible fairy tale. Damn the circumstances that drove us to fear even dreaming such a fairytale. I jostled Aman’s head into my hand to look back into his hazy eyes.
> 
> “Do you know that this is not your dream?” I asked him, voice thick with unleashing emotions.
> 
> “You are My dweam Kaa thhik….” He said sounding like a seriously thoughtful five-year old. Hugging me back and he said breathing sleepily into my collar-bone, “I love you soooo much.”
> 
> I don’t know if this stays forever like this. I dont know whether he would love me tomorrow or not. For a moment, my heart felt back in its place. My heart revelled in the fact that he loves me too… I was right… his feelings ran deep too. I replayed the entire night in my head looking for a moment of falsehood from Aman. I could not find any.
> 
> _He loved me… He loves me… He loves me._
> 
> “I love you too Aman! I love you so much” I couldn’t help but whisper back cradling him to myself. “Go to Sleep now…love you”

  
Splash splash, suddenly I felt as if I was doused in icy cold water. A sharp pain at the back of my head brought everything into sharper focus. Was that a dream? Did I dream about Aman? I groggily tried to open. He was being dragged somewhere. 

_Those men! Guns!_

The memory of the men clad in black masks intruded my vision. They had guns with them. Aman was inside. No,.. Wait Aman came out of the bedroom. He called out to me. Jugni,…Kusum had acted fast pushed Jugni into a room. But Aman?

Why is everything so foggy? And did I hear a gunshot? 

The pain in the back of my head intensified. I took in a sharp breathe as someone had roughly shoved me into a chair. Bound my hands. I opened my eyes. It was one of the four men. Wait a second, he is the driver of Shankar Tripathi. 

I looked around and couldn’t stifle a gasp when I saw Kusum, standing, with Rishabh! 

What the fucking hell? And what is this place? Why the hell is the Dadhlani here? And Kusum? 

Why is she nodding to him? Is she forced somehow? How did she… So that’s how she acted so fast and pushed Jugni into the other room.

_Kusum is their inside source!_

Blood seemed to rush out of her face as she noticed me staring at her. Her jaw was set, lips pursed. She gave a sharp glance towards Rishabh and gave him a curt nod.

I looked around.

_Hmmm...This seems to be like a badly maintained cellar. It was clammy and smelled of mold and water. The guy who was tying my hands is now trying to tie my legs. I can knock him out with jerk of my knee. But Rishabh is openly holding a revolver. Must be a colt. Its short range. Only accurate upto 20 feet._

I cringed from the memories of my father’s criminal background. 

_Kusum is also right there. Should I or should I not consider her as a threat?_

More footsteps. There were iron steps leading to this place. 

_Three more people.That means my half backed attempt at freedom would not work out. Shankar’s driver, Kusum, Rishabh… this is a mix I would never expect to be involved._

_Rakesh is the mastermind to this and I kind of know that. The other pieces of conspiracy is now falling in place. The fallout of SNTT and TriT is preplanned. Insidious as it may seem, even Kusum seemed to be planted in our midst by design._

* * *

**SHANKAR**

“Where the hell is Thomal? I asked him to be here by ten!” I said irritated to my security manager.

He looked uncomfortable and said, “Sir… Thomal… he went somewhere without informing me.” 

“What the hell is happening in this place? You know what! You dont know how to do your duty! You are fired! Don’t show me your face… get out,” I said to the inefficient fool in front of me, pointing my finger towards the door.

_Useless fools everyone! God Sunaina will be on my head anytime now. Shopping, shopping and shopping. Dunno why these women need so much shopping. One thing good is that, at least Aman agreed to get married to Kusum. According what Rakesh said, that Karthik was a bad influence on Aman. People can stoop any low… for money… can literally suck dicks! I really hope Kusum can turn him around. She looks like she has it in her. Reminds me of Sunaina in her early twenties. Its good that Kusum and Rajni are good friends. She will have no problem in adjusting to Tripathi household. Finally, after the wedding, my son will come and stay with us._

I heard a screech of the garage gate. The nincompoops couldn’t even grease the gates. Wonder where all the maintenance money goes. Suddenly, there is a lot of noise outside my study, but before I could get up. Aman walked in the door.

For a moment, my heart jerked out of its place. A huge bandage on Aman’s head, another on his forearm, a large purplish bruise on his cheek. But what stumped me was the look of pure hatred in my Aman’s eyes. My heart squeezed uncomfortably at that look. He stormed towards my table with a barely restrained rage, before I could react he slammed his hands on my table. 

“What did you do to my Karthik?” he growled.

A frisson of rage went through me. 

_My son… acting like this… how dare he? And Karthik? Again?_

“Karthik?”

“Yes, my Karthik … What did you do to him?”

“What did I do to him?”

Aman glared at me with fire spewing from his bloodshot eyes. An overwhelming stench of alcohol emanating from him. My son… he looked like a train wreck, who is ready to kill someone.

“MR.TRIPATHI DONT TEST MY PATIENCE” he bellowed, he slapped the table with a force that must not be displayed in front of elders.

_His tone, his manner… he is no longer my son… my Aman… he is a stranger…. Blind, powerful and angry._

“What did I do to your Karthik? Aman … why the hell are you shouting at me? You forgot I am your father?” I asked trying phenomenally to bring the edge back to my voice. 

Yet somehow, something was gnawing at me. _Aman was never like this. He took everything with a stoic calmness. And drinking? He looked unkempt, haggard even. He doesn’t care that he is going to get married within two days._

“NO DONT !… don’t call yourself a father… You are the great Shankar Deenanth Tripathi…. A power-blinded old man… who will stop at nothing for his own prestige! Yes thats what you are! You can kill your own son for the sake of your great honour!”

“AMAN”

“What? Did I say anything wrong Mr Tripathi? Since when did you even care for what we are talking?”

I was momentarily stunned speechless by the venom spewed by Aman… my son.

Aman closed his eyes and huffed. 

“Where is my Karthik…” he asked in a slightly desperate voice. “I know you only did something to him… you went after him in pure spite, didn’t you? Even after I said I will stay away from him… even after I fucking agreed to marry Kusum. A man’s life is so little for you?”

_There he goes again… I thought he is not in love with him. In love? Cha! Such a strange thing!_

“Why the hell should it matter to you? You said you don’t love him right…”

“TO SAVE HIM FROM YOU… want the truth Paapa? I fucking love him with every fiber of my being.”

_With every fibre of my being… some statement that is… Aman really looked like a man distraught. Is it possible…_   
_Cha… What I am thinking… he is just hoodwinked._

“So that Karthik is more than all of us.”

“Hell Yes!”

My heart stuttered at his vehemence. _That Karthik is more than all of us?_

“See … See the influence he has on you… he is the kaali saaya Panditji was talking about… he cast a spell on you.” I ranted.

Aman flinched at my use of Kaali saaya

_Shouldn’t have said that…. Shouldn’t have said that!_

“Are you for real, Papa? Seriously? I am GAY! I am attracted to boys since I am 13 …. I had a boyfriend in London too…Before Karthik came into my life.”

“There is nothing like Gay… its all your misunderstanding… nowadays media is influencing people in this wrong ways.”

“Oh Yeah? So how did Taran Chacha get influenced? He was married by then…. Oh! so Sashi sir influenced him... Right? That’s why you killed…, makes complete sense….”

“DONT YOU DARE! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!” 

“Dare my foot!… because of your Homophobia, you pushed Taran chacha into depression… you are pushing your own son into an unhappy loveless nightmarish life… enough is enough!”

“My son is not gay … he cannot be…”

“Then I am not your son… I cannot hide my reality anymore.,.. This is what I am… If you don’t want this… then the whole discussion is a waste of time… I want my Karthik back … safe… you have 3 hours Mr. Tripathi… 3 hours to send him back,…Healthy and safe… If not, I will make sure I destroy all that you built for years…. I will walk out from your life, your company and the ‘Illustrious Tripathi heirdom’… Feel free to find yourself another scapegoat CEO.”

“Aman… Aman!”

Aman turned and walked out with his head held high. My son… He is walking away… 

At the door, he shot another long hard glare and said his painful parting words.

“Remember one thing Mr Tripathi… Karthik is the only sliver of happiness I had in my life… and you are destroying that… If anything happens to Karthik … you will find my blood on your hands!”

* * *


	18. What would I do without you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear dear WILIAW lovers,  
> I am really Sorry (*raised to infinity) for such a delayed update! Things have happened. I should Life has happened to me! And This was the only thing that held me back to sanity. I am not kidding. I know that this could not be an excuse. But please please accept it. 
> 
> Suggu and Jugni (Satrangee_ray), Bacchas... Love you guys for prodding me, pushing me, and legit blackmailing to update this chapter. Ofcourse I never had plans to abandon this fic, but I needed a push and you were there for me!  
> Thank you so(raised to infinity) much!
> 
> First up.. its a racy, angsty and long-ass chapter. DONT Kill me for the cliffhanger. I will update the resolution chapter by next week.

**Rajni**

_Music? So early in the morning?_

_Kill me, won’t you?_

  
_Oh yes! The fucking wedding must happen. Wonder why our people are so obsessed with a wedding. And no one thinks about marriage, how will two people who are most unlikely to love each other, stay in a marriage. Oh! Of course, then these people force them to have kids! Great, just great!_

_God damn! This music is irritating me, I have to get away from here._

I walked out of my room listlessly only to get stumped for a moment by the spectacle. The whole house was decorated with cartloads of flowers, lines of mirrors, huge loops of cloth, lace and sequined curtains, all in plush pink, purple and ink blue colours. The most in-the-face bisexual themed decorations I could ever see. Laughter gurgled out of me unbidden. Samara is sure having fun here. As per my household, they are woefully ignorant! Actually, serves them right. A hetero wedding of a gay man and a bisexual girl, in a mandap designed by a non-binary person whose work is not even wedding planning. This is pure gold as far as irony can go.

I slowly walked into the corridor that oversees the hall. Music was getting irritatingly louder. Possibly, I can go meet Kusum. I want to see if she is really ok with all this. 

I knew things would not be the same again. Aman and Kusum getting married, their silent acceptance to the decisions that Sunaina Taiji is taking… it’s cringe-worthy. But I cannot begrudge on them for not coming out to the family when I couldn’t do it myself. It's like our entire family, we signed up for a train wreck.

Samara snapped me out of reverie. They looked dapper in their gold and maroon pleated dhoti dress, the only person who is enthusiastic about the sham wedding, is them.

“Earth to Rajjo?”

“Hey Sam, what’s going on? You seemed to have taken Kusum’s identity pretty seriously…” I said, trying hard to keep the wistfulness from my voice.

Samara guffawed like a fool at that.

“Gosh! Your fam has no effing clue! I even suggested a rainbow-themed mandap and they approved!”

I grimaced at the irony, that's battering into my head.

“Where’s Aman?” 

“At Karthik’s.” 

“What? Why?” I blanched at the prospect of Aman being at Karthik’s. If anyone is unnecessarily hurt due to this great Tripathi Khandaan drama, its Karthik. Aman and Karthik were so perfect for each other that I pushed their relationship as much as I could… But what I didn't realise is that… its Aman we were talking about. The resident golden boy of Tripathis, he cannot go against their will. Not that I could accuse Aman of not wanting to push luck with Shankar Taoji. In most respects, he took after our grumpy old grandfather. Especially, after knowing the secret of that night, I understand why Aman was so afraid that Taoji will go after Karthik. It is possible. Papa might not stay a bystander, but then he hardly any voice. Taran Chacha … well… 

“Aman wanted to drink. So I took him to Keya last night.”

“Why the hell would you do that!”

“Keya… because I know one of Karthik’s friends here was going there…”

“So?”

“So, I planned to have Aman sloshed so he could confess to Karthik.”

“Samara, what the hell?”

“You wouldn’t believe… the trick worked like a charm. Karthik first brought Aman here, last night but took him back to his place. I am assuming they have sorted out stuff between themselves.” 

_What a completely brilliant idiot!_

  
“Samara! You fool! What if Karthik gets hurt because of all this... And how do you know for sure that my idiot brother will confess?” I whispered screamt, surreptiously looking behind me to check if anyone is listening on us.

  
“Seriously? The moment I saw them together...I just knew. Your brother is at the tipping point of insanity! I know Karthik... He needs Aman in his life...I owe Karthik this much... For all I did to him...” said Samara, looking phenomenally guilty. A rare look that is, on the flamboyant peacock that they are. 

  
“It's true that Aman is at the tipping point of insanity for Karthik... But I don't know why... The plan is not really boding well with me... And you are supposed to stay with Aman. Remember, the wedding is only an excuse? Your real job is to tail Aman.”

  
“Which I am doing... Take a look,... Not everyone is basic at gadgets like you” they said with an eye-roll.

  
I looked into the screen of his iPad they are showing, hoping Aman is at Karthik’s. If he is, if he did confess... There will be a change of plans.

  
Thankfully he is.

  
“Come with me ... We need to check with Karthik... I really hope your harebrained plan worked!”

* * *

  
An hour later, I finally found myself running up the familiar stairs of Karthik’s matchbox apartment. Trying to swallow the bile rising in my throat. 

The blue trace that was supposed to be Aman on Samara’s iPad went blank. And quite suddenly, hope for their reunion is overridden by anxiety for their safety. 

  
Kusum was also not answering my calls... which to me is a huge red flag. 

  
“Rajni!" cried Samara in panic.

  
I stepped into Karthik’s strangely empty house. Something wet touched my feet. I looked down to see blood! Blood that left a trial from Karthik’s hallway to the corridor. 

  
Shivering and sickened by the sight, I traced the bloody trail... Running back down the stairs only to end up with nothing.

  
“Rajni,” Samara called yet again from the balustrade outside the apartment.

  
They were sweating, the cold panic that squeezed in me is clear in their placid eyes too.

  
“Rakesh acted faster than we thought!” they said, breathing heavily, “Jugni’s crutches are there, but she is also missing.”

* * *

  
“Kusum?” I asked shuddering violently. Kusum is also hurt. Karthik, Jugni... Don't know where Aman is. Blood... It came to blood. 

  
I sat down on the rickety couch as my knees gave way to the flood of panic that washed over me.

  
Samara placed their hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort.

  
“you fucking idiot! Who asked you to send Aman to Karthik? You know my family are a bunch of homophobic murderers. I am sure Taoji... Oh god... Oh. God... What if Taoji... Karthik... Jugni... Kusum”  
I can no longer hold back my tears. I shuddered uncomfortably in anguish and panic that seized me.

  
“Rajni... We will find them... We will save them... Hushh... This is not the time..’

  
“Karthik... Karthik... Jugni... Kusum I cannot ...there is blood... You saw it... So much blood...”

  
“Hush... Calm down please”

  
“No, I cannot... All my family is at stake! Don't you get it!”

  
“Look all we need is one effing clue. You know my network ... We will trace them... Your family will not hurt Karthik or Aman... I will make sure of that... Even if its the last thing I do”

  
I looked up to Samara’s eyes tearfully, they looked resolute, almost poised to strike. Somehow, I gathered my wits and flimsy bits of courage I could no longer feel inside me and nodded. We need to scour the house for possible clues.

  
I got up to run through Jugni’s room to see if I can find even the smallest clue. 

  
The room showed no signs of struggle, except the collapsed crutches. And yet somehow, at second glance, was that a mobile, I could see Kusum’s bright purple mobile cover peeking through the haphazard sheets. 

  
Her mobile!

* * *

  
“Her passcode is a combination of our birthdates. She told that to me last night.”

“Whoa! Some intimacy you guys share! Trust issues?” Samara said with an irritating half-smirk.

  
“I don’t know how... But out of the blue... She told me the passcode.”

  
“Well, try it then!”

  
As I typed in the passcode I couldn’t help but remember the last night, a night of confessions, acknowledging feelings and comfort. 

> “Kusum... Where are you lost baby?” I brushed her hair away from her lovely face, stroking the fleeting line across her forehead with my thumb.
> 
>   
> She shook her head and snuggled into the crook of my neck. Somehow I felt as if she was averting my gaze. 
> 
>   
> “Do you believe in second chances Goggle?” she asked in a low voice.
> 
>   
> I stopped stroking her hair, puzzled at the abrupt question. Possibly she was talking about Karman. It’s troubling all of us, no one can see either of them hurt like that. And Kusum is more or less in the centre of it all too... After all Aman is getting married to her.
> 
>   
> “Depends on who needs that second chance and what they did with the first one...” I answered stoically. People might think that I am fierce and unforgiving, but I do believe in giving relationships as many chances as they are worth it.
> 
>   
> She looked up into my eyes for a second, her lip quivering, something is bothering her. 
> 
>   
> “Will you tell me what's troubling you?” I said, peering through my half-closed eyelids Kusum still averting her gaze, playing with the hair on the nape of my neck.
> 
>   
> “I cannot. But you will know soon enough,” she said in an almost inaudible whisper, after a moment’s pause. 
> 
> _What could that mean?_
> 
> “Huh?” 
> 
>   
> “Nothing.”
> 
>   
> I sure as hell heard that whisper. Wonder what’s bothering her. She cannot tell me? 
> 
>   
> “You never asked this.” She said, in a breathy whisper, “But for future reference, the pass-code to my phone is a combination of our birth dates.”
> 
>   
> “Baby... I would never open... I don’t need .. Kusum…What’s going on?”
> 
>   
> “I know you don’t need but... Just in case of emergencies. If you ever need to access my phone. You will find everything you need in there.”
> 
>   
> “Hmm…”
> 
>   
> “Do you want me to...”
> 
>   
> “No”
> 
>   
> “But ...”
> 
>   
> “Goggle promise me ... If ever I need a second chance ...“
> 
>   
> “Baby! You are freaking me out... What happened?”
> 
>   
> “Nothing... Its just... I am afraid I will lose you... Like how Aman lost Karthik.”
> 
>   
> “Husshhh.. Flower girl.. That's not possible.” 
> 
> _Never Never Never…_

_Kusum’s chats!_

“Well...what did you find?” Samara asked after a long pause.

“What the hell!” I mouthed, anxiously checking Kusum’s phone. 

Kusum is in contact with Rakesh? Their whatsapp chats revealed even more details. Details that crushed every semblence of trust on a person I thought I knew, on a person I thought I loved, on a person I thought loved me back. 

But the chats also revealed a toxic, vicious trap Kusum was in for a lot of time. 

She was the one who told Rakesh about Aman and Karthik. She was the one who kept tabs on the movements. She was the one whom Keshav called unknown inside source. 

There was something else that the chats revealed, Kusum was completely in Rakesh’s power. 

Samara looked revolted as he went through her chats.

One thing is clear. Karthik is kidnapped. We could only hope that their location is what Rakesh sent to Kusum. 

But the question remains where is Aman? Where is Jugni?… Apparently, Rakesh is planning to kidnap only Karthik.

We have to round up others and save Karthik as soon as possible.

* * *

**Taran**

My son, gave me a huge responsibility. Aman, and TriT, the company he so loving saved and shouldered so magnificently, is now in trouble. Shankar, in his blind homophobic rage is not only destroying his son’s life, but also sabotaging all that he built through his years, neglecting his family.

I turned into the corridor of the east wing, where Shankar’s study is, only to have my heart stutter. Aman!

Aman with a huge bandage on his head, and hand, looking like a man on fire. A feeling so heartbreakingly reminiscent of myself that breathe left me for a moment.

“Baccha?” I whispered.

He looked up disconcerted, as if someone shook him from a daze.

“Chacha?”

“Baccha what happened? You look…” I said anxiously, unable to complete my sentence. 

Aman’s looked up, his lip quivering, his eyes red, and tears welling up. For a second, he looked like the child he is, young, battered, broken, I touched his bruised cheek, insides welling up with a rare emotion. 

  
A searing emotion that resonates only with another broken soul. Aman whimpered, “Chacha... Karthik!”

  
And collapsed into my arms shuddering heavily. I was at loss to comfort him as he let out the tears he was too afraid to shed till then.

  
_What do I say to him? A broken old man like me... who was too weak to fight for his own love... What can he say to his son going through the same mess. No... I cannot falter at this moment. I cannot let down my sons, Keshav and Aman... I have to stay strong._

  
“This time we will not let anything happen! Baccha... Listen to me!” I said with all the conviction I could muster. 

  
I rubbed his back gently, and said in a low whisper, “Karthik will be alright... You both will have a chance at happiness... I will make sure of that.. Even if its the last thing I can do.... I will make sure you will never have my fate.”

  
“Chacha?”

  
“Shhh... Keshav has a plan... Go to him... I will have to fight your father this once.”

  
Aman looked up, nodded, something steely gathering in his eyes. 

  
He straightened up rubbing his tears looking very much like the little boy I had known...

  
I sighed gathering myself. I have a work cut out for me. Confronting the demons that tormented me for years, if not for me, for my young ones. 

  
Aman nodded and said, “Thank you chacha!”

  
“Jug jug jiyo baccha!”

  
My heart broke a little as I left Aman in the corridor, but I had to ... I walked forward to meet Shankar, a brother who in the years hardly been one.

  
As I stepped into his room, i saw him seated on his chair looking tired, troubled and anxious. Confrontation with Aman wouldn’t have been easy.

  
He jerked horribly as I made my presence known with a curt nod and a sharp, “Shankar!”

  
It's been years since I acknowledged his presence. It felt weird...somehow... to love, unlove and finally acknowledge their existence, it felt weird how from a doting and protective elder brother he went to being a complete stranger.

  
Shankar looked up, with a hint of tears, said, “Taran... Taran.... how ... my ,... bhai... how are you?”

He was in tears, yet all I could feel is a sharp shard of ice. Perhaps, thats what happens, indifference that seeps into the foundations of love. Perhaps, thats what happens when relationships are eroded by ego that cannot accept the reality of a loved one!

“Please ... let's keep the exchange of pleasantries to a minimum, shall we Shankar? I am here to discuss something of importance. The future of Tripathis is at stake,” said I, suddenly emptied of all the emotion that welled inside me looking at Aman. It was almost as if someone pulled at plug from a tank. 

  
“What are you talking... its been years since you actually spoke to me... this is what you had to say?” Shankar said in a barely audible yet incredulous whisper.

_Didnt he ever expect this? How did he imagine I would have something to speak after what he and that man did to Sashi?_

Unbidden, something cold twisted in me.

  
“There was nothing to speak Shankar... its been years since Taran went mute... ”

  
Shankar took a whole moment to process what I said, eyes that were teary leaked a little, his incredulous smirk fell and turned into a grimace. I could even see his immense effort to keep up a jovial elder brotherly tone.

  
“Alright... come sit down,... i will ring in some of your favourite adrak chai ... tell me!” 

  
“Please…don't feel need to be nice to me Shankar... I am here to discuss only business... here have a look at that...” i said coldly, passing him the file that Keshav handed to me.

  
Shankar took the file hesitantly, a frown forming on his face. Frown deepened as his eyes slid carefully through the pages.

  
I know a storm is imminent. Strangely, I felt free, completely unattached to the outcome of all this. The only thing that mattered is that we should do everything to save all his work and Aman’s from a wolf who is waiting for the right time to pounce.

  
“What the hell is this!” Shankar said with a thunder in his voice, eyes that could shower embers.

  
“Make Rajni and my son joint proprietors to TRiT. Give them equal powers. Aman is becoming a target of too many conspiracies because he is alone. The trio will handle the company responsibilities together, it will help them balance their life and work too.” I replied stoically, knowing fully well that Shankar would not see it that way.

  
“Whose company is TriT?”

“Tripathi’s.”

  
“Excuse me?! How many days have you come to office... oh sorry … do you even know where TriT is located…have you ever come to the place to lay a claim to it?”

“I am not laying a claim to it Shankar, I couldn’t care less for TriT. But I do care for Aman, people are trying to sabotage him, undermine his leadership and that, i am sorry to see, right under your nose!”

  
“What the hell are talking about! That gay boy is no longer the problem. He is out!”

Something akin fire arose in me, at his scathing mention of Karthik.

  
“Oh! Congratulations on the screwing your son’s happiness. Bad news, you got the wrong man. But of course you cannot see that!”

  
“That boy is bad influence! Kaala saya on Aman he he...”

  
“Yes because Aman was clearly happier with him than ever. Of course.”

  
“Happier? Guddu started treating me... his father like”

“Aman is finally taking his life into his hands… he is finally learning to relax, to smile. He carried way more burden than anyone in the family and that at, 21 years of age. Doesn’t the kid deserves some happiness Shankar? Now, when he finally found someone he can love, you go and destroy that… obviously the kid is going to lash out ! What do you expect?”

“Love? Love? That boy … he is a boy!”

“So what? So what ?… is he not a human being? Do you know that Aman cannot be ever attracted to a girl… So what if he is a boy… he loves Aman… Aman loves him… for God’s sake you have no right or say in whom Aman chooses to be with.”

“I don’t have a right? I dont have a right! Damn straight! I have a right … I am his father.”

“Oh Yes,,,, I am sorry! Almost forgot you are the god! Go ahead and destroy your son’s life! Thats what you people are capable of doing anyway. Mobhunt, hurt, kill, maim and destroy… go ahead and do that! And please do yourself a favour, dont expect Aman to stay sane after that.”

“How dare you! How Can you…”

“Yes how dare I try to reason with a murderer, right? Guess I have nothing to lose!”

“TARAN!”

“Oh For Damn’s sake! Calm down Shankar! I am tired of trying to reason with you! I thought … no hoped you would have gathered a sliver of heart, would at least know your son is in pain… but no… you truly took after that man , that man you call father… devoid of feelings and blind. I hoped to reason with you…Before its too late…to save your company … and son if you can… I assure you neither Keshav nor Rajni are going to backstab each other like you did… The kids are closer than we could ever be, they will look after each other.”

“I backstabbed you? You were the one that went frolicking around with that man… that … you did not think even once what will people say… what will happen to our family’s honour!”

“I was in love with the man you are talking about. And honour? So some honour is more important than your own brother’s life? Some humour is more important than your son’s life? Do you think people really care which son of Tripathi’s went with whom? Is it really worth destroying a person’s life? Is it really worth murdering someone?”

“I DID NOT Murder him”

“Yes, you only watched it happen… had fun even… I don’t know what’s worse” I spat. 

“Taran!”

“You know what Shankar! Take whichever high and mighty road you want to take… for me, my Sashi’s blood will always be on your hands. I am wrong ,…apparently… you don’t feel remorse for the sin you committed. Apparently you dont even see what you are doing to your son…Now I almost want to watch till where you would go in this blindness…”

“That’s it then? You will leave?”

“Unlike you, I care for our children… they are in trouble… You are not ready to sign the stupid papers. We have to think about a plan B…”

“Why are you hell bent on snatching away my company from my son? And you say you care for Aman”

“Snatch Aman’s hard work from him? Are you blind Shankar? In your foolish stubbornness you made a Aman the sole target all kinds of sabotage. You placed blind faith in some individuals who are systematically poisoning your mind against your own son…. Do you know that Karthik, the gay man whom you are so against, he helped Aman and Keshav round up crores of scammed money? Do you know the same Karthik is trying to save Aman and TriT from constant data thefts. I didnt know all this this today…But I am happy atleast now Keshav told me all this. Keshav, Rajni and Karthik they are trying their best to save your company! Its time you wake up to reality, Shankar! Wake up before its too late…”

I walked out calmly… Hoping that my words would work on Shankar. 

“Wait!”

I turned around, to see Shankar peering at the papers, slowly scanning the contents. 

“Aman had already signed this…”

“Of course! Why would he not…”

“That boy Karthik… Aman said, he loves him… how is that possible… my boy? Why is he gay?”

“Shankar… why are you straight? You got any answer? Accept his choice… accept him… It will bring you more peace than you expect.”

“You said I dont feel remorse… you… you are wrong…”

“Prove it then..”

“Prove?”

“Yes open your eyes atleast now… Kusum is a such sweet girl… does she deserve a loveless marriage? Does your son deserve a life like mine? Its still in your hands… do something… at least now!”

Shankar nodded as I quietly turned back and made my way to the door. 

“Forgive me my bhai…” I heard him whisper. And the telltale scratching of an inkpen on bond paper. 

For the first time, something akin of warmth replaced the cold weight on my chest.

* * *

**Kusum**

“Give him this…. Intravenous,” Rakesh barked.

“IV? Why?” I asked, bile rising in me uncomfortably. The dingy leaky floor under the cellar is giving me creeps. And so, is the blood that got dried out at the back of Karthik’s head. 

“This will drug him for good 48 hours. The documents he brought are still in his house. I must trace them. And did you forget darling? Our plan is to get you married to Aman, and my accidental wedding video gift will be his romance videos with this guy,” Rakesh said with barely concealed wolfish sneer, he continued as I haplessly nodded, “Those documents… the loss, the find and the drama… that will truly place me as the worthy successor of the TriT. The chotu Aman will be forever branded the erring, impotent and incapable gay scion, while I became the knight in the shining armour, The Tripathi’s saving grace.”

Its hard to control my horror seeping into my painfully plastic smile. I briefly glanced at Karthik. His head was bobbing slightly, he must be slipping into unconsciousness. The wound at the back of his head is not lethal, but I am afraid, loss of consciousness is inevitable. Sadly, that’s the back of his head, is the only part I can really get myself to see of him. If ever my dangerously plot-hole ridden plan succeeds, there will come a time I would meet his eyes, confess and apologise. He has been a brother not only to Jugni, but to me too. And I can never forget that. Who else would know the value of an elder brother who only loves and protects his sisters, no matter what? I shuddered as I remembered my own brothers, or beasts in the form of brothers, who thought its right to harass their younger sister because she likes girls.

“Yes! I am well aware of the plan… I am just… I doubt whether this is a powerful drug or not, enough to knock Karthik out. He... has a history with drugs,” I said, playing my part as the coward Rakesh believed me to be. It’s true, I am a coward. I am afraid of getting caught by my brothers, I am afraid of being dragged back into that hellhole. But when Rakesh set my brothers as hounds on my trail, I realised… I realised, this is not the way I want to lead my life. Constantly, looking behind my back as if some danger is lurking behind me. Staying with Karthik showed me how a safe household feels like. I want that back. I want a life with my Rajni, who is head over heels for me. If I want that. I should not let Rakesh win. If Rakesh wins, I will be forever stuck as his miserable mistress, Tripathi household will fall like a pack of cards and Karthik… Karthik might be discarded, or killed. Something fierce in me rose yet again, just like the time I sold the whereabouts of Aman and Karthik to Rakesh.

I will have everything to lose if Aman is sabotaged. So, there is really no choice for me but to pick my wits and courage and give Rakesh a taste of his own medicine. 

Rakesh looked at me quizzically, “the guy has history with drugs?”

Oh! there he goes, like a mangy dog sniffing out a old piece of buried bone, I smirked and replied quietly, “Karthik is also recovering alcoholic, needs some stronger stuff to knock him out.” I stated what I know is useless information, even if Rakesh gets hold of the stronger stuff, I know what to do with it.

“You seem to have picked your side, babygirl?” Rakesh said with a leer in his voice. 

I looked at him, the fool, straight in his eyes, “I always pick the winning side Rakesh”, said I with a smirk. Its easy to seem like I have ulterior motive, its harder for people to convince of your innocence than of your crime. Rakesh now just proved that point as he nodded and gestured to his henchmen, to get stronger stuff. And so, I wait. 

I cannot clean Karthik’s wound without raising suspicion. But I can definitely, switch the drug, because I am the one administering it in the first place.

* * *

Aman

“Kusum was the mole in our midst?” I asked, unable to contain that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Rajni’s tear-stricken eyes were piercing into my heart. As if there were not enough glass shards already, rupturing every nook and crevice inside my heart. 

“Luckily, she did not delete the chats she had with Rakesh. We literally have the location of Karthik!” said Samara, in their characteristic breathy voice. What comforted and irritated me at the same time, is that we found an unlikely ally in Samara. They are a godsend really, but I cannot help but stay a little on edge, they seemed too invested in my Karthik.

“Bhai… we must act fast,” Keshav said, he looked worried as fuck when he saw me with the wounds and got to know that Karthik was kidnapped and Jugni was hospitalised. I felt anger rise in me, quick as a serpent’s hood. I grunted in his direction, biting my lip to cut out a tirade at him that threatened to burst out. 

The idiot of my brother had to do this! He had to involve Karthik to secure my data, had to ask him only, to try and sabotage what Rakesh has been planning against us! He placed my Karthik directly in the line of fire. Now Juggu is caught in the crossfires, battling for her life, Karthik’s life is in danger. I couldnt care for what that Rakesh had planned. I cannot give a bat shit if the company slips out of my hands, I have it in me to build another empire, all I can care for right now, is Karthik.

“So, Samara, here is the plan…” I said, quickly and in a low voice. Agreed, we are in our tower. But I cannot trust even my own shadow anymore. “You, me and Keshav will go into this mills area. I know the location and Keshav kind of knows in and out of this place, right Keshav?” Keshav nodded, I continued, “We are all dispersing from here as if we don’t have a clue about anything. This goddamned place full of that Rakesh’s henchmen. We need to give them an impression that everything is as per their plan.”

Rajni, Samara and Keshav nodded, while Taran chacha glanced at everything in the tower with an eye of a child. The tower is our childhood, something he missed. 

“At sharp 11, we start towards t92he mills. No cars. I have a few supplies for self-defence. We stay connected through the app Keshav created, Goggle if you want to stay clear of this, I understand.”

“Hell No! Aman. You also know I can kick some ass.”

“Thats what I am afraid of,” said I. I couldn’t help a smirk, smirk that could hardly cover my panic. “We need to focus on rescuing Karthik, not kicking ass. Please… I need you guys to be safe.”

Goggle grunted with a grimace. 

“We will stay connected at all times through that app, we take no unnecessary risks, keep this chloroform spray and pepper spray at ready. This revolver is strictly short range. They are all licensed, so make sure you use these only on self-defence purpose. We might see Kusum there,” I said pausing to gauge Goggle’s reaction, “Goggle please…don’t…” I struggled to articulate my anxiety. 

Goggle sighed and nodded. 

Keshav said, “We need someone to retrieve your documents from Karthik’s house too. Those are class A confidential files that Rakesh stole and Karthik retrieved them last evening.”

“Well the files are not as important as Karthik, Keshav!” I said glaring at him. For once, the acid burning in my heart spilled out.

  
  
“Bhai! I diggress! Karthik risked his life to get those and if we let them slip past our fingers, all the work Karthik had done will be gone,” He said that calmly. His voice regained its strength, as he looked into my eyes.

I glared at Keshav. I know he is right. But we cannot afford to lose anymore time. 

“Where does he live. I can go…” Taran Chacha piped in. I looked up in surprise. And so did the other three pairs of eyes.

“Papa… you will be able to do that? Karthik…” said Keshav in hesitation, he saw me nod before he continued, “Karthik lives in 10th street, Kesari colony. Green colour building on the left, 2nd floor. The house is unlocked, since morning, I think. The files, will be in the cabinet under Karthik’s bed. Karthik’s room is the second to the left of the hall.”

Taran Chacha, to my surprise, took out a small pocket notebook and wrote down the details.

“Don’t worry baccha, I will get the files back to safety.” He said, confidently. For a moment, the twinkling eyes that Taran Chacha was famous for, made a blink and miss entry. Keshav smiled, perhaps for the first time in the morning. 

I nodded, and squeezed Keshav’s shoulder. He gently released himself from my hold to rush into his papa’s arms. 

Taran patted his son back comfortingly, smiled at all us and started out immediately, with a newly found purpose in his gait.

_Our chacha is back!_

Hope... that was the sudden warmth I felt in the pit of my stomach.

Sniffling a tear back, I went back to the tower’s unassuming wardrobes full of figurines and merchandise from multiple universes, to retrieve our very own safety kits. It was Rajni’s far-fetched idea originally. Her over-imaginative brain had already imagined us Trio, in every dire situation possible, from kidnaps to hostage situations. So, in her paranoia made us create these kits. The kit was a simple bag containing a black hoodie, mask, protective eye wear that would make us look like spies or overgrown spider-man fans, pepper-spray, fancy swiss knife she brought from USA, and my additions, a fully licensed hand pistol and chloroform spray. 

We had four of these readily available, Goggle always thought of Kusum too. On the bright side, we had Samara covered due to that, on the down side, Goggle’s face wore a grimace so dark that even Samara gulped uncomfortably.

“Wait people, I have something more to carry with us,” Samara said.

They left the room with an excited whiff and left us wondering. Thankfully, the suspense and the excruciating wait did not last longer than five minutes, which is an achievement in itself. Samara entered the tower with a small pouch hanging by their wrist. 

“This is a flashlight-cum-laser door opener-cum-bomb,” Samara said excitedly, showing a pen-sized gadget that lighted up suddenly at the head with their touch. They promptly removed a segment at the head, and pointed the pointed end towards the wooden table, the LASER, true to its name was powerful enough to cut through a solid metal capping of the table and then even through the wood. Within no time, the table bore a burnt hole. 

“Cool!” Keshav whispered.

“Bomb?” I asked curiously.

“Low intensity, just to distract, gives a lot of smoke, no damage,” Samara said categorically. Something in their manner changed since Karthik’s disappearance. No more snide remarks, no more irritating snickers. Their eyes looked serious, their frame taut, and somehow they looked intense, sharp even. Is it just me? Do they look to others too. 

I looked up at Rajini, she looked at Samara nodding, already to extending her hand to pocket the device.

“I would like you to keep these as well, stick them on your bare skin. That way we will never lose track of each other,” Samara said, bringing a few square strips with visible microchips, from his pouch.

“And what are these?” I asked, this time without bothering to hide the suspicion in my voice. How did a wedding planner of all people have access to such hi-tech stuff. What woud do a wedding planner do with a torch with in-built Laser and bomb? What would a wedding planner possibly do with a wearable GPS trackers?

“Wearable GPS trackers” they said calmly.

It was a split-second thing. Possibly a risk at this moment, but I had to be absolutely sure that I can trust Samara. I cannot take any more chances with Karthik’s life.

I suddenly pointed my hand pistol at his forehead, point-blank and asked them in a sharp tone, “Who are you? How the hell do you have all these gadgets? Are you also working for Rakesh?”

“No… Aman!” Rajini said in gasp.

“Bhai” said Keshav in shock. 

“Answer me!” I asked firmly, ignoring both Rajni and Keshav, looking into Samara’s eyes.

Their eyes were calm, as if they almost expected that. He breathed and for a moment focusing on the end of my pistol resting on his brow, he said in a placating tone, “Karthik... I am hired by Karthik as your bodyguard. I am a mutual friend of Rajni and Karthik. When he realised your life might be in danger due to Rakesh’s plan, he called me up to cover for you.”

“Karthik? Hired you?”

“Yes. Wedding planning is a disguise he suggested.”

“So that’s what you were doing in Starbucks that morning?” 

“Yes!”

“Aman…. He is telling the truth. Samara is a friend we can trust,” Rajni said calmly.

“Karthik… really crossed all lengths for me…” I said in an almost inaudible whisper, the realisation of the fact crushing my guts from within. Will I ever make amends to him?

“Karthik loves like that.” Samara said in a whisper, looking sorry and serious. A flare of irritation passed in me that Samara too had known that love, followed by shame that even now I am being possessive. Karthik loves like that, true!

“Bhai… Trackers,” Keshav reminded quietly.

_We are coming Karthik. I will not let anything happen to you or Juggu._

* * *

**Karthik**

“Don’t worry Bro! I will take good care of this chikna… I have an old account to settle with him,” said a creepily familiar voice. It took me a moment to realise whose voice it is. That Fucktard Rishabh!

“The man is strong. Stronger than we think. Let Kusum give him the drug and then whatever the hell you want to. I dont want this Karthik to escape at any cost. Next 48 hours is crucial to my plan. We are already retrieving those files. I heard Aman is in hospital because of some injuries. Keshav and Rajni with that peacock Samara are in wedding preparations. Everyone is oblivious. I dont want fuck-ups here. Understood?” said a gruff voice. Rakesh. 

_Damn! Aman is in hospital? I will not leave these bastards alone._ _Kusum is going to give me drugs. Shit. The girl knows my history._  
 _How did we err so badly with judging someone like Kusum? Now Aman is in danger. I dont know how my little one is… How do I escape…_

“Bro! Drugs? Oh come on! He would be unconscious then…,” Rishabh whined lecherously. _Ugh! Such a beast!_

“Remember getting your face neon-painted? One guy took on eight of you sloshed fools, while he was drunk. Consider that you fool!” said Rakesh. This is the problem with Rakesh. He is smart, meticulous and knows everyone’s weakness. He is that horribly efficient toxin that slowly creeps inside the veins decapitating every organ in ruthless precision. He already took me out of equation, Aman is hurt, Kusum is an imposter, now only Keshav and Rajini remain, No wonder he feels TriT is his… 

Rishabh would have made a face in response I would not know. I am pretending to be unconscious so that I can listen to tidbits of their plan, I could not see, but I know they are behind me. 

“Kusum… here is the stronger stuff you asked for. Give him the dose. And help Rishabh move him to that room there,” said Rakesh.

Stronger stuff? Stronger stuff… Kusum asked for? That can only mean she is willingly into this. Why the hell is this girl losing Rajjo! The fool. Why did we ever believe in her? 

“Yes” she said in low whisper.

I could hear retreating footsteps, which means Rishabh and Rakesh will be leaving, for a short while. Kusum will be alone. One more bouncer-like goon is on my right standing guard. I can still take a risk, I guess. I can overpower Kusum and escape… But how? Seems like the trap door is the only entrance.

“Karthik…” she said in a low whisper, “Karthik… can you hear me?” 

_Oh Damn no! I won’t give her the clue that I am awake._

“Karthik… I know you are just acting to be asleep,” she said hurriedly in the same low voice, “just listen, there is a goon behind you, I cannot loosen your ties, just pretend as if you are in pain, when I pretend as if I am giving you the drug.” 

I opened my eyes a tad bit, to see Kusum’s face clearly. She was looking at me with a expression that spelt both worry and confidence.

  
“Why?”

  
“Coz I love Rajni. Anymore explanations you need?” she said in a irritated low whisper, we heard shuffling of feet from behind, “now quick, pretend for the sting!”

  
Saying that, she jabbed the needle into a rubber block beside my arm.

“ahhh..,” I let out a gasp. Satisfied that Kusum is doing her job the goon behind me went back to his position. Kusum looked at me significantly. 

Well, I know the drill. I threw back my head dramatically, controlling my wince at the searing pain at the back of my head and rolled my eyes into the back of my head. 

“Its done,” Kusum said in false high pitch, “move him to the corner room.”

“Yes Madam.”

The goon came towards me. Is this the time I overpower him?

“Stay low!” whispered Kusum urgently.

_Stay low? Then how will I escape… Kusum is on our side or not. She didn’t give me the drug, but asked for a stronger one… possibly to gain trust. If she is trying to gain trust, now… was I too quick to think of her as a snitch?_

The goon noisily scrapped my chair along with me. 

“Oh! Ditch the chair. The guy is unconscious, just carry him there and throw him on the bed,” she instructed in a irritated high-pitched voice. Somehow, she was convincing enough for the dimwit goon, who immediately obeyed her orders.

The goon opened my ties, and roughly put me across his shoulder and carried me into a dark dingy room that smelled of ratshit. With a gigantic grunt, he threw me onto a rickety bed that creaked ominously as my body fell onto it. I had to act lifeless all the while. Stay low till the goon leaves.

“Good! Now, call Rishabh Baba!”

“Yes Madam!”

The goon scuffled out. I took the chance to peek, the room is dimly lit, a store room with stacks of papers along the wall.

“Karthik… listen. Ambush that asshole Rishabh, he is already slightly drunk, it will be easy to bring him down. There is an AC vent from here, that opens up towards the back of the building. Wait for me there,” she said hurriedly, I nodded in response, “ and Karthik… careful with your head…”

“Kusum…” I said, my voice was barely a whisper, but my question was clear and loud enough. She looked into my eyes for a second, desperate hope and fear battling within her.

“I am helpless Karthik, I was a pawn… if you can….please forgive me” she whispered. 

“Kusum” I called yet again. 

“Yes?” she said preoccupied, peering behind her in fright.

“I trust you…Just be careful,” I said, genuinely scared for her life. This was a huge risk for her, helping me. 

To me, people are often proved by their actions, not words. Kusum might have initially helped Rakesh, but in the real test of character, she went with us. She loves Rajjo! And thats a good enough reason for me to trust her. 

She peered at me for another second, letting fear speak through her eyes in a sparkle of tears. She gulped and straightened.

“Yes… Husshhh… stay low…”

* * *

**Aman**

The location was an old mill of Tripathi’s. One of our oldest facilities, we abandoned the mill for the upkeep costs were too heavy and one of the local companies bid for it. It happened nearly two years back. It was a mistake that due diligence was not done on the buyer. Apparently, the local company is a shell for Rakesh.

I rode into the periphery of the mill. It had an ancient dilapidated wall that opens into a patch of woods on one side and a huge dumpyard on the other. I took the dumpyard entry, its easy to mask the sound of my Yezdi in the dumpyard scrunches.

Not many people operate there, most of the metalwork is automated. I looked into the tab perched on my fuel tank. Keshav just entered the mill from the forest side, followed closely by Samara. Rajini is following me but she is taking the rearside entry. 

All four of us are connected via an app that tracks our mobiles through GPS, and we can communicate with each other through in-built group call facility. Cannot believe Keshav created such an awesome app simply to make sure his gaming group can win the stupid Pokemon Go Challenge! 

I looked up to at gigantic building. The mill was constructed in a huge area, nearly 25 acres, but the facility was divided into 8 sectors.

“I am entered C-8 sector, Keshav come-in. Where do I go next?”

“Huh… Bhai… we have to scour every area… we only know he is in the mills, not his exact location.”

“Alright I am parking my bike here, and cover C-8 and C-7. Rajini come-in, can you cover C-5 and cold storage area?”

“Yes I can do that. I just entered. C-5 is close to me.”

“Bhai… I will take C-3, C4 and C-6, there are all small, not many rooms. Samara come-in, Cover C-1 and lobby, and take a left in the quadrangle, there is a cellar entry. Check the cellar too.”

“Aye aye captain!”

I quickly into the shelter of the shadows C-8 offered. I entered the building, trying to swallow a sense of foreboding that threatened to overwhelm me. Worry about Karthik’s safety looming like a cloud over my mind. I forced myself to stay calm. I cannot fail him this time. I cannot fail Juggu this time. I quickly stepped into the yellowing rooms, checking for movements inhabitants. My steps echoed in the corridor, an occasional scurry of rats was the only noise apart from my footsteps.

“Bhai come-in. No activity in C-3.”

“C-8 is also clear as fuck. Samara come-in, any luck?”

“Nope people. Clear as fuck, what’s area called again… C-1”

“Guys… I just entered C-5. Its creepy as hell. But there are vehicles parked here. An Omni and a truck.”

“Omni…omni… Yes thats the vehicle that took Karthik…Rajini… want me to come there?”

“No Aman… I got this. You guys continue searching.”

“Alright. Guys, keep everyone in loop… no matter. Remember distress signal is Bullshit.”

“Aye Aye captain.”

I huffed a snort of laughter at Samara’s antics. Morbid situation it is, but I am extremely thankful to their help in this.

Entering C-7 I switched on the torch, as it got darker. C-7 is eerily empty, literally as if someone had cleaned it off all traces of past. A shiver ran through my spine, as I heard a whirring like sound. I looked up to see a false ceiling thats pretty low, almost touching my head. Which is really strange!

Is that not strange? False ceilings were not unheard of, in mills. But I am sure, we did not install it in this mill.

I switched the torch off, and opened the laser section. A moment later, I unearthed, a set of cables which looked like they were new installations. 

“Guys, come-in. I found some cables, in a false ceiling.”

“False ceiling? Bhai…Can you follow the trial? It might be possible that Rakesh is using this place as his main hub.”

“How will that help me find Karthik?”

“Bhai… Just Follow the trail. We all are looking for Karthik… if we can destroy what Rakesh has built,… he will not have power to strike back and cause us anymore harm.”

“Samara agrees.”

“Aman… Keshav is right.”

“Alright alright…” 

I grabbed the bunch of cables and pulled them down. The false ceiling creaked ominously but held its place. After tugging at it several times, I decided to climb up into the freakishly strong false ceiling. 

“Whoa! This is an entire room here!”

“Bhai! There is a room in the false ceiling?”

Its not just any room. It was a long-ass room with dim light filtering out of a shagged up window. It had a huge surviellance screen, dashboard and several super computers. It had several stacks of servers, capable enough to support a medium-sized workspace. That explains the whirring. Suddenly there was a sound of someone climbing up metal stairs. Stairs?

I ducked behind one of the server stacks, carefully without entangling myself in the maze of wires.

“Boss asked me to speed up our process,” said a small voice. Sure enough, a puny figure appeared out of nowhere. Wait a minute. This guy looks familiar.

“Yes! I am working for TriT… How else do you think that I can afford that fancy apartment, Nancy?” he spoke angrily into his mobile. For a moment his sweaty face shone in the dim light from the window. Udbhav! Keshav’s best friend? 

  
But of course, he cut all contacts with him after Keshav rejected his sister’s proposal. 

“Its not hard you know… to keep your mouth shut for a while. Lemme work, I will talk to you later,” said Udbhav, simultaneously firing up the computers and the surviellance screen.

“Boss is going to kill me if he knows I left the post first of all.”

The surviellance screen showed every possible nook and cranny of the mill. I gulped. The shit is about to go down!

The guy would notice, the Yezdi, that Rajini is moving into the cold storage area. Shit shit shit!

I Have TO ACT FAST!

I opened the little smoke bomb in my device. And threw the pellet close to Udbhav’s feet, sure enough, it made a small explosion as soon as it touched ground and with it a huge puff of smoke clouded Udbhav momentarily. I retrieved the chloroform spray and a hanky. Its simple… drug Udbhav and destroy everything in this room. 

It should not take me more than 15 mins.

* * *

It did not take more than 15 mins.

“Guys! I just set fire to my a room containing electronic devices, anytime anything can happen… we have to act fact”

  
I said in the aftermath of the panic that bulldozed me. I pulled an unconscious Udbhav out of danger, but that was beyond the point.

“Aman come-in. What the hell happened?” Rajni asked anxiously.

“No time to explain. There is a whole room with surviellance and shit. I had to destroy stuff, if not Rakesh would know we entered the mills.”

  
“Are you safe?”

  
“Yes… but still no sight of Karthik or the goons.. And we are running out of time!”

“Bhai Come-in. I see activity in C-4. I am entering the corridor… there are max 4 people. I guess I can handle.”

“Keshav COME RIGHT BACK IN! Dont do anything like that. Samara come-in. Go to C-4!”

“Yes. I am in. Will be there in 5 minutes. Fuck! Why are there so many rats inthis place?”

  
“Arghh…Samara …Just go cover. KKeshav come-in. Wait for back up.”

“Yes.. Yes,.. On second thought I realised I dont know how to use this pistol thingy!”

“Kusum?” Rajni's low voice interupted Keshav's goofy joke.

“Kusum? Rajini come-in… you saw Kusum?”

I panicked as Rajni’s end went silent. Eerily silent. She saw Kusum. I am pretty sure she will pursue her. For a moment I didnt know for whom to pray. 

_No Kidding. Of course it will be for Kusum. Spurn anyone but Rajini if you ever wished for any kind of happiness!_

_All the best Kusum. Actually, serves you best for backstabbing my sister!  
_

I had to focus on my own steps to control the vitriol spewing in my thoughts. 

_Wait a sec. What was that?_

I turned cautiously back. I saw a person clad in black pass the corridor. Thanks to the vantage point provided by two moldy walls, he would not have noticed my presence. 

I quietly followed, trying to tiptoe on highly uncomfortable set of shoes. The person dissappeared into a trap door!

_Trap door!_

_Secret cellar in C7! Of course!_

_How could I forget its existence?_

I silently followed him. With chloroform at ready. Although, a pistol would make much more sense. 

I was hardly at the last step, when he turned. And I sprayed at him in raw panic. I peered at his slumped form.

_Tomal? Papa’s driver?_

_Papa was afterall involved in this shit. The thought ran cold like a pellet of ice through my heart. Of course! What else could I expect?_

I surged forward in my mission to find Karthik. He is close I could sense that. I looked around at the desolate cellar. A chair, bloodied at the back. Undid ropes?

An empty vial and an injection. The bent needle sent a shiver down my spine, as my mind unhelpfully imagined the force with which it could have been rammed into the skin.

“Karthik!”

I took his name as a sigh and desperate prayer, feeling suddenly drained and restless. There is a room at the far end of the cellar. And by the marks on the dusty floor, someone did go there.

Gathering last vestiges of hope, I sped towards the room, a feeling of foreboding clouding. 

I opened the door. To see a body on the floor.

“Karthik!” I couldnt help my gasp.

I fell onto my knees, beside him. 

“Karthik!” I whispered screamt indesperation to reach him.

  
  
I moved his curled body to a better position to see his face. Wait!

_Thats not Karthik!_

_Rishabh!_

_What the hell…_

_If Rishabh is here… then where is Karthik?_

Suddenly my ears prickled at the sound of shuffling feet!

I turned to see Rakesh raising his massive hand ready to strike me down. Before I could react...

CRACK!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont kill me for doing this...  
> The next chapter will be updated by 26th at the latest. 
> 
> I am switching my insta accounts as @seekingspirit has become my official portfolio. So connect to me @tales_by_dreamer
> 
> Really hoping you lovely people like this chapter. comment your thoughts please!


	19. I'll give my all to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll give my all, to you,   
> My love, I lost myself to you.  
> I lost the battle to walk away from you  
> Now I stand and breathe my last for you.  
> -Karthik
> 
> Sorry for the delay! But here we are, the penultimate chapter! There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

**KUSUM**

“What the hell is happening?” Aman growled. Its the evening before of our wedding. Amidst the babble of countless Tripathis, we were lost. All hell broke loose when Rakesh trapped Aman, Keshav, Samara and Rajni. I don't know for sure whether Karthik escaped. Rakesh became a hero yet again in Shankar uncle’s eyes by bringing back Aman from an elopement that went wrong apparently.

“Your wedding with me.” I said emotionlessly. I am tired. Tired working against a force too huge, too powerful. Even this, is a risk. Coming to meet Aman. 

_He looked terrible, a fresh gash on his forehead. Rakesh’s doing. A day old injuries on the head and hand. Goons’ doing. The desperate look of a dying, burning man. My doing._

“What did you to my family? Where is Keshav, Rajni… where is Samara?” he asked, actually holding me by shoulders, shaking me roughly.  
  


“Under hostage Aman… don’t you get it Aman? It’s over… your little insurgence! Rakesh is threatening to kill all of them… if we dont get married… tomorrow. And to think all of this could have been avoided if I didnt leave that damned phone at Karthik’s… I could have simply pulled Karthik to safety…” I ranted senselessly. Panic that overwhelmed me. 

“What the fuck are you blabbering? You sold us out to that Rakesh! YOU threw a safe household, my karthik, Rajni’s love… for what? For this golden cage? To become a gay man’s wife? Congratulations! You got your wish!” He said, in pure spite, releasing my shoulders with a backward push, I stumbled slightly and regained my balance.

_I deserve that spite . I deserve that rage. I deserve to fucking die._

“I was trying to sneak Karthik out,” I said, despite his glazing rage and my crushing guilt. He needs to understand. There is no time to spare. We have to push back or else everything will go into Rakesh’s bloody hands.  
  


“What?”

“I was supposed to drug Karthik and Rishabh went into the room to,… abuse Karthik…” I said repulsed, one look at Aman’s face made me continue, “but I didn’t drug Karthik, he fought Rishabh and knocked him unconscious, then I helped him up the Ac vent out of the room. Thats the only way that can take him out of the mills safely. Everything would have worked well…if you weren’t caught.” I said desperately.

“You tried to help Karthik… why? You helped Rakesh all along…then why now, this change of heart?”

“You think I helped Rakesh willingly?”

“I dont know what to think? What to trust? Whom to trust!”

“Rakesh and I…,” I hesitated. This is the moment of truth, the one I dreaded. “We were in a relationship…a toxic and abusive one. I was in his power for long. I was planted amongst you so that Rakesh gets you eventually, I cared for Rajni four years back, even then I was under Rakesh’s power... when my brothers, when they came to know I am… bisexual… they… abused me… harassed me… Rakesh saved me…gave me shelter. I fell in love with his act. His act of being a decent person. He gained my trust,… got to know my every particular, including my brothers’ contact. Slowly… he started abusing me… I couldn’t run away, I had nowhere to go… Thats when you came back into contact with me. I took up my job with Jugni for a fresh start. But Rakesh got back at me. He set my brothers behind me because I was resisting revealing your stuff. That night, when you guys got caught… I told Rakesh that Karthik is with you.”

“You could have simply told us about Rakesh…”

“And you would have trusted me?”

“Yes.”

I nodded. Its true, if only I hadnt been such a coward, if only I told Aman, or Karthik, even Rajni my whole truth…

“Kusum?”

“I was afraid…”

Aman ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. It would have sounded like I am giving an excuse. Only people who experience the daily grind of that crippling fear would know how it is… to shiver at an incoming call or a simple ping. To watch over one’s shoulder constantly to see if someone was following, to love and never being able to express, because of that same crippling anxiety that something might happen. How would anyone know?

“I understand… the fear.” Aman said calmly. It was so quiet that I almost didn't catch that.  
He had walked away from me, sat on his bed, resigned. 

  
“There is really no option, right? I have to marry you... Everyone’s lives are in danger.”

  
“If only there is a chance I can contact Karthik...there is a good chance he escaped. Only he can do something about this situation.”

  
“No...you will not involve Karthik...I don’t want to risk his life further, I don’t want anything to happen to Jugni, Please Kusum…”

  
“You are not understanding where that puts you Aman. Its your life… Your company, your heirdom, your reputation… everything is at stake. Our divorce papers … they are also manipulated so that I get almost half of your performing assets through alimony. And you know where they will end up… Rakesh would not kill you… but he is planning a complete character assassination for you.”

“I’d risk everything you just said … if there is even a sliver of hope that Karthik will be safe. When my father got a stroke and I had to take over TriT overnight, it was down in shambles. I had rebuilt it. I didn’t know how, or what of anything whatsoever, yet I worked 18 -20 hours a day to rebuild my father’s empire. Now Rakesh is trying to sabotage me in every way…. What do you think… I will simply fall? Even without the Tripathi’s name or money I know how to run a business. Kusum… it will take a few years to build a company, a few more years to build a reputation… but if you lose your love… thats it… there is no going back…”

“He is going to reveal in your wedding video,…. Some intimate moments between you guys… I dont know what footage he got hold of … but he is sure to disgust all your family against you. Please do something about it,… my life is any way doomed. You win… I will be out of Rakesh suffocating hands… Rajni already hates me. I already lost everything in my life… Dont lose what’s in your hands… don’t let that bastard separate you from your family.”

  
“Footage? Footage of our intimate moments? This is crazy … how ?”

Knock Knock KNOCK…Someone was banging against the door in great urgency.

“Shit shit! Oh no, I am not supposed to be here,” I said panicking, “Aman …please help me hide.” 

Aman nodded and showed me the way into his study, half opening into his room, with a partition lined with books, it was a perfect hiding place. He turned back to check if I am seen before opening the door.

_Rakesh!_

He entered Aman’s room with a sneer. 

_Oh no… oh no...oh yes… thats it! This is my chance to gather evidence against Rakesh!_

I searched amongst the folds of my dress, my intention to go to Aman was to return his mobile he lost in the mills. I hurriedly switched it on and turned on the emergency camera. 

“CHoottuu… How are you doing… I must say that this look really suits you.” Rakesh said in a nasty expression on his face. Aman had literally turned to stone.

“What do you want now Rakesh?”he asked visceral hatred pouring out of every pore. His back was taut, posture was looking as if he was sizing up to Rakesh’s gigantic form.

“Hmm… always on business… arent you? Its good… I also dont want to spend too much time with the gay poster child… what if people believe me also to be one…”

“No… no thats not possible… People wont know… there is no scientific evidence whether there are gay snakes or not… you can be assured …. People will not think you are gay…”

Rakesh guffawed foolishly possibly at his own joke, when Aman’s sarcasm burned through. He turned an uncomfortable purple. “How… How dare you!”

“Oh How dare I call you a snake… now even the snake community will be angry with me.. For calling this real piece of shit a snake…”said Aman, looking like coiled snake poised to strike.

“You…”

“What is it Rakesh? Your presence is irritating me…You have my people… what do you want as Ransom?”

“Haha…. I know … I know you are spineless fool who needs his people always … I know you are the fool who can give up…”

“Your terms?” cut-in Aman in an almost bored tone. He simply refused to be in Rakesh’s power despite our hopeless circumstance. The spite he is showing, it truly can be a shield against Rakesh’s mindgames.

Rakesh looked as if he is calculating. Its extremely satisfying to see him stumped. Its easy to see, why … He expected to see Aman broken… he expected to have Aman beg… instead he saw Aman’s spiteful diffidence… that threw Rakesh off-balance. Its so damn satisfying.

* * *

**Karthik**

“Where is Aman Bhaiyya?” Jugni asked, her face still pale. But she is in no danger. Ravi assured at least that. The moment I stepped out of the mills, after waiting for quiet some time for Kusum, I stepped into the wilderness behind the mills. Injuries all over my body, I literally dragged myself out of the woods. A kindly rikshaw person dropped in Ravi’s hospital. That’s where I found out Jugni is hospitalised. 

Sitting at the side of her bed, I got myself treated. Ravi had fussed over the possible concussion and made me go through, CT and MRI. Thankfully, the head injury is nothing major or serious. The meds made my voice slurry but there was nothing beyond that.

“What do you mean where… I dont know… I just came out of a grave danger… and you are asking me about Aman? Behen behen na rahi…”I said dramatically. I missed Jugni more than ever… its been a while since I have been her dramatic elder brother.

“Bhaiyaa… kitna drama karte ho yaar….I am asking you seriously… You know Aman Bhaiyya went to the place where you were kept … to rescue you?” said Jugni, adorably shaking her head.

“What?”

“That is my problem… he called me to tell me that they found your location… and that he, Keshav bro, Rajni dee, and Sams are going to rescue you.” She said quietly. 

_Oh no… What … no! Aman is at risk? The entire Trio is at risk? And what the hell is Sams doing?_

“Oh no… no…no… what the hell.. Why should Aman get involved in this mess? I thought he got hurt in the scuffle while they were taking me…”

“He did … he got injured on his head and hand…”

“And he still went to the mills for me… He risked all the three Tripathi heirs for me? IS HE MENTAL?”

“Bhaiyaa, what do you expect he will stay put when you are in danger?”

Jugni’s conviction stumped me for a second. He loves me… and that I know that beyond doubt now. But Aman is not a kind of person who would impulsively risk everything… especially his family…

My heart squeezed in guilt.

“He has to… his life is much much more precious than mine…now everything is at risk TriT… Tripathi’s name… millions of people dependant on them…”

“Bhaiyaa… what are you talking about?”

“Baccha… Rakesh is trying to expose Aman in the worst possible light, He scammed a lot of money to prove that Aman is doing fraud with his TriT Trust fund, He was the one that used Rishabh to back out on that big joint venture… it costed TriT a lot. He is trying to bring not just Aman down… he is trying get TriT’s reputation down… and when a group such as TriT falls, can you imagine the economic repercussions? Can you think how market will fall? And if TriT does not remain the way it is, do you have any idea how many commoners like us will suffer?”

“God… Bhaiyaa…. I didnt think of all this,… I did not realise that this could be so big… I only asked Aman Bhaiyya to find you… I only asked him to bring you back safely…”said Jugni, looking forlorn.

“Shanth… Baccha… Koi na… I am here… We will first find out what is the exact situation at the Tripathi Nivas… They might be safe,… I hope they are safe… I really hope.”

“Bhaiyya,… but how do we do that? Kusum dee was helping Rakesh it seems, we have no one in the household whom we know."

_Kusum… Kusum is such a piece of puzzle. She helped me out… she loves Rajni… yet she didnt escape along with me. What am I supposed to do? Trust her or doubt her?_

“Kusum… she… its true she helped Rakesh…but she loves Rajni… she was the one who helped me to escape…”

“Really?” asked Jugni with raising her brow in doubt.

“Yes,… she …she was forced to do what she was doing… I dont what to think of her anymore… but for now she is the safest bet.” 

“But even then how do we contact her? She left her mobile at her house. Actually thats how Aman bhaiyaa got your location.”

“Thats what … How do we contact Kusum?”

“Bhaiyaa…I dont know if this will work… but the easiest way to contact any of them is through the Tripathi residence number. I can pose as Goggle dee’s friend… and whoever picks can give it to one of them…”

“Yes… I think thats the safest bet…”

Lets do this then.

* * *

**AMAN**

“Guddu!”

It was my mother’s voice. I know that… but for a long moment I could not get myself to turn around to see her. Gradually, all the human feelings are making an exit from my being. If anything remained, it is this raw anxiety that is not letting a moment’s rest.

“Guddu!” she called yet again. This time her impatience seeping into her voice. Bile rose up quickly in my throat. 

_Sure! She has it in her to be impatient with her only son whose life is getting destroyed by the next day. Sure, she has the nerve to raise her voice on me, when she was the key plot twist in my story._

“What is it, Mrs Tripathi?” I asked without turning towards her. I didn’t, I couldn’t.

_What is that feeling that poisoned a relationship like ours? We became complete strangers. Mother and I, we were at one point, closest confidantes... But her complete indifference to what happened to Taran Chacha made me realise, that their homophobia is stronger than all of our bonds put together._

“What the hell is that tone you are taking on me?” Mother replied in a sharp tone. I could not feel the flare of her anger. I could not feel anything but deep raw pain. I could not feel anything but a mounting sense of tension that timed itself with the ticking clock beside me.

“What else do you want, Mrs Tripathi? Haven’t you already extracting your pound of flesh from me?” I said in the same dead-pan voice.

I cannot let myself forget that condition she put. My wedding to Kusum in return to Karthik’s safety.

“We are not doing this to hurt you Guddu! We are your parents... We know the best. Once you are married to Kusum ... You will feel much better... She is a good girl ...she will take care of you… You will be happy with her!”

I was so stumped by the hilarity and irony at her words that a peel of laughter burst forth from me. I turned towards her, wry humour bringing my smirk into full glory. I slowly clapped my hands.

“Yes... Kusum is magical enough to turn a gay man into a Tripathi Unicorn... No ... You are right as always!” I said, my laughter turning into acidic smirk.

Mother started at the sight of me. And I needn’t guess why. My injuries must have taken a terrible shape and form by now. Her irritation first turned to shock and then motherly compassion.   
  


“Guddu...”

I turned hastily to face the wall and my window, showing my back to her. Breathing heavily, I controlled a surge of tears and with it a volley of bitter words.

“You must not be here. You are taking care of that great wedding... Your son... He must look perfect for tomorrow right... I almost forgot. I will patch these up.” I said in a resigned but firm voice, gesturing my wounds.

Mother came closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. For a moment, her hand hesitated, and I knew why, she always ran her fingers through my hair. A gesture I cringed away from but secretly loved. I sidestepped from her resting hand, and looked into her eyes for moment watching a immense wave of regret wash over her as her hand fell back.

“Guddu, mera beta... Why are talking like that?”

“Beta? I am sorry Mrs. Tripathi... Do not confuse me with your son. Your son is a mask, a lie, a facade... Tomorrow he will sit at the mandap.”

“Guddu... One tight slap you will get from me now!” she said sharply. 

“Guddu... Is long dead. Mrs Tripathi. You slap him... It would not hurt him. Do go ahead.”

“Why...why are you doing this?” her voice cracked, tears glistened in her eyes. I wished for a moment, she could see my pain.

“I am only asking you what else do you want? You ignored my orientation, my identity for as long as you could... When you are confronted with the uncomfortable truth, you are trying to fix it with a sham of wedding! Tell me something... If you cannot love and accept your son as he is, why do you even call him a son in the first place?”

“I know ... I knew ...all this is his training right? That Karthik!”

_Ok thats it. Its foolish of me to even wish for them have an inkling…._

“Don’t you bring him in th middle...after snatching him away from me” I said in a low thundering voice, grinding my teeth, “don’t you DARE take his name in that tone. Seriously, nothing seems to matter to you beyond your lily white lives, do they? You promised me ... You promised me...dad wouldn’t go after him in spite...but then, something else only happened...”

“Your dad did not…”

Such Bullshit… I saw dad’s driver in his den! Dad is involved… making Rakesh’s plan against me… almost sanctioned by my parents!

“Oh yeah? So just like that some goons came there and kidnapped Karthik? Did you know that Karthik has a sister… and that she was recovering from a deadly disease… and today… because of our family circus… she is in the hospital… fighting for her life! Tell me what Karthik had done wrong? Tell me what I had done wrong? If love is the only crime I committed… then why are you pushing everyone including Kusum to suffer?”

“Cha… what is this love love you are talking about? Its not natural… he is a boy…”

“Mom… do you even hear yourself?” I asked her flaring up, “Karthik is my love… whether you can accept it or not! I am gay… I can only like guys…I cannot like… or touch or love … females…But of course… you know this… you just dont want to accept this… because you cannot accept that your son is gay… that your son is somehow imperfect…Well, you know what Mother… I dont care for what you think of me anymore… if you had ever loved me… you would have accepted my sexual orientation…”

“Guddu!” she said sharply.

Its futile… trying to reason with them. Rakesh has me by hair, the wedding will happen, my humiliation will happen, divorce will happen and the fucking alimony will suck the Tripathi’s of their entire property. Somehow, we deserve this. Serves these people right to trusted the wrong man. 

“Mrs. Tripathi… If you have a work with me… do tell me… I will make sure to get it done.”

“Work… so is that all thats left between us?”

“A machine is only worthy of that… I am your machine. Incapable of human emotions whatsoever.”

Cold tears fell on my hand, I looked into my mother’s eyes. These tears were rare, for a steely woman like my mother.

And yet, the only feeling in me was a hollowing sensation in the pit of my stomach. She looked at me for a long moment, sniffling her tears back. I had already turned away from her, staring out of the window.

“Get some sleep Guddu…you are hurt in the head.”

“If only sleep can cure hurts… Mrs Tripathi… of head and heart… please dont trouble yourself… your son will be there at the mandap for the big wedding,” I said in a calm voice.

_If Karthik is safe, if Jugni is safe,… if my brother and sister are safe… all this would be worth it. I will go through hell and get back…for them… only for them._

* * *

**KARTHIK**

“Kusum? Remember me?” said Jugni in a false cheery face.

We are calling Tripathi Residence from the hospital phone, Jugni posing as her friend. Kusum was there in the Tripathi Nivas. And that was some news. 

“Ju… Jasmine!” she said in a breathy voice.

“I was trying to contact you for so long… its been so long we met… Heard you are getting married… care to come and meet me?” Jugni rattled off in a false cheery voice. 

“Yes… Its been really long true…where are you now… Are you in Mumbai?”

“Yes… incidentally… in Srikara Hospital… I am working here…”

“Oh thats great…”

“Lets meet up today… tomorrow is your wedding, I heard.. A high profile wedding… don’t know if we can even enter.”

“Yes… I think … let me check and get back…”

“Okay…” said Jugni trailing off. 

“Shit! What to do now?”I whispered in panic. I was relying on the fact that Kusum will be able to meet us.

“Listen, I will be there... by 7!”

“Wow… thats so cool… See ya Kusum!”

“See Ya!”

I sighed with relief for the first time after a long while. Kusum might have guessed that its Jugni. If Kusum comes with Rakesh… I will be ready. If she comes to help us, then I will not doubt her.

* * *

“There are keeping Samara, Rajni and Keshav in three different moving vehicles. They could be anywhere in Mumbai!” said a troubled looking Kusum. 

“Damn that shit!” I said vehemently.

Its a relief that at least Aman is out of danger. But thats only because Rakesh has a more sinister plan for him. According to Kusum, its impossible to contact Aman, his mobile, his residence lines, every mode of communication is hacked or tapped. The fortress that Aman built in terms of security was eroded from inside. His divorce documents are manipulated. Its practically impossible to stop Rakesh at this point.

Kusum and I were in the lobby of Srikara Hospital. She was going on checking over her shoulders if she was getting followed. Presumably, Kusum can no longer sabotage Rakesh’s plans, so she was getting this breathing space.

“How is he?”

“Broken…anxious but he is not letting Rakesh have the last word. He would be so happy if I tell him that you and Jugs are safe. He is ready to go to any length to ensure… to ensure that Rajni, Keshav and Samara reach home safely.”

“This is what I didn’t want to happen. TriT is at risk, its Proprietor is held at ransom and my blood is boiling!”

“Its no just that…. Karthik… He has some intimate footage of you both… he plans to expose Aman to his family and world in the most disgusting way.”

“One way… one way to stop him… What would I not give to teach that Rakesh a taste of his own medicine.”

“Actually… its possible.” Kusum started. But then, her hesitance was evident.

I looked at her expectantly. 

“Its too risky…” Kusum said shaking her head. 

“I would do anything for Aman… and you know that.”

“But Aman wont be able to bear the guilt if something happens to you… After seeing him in that state… I am almost afraid to involve you…” she said rather tearfully.

“Kusum… I am just one person… here there are several thousands of people’s lives at stake.”

“Karthik… Would you risk Aman’s life in return of your company if you were in his place?” she asked with a flare of rage.

_Its true… I would never. I can understand…but we have to do something… I cannot stand here and watch all that made Aman fall._

“Kusum… you are not getting my point…”

“I had already risked things once… and now Rajni’s life is at stake… so yes, if it comes to just the company and the money… I would rather not risk your life once again…”

_What the hell!_

“If you were not willing to help me… why the hell did you come here?”

“Because… I wanted to make sure both of you are fine. Thats it…”

“So you are ok with Rakesh winning?”

“No…”

“Then why…”

“For God’s sake please get this Karthik… Its over… we have been trapped… our Rajni, Keshav and Samara are in danger…do you realise, he would not hesitate to kill them if things go wrong? Do you realise he can manipulate the entire Tripathi Khandan against Aman… do you realise he can kill you or Jugni and not bat an eyelid, just to make sure Aman suffers… if you still think that there is a chance that your hare-brained plans would work… then, I am sorry you are delusional.”  
  


I watched Kusum walk out the hospital seething with helpless rage and crushing weight of helplessness. 

* * *

“Taran Chacha!” called Aman. He looked terrible, a deep gash on the left side of his head. A huge purple bruise on his forehead, and bandage hanging from his bicep. For a moment, the only thought that clouded my head was to rush to him, hold him to myself and caress him.

Aman ran from across the hall towards us, Taran chacha and I just entered the Tripathi Nivas. I dont know what to call it… turn of morbid fate, or sheer chance, but Taran chacha who got injured was brought to Srikara Hospital. I didnt know his chacha was so cool about us that he agreed to help Keshav retrieve the files from my house. But the goons got there first. 

Aman stared at me for a moment. I nervously adjusted my face mask and spectacles. I avoided looking into his eyes. Aman straightened a little, averted his gaze towards his chacha.

“Chacha… I am so sorry… all this …”

“No no no baccha… dekh… all of this is for own good.”

“Come chacha… lets get you to your room…”

“Yes…”

I silently hastened to push Chacha’s wheelchair as Aman led the way, occasionally peeking at me. His wide eyes taking in every detail. I didn't hide the gash at the back of my head, which was now bandaged. He noticed that.

We reached Taran Chacha’s room. Silently, we transferred chacha to his bed.

Chacha held his hand as Aman made to adjust the pillows, and said with a slight wheeze, “Don’t worry about me… you both talk here… dont go out of the room… its not safe…”

“Yes chacha…”

Aman turned towards me, his eyes sparkling with long with-held tears. I slowly removed my mask to offer him a grin. Its here… that moment we literally died for. We have been through hell, only for each other. Thanks to his chacha, we got this one moment with each other.

* * *

**AMAN**

Heart was thumping in my throat, as I stepped towards him.

“Karthik!” my voice was barely a whisper, yet somehow it gave a voice to a vortex of emotions welling inside me.

“Oh fuck me!” he said, stepping closer to me, managing to look adorable and concerned at the same time. He was taking in my injuries, looking worried.

“Oh I would! If you ever did such risky dumbass stunts for me.” I managed to reply, with an epic attempt at my smirk. It felt like oxygen to dying lungs, listening to his small chuckle.

I could no longer stop myself from crashing into his ready arms. He held me close, snaking his arms around my waist, as I clung to his shoulders like a dying man clings to his only source of support. 

“I am so glad you are safe.” I whispered into the crook of his neck.

“Look who's talking? Do you know what I have been through,... The Tripathi Trio risking their lives for me...Besides, What would happen to me? I rode…”

“Yeah yeah I know you rode royal enfield in rain on a slippery mountain road for 7 kms… Rakesh and his goons would have been nothing right,.. You dont know the hellfire I have been through while you were…” I rattled off in anxiety that finally broke out of me.

“Hussh…hussh,… Aman… I am here… see… fit as a fiddle.”

“With a possibly fatal gash at the back of your head… Karthik… you got it checked?”

“Yes my love…” he said in his soft voice. I sacrificed my place at his heart, just for a second to look into his eyes.

_My love! That reminded me of my duty to keep you safe._

“My love…” I couldn’t help whispering back as I snuggled closer to him. He rubbed my back, caressing my head carefully.

As much as I want to prolong this moment to eternity. I cannot. The sense of reality was bulldozing the quiet moment of peace.

“Karthik…,” I started, yet again peeking into his slightly teary eyes, “I am so glad we got to meet this last time… come there is a lot to plan… this time I will make sure you and Jugni,… leave for US… safely… for now that is the best contingency plan….”

“Who is leaving?” he said, furrowing his brow. I snaked my arms around his neck, caressing his cheek.

“Karthik?”

“No Aman…” he said, his teary eyes burning with rage. 

“But Karthik…”

“NO…” he said firmly, he cupped my chin, stroking my unkempt beard lightly, “I am not leaving you… no… never… We will save our family… Rajni, Keshav and Samara… We cannot let that hyena Rakesh win…”

“And I am not ready risk your life one more time…Karthik!” I said, thankfully my voice was firm. I am aching just by the thought that keeping Karthik safe meant I cannot be with him.

_Please dont make this harder for me!_

“That is my decision to make Aman,.. What to risk and for whom!”

_I knew he would say that… what did I expect? Him … to run away…_

_Laughable as it might seem, that is the only option we have. Karthik and Jugni have to leave the country. There is no place in India where the Tripathis cannot reach._

“Will you stop being a stubborn ass for once… this is your life we are talking… what about Jugni… what will she do without you…” I asked exasperated.

“Aman…” he said, his voice breaking, cupping my cheeks, continued in his soft yet firm voice, “this is your company we are talking about… thousands of lives are at stake… if TriT falls it would be disastrous. You think Rakesh would be able bring it back? He is only interested in power… he cannot handle your position even for a half hour time… TriT is the safest in your hands, many lives are in your hands…”

_Its true. Have I not thought about this? At least a million times. I stressed myself crazy over it… I spiralled after I broke up with Karthik. Things went beyond repair. Possibly I was not the leader I thought I could be. Possibly TriT deserved better. But now, it is beyond my control. I already signed the papers for the transfer of proprietorship. The worst possible thing was that the papers were pre-signed by my great father. The transfer is complete… Rakesh by now, is the proprietor for TriT. TriT is lost. All I gave is my family now. I cannot let these homophobic people hurt my Karthik._

  
“TriT is lost Karthik… do realise that… that was the ransom…For now… my siblings and your friend’s lives are in his hands… he has some footage of our intimate moments, he is planning to expose me… do you know what kind of danger that would put you in? My family … has a history of honour killing… you dont know… the consequences of being a gay Tripathi’s lover are horrible.”

I hated to see Karthik start horribly at that, “What? Honour killing…?”

“Yes… Thats what happened to Taran Chacha’s lover… when I was thirteen years old… he was stripped naked, he was beated, harrassed… and was left to die…” I said in a low voice, hoping not to disturb Chacha. The raw fear seizing me again. I shuddered.

“You saw that?” he asked, his compassion shining through his eyes. 

“I tried to warn them,… I saved Sashi sir,… but only by an inch Karthik…I cannot let that,… I cannot let anything happen to you… Please… Please… ” I said, no longer able to contain my fears.

Karthik released a small sigh, wrapped his arms tightly around me, rubbing my back, smoothing my shudders.

“Think about this… we will do as you tell… I will run away to US… you will face the humiliation… TriT will face a total fall. Your family will be shattered… your father and your mother, unable to face the shame might fall ill… Kusum is in complete control of Rakesh. He would be in total power. What if he harms you, or Rajni, or Keshav?”

_NO…No… no…_

“Will you be able to take that Aman? Rajni’s tears? Something happening to Keshav?”

“No…”

“Then lets try and stop this…”he said. His calm confidence, clearing the clouds in me.

“Is there even a chance… odds are stacked against us…”I asked desperate for some hope.

“That doesnt mean we fight back…”he said. Karthik is like that, always ready to take on things by head. I knew when time comes he would not hesitate to lock his horns with Rakesh. But I am more concerned about their safety. I cannot take it if anyone gets hurt.

“Alright… just give me a promise…”

“What is it?”

“Promise me that if things go wrong and if we are unable to do anything… then you will not risk your life for me.., you will leave… not for us.. Not for me… but at least for Jugni… I dont want to be the person that separates her from the only family she knew….”

“Aman…”

“Promise me Karthik…” I said desperately, shaking him by his shoulders.

“Alright… I promise.”

“Now, tell me what we should do!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... are you ready for the hetero-wedding of a gay man to a bisexual girl in a rainbow-themed mandap?  
> Oh wait? It's happening? The wedding is actually happening? 
> 
> Guess, you will have to wait till the next week to know more!   
> Tentative date for the next update, Feb 2nd or 3rd... till then, stay with me!


	20. When I lose I am winning!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love, it took my all to win you back,   
> for a moment I thought I lost you  
> Nothing else mattered to me, but you,  
> Be my all, love, cannot live without you.
> 
> \- Aman
> 
> So, here it is! Finally!
> 
> A climax that took another level perseverance to complete. I hope I made the journey worthwhile for you.  
> Thank you for sticking with me until the very end.  
> Thank you for your amazing comments, Dms that kept me motivated.

**KUSUM**

“Please get the bride to the mandap!” the pandit ordered to no one specific in crowd. Sitting in the room adjacent to the central hall where the mandap was decorated, the statement felt like the death sentence. At this point, there is no chance to redeem myself in Rajni’s eyes. 

Only when you lose something, would you really know how much you truly value it. Its been nearly four months since Rajni came back to India. And the countless hours we spent together, simply enjoying each other’s company, watching Aman and Karthik’s love story blossom, laughing at Jugni’s incessant dramatics, now I know how much I truly value all that. Four months of reconnecting to long-lost thread of feelings with Rajni. Her subtle touches, comforting hugs, moments of intense longing, moments of desperate love, Rajni…

Tears threatened to overwhelm me. Sunaina Auntyji was peering at me through the mirror. 

They said I am lucky, getting into the one of the most powerful, affluential and rich families in all of Mumbai, nah India… Only I know how these gilded walls will become my cage. How their smothering affection will one day become my coma. Sunaina Auntyji is an amazing person. She is to become my mother-in-law. I know how doting she can be when she deems it fit. Shankar Uncle too… but then really… how much of this marriage is them? 

Sunaina Auntyji made me get up slowly, being the perfect Mother-in-law anyone could ask for, hugged me and patted my back. 

“I know it might seem unfair to you, my son…. But I know you will be able to turn my son around,” she said, in a tearful voice.

“I don’t think I can ever give Aman what he got from Karthik, I can only be a good friend to him.” I said. I could not pretend any longer. 

_Its a sham… this wedding. There is no way I could mince words about this._

Sunaina Auntji opened and closed her mouth in shock. 

“You too…?”

_Oh! There it is… a mother’s heart breaking… somehow I am accustomed the silent sound._

“Auntyji, there is no pretending about this. What Aman and Karthik is rare and real… I wish they had at least a chance at happiness, without all this pressure.”

A sharp in-take of breathe from her, a moment’s pause. Pauses such as these are poignant. They contain all the strength of an internal struggle. 

“Oh what would you know?” She snapped. The transition between a heart-broken guilty mother to a stern mother-in-law was so blaring, that I smiled helplessly. You can teach the ignorant, you cannot teach a learned fool.

“True… I would not know the pain of losing my love.” I said simply. My words were devoid of an emotion, its almost I am leaving my heart behind, in this room, in a last desperate hope to see Rajni once again.

“Come! Its time for muhurth!” Auntyji said, frowning, lost in thought.

I started walking behind her, she started ushering many people towards me, four young girls to hold the chunri above me, several photographers to click me walk, several elder people to sing bride’s entree songs…

While I am slowly leaving all my being behind to become a robot, just to get through the wedding. 

As I stepped into the hall, I could not help but feel a wry laugh bubbling out of me. The walls were laden with pink, purple and blue coloured curtains, even the flower decor was so on the face.

The Mandap itself had rainbow theme. _Oh the Irony!_

Aman sat there on one of the stools, looking like a stone clad in a Maroon sherwani, a slightly too huge a turban. For a moment, I thought I saw Karthik in a person clad in creamish gold dress, and then shook myself. It could not be.

“Hurry up!” Shankar Uncle whispered to Auntyji, who hastened immediately, picking up pace. 

Champa Aunty, ironically Rajni’s mom, came near me, gesturing as if she is removing nazar for me. 

“Any idea where Rajni is?” she asked worriedly.

“Rakesh bhaiyya would know.” I said, I must play my part, that doesn’t mean I cannot raise suspicion on him. 

She nodded and side-stepped to allow me to walk forward.

I envisioned this day several times. I must confess. The only difference was that there were always twin Mandaps, Rajni in beautiful silver-blue lehenga would be waiting for me, all smiles.

  
And the other mandap was for Aman…

It was childish, I know. But I dreamt of this day. Many times.

My feet were turned to lead, for the last few steps to mandap. Aman was not looking at me. He was simply looking ahead. While the pandit gestured to me hurried.

_Get ready to get doomed Kusum!_

* * *

**AMAN**

“They are safe!” Karthik’s voice said through the airpod I had, under my turban.

  
  
I blinked, relief washing through me like a wave. Karthik was almost caught last night in this risky business. 

> ___  
> “This is Samara’s room,” I said, bringing Karthik through a labyrinth of laced and decorated screens. 
> 
> “Great…Samara never operates alone. He has a backup team for emergencies, I am sure we will find something to contact them with.”
> 
> It stumped me how far they went to protect me, while I was squandering myself to grief and alcohol. I cannot even imagine what I would have done if Karthik really left me, that fateful day. 
> 
> “You really went to great lengths to protect me, didn’t you?” I asked, my voice thick with an unexpressed emotion.
> 
> “Of course, my oblivious idiot! I love you,” he said looking up at me from his searching position and smiling, “now get to work… collect every gadget you can find in this room…”
> 
> It was not that easy. There was only an I-Pad that Samara used for wedding planning in the desk they use. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Karthik bent and went under the bed, I couldn’t understand why until, he unearthed, a huge secret cabinet.
> 
> “Always the same, the old fool” he remarked with such fond familiarity that something in me flared. It took an entire moment to understand that its jealousy. Swallowing that painful lump in my throat, I focused on the array of gadgets in the cabinet now perched on the bed.
> 
> “What do we do next?” 
> 
> “I don’t know how to work any of these Aman, we need a hacker,” he said sitting down on the bed.
> 
> Hmm… I am ok with Gadgets, even if not as brilliant as Keshav.
> 
> “Let’s see” I said reassuringly.
> 
> “I think this is their main device,” Karthik said, holding up a small fold-able tablet.
> 
> “Karthik… give it here…” I took a moment to figure out the model, “We need their fingerprint.”
> 
> Its impossible to get their fingerprints. I felt my hope crashing down like a pack of cards. We don’t have a good hacker to rely upon.   
> Meanwhile Karthik kept rummaging the cabinet, and retrieved a small box of creepy looking finger moulds. They looked so real that I had to control my gag reflex at the sight.
> 
> “Which one?” Karthik smirked. The joke was not lost on me.
> 
> “How is this person even legal!”
> 
> “Well, I don’t know,” he said whistling as clamped one of the moulds to his thumb, “So, let’s try all?”
> 
> It took some time to figure out which of all those fake finger moulds worked for the device. The device itself was a small foldable screen tablet, with keypad on one side. 
> 
> “We all had GPS microchip trackers on us, will they be traceable through this.”
> 
> “I don’t know Aman, knowing Samara, this device could be simply a backup. The main device would have been on him.”
> 
> Please we are really close. If we can get Keshav, Rajni and Samara out of Rakesh’s hands… There will be nothing like it.
> 
> “Wow ok… he has already sent the distress signal to his team… his team is searching for them…look at this group chat”
> 
> Whats with these people and their game-like app obsessions? But its these obsessions that are constantly helping us.
> 
> “Thats such a good news.”
> 
> “But currently, they dont know the exact locations because the GPS chips are apparently not synced to this app.”
> 
> “Oh of course… Keshav’s app…Karthik I will get it from the tower.”
> 
> “Aman… careful”
> 
> Within ten minutes I was back in the room, not realising that Rakesh was silently on my trail. 
> 
> Crash! Rakesh was against the door roughly bulldozing into the room.
> 
> Panic hit me like a bloody tsunami.
> 
> “Karthik! Karthik hide quick… No matter what happened you will not come out…” I said in a desperate whisper, dragging bodily into the nearest wardrobe.
> 
> “But Aman…”
> 
> “Karthik… Remember your promise … please”
> 
> Karthik nodded and stepped inside the wardrobe, thankfully, it was the old-school artisanal wardrobe with big enough air holes. Only moments later, the breaking open the door, Rakesh entered.
> 
> “Aman…” glowered Rakesh.
> 
> His face was red, angry and distorted. He charged towards like a rutting elephant.
> 
> “What do you want now Rakesh?” I turned, just in time after I covered the cabinet lying on the bed.
> 
> “You… sly fox… you thought you can cheat me out?” he said with monstrously low rumble in his voice. He held me by a collar. Realising fully well that all he has to do is, strike me again, he was literally a foot taller than me, with gigantic tennis bat-sized hands, I willed myself to calm down… Its not to this selfish fool, I would bow down to.
> 
> “Who is cheating whom, you fool? At least have some sense while talking…” I snapped.
> 
> “You.. You made the transfer impossible without the other’s signs. I need Keshav and Rajni’s signatures too…You bastard! How dare you double cross
> 
> me!”
> 
> Then it clicked to me. The papers Karthik got ready for joint proprietorship… that means Keshav had gotten that work done. My dear dear little brother. I felt a huge surge of pride for Keshav.
> 
> “Oh! Why? Were you planning to take them out of the way Rakesh? This will only ensure that my brother and sister return home safe.” I sneered. It comes naturally to this slug like face.
> 
> “And what if I killed the two-thirds of Tripathi Trio?” he leered. His intent was clear in his malicious eyes. He would stop at nothing. I felt a frisson of fear, I controlled my reaction. Manipulating him to believe what I wanted him to believe is the only way out.
> 
> “Yeah…!” I exclaimed sarcastically, “good luck with that… then without their signatures, a law suit and a whole lot of hassle your little coup to take over my company will not happen.”
> 
> “You bastard! You impotent little prick…” He bodily lifted me and pinned me to the wall. Panic wrecked me in the inside. But this is not the time I would heed to my fears. My family needs me to keep my wits.
> 
> “Good … you are losing your nerve…” I smirked and taunted him, “not as dangerous as I thought you to be… Go… go crying to my father.. Why don’t you?” 
> 
> “I will kill you… I will destroy you!” He thundered, almost strangling me. I didn’t even struggle. 
> 
> “Well go ahead… I am in no mood to live anyway…” I said jerking my head. I would rather die than give this little shit power over me and my family.
> 
> “What if I harm your precious Karthik or that invalid sister of his…”he said with a raspy eager edge. I could literally see his eyes glint at the thought of hurting Karthik.
> 
> Rakesh! I will make you suffer for this. This thought! You wait!
> 
> I jerked my head dismissing his stupidity, “You are such a fool Rakesh… to a person who lost everything… there is nothing to fear.”
> 
> “What do you mean?”
> 
> “Karthik escaped from your clutches,.. I know that… Jugni,… I don’t even know where she is…”
> 
> “So what… I can trace them and then hurt them…”
> 
> Ya.. You fool! In your dreams… wait till I skin you alive.
> 
> “Ha ha… I would like you to try… don’t you get it Rakesh… its over…Karthik and Jugni… they are out of my life… you desperate little piece of shit… you
> 
> are winning anyway. Get Keshav and Rajni safely home,… and they will sign the papers too…” I spat in his face for good measure.
> 
> He released me suddenly and I stumbled for lack of balance. He removed a pistol from his pocket almost casually. His last straw. 
> 
> You really think I would fear that? 
> 
> “I am so in mood to kill you right now.” He said, smiling psychotically and pointing the pistol to my head. 
> 
> I smiled. Truly smiled, looked him in the eye and egged him on.
> 
> “Well… The gun is here, the target is here… go ahead and pull the trigger!” 
> 
> Rakesh looked as if I had physically slapped him. In every way, I had everything to lose, my people were in danger, my company is at the brink, and yet there is some power when you don’t let your villian get inside your head.
> 
> He lowered the gun.
> 
> “I will make sure I destroy that damned company… I will make sure you will be penniless when I am through with you. You watch … you just watch!”
> 
> I let out a bark of laughter, as he balled his fists and stormed out.
> 
> As soon as he was out, I tiptoed behind him to secure the broken door. Karthik stepped out of the wardrobe after I secured the door.  
>   
> 
> 
> “You were brilliant!” Karthik exclaimed in low but barely restrained whisper. His eyes were glinted with pride.
> 
> Something warm trickled inside me. Something akin hope, something akin courage.
> 
> “Really?” I managed to croak out.
> 
> Karthik chuckled a little, pulled me towards himself and took my lips with his. It has been forever since those lips were on me. It was a moment of bliss, a moment of forgetful happiness, despite our precarious situation, anxieties and looming tension for what may come next. His lips against mine felt like a blessing.
> 
> ____

“Aman… Kusum is coming…” Karthik spoke. 

I can understand his tension. Kusum doesn’t know that Karthik is here. But there is no way, she would know there is a device under my turban.

I blinked again, looking at him from afar, his face was covered with medical mask, his cover as Taran chacha’s male nurse did not raise any suspicion.

Only Rakesh was flustered at Taran Chacha’s presence. But he did not dare approach him now.

It felt good… that finally we are out of Rakesh’s power. All I have to do is patiently bid my time, go through with the sham of a wedding and strike at the right time.

Around half hour of endless, mind-numbing mantras later. I heard Karthik’s voice yet again.

“Aman… Keshav and Rajni have arrived. Samara is getting backup… anytime now Rakesh is going to play that video… be ready…”

I blinked and nodded a tad bit, looking directly at him. He knelt down to inform the same to Taran Chacha. 

Taran chacha smiled weakly, relief visible in his eyes.

A miserable thought struck my heart with guilt that he almost lost his son last night. The son he was estranged from, by grief caused by my father. 

I don’t know what mantras the pandit calling out, but as I threw grains of rice into the fire I offered my thanks to the almighty, for keeping my sister and brother alive, for keeping Karthik and Jugni safe. 

* * *

**Karthik**

“Rab di lakkh lakkh shukaranu! You guys are safe!” I breathed as I hugged Keshav, Rajni in Aman’s car garage.

Keshav was in terrible shape with a fractured hand and leg. Rajni was no better, an eye puffed and blackened, a gash near her throat, dangerously near Adam’s apple.

“Karthik! You are stifling me.” Rajni said irritated, but her eyes were streaming with tears, the momentary irritation was not successful in covering her smile.

“Karthik… how did you manage this? How? We thought all was lost… after intial attempts at freedom we couldn’t escape his maze…”

“Karthik Fucking Singh is no less than a super hero!” Rajni exclaimed. Her once-boisterous voice weakened by the ordeal. But seriously, who can weaken her spirit.

“I am no super hero, Rajjo… truth be said… it was Kusum who helped me…” I said in a low and serious voice. I owe it to the person whom I considered another sister.

Rajni grimaced. Keshav shuffled uncomfortably. It was awkward to say the least.

“How is Bhai holding up?” Keshav asked softly. It was not to shift the heavy silence that settled between us. His question was genuinely out of concern.

“Your brother is a true rockstar… He did not let that Rakesh play mindgames on him… We have things covered… We are going to expose Rakesh… when he makes a move to expose Aman. Samara is getting police back-up… if everything goes well today… by god this nightmare is over!”

“Expose Aman how?”

“He has footage of our intimate moments…” I said grinding my teeth.

“The son of a … how?”

“I told you na dee, he had broken through Aman’s home security system several times… he must have planted a camera somewhere…I so want to kill that bastard…”

“Bravo! Keshav! I promise, we will screw him up thoroughly”

“So! Here’s the plan guys!” I said.

* * *

**Shankar**

Something was gnawing inside me. Anxiety, a sense of fore boding, why is it so hard to focus on my own son’s wedding?

_Why is Sunaina looking so troubled? Kusum is looking as if she is attending someone else funeral rather than her own wedding. What has got into all these people!_

_Aman… Aman looked tense, almost wired to strike. I should have expected this, when Sunaina came back crying that she is guilty of ruining his life. Aman must have screamt at his mother too like he had done with me._

_When and how did our son turn out like this? He doesnt care about the company… he doesnt care about the family… all he cares for is that Karthik…Cha! Where did we err in bringing him up?_

Chaman approached me, and said in a low whisper, “I couldnt find both Keshav and Rajni anywhere… I am worried brother. Why would they not be at their brother’s wedding… dont you think something is fishy… yesterday, Aman has also turned up with huge gashes on his face,..Taran… Taran turned up with injuries…”

“Taran got injured?” I asked in shock. I threw a cursory glance around the crowd. The hall was full of family, friends, bigshots across the industries and their body guards. It took me a moment to locate Taran with an injuries on the head, a neck band, sitting in a wheel chair. Someone eeerily familiar was standing near with a clinical mask on him. I rested my eyes on this person for a second. A doubt troubling my head. 

_Its not possible… according to what Rakesh said, Aman was eloping with him yesterday, but was caught at the last moment. He escaped._

_I love Karthik with every fibre of my being_ … The words that tormented me more than they are supposed. They troubled my already stressed sleep. No one wants their son to suffer. But this is unnatural… isnt it?

“Brother…” said Chaman, looking expectantly at me. 

“Oh what would I know… siblings dont stay siblings Chaman… Aman, Keshav and Rajni are not an exceptions.” I said dismissively. 

  
Taran’s betrayal still fresh in my mind. Chaman looked at me shocked, and slightly hurt. Thankfully, he didn’t press.

Aman suddenly smiled a little… I would know, I has my eyes trained on him. I followed his gaze, two of his friends entered, curiously they brought another young girl in wheelchair. The girl smiled and waved at him cheekily. I looked back at Aman to see him looked happy and relieved for a second. 

Wonder who they were, Aman’s entire circle is known to me. Most of them are the progeny of business holders, influential people and politicians. On the other hand, these people look ordinary… almost run-off-the mill ordinary.

Rakesh came up to me. He also looked stressed. The poor lad, had literally taken up so many responsibilities in a short while.

“Mamaji, there is a small security breach. Some people just entered without proper verification. I need your fingerprint on the main surveillance, to see who did…”

“My boy… dont take so much stress. Bade ghar ki shaadi… there will be freeloaders. Let them eat… its ok” I said casually.

“But Mamaji, what if it’s that Karthik’s people with a new plan to sabotage the wedding.”

“Will that boy have such guts?”

“We never know Mamaji… Money… can make people do anything”

“You know what… you are rigth,.. Get my tab … I will give you access….”

“Hey! What about the surprise you planned?”

“Mamaji, as soon as secure the place,.. You will see my surprise…”

“Right.. Get the tab then”

“Here it is…”

“You brought it already…!?”

“Didn’t want to waste time.”

_I stared at him for a second… how sure was he that I was going to give him the central security access? The lad has been of good help… but why is he always eager to help?_

I took the tab from his hand. Opened the security controls, and kept it in my hands. 

“Its ok lad… I will take care of this… I am not particularly busy… Aman or Sunaina dont need me at this point.”

I saw him start slightly at my reply, bite his lip and nod slowly. 

“Sure Mamaji… all yours,” he said with a small smile and bow and retreated into the crowd, with slightly pretentious purpose in his steps. 

I stared back into the tab. Everything seems clear. The garage door was opened and closed, someone might taken out a car. Everyone was in the hall. Only… Someone seemed to re-enter the hall back with a mask… the male nurse who attended Taran. 

  
_Thats strange._

Shehnai music had started. The main wedding rituals are about to begin. I made my way to the mandap… there was still something that is bothering me… cannot quite put a finger to it. Rakesh stepped up the stage with a mic, “Dear dear Aman… our cousin,… our leader… the true scion of Tripathi…. Here is a small surprise for you.”

Aman looked up at Rakesh from the pedestal in the mandap. His eyes literally spewing fire. Jaw set. 

_What is up with this kid?_

The videoscreens we set up to livestream the wedding to different parts of house blared simultaneously some kind of soothing music. I turned my attention to the screen.

The video showed beautiful moments of Aman’s childhood, captured in my lens. My heart brimmed with pride. 

  
But then suddenly the screens developed a glitch I turned to the mandap to see Rakesh was nowhere there. I turned my head again to watch something that curdled my blood. 

Aman was kissing that boy Karthik from behind. The video was shot through some kind of grainy spy camera. There was a collective intake of breath. Journalists and media was suddenly on their feet clicking Aman and the screen wildly. My legs turned to lead.

_NO!_

“STOP!” I screamed. 

  
Aman seemed to look at the media with a devil-may-care attitude. Kusum covered her face in humiliation. Just like that 80 years of Tripathi reputations was bolting down like a bloody building in an earthquake.

The video glitched back. And again lost its thread to reveal a second more grainy footage.

> “Your Terms?” said Aman in bored voice.
> 
> “Manners Aman… Your sister, brother and that peacock Samara are in my custody… their lives are literally in my hands.” Rakesh said. Stepping towards Aman. Aman did not look fazed rather looked as if he was prepared for a death sentence. 
> 
> “I know that you fool… If not for my people, you think I would have tolerated your worthless presence.” Said Aman looking phenomenally powerful in derision.
> 
> “Sign these papers” said Rakesh thrusting a file into Aman’s hands. 
> 
> Aman looked at the file, opened and leafed them through… looking disppointed beyond words.
> 
> “Papa signed these?” his mask of derision slipping away for a second.
> 
> “Of course… I have your Papa Goose wrapped around my little finger.”
> 
> “No wonder… You have been feeding lies about Karthik and me… no wonder the old man is riled up against me,” said Aman shrugged. He tried for a moment and succeded in looking detached.
> 
> “TriT… thats it? You could have asked for more Rakesh… my private properties? My shares? Oh is that the alimony money?”
> 
> “What?” Rakesh started, stepped forward to actually grasp Aman’s collar, “How do you know about Alimony?”
> 
> “Of course… Kusum was nowhere to be seen while Karthik was kidnapped… And suddenly she is here getting ready for the stupid wedding… its not hard to put two and two together… Since when Kusum was involved?”
> 
> “Long long time… the fool… thinks your little bubble with Karthik will last forever.”
> 
> “Yeah … so she is unwilling to help you?” 
> 
> “She picked the winning side Aman… its over… Come tomorrow… your Karthik will be dead. I will spare Keshav and Rajni… And your company… your property will be mine… and your parents under the shame of having a gay son, will support me… literally give all the power, to destroy.”
> 
> “Fool… power… money… go die behind that”
> 
> Aman signed the papers in a quick fury, threw the file to Rakesh. Even in his failure, my son held his head high, dismissed Rakesh from his room with a wave of his hand.  
>   
> 

  
Blood boiled within me. 

Where is that hyena?

“RAKESH!” I thundered.

The media in the room, went wild. Everyone were shell shocked. Rakesh was slowly pushed into the room by two boulder like men and interestingly, Samara Pardesai. I was shocked to see, he also bore signs of fresh injuries.

Sunaina looked at me, pure spite in her eyes. 

Aman smirked from the mandap. Kusum was looking like a deer caught in the middle of road.

“There is no more people,” announced a voice from the crowd. 

Taran was wheeled across the hall by the person who just said that… Karthik I realised.

“Yes,..” Aman said loudly. He pressed a remote like thing from the mandap. I realised he was the one who caused the second glitch in the video. I turned towards the screen.

Another video captured through a camera. Rakesh was threatening to kill Keshav, Rajni, Karthik and his sister turn by turn… he pinned Aman to the wall and threatened to kill him.

My Aman remained unfazed. 

He stood up to Rakesh like a man. Even in the face of a pistol pointed point blank to him… He smiled. 

Media and the crowd was wrecking a pandemonium as Aman got up from the mandap.

“There is more,” he said, “This dog tried to simphon off millions from TriT hedge funds, to fuel his ascent.”

“Bhai! Let me do the honours!” Keshav said from behind me.

Horrified, I watched the young boy of 21 limp to the stage, looking battered like a warrior.

Aman looked shocked at Keshav’s injuries, and rushed forward to support him.

“Keshav,…” Taran sounded heartbroken.

“People… just look at these figures…” he clicked on the remote.

The plummeting figures in the hedge fund boded heavy failure in the secure systems against a mole on the inside. 

“However, Thanks to the brilliance of Karthik here,.. We retrieved the funds.”

_Karthik …_

He looked simply at the other end of the hall, from where Rajni walked in roughly dragging Laila, with her hands tied to her back. Her eye looked blackened and puffed. 

_The hell! They did that my little girl!_

“This fox here leaked Aman’s internal security details.” She announced. 

“He breached my privacy, he joined hands with the son of SNTT and kidnapped my siblings to hold me on Ransom,” Aman said gritting his teeth

“RAKESH!” I bellowed… all these revelations showing the insidiousness of his coup.

He poisoned my mind about Karthik. He took me and Sunaina along to a dinner with Aman that night, no doubt on design. 

He was the one who casually mentioned Kusum should marry Aman.

“Dont move sir.. Or Tripathi Khandan will be headless!” Thomal said suddenly from behind sticking a pistol on my temple and grasping my hands shiftly from behind.

“Papa!” Aman cried. 

“Taoji” Keshav and Rajni cried.

Somehow, so many things happened at once. Rakesh slipped away from the bouncers while Aman rushed towards me. Karthik stepped in front of Taran to protect him. But within moments Rakesh shot a bullet at Samara in his leg.

And suddenly Aman was his target.

“NO!” Sunaina yelled from the mandap. Sulochana held her from behind. While Keshav, Rajni Chaman and Champa were held with knives at their throat, by some of our own relatives.

“AMAN!” I pleaded him from my place not to move.

An entire family was held at gun point, and the others watched. The media clicked and buzzed. The world is watching this and yet no one to help us.

* * *

**Sunaina**

Guddu at Rakesh’s point, yet again… filled me with horror. I struggled against Sulochana’s vice like grip. Rakesh turning a bad egg, I thought it was because of his disagreeable father.

But Sulochana too?

“My son… he would not have done this if he was given his due, from the start. Bhaisaab brought this upon himself by keeping Aman at the helm.” She whispered maliciously against my ear.

“Shut up you bitch! We literally raised that kid, because his spineless father left you, should have better.” I spat in rage.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a movement amidst the stillness.

A young girl in a wheel chair, silently rolled herself down aisle to Shankar, so fast that I thought she would collide into the driver that held him.

She did. She had her crutch at ready, striking the head of the driver, toppling over Shanker. Fortunately her idea worked, Shankar was slightly out the way, the force took the driver down. 

“JUGNI!” Aman cried, made to rush forward suddenly to hold her falling chair. 

Karthik who seemed to have just waited for the distraction to wedge himself between Rakesh and Aman. 

Aman helped the girl up. She smiled at him cheekily while, Karthik blocked Rakesh, and most importantly his gun.

Two people hit the came from behind Keshav and Rajni to strike their captors. Who are these now?

Rakesh’s plan is crumbling. 

“Karthik!” Aman sounded desperate. 

“Aman… go back… please…” said Karthik, struggling to keep to get hold of the gun from Rakesh’s monstrous hands. Its dangerous, one tug at the trigger would take Karthik’s life. And yet he is trying to save my Aman.

Something sick and fiery rose in me, I gathered all my strength and pulled back elbow against Sulochana. It worked! 

Sulochana crumbled at my feet. Kusum beside me, looked startled, and quickly helped my overpower Sulcohana. 

Rakesh momentarily lost his grip as he heard his mother shriek piteously.

Keshav and Rajni took advantage of the momentary distraction to form a human wall around Aman.

Karthik getting his grip on the pistol from Rakesh, pushed him back. Kusum quickly picked up a heavy copper pooja thali from the mandap and struck it face down on Rakesh from the height the mandap.

Rakesh fell, Chaman and champa who suddenly became free their spineless captors helped Shankar up. 

* * *

**Karthik**

“What why?” I was surprised at Kusum’s strange request.

After that dramatic showdown at Aman’s wedding. Where police back up arrived later to take Rakesh into custody. Shankar Tripathi owed to destroy him and his family. Sunaina Tripathi wept copious tears. A moment of reunion between the Tripathi siblings, we had to rush them to hospital. 

Samara’s associates rounded up Rakesh’s gang. Aman had already destroy all of Rakesh’s data. And Keshav’s trusty team was handling the data breaches. Rajni’s team handled the PR. Now the media is singing glories of our heroics. 

Like everything Aman Tripathi does, his coming out was in style!

Media loved his courage during the whole ordeal and TriT shares went up overnight.

Aman, Keshav, Rajni, Devika, Jugni and I were quietly huddled at Samara’s bed. The doctors removed the bullet from their right calf and some swag from his vivid blue hair. It was then Kusum came up to us to ask me specifically to come to Tripathi Nivas with Aman.

Unknown of our position within the Tripathi household, we lot, stayed out. 

Rajni looked at her murderously. Keshav looked at me, with mild interest. Jugni elbowed me and said, “What bhaiyya, where will be the surprise if she tells you that?

Aman looked troubled, “Kusum, seriously whats the matter?”

“Guys! Relax… Auntyji wanted to meet him to say thanks.”

* * *

**DREAMER**

“It’s beautiful… it’s epic… Aman and Karthik… their love story is so full of twists and turns. Now lets their inside details, right from the horse’s mouth. Yes viewers! There is more drama awaiting us at the Tripathi Nivas. Don’t blink, dont go away.. Stay tuned to Ao3 live coverage” I said, pushing the heavy wooden door open for an extra dramatic effect, as my camera girl shook her head and rolled her eyes.'

But hey… when will ever find another such iconic couple and such epic drama in the boring socialite crowd. The tripathis and the Singhs were truly something.

Just the next day of the whole fiasco, they called the entire national media for a press meet of sorts to announce something. 

Rajni Tripathi was coordinating all the activity regarding the media. Shankar and Sunaina were right there. Somehow dressed resplendently, actually even better than yesterday, we hardly had time to settle when Aman Tripathi entered the room with Chaman and Champa Tripathis. Taran and Keshav supported each other and entered the room right behind them. Aman was dressed in Royal Blue Sylvester suit, looking very much like the hero straight off pages of a romantic novel. 

“Guys! Can you guess what’s happening… judging by the clothes… Are Tripathis gearing up for another event?” I asked looking suggestively at the camera. 

I cannot help it. I love Drama! I live off Drama!

“Hello sir! Sir… what’s going on!” I asked bobbing excitedly from my seat. Thankfully the camera was focused on the centre stage Tripathis.

Shankar Tripathi moved forward, with mic in his hand, awkwardly covering the mic mouth with his hand. “Where’s Kusum?” he asked Sunaina Tripathi.

We all could hear. The seemingly-innocent question sent us all in a tizzy. A low question run amongst our whispers. “Kusum?” “Kusum?”

Thankfully our brains were not too raked with suspense. Because as if an aswer to that rankling question. The very Kusum, all smiles walked in with Karthik and Jugni in a wheel chair. Karthik looked crisp in his white button-up shirt and denims. His recent injuries looked all but gone. 

“Wow! This is so exciting. Karthik is looking as surprised as we are.”

“Dear people. This is not a media stunt or a PR redemption for Tripathi parivaar,” said Shankar in his calm but booming voice, a nervous chuckle ran through the crowd, he continued, “we were shaken to the roots by all that happened yesterday. We trusted Rakesh. He was always treated as family. But he betrayed us. We closed our eyes to Aman’s …uh… relationship with Karthik. I guess we did not want to believe that our son is gay.” Shankar said in his characteristic straight faced wry tone.

Aman and Rajni both rolled their eyes and grimaced at that. Sunaina looked a little embarrassed and nudged Shankar.

He readjusted his smile, and continued, “True… we were too proud to admit that… but these things happen for a reason you see, don’t they? We realised… we realised that no matter what… he is our son… whomever he finds happiness with… is always welcome into the family.”

“Pan and zoom into Karthik’s face. Capture that genuine happiness!” I whispered excitedly to my camera girl’s annoyance

An uproar it was. Shankar’s words rang through the applause that erupted almost instantaneously. “Karthik… please come onto the stage.”

“Karthik walked to the stage, unsure, hesitant… His eyes were teary and his gaze was fixed on Aman. Aman too looked surprised at his father’s announcement. He smiled through his tears,” I gave a running commentary.

“Will you stop? You are ruining their moment with you chatter,” said my girl annoyed.

I bit my lip. Partly for excitement, partly not to ruin the amazing moment.

Karthik climbed up the stage, to whisper, “Thank you!” to Shankar and Sunaina.

He was welcomed by a father’s warm hug. He turned to Sunaina, his face red. Sunaina laughed, reached for his red nose, to pinch it in mirth. Exactly how mothers welcome their new son-in-law.

“Go!” said she, giving Karthik a small nudge on the shoulder towards Aman.

While Chaman and Taran brought out a diamond ring, and gave it to a thoroughly surprised Aman. Aman took it, while Keshav and Rajni, egged him on, “Go for it Bhai!”

Karthik stepped towards Aman, he knelt on one leg, “Karthik, my love…Will you be the dramatic Veeru to my Jai… Will you be my PA, my boyfriend, my husband, my home, my everything. Will you please marry me!” Aman said, despite the initial surprise, he caught on pretty well. This is bound to be one of the most heartwarming proposal.

“Yes… Yes, yess” Karthik said as he picked Aman from his proposal pose and hugged him.

They broke apart only so that Aman could slip the ring onto Karthik’s finger.

I had tears in my eyes. Love stories do that to me. They struggled so much! Went through so much! 

My camera girl zoomed to the young girl jumping up excitedly. To her surprise, Shankar stroked her head. Jugni finally got a huge ass family she deserved.

Applause went on for a while, Aman and Karthik were hand-in-hand, posed graciously for the pics. The journos were obviously brimming with questions.

“Sir Sir… will you accept their living in together?”

“Well… we did not go into all those particulars, but we would love it if Aman and Karthik moved back to Tripathi Nivas, along with Jugni of course,” Sunaina answered.

“Sir sir… Will you get them married?”

“Chaman… guess you should answer this”

“Yes… Section 377 legalised homosexual relationships but not marriages. So, first we must win that battle, to get Aman and Karthik married. Dont worry… the legal proceedings will get covered anyway, you will be informed of the wedding well in advance!”

  
  
“Sir … what is the current position of TriT.”

To answer that inevitable question. Karthik, stepped forward to bring Keshav and Rajni onto the stage.

“The amazing Tripathi Trio will lead the ship!”

“Yes… TriT will now be under Joint Proprietorship of the Tripathi Siblings.”

“Mr. Karthik will you resume your position as Aman’s PA?”

“Of course… I love working with him.”

And many such insignificant questions. Karthik and the trio excused themselves and slipped into another room. 

I grabbed my camera girl and we both silently followed them. They group hugged, after which Keshav and Rajni left the corridor. This left Aman and Karthik, practically in each other’s arms.

I hesitated. It was a private moment for them. Me and my camera girl looked at each other, and retreated hastily. As we turned and hastened back. We could hear them talking.

“Oh fuck me!”

“I would Karthik… if you don’t stop being so cute!”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ... I confess I could not resist inserting myself into their beautiful journey... I hope you peeps liked it.
> 
> Would you like a dreamy af epilogue? 
> 
> If yes... I will upload that by 7th or 8th
> 
> Thank you Suggu and Juggu...(Satrangee_ray) you guys were the best support anyone could ask for.  
> From character discussions, to gyaan on key points(*Cough* Jugni*)  
> from emotional blackmail to making playlists for WILIAW, you guys were there all through.   
> Dreamer loves you!


	21. We live happily evea afteaa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fire, the storm and its aftermath  
> We bore it all, hand-in-hand  
> Under crumbling sun, and shining rainbows  
> We held our ground, in trail and triumph
> 
> Now sweet winds sweep us together  
> Into warmer nights in each others’s arms  
> Happier times, glorious smiles, and Us  
> Us, the home, we craved is finally ours.
> 
> -Karman
> 
> Here it is, finally!
> 
> A fluffy epilogue we all needed.   
> An SMZS gift to our fandom! (*Cough cough delayed in transit)

**One Week Later**

**Karthik**

“Goggle, why don’t you address the stakeholders this time? Of us three, you are the networking person, the stakeholders must feel comfortable with the change in the proprietorship,” Aman said.

Goggle , Keshav, Aman and I were sitting in Aman’s cabin. It’s been a week since the whole fiasco happened. The fiasco only brought us together, brought us closer and made our bonds stronger ever. I officially moved into Tripathi Nivas, with Jugni. The change is too huge for both of us. Both Shankar uncle and Sunaina aunty were kind enough to forgive and forget Kusum’s part in Rakesh’s sabotage plan. She is continuing as the care taker for Jugni. Goggle is the only one unhappy about this arrangement.

Goggle nodded and said, “That’s true… you think they will like me?”

“Ummm… Dee… they will have to…” Keshav piped in.

“Not necessarily,” I said looking seriously at Goggle, “They might not like you in the first go, but we must persist. They don’t agree with half the decisions that Aman makes, but they have this trust in him… and that trust builds through clear and fair communication… Come on Rajjo, you have a huge circle of friends, everyone loves you… You just have to be yourself… people will see your worth.”

“Exactly” Aman said, reaching to gently squeeze his sister’s tensed shoulder, “I will officially introduce you today… and lets see how it goes. Take a day at a time Goggle…”

“Alright… I will go prepare myself then…”said she.

“Keshav…. Data security upgrade is in progress right, do you need anything from my end?”

“No Bhai… all the permissions are handled by Karthik… I will ask him in case…” Keshav said, “Wait, that reminds, I am working out something new…. I will come back alright?”

Both Keshav and Goggle left the cabin, and Aman turned to me and, “Come with me to the strong room,… There is something we need to do…”

I nodded and followed my driven boyfriend, into the strong room. I love it when he is so focused on work. But a week’s lag in work has piled a lot on our plates. He has hardly catching a break with continuous meetings, handing overs and conferences.

I still cannot believe it. I still cannot believe the fact that, Aman is my soon to be husband. We now have a lifetime together. My love… we won… It’s a heady feeling that comes and goes in waves.

The only downside being, we are not able to spend time with each other, with rooms placed strategically at the opposite ends of the corridor, I hardly go over to his room, nor he can come to mine without some or the other Tripathi intercepting.

Aman closed the strong room’s door and turned around to face me.

“What is it Tripathiji… what’s the work we have here?” I asked smiling at him.

Aman’s eyes smouldered into mine as he smirked lazily. He quietly moved towards the file cabinets, and I followed him. Wondering what we work we would have amongst these old files.

Aman turned, pulled me to himself by hand.

“I am missing you… everyday…” he said in a husky whisper, snaking his arms around my neck.

“So, that’s the reason you brought me here? You are being very bad Tripathiji, using a work excuse...,”I said with a chortle, unable to look away from his intense eyes. The eyes that always pull me in.

“I don’t need to use any excuse at all to get to you Singhji, I am soon becoming a Singh myself,” he said smirking lazily, rubbing his thumb across my stubble sending delicious shivers down my spine.

“Haww… How is that possible? I am becoming a Tripathi,” I said leaning in for a quick peck of his cheek.

“Singh it is…” He said, with a glint of mischief in his serious eyes, “Our surname…”

It’s insane how my need for him always gets in way for this discussion to make any headway. Today, I will not let that happen.

“Tripathi,” I countered.

“Singh”

“Tripathi”

“Singh”

“Tripathi”

“Singh”

“Singh”

“Tripathi. Don’t repeat my trick on me.”I said half smiling, half scowling at his attempt to pull that trick on me. Aman smirked and pulled me closer if that was really possible.

Aman cut me off with quick peck on my lips. It’s not enough… nothing is ever enough with Aman. I snaked my arms around him, pulling him plush against me,I leaned in and captured his lips.

* * *

**One month later**

**Kusum**

“Will you stop accidentally running into me like this Kusum?” Goggle said in her characteristic loud voice that carried all the way into the tower, where the rest of our gang was seated.

I flinched, despite not wanting to. Hell is no where else, but in those mistrustful glances, frowns and wilful ignorance from your love. I know I deserve this treatment from Goggle for what I did, but it still hurts.

“I didn’t know you were here. I thought you were in the tower with the rest,” I replied meekly.

“This is my house. I will be where I like,” she said continuing in her loud voice. I am pretty sure half the Tripathi Khandan tuned into our conversation.

It’s not exactly a secret now, my relationship with Goggle, my betrayal. Some call it a redeeming factor in my character, my love for her, while some blame me for wilfully enticing both Rajni and Rakesh. As if I really had such power.

“Right… I am sorry I came in your way.” I said offering my small apology. That’s all I am doing these days. Apologising. For making bad choices, for not being strong, for letting Rakesh control me, for falling in love, for existing.

“Why the hell do you have to apologise?” she said rolling her eyes. Basically being a brat.

“What else do you want me to do? Become invisible?” I asked, letting my momentary irritation out.

For a moment Goggle looked as if she would smile, but she didn’t. It was as if she reminded herself not to. She looked at me for a second and stalked off.

I sighed, suddenly feeling drained of all the energy I had. Everyone else had forgiven me, accepted me back, but not Goggle. Perhaps, it’s because, Goggle loved me the most, she got hurt by me the most. Her trust on me was shattered, I am now at the end of my wits, to make amends.

Suddenly I felt a light touch on my shoulder. I turned to find Karthik, who enveloped me in a half hug. If anyone went beyond accepting me back, it’s Karthik, he literally adopted me like a protective elder brother, helping me at every step.

“If you keep apologising like this for everything you ever did, soon there will be nothing left to apologise” he said simply.

“What do I do? I mean, is there even a sliver of hope?”

“Yes… You know what works best for Goggle. It’s brutal and absolute honesty.”

“Really… for a moment back there, I was ready to believe you were going to give me flirting advice.”

“I could have… If she would fall for that Kusum… But,… Goggle values true connections over everything else. What you had with her, was true… I saw that. But now, she is no longer sure of that. It’s time to reassure that it was. What you guys shared, the comfort, the familiarity of friendship, most couples don’t have that. For once, simply lay your heart bare for her to see the wounds.”

“Karthik… I cannot… I am afraid of my past, I cannot …”

“Husshhhh… Kusum only when you open your heart to her, only when you are truly vulnerable to her, will she become your strength. If not what you are asking of Goggle is selfish.”

“Kusum?”

I am willing to try any bridge that takes be back to her. I want to be hers.

“Yes…” I said nodding, and gulping the lump in my throat, “But how?”

“I have an idea… all we have to do is recreate one of your childhood memories together, leave that to us.” He said that with a cheery smile, that instantly helped to loosen the knot in my chest. This is the elder brother I always needed. For once, I let myself call Karthik, Bhaiyya.

“Thanks Bhaiyya.”

Of all the brothers I had, he is the only one who deserved the word.

* * *

**One Year Later**

**Jugni**

“Bhaiyya will you stop crying?” I said, seriously getting worried about Karthik Bhaiyya who is close to crying his eyes.

We are literally at the doors of Stanford University. I cannot believe I am stepping into my freshman year. I am possibly the youngest in my class. I excited af for this. But I was also dreading this moment. The moment I had to part with my guardian angels, my brothers.

“Juggu...”

“Jugs... dont worry about him. He is having empty nest syndrome already. He will be fine.” Aman bhaiyya said in a calm voice, but his eyes were also teary.

“Bhaiyya,” I said seriously holding his hand and Aman Bhaiyya’s and tugged at them, “I will not go if you are going to be unhappy.”

Karthik Bhaiyya shook his head, sniffled a little, “No baccha.. i am so proud of you. You got into an ivy league all by yourself. I dont want to ruin this opportunity. I am just ... i am just...”

“he is just emotional at you leaving...” said Aman Bhaiyya trying and failing phenomenally at a smile, “lets face it... you are the only source of laughter and cheer back home. We are already missing you!”

“Aww Bhaiyya... I miss you guys already too! Promise me that you will write long emails in place of letters and send greetings for every festivals through those crappy whatsapp forwards.”

“Oh we will!” said Karthik Bhaiyya chuckling. I wrapped my arms around his and Aman Bhaiyya’s neck and pulled them into a group hug.

This is my little world. Their love is my everything.

* * *

**Aman**

“Karthik?” called an unfamiliar voice from behind as we waded across a busy street of God-Knows-where in New York. Finally, we are on our honeymoon, after a thoroughly harrowing ordeal at court just to secure a right to marry each other. But hey, it’s easier for us, because Chaman Chacha himself was fighting our case, it paved way to many more same-sex weddings.

“Enrique?” Karthik exclaimed, more of out of shock than anything else.

But I felt his hand jerk away from mine, I turned sharply around to find him getting enveloped into an awkward embrace from a stranger.

By looks of it, He is homeless. Karthik struggled to keep his distance from this truly aggravating person, Enrique. My blood singed when I saw the stranger grab my Karthik’s ass.

I had to control myself not to tackle the guy bodily into the wall next to him. I folded my hands across my chest and cleared my throat loud enough for the stranger to catch.

Karthik somehow managed to extract himself from his vice-like grip, looking embarrassed and flustered. He took a quick peek at me, I gave him a significant look.

“Enrique… this is Aman, my husband”

“Aman… this is Enrique, my ex”

“Ex..” Enrique hissed, “Oh Come on, love! You settled for him?”

Suppressing an insane urge to kick him in the nuts, I stared at the Enrique, almost sizing him up.He must have been handsome at one point. Electric blue eyes, dulled by addictions, sunken into hollow pits of skull, his high cheek bones giving him more guant, his lank frame had indications triceps and abs, I remember Rajni describing him as one of the most gorgeous men in the world. But now, his hair lost, his lustre and health lost, he looked like a skeleton. I felt a surge of pity. Addictions would have done that to him.

“Yeah! Isn’t he amazing?” Karthik asked beaming at me, completely missing the derision in Enrique’s voice.

I smirked. There was a point when I used to let my insecurities take a toll on my relationships. But not now. Karthik is genuinely happy with me, and I am happy with him. I couldn’t care less for other’s judgements.

“Nice meeting you Enrique,”I said, with a tone of finality, looking up at Karthik and hoping he doesn’t want to catch up with this guy. Karthik smiled and nodded.

“It was great to see you Enrique, Take care man!” he whispered, with a touch of raw emotion.

I looked away and stepped back a little, allowing a moment for Karthik to come in terms with it.

“Let’s go?” he said a moment later, sliding his hand into mine.

Several moments passed between us in silence. Karthik is kind of a man who loves with his all, Enrique lost that kind of love, I almost did. I can never forget that.

We stepped onto the side walk, overlooking the lake. Karthik looked back at me, and asked in a low voice, “Angry with me?”

I looked back at him surprised. Considering how I reacted when Samara came to say his goodbye, Karthik would have thought I will kick up a storm this time.

“No… no Karthik…I felt pity for that guy… he lost you.” I said simply.

“Pity? Not anger! Not even possessive?” Karthik said, cheering up instantly, and almost immediately getting into his drama mode, “I am disappointed.”

“Well! I wanted to kick his ass for grabbing yours like that,” I said smirking.

“Oh!”

“Why the hell do all your exes’ hands go to that spot alone?” I said in mildly irritated voice that didn’t really do justice to the flare of jealousy inside me.

“Oh there he is, I thought my Aman got buried all those therapy sessions,”

“That’s really funny Karthik…”

“Hey,… Talk to me..”

“I did feel possessive, but looking at Enrique in that state… it didn’t feel right. At least he is not like Samara, they tried to snatch you from me.”

“Uff… As if I would get snatched…”Karthik said, laughing and pulling me into his embrace “Don’t you know I love my man…my JaneAman”

“Ufff… you are so damn cheesy,” I laughed scrunching my nose. He chuckled with me.

After a few moments of laughter, we both quietened, Karthik cupped my chin and made me look into his eyes, “I am cheesy, but yours.” 

“Yours cheesily?”

Karthik nodded, leaning in to capture my lips. It will never fall old, my need for him, his for me. It will never fall old, our longing, our love.

________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I Lose I’m Winning
> 
> Thank you loving this journey as much or possibly even more than me.
> 
> Kintu   
> Parantu  
> Lekin  
> However
> 
> Our journey does not end here!
> 
> On that tantalizing note I take your leave!

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot get over their elevator meetings! 
> 
> But hey! How do you like it? If you guys haven't guessed already, the titles are heavily inspired by John Legend- All of you.
> 
> Aman Tripathi's character traits are heavily inspired by the brief cameo Role 'Girish Goyal' played by Jeetu in Bisht Please series.  
> Do check out that series in TVF Play.


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